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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/4/2008 10:08:35 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3722
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I've heard the phrase "die to self" thrown around a lot, and I understand the sentiment, but I think if moms die to self to much ... sooner or later, there's no self left.
Every woman finds fulfillment differently. Some don't need a blessed thing but to cook, clean and take care of hubby and kids, and it doesn't matter if they get 2 hours of sleep and haven't had 30 minutes to themselves in years. And THAT'S FINE.
But we're not all built that way, and I think that's okay, too. How to encourage a struggling mom? Well over the internet it's hard. All we can do is say that we care about you, we're praying for you, and we've been there, too.
I personally hate the phrase "This too shall pass", because when you're ready to fall apart from sleep deprivation and loneliness, then it just seems like forever. And once this stage passes, there's always something new waiting for you.
God does provide for us, but often it requires us helping ourselves a bit. Like try to get some fresh air and exercise whenever you possibly can. Try to reach out to neighbors if you see each other on a walk (hey that's how I met a few people). Try the Library reading hour and talk to other moms. Be the first one to speak up and break the ice. Ask for help whenever that's possible.
And ignore anyone who makes you feel guilty for feeling your feelings. A mom is not bad for slipping and falling ... bad moms don't care when they've messed up with their kids. Good moms do mess up, but they care enough to want to be better.
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/4/2008 10:09:34 PM
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woodwind228
Posts: 476
Joined: 5/8/2008
From: Atlanta
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quote:
Are there mothers out there who truly never get frustrated? If the answer is yes, what prescription is she on?
Inquiry minds (moms) want to know!! Especially this one!
_____________________________
*~* Susan *~*
These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world. --John 16:33 KJV
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/4/2008 10:28:46 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10437
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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General Mommy at your service.  <----that's the mean mommy face.
At ease, soldier.
LOL...sorry...the "general" thing gave me a giggle. Thanks! I needed it!
quote:
How should we give encouragement to a struggling sleep deprived mother? Is calling the frustration of motherhood selfish a true statement? Are there mothers out there who truly never get frustrated? If the answer is yes, what prescription is she on?
I don't think any mother is never frustrated. I think some are better at hiding it than others, and sometimes the hiding is not a good thing. We're all human and we need to be a bit vulnerable sometimes to encourage someone else that they are not alone.
Chronic sleep deprivation can cause all kinds of nasty symptoms. Instead of saying, Oh well...that's life with a baby, I think it's more helpful to try to come up with ideas on how to help mom get more sleep, or more downtime, more time to relax and recharge for the wearying hours ahead. That will be different for each mom, but I personally don't think any mom should feel bad for wanting time away from their little darlings. I love my kids dearly, but I also cherish my time away from them, as meager as it sometimes is.
Also, some people are capable at functioning at a much higher stress level than others. We need to know our own limits and not be afraid to admit we HAVE limits! If someone doesn't have those limits...wonderful for them, but I believe most women/moms do have them. I am all for being unselfish and caring for others, but there is a time and a place for mom to state her needs and make sure that she is healthy (emotionally, spiritually, phsyically) so that she can care for her family better.
< Message edited by PrincessDonna -- 6/4/2008 10:42:53 PM >
_____________________________
<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!! 
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/5/2008 11:14:21 AM
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isaacsmom
Posts: 1997
Joined: 12/2/2005
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quote:
I agree about validating it, however this thread was started because even with validation it was off topic for the other thread. Some of us weren't "not validating" we just wanted the thread to stay on topic...and that topic didn't go there. If someone needs validation or support there are ways to get that without taking any other thread off topic to do so. So in a way I agree with you....but I don't see how it is wrong of someone to not validate others when the conversation doesn't belong where it is. I also don't feel it was wrong of me (the OP of the other thread) to point that out and ask that it be taken other places. I was not "not validating" her by doing that....just trying to keep things on the topic that THAT thread was started for.
Sarah . . . . I don't think this is what Kat's post is talking about at all. I believe she's talking about the discussion itself and some of the responses, not whether it was off topic or not. At least that's the way I read it. I don't think she was referring to you at all. Am I right, Kat?
< Message edited by isaacsmom -- 6/5/2008 11:20:46 AM >
_____________________________
<<< My littlest punkin'
*~*~*Rachel*~*~*
pirtlefarm.blogspot.com
Beware of posing as a profound person -- God became a baby. ~Oswald Chambers
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/5/2008 11:33:05 AM
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Karaboo2
Posts: 2438
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Ontario, Canada
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Even though the kidlets are all sleeping through the night, I'm still up at least twice to pee ... oh the joys of being preggers ... and inevitably my foot finds a toy which got left on the floor or something like that, so I slip and slide and then I'm AWAKE!!! And I end up staying awake for at least an hour. I don't log on here during those hour sessions, as I'd get too caught up in the CW life ... I usually make a cup of tea or something hot like that and sit and read until my eyes get heavy again.
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Kara
Tea Drinkers Anonymous
<-- Caleb
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/5/2008 12:08:50 PM
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KatMack
Posts: 1055
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Along the Canopy Roads
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quote:
ORIGINAL: isaacsmom
quote:
I agree about validating it, however this thread was started because even with validation it was off topic for the other thread. Some of us weren't "not validating" we just wanted the thread to stay on topic...and that topic didn't go there. If someone needs validation or support there are ways to get that without taking any other thread off topic to do so. So in a way I agree with you....but I don't see how it is wrong of someone to not validate others when the conversation doesn't belong where it is. I also don't feel it was wrong of me (the OP of the other thread) to point that out and ask that it be taken other places. I was not "not validating" her by doing that....just trying to keep things on the topic that THAT thread was started for.
Sarah . . . . I don't think this is what Kat's post is talking about at all. I believe she's talking about the discussion itself and some of the responses, not whether it was off topic or not. At least that's the way I read it. I don't think she was referring to you at all. Am I right, Kat?
100% correct! I agree that the topic was OT. Didn't mean you at all, Sarah! Sorry for the confusion!
--Kat
_____________________________
<-- My sweet blessings.
"God will do what God will do. What I'm responsible for is to believe he's all he says he is and obey what he tells me to do. " -magdaleine
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/5/2008 12:20:02 PM
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Mrs.X
Posts: 2954
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Newberg, OR
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Room2Grow
There are times I want to curl up in a ball and cry. There are times that I beg God to just make her go back to sleep. Most days, I just suck it up and deal- this is my life right now. Prepetual tiredness- someday, someday, she will sleep.
You have explained my feelings exactly. I haven't had a good night sleep since I was 8 months pregnant with Jimmy.
_____________________________
-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/5/2008 4:37:18 PM
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clag4christ
Posts: 2872
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: We just moved to the big state of Texas!
Status: offline
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quote:
Chronic sleep deprivation can cause all kinds of nasty symptoms. Instead of saying, Oh well...that's life with a baby, I think it's more helpful to try to come up with ideas on how to help mom get more sleep, or more downtime, more time to relax and recharge for the wearying hours ahead. That will be different for each mom, but I personally don't think any mom should feel bad for wanting time away from their little darlings. I love my kids dearly, but I also cherish my time away from them, as meager as it sometimes is.
A good way for us here in our house to *usually* (but not always) guarantee some downtime and relaxation for me during the day is to have my girls on a routine, which has turned into more of a schedule (since they both go down for naps at the same times every day). That way I get to spend some one on one time with Hannah while Jael takes her first nap and then I get some "me time" while they're both napping in the afternoon. I love my downtime and it recharges me for the rest of the afternoon/evenings.
Of course there are days when things don't go as planned and I just cannot wait until their bedtime...but I do truly enjoy my time with my sweet girlies. Maybe it's because we were made to wait on the Lord for what seemed such a very long time for our Hannah Grace...
quote:
I agree, and I do try and validate but there are times when I feel like the mother doesn't deserve validation (just being honest) I see across my two forums alot of mothers who are NOT doing what is best for their children, and they aren't working to find solutions to the various problems they are having and instead choose to just whine about it over and over and over and over again. They have children with reflux, or asthma, or eczema and don't care to find the proper help for their child and in that selfishness and negligence I have trouble validating them.
I agree...
As far as lonliness during the day and the need for validation, IRL, there is always MOP's. It's a fabulous orginaztion for women to share, love on each other, and encourage each other through this tough season with preschoolers.
< Message edited by clag4christ -- 6/5/2008 4:44:25 PM >
_____________________________
<-----Jael as Tinkerbell - Halloween 2008
If you don't want people to insult your intelligence; don't make it so obvious that you have none.
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/5/2008 4:49:25 PM
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LaurainAL
Posts: 1261
Joined: 8/13/2005
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I don't know that dwelling on the hardships of motherhood is very productive, but it never hurts to be honest. Always painting a rosey picture is not honest.
_____________________________
Life Trumps Choice
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/5/2008 5:14:24 PM
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Mrs.X
Posts: 2954
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Newberg, OR
Status: offline
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LOL, love your sig, Laura!
_____________________________
-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/5/2008 6:51:38 PM
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nicole6598
Posts: 4094
Status: offline
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Yep, Sarah I don't think anyone was meaning you personally when Kat said that! I didn't take offence to what you wrote, I knew you were trying to keep it on topic.
Hmm Ryanne- was that a dig at me in your post up there? You mentioned reflux is all.
Laura I agree we shouldn't keep on about the negative but it just makes me mad when people put his falsity on like they are holier than thou and that is not helpful for anyone. I have had people IRL and on the net do that to me and it doesn't make you feel good at all, like Kat said, makes you feel guilty. That is not what we as Christians should be doing to one another at all.
UGH. I don't know why I have to feel like I need to validate things to other people. I am having a hard time. IT sucks. I am trying my best. I am seeking help for my son. But he is just high needs and in pain. I know I have a few more months of this and that makes me mad, scared, anxious.I have a routine. I don't have a helpful or supportive husband which at times I think is worse then having a hubby who is just gone for work. There isn't a mum's group I can go to. When you feel like that the last place you want to be is meeting with strangers.
I think its good I am going away for the weekend.....
Thanks Laura for the thread. And thank you to those who were trying to encourage me and others like me in the baby chat thread.
_____________________________
Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/5/2008 8:05:57 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6052
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
I personally hate the phrase "This too shall pass", because when you're ready to fall apart from sleep deprivation and loneliness, then it just seems like forever.
That's the thing though - it seems like forever, but it can help to be reminded that it actually won't be.
It certainly would have helped me if someone had said that to me when I was in the midst of it all.
quote:
And once this stage passes, there's always something new waiting for you.
Again, that's also the point - at least it's something new, not the same old, same old.
quote:
And ignore anyone who makes you feel guilty for feeling your feelings.
There is also the option of not allowing anyone to make you feel guilty. Even when we're feeling like a wrung out piece of old lettuce, we still have the choice. We are in control of our minds and don't have to look to other people to define who we are and what we feel.
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"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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For a few months when both he and Biruk were waking multiple times I night, I said some things while crawling out of bed that I really regret. 
