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RE: General Mommy Thread - 7/10/2008 3:14:42 PM
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TwinCityGirl
Posts: 969
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
Well, the reality of life is that some posters are more popular then other posters, and therefore they can get away with more. Just like high school.  Some viewpoints are more popular then others, so if you're in the minority (let's say you work outside the home), then you'd better be prepared to defend yourself against some pretty intense attacks stopping just short of questioning your salvation (because that would be a TOS).
This forum both reflects and intensifies reality. There's a "in" crowd and an "out" crowd. It's not fair, but it's reality.
As far as the Men? Don't fool yourself, I don't go in there (hardly ever), but I've lived with men all my life. They have their hurt feelings and stupid dramas, just like we do. I refuse to believe that men are superior to me in any way except brute strength, just because they have a different physical makeup.
Haha, no I mean the men probably aren't "talking about their feelings". That's all I mean about the men -- not that they are superior or better than us because we DO talk about our feelings and such.
Oh, the in crowd/out crowd is EXACTLY why I had my opinion about the stalking threads. I KNOW WE CAN'T REALLY TALK ABOUT THEM HERE (I don't want any trouble or to stir anything up!!!!) but those were (in my opinion) THE MOST OBVIOUS form of who's popular/who's not. Someone's got 13 pages, someone's got 2.
I'm just saying if you're an advice-asker (Woman A) and you accept Woman B types of blunt advice, not only does Woman A have to kind of be okay with that response from Woman C, D or E, but OTHER READERS/POSTERS need to pay attention and note that Woman A has accepted those responses before and so whether you're Woman B or Woman C, D or E -- maybe you should just hold your comments to yourself before pouncing on someone for what might SEEM LIKE an off-comment but has been accepted by the advice-asker before.
Am I making sense? (Even if you don't agree with me, are you able to follow my thoughts, any of you?) I don't want to type just to read my own words and I'm not sure if I'm being clear. 
Jeanie
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 7/10/2008 3:16:04 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10220
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
As far as the Men? Don't fool yourself, I don't go in there (hardly ever), but I've lived with men all my life. They have their hurt feelings and stupid dramas, just like we do. I refuse to believe that men are superior to me in any way except brute strength, just because they have a different physical makeup.
LOL...true, true...I can't believe the drama my husband deals with every day at work, with all men except for the two women in the office. And the poor secretary (who really runs the place...she's there more than the boss) has more than once told me that it's like teaching a bunch of Kindergarteners.
The difference I see though...Brian will come home and vent to me about the "idiots", but he doesn't often let them know how he feels about their stupidity (that I know of...and the day the guy almost tipped Brian's truck over on top of Brian WAS the exception...  ).
_____________________________
I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations;
I will sing of you among the peoples.
For great is your love, reaching to the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
~Psalm 57:9-10~
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 7/10/2008 3:32:37 PM
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TwinCityGirl
Posts: 969
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna
Jeanie. I love you. People were hurt they didn't know because they LOVE you. I know I was hurt and I had to let go of that because I know it was my issue and not yours that you didn't tell me. I still think you should have told at least me (cause I'm special...and we had PM'd several times about other pretty serious stuff), but it wasn't up to me, so I had to let it go. I was mad at you though, even if I didn't tell you at the time I was mad. And my excitement for your miracle sure helped me get over myself too.  But...if I had known you offline...I prolly could have choked you with my bare hands. Just being honest here... 
I think I will go to my dying day without really anybody understanding what it was like for me. I don't say that as a pity-party kind of thing or to make people feel like they're out of touch with me. THAT IS NOT AN INSULT AT ALL.
See, I never ever thought we would succeed at getting pregnant, and I was getting older by the minute and when it did happen I did not believe it. We didn't go on any medicinal path to achieve pregnancy (our personal boundary was to find out what was wrong with my reproductive system [which we never were quite able to] and just hope for the best). So when I took a test and got a positive I didn't even tell my husband, that's how much I believed it wasn't true.
I have always my whole reproductive life (even when single and not sexually active) known that "something" is wrong with my repro system. I always had this fear (even when single) that I wouldn't be able to have children. I have ALWAYS been waiting for the other shoe to drop when I go into the gynecologist and get some major bad news like "You have a tumor on your ovary and you're going to die" or "We have to take all your x,y and z because of some trauma there". I have expected this and waited for it. Something *is* wrong with my reproductive system and we have never found a cause. I only get guesses from doctors.
So that positive test (after 4.5 years of negative tests and frankly, I'm messed up enough I didn't have to take pregnancy tests very often) was a huge fluke in my mind, and was just a foretaste of what bad news was to come.
A week after that first test I got a second positive and STILL didn't believe it was true. I had been having some major pains (enough to make me double over) since March. I had been to the gynecologist in late April, had an ultrasound -- no answers. Those same pains were gone for a few weeks in May but then returned in June, it was now July, I was still doubling over with the pains -- hey, I'd already seen the doctor, had the tests: NO ANSWERS. So to me a positive pregnancy test is like some big joke. And not real.
I did show my husband the second test and said "What does this mean?" and he said "I don't know."
I was 10 weeks pregnant when I finally went to the doctor and TOLD THE DOCTOR I AM NOT PREGNANT -- but they did an ultrasound and there was his beating heart.
I swear it was easily another 10 weeks before my husband and I believed it was real.
As for carrying the baby, yeah, I didn't really start showing much until I was about 30 weeks or maybe 32. I can't remember, and I didn't really pop out until I was about 35 weeks along so people in real life just didn't know if they saw me. I never did get the waddle. I gained 24 pounds and I am almost 5'8" tall so I think my frame just carried him a little more tucked in/spread tall. I don't know, I had nothing to do with how I carried him -- I take no credit for that, but given that I didn't LOOK pregnant for so long it helped with not having to acknowledge it was really real.
And I really did think it was our little secret. I really carried the infertility alone. I mean, it was MY BODY that failed for so long. My infertility was not something I shared with too many people, and shared with virtually no one in real life. I admit to being different in that I needed to not focus on that and needed to not have everybody knowing about it and checking up on me. Same thing for being pregnant. I think I needed to not have people know because at 41/42 years old, people are going to worry and I was confident that God was in charge of this baby or He wouldn't have put him in me, but I was also worried that people would make comments about me being old. I mean, I have read it a bunch of times on this forum that people want to have their babies before they're 30 and they're "too old", or comments like that about not wanting to be "old" when they have their children. I mean, how do you tell people who (some of them) believe 30 is too old to have a baby that you're going to be 42 when you have yours? I really didn't want people to "stalk" me and be concerned because *I* needed to not be concerned. It takes a lot of faith for any woman to get through any pregnancy. While I was not high-risk other than due to my age, I was needing my faith to be unwavering because if I sat around and thought about all the what-ifs that having a baby at 42 could present I would have really been in for a rough ride.
I don't expect anybody to get it or get my rationale. It's me. It's mine. I get it, and I know my intention was never to hurt anyone's feelings or leave them out. It was for me to survive something I really didn't think was all that real to begin with. I think there are many of us here (maybe ALL of us here) who have some piece of us/piece of our lives that really can't be understood fully.
It was just really, really personal to me. Like a between God-my husband-myself kind of thing. I do not know how to explain it but I honestly meant no harm or hurt feelings.
Jeanie
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 7/10/2008 3:42:51 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10220
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
I don't expect anybody to get it or get my rationale. It's me. It's mine. I get it, and I know my intention was never to hurt anyone's feelings or leave them out. It was for me to survive something I really didn't think was all that real to begin with. I think there are many of us here (maybe ALL of us here) who have some piece of us/piece of our lives that really can't be understood fully.
I agree. And that's why I had to consciously let my upset go. (I was over being mad at you by the second day I knew...but I won't say I was never mad.)
quote:
It was just really, really personal to me. Like a between God-my husband-myself kind of thing. I do not know how to explain it but I honestly meant no harm or hurt feelings.
And I knew that, which is why I knew my anger/irritation was MY issue, not yours, and why I didn't tell you at the time.
You're right...I still don't fully get why you didn't tell at least some of us. BUT...I blame it on your weirdness. Seriously...you're not one for doing things the "normal" way just because that's the way everyone else does it. I know that. So...your !surprise! pregnancy fits what I know about you. If I were nuts enough to keep a pregnancy a secret more than a few days, people would know to have me admitted to a psychiatric facility. LOL...we're just different.
_____________________________
I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations;
I will sing of you among the peoples.
For great is your love, reaching to the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
~Psalm 57:9-10~
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 7/10/2008 3:42:55 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3274
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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WOW! 13 hours at night and a 3 hour nap! That's impressive. Nathan was getting around 11 hours total for a 24 hour day, and it was not good for anybody. Recently he's been getting closer to 13 hours total. The first 10 weeks of my pregnancy were rough.
We've been getting storms every day the last 3 days. It's been cloudy today, but no much rain so far. I'm anticipating some this afternoon/evening.
Nathan and mom walked to Target, and they're still out. But I'm pretty sure my mom will take good care of him.
ETA: Not two minutes after Nathan and mom arrived home, the skies opened up and we got thunder, lighting and a total downpour. Thank the Lord, everyone is safe.
< Message edited by Sideways -- 7/10/2008 4:02:56 PM >
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 7/10/2008 4:25:45 PM
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Flintejae
Posts: 2577
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
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I'm just jumping in here so forgive me if I say something that's already been spoken.
Jeanie - I get why you didn't tell anyone NOW but for a while it did hurt. Thankfully we've worked all that out, but I'm glad you felt comfortable explaining yourself to everyone so they got it too.
~~~~
The thing that's been hard for me is the 'how' people respond to my questions. Sometimes I wish they'd just block me if I irritate them that much. Even in real life I've always been the one to ask the questions that no one else has the guts to ask. I've gotten a lot of private pm's thanking me for having the 'guts' and vulnerability to ask what they wanted to ask, but didn't. It seems that some view me as a high maintenance mother because I do ask a lot of questions that seem obvious to them. What people don't seem to realize is that I've NEVER EVER been around babies or children prior to my son being born. I'm an only child so I had no experience on that end either. It doesn't help that I have a paranoid/anxious personality that I'm struggling to get under control.
A lot of times I just have to log off, step away, and return when I'm not hurt. I've learned that grace has to go both ways. I have to remind myself they don't hate me, want the best for me, and to move on. I think I've lost a few friends on these boards because I've irritated them so much, but I've had to accept that also and move on.
Over all, I don't know what I'd do without you ladies helping me to be a better mom and a better person. All I have to say to Jason is, "The ladies on crosswalk recommended xyz" and he accepts it because he's seen the FRUIT of all your advice. I admit I've used that a time or two when I probably shouldn't have. It's like a trump card for me.
That said, I am saddened that people feel this is about popularity. I honestly believe that if you get involved - comment on others posts - and ask questions you will get responses. People want you to care and they respond to it. I have to be careful to not come on here for just 'me' but also for others.
< Message edited by Flintejae -- 7/10/2008 5:36:34 PM >
_____________________________
- Janine
Jadon, 3/12/08. Thank You, Lord, for Your Amazing Miracles
 Moo!
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 7/10/2008 4:42:25 PM
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MamaMilty
Posts: 1518
Joined: 10/18/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
That said, I am saddened that people feel this is about popularity. I honestly believe that if you get involved - comment on others posts - and ask questions you will get responses. People want you to care and they respond to it. I have to be careful to not come on here for just 'me' but also for others.
Very well put, Janine. I hope you all don't mind me commenting, but I am impressed with you all. I seems to me that you all are willing to weather any storm with each other and that is an amazing testimony of your sisterhood.
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Jen
For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. Proverbs 2:6
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 7/10/2008 5:41:08 PM
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RepentanceIsRequired
Posts: 1091
Joined: 9/14/2005
From: Home is where the heart is.
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MamaMilty
quote:
That said, I am saddened that people feel this is about popularity. I honestly believe that if you get involved - comment on others posts - and ask questions you will get responses. People want you to care and they respond to it. I have to be careful to not come on here for just 'me' but also for others.
Very well put, Janine. I hope you all don't mind me commenting, but I am impressed with you all. I seems to me that you all are willing to weather any storm with each other and that is an amazing testimony of your sisterhood.
indeed
_____________________________
--Nicole--
"Trying to be a perfect mother is a recipe for perfect insanity." -- SurpassingPeace
"I don't know what I just ate, but it was good" -- recent customer (farmer) at our restaurant.
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 7/10/2008 8:03:34 PM
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nicole6598
Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/3/2006
From: Australia
Status: offline
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I think what it comes down to is that we are all different people. Some of us are whiners, some of us are drama queens, some of us only see the positive in everything etc. I think being on line can make things so much bigger. It can make the people who question alot seem annoying, it can make the advice givers seem over the top and always giving advice.
We all need to love and respect one another. So those who don't like drama queens, ignore that person. Those who don't like whiners, dont reply to the post. Like Jae said, there is a block button and any of us can use it.
I think it was Donna (sorry it was pages ago) that was saying how they can take something from a friend better than someone that they don't know that well. I am the same. If I know your heart, if I know that you have responded with kindness etc in the past and you post as I would think is harsh then I kind of look over it. But if you are someone I don't know too well, I don't have things in common with or share your opinion on things and you tell me something I will most probably take it to heart. That's the way I am. We are all the way we are.
We need to remember to speak with love and to listen to love. We also need to remember that our way of giving advice is not necessarily the way everyone else can take it (Ruth you have said that on here I think). Anyway.
LOVE LOVE LOVE That's what we need to do :)
Laura- you are brave for asking about this subject, thanks for doing that!
Jeanie- I didn't think what you said back in the pregnancy thread was that wrong, I tihnk I remember agreeing with you or something at one stage. You have a different way of phrasing things and like you said, that person was a good friend of yours and would know the difference to us who don't know you as well.
I will use Sarah as an example (i hope she doesn't mind) at the beginning when I first started posting I thought she was harsh with me and others. But I began to know her as a friend, we chatted more, shared some emails and I could see her point, and sometimes I think "woah that was harsh" but then I step away and read it again what she has written and know she has said it out of love. But I don't see that with everyone, there are still some who I think are just harsh because they are that way inclined. But yeah, I think getting to know someone on here can help.
Oh and Donna- I don't think you are ever harsh or rude when you give advice, you say what needs to be said at times, you don't say what needs to be said, you give encouragement, you bring a cool and leveled head around here
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Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 7/10/2008 8:47:26 PM
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nicole6598
Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/3/2006
From: Australia
Status: offline
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LOL Donna I have done that a few times, and a few times I should have!!
You set a good example to us, well to me anyway
_____________________________
Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 7/11/2008 12:14:12 AM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 5018
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
Status: offline
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quote:
So those who don't like drama queens, ignore that person. Those who don't like whiners, dont reply to the post. Like Jae said, there is a block button and any of us can use it.
Likewise, people who don't like responses from certain people can also use the block button. It's not a one way street.
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Ryanne
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 7/11/2008 4:36:12 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5751
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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This user is on your "block" list and the message has been blocked.
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 7/11/2008 5:20:00 AM
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nicole6598
Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/3/2006
From: Australia
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
quote:
So those who don't like drama queens, ignore that person. Those who don't like whiners, dont reply to the post. Like Jae said, there is a block button and any of us can use it.
Likewise, people who don't like responses from certain people can also use the block button. It's not a one way street.
Yup that's what I said when I said "any of us can use it" 
_____________________________
Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 7/11/2008 7:46:41 AM
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LaurainAL
Posts: 1412
Joined: 8/13/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
This user is on your "block" list and the message has been blocked.
LOL Manda. I would never block you. We rarely agree, but I have grown to really like you and I enjoy your brand of humor.
_____________________________
Life Trumps Choice
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