Trapped (Full Version)

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avagrace -> Trapped (6/3/2008 7:10:48 PM)

I have been married to my husband for almost 13 years now. He comes from a wonderful Christian family, as do I. We married when we were both 21, having never lived on our own before, and just finishing up college. I had previously dated a guy for over 2 years that I thought I was going to marry one day. I broke it off with him because I started developing feelings for this guy (my husband). He was devasted but we went our separate ways and have never had contact since.
I never had one doubt about who I marrying when we were engaged. After we were married I started seeing a side of him that I NEVER saw while we were dating/engaged. It started with outburts of anger over something I did or didn't do. Over the years though it has progressed into complete emotional abuse. I am constantly told "I hate you, You're a horrible mother" with a lot of profanity mixed in. In my home there is this feeling of everything needing to be perfect before daddy get home so it's even affecting our children. The whole mood in the house changes when he gets home.
We did receive counseling about a year ago and have taken numerous marriage studies. My husband seems to have this way about him though so when we get in counseling he comes across so great and I can't seem to articulate all the junk that goes on behind the scenes. No one really knows. I talk to his mom and she (from experience too) knows how he can be. He was a very angry little boy. I'm pretty sure if he was on some type of medication it would help.
The bottom line is, after years and years of this I don't know how much more of this I can take. I feel so trapped because I know I have no grounds for divorce. I find myself constantly thinking back to the days with my old boyfriend. I just recently heard he is still single. I wonder what could have been and if I made a horrible mistake. I know I need to get out of this line of thinking but I don't know how!!! Any advice for a woman who feels she made the biggest mistake of her life???



manda59 -> RE: Trapped (6/3/2008 7:13:20 PM)

I'd suggest you seek some counselling just for yourself - so that you have a safe place where you can let all this out. That will hopefully help to clear the decks so that you can think more clearly.



truthrevealed -> RE: Trapped (6/3/2008 7:30:07 PM)

Very typical for the enemy, and even our own human desires to show up when there is trouble(meaning thoughts of your old boyfriend begin to arise now that there's trouble within your marriage). It's truly a "natural" way to find comfort when you're hurting(what could have been)but playing that game you'll find yourself waking up with an enemy bigger than the one coming against your marriage now. You must find your comfort, your sense of security, hope and faith in your relationship with God ESPECIALLY now, when you're vulnerable due to the hurts from your husband---Don't help the enemy in his plan of destruction by fantasizing, and regretting---- and doubting God. Many others have had to stand against the "enemy's" of their home/marriage and YOU can too if you choose to rely on Him. Praying for you...



bzirk -> RE: Trapped (6/4/2008 11:15:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: avagrace

I have been married to my husband for almost 13 years now. He comes from a wonderful Christian family, as do I. We married when we were both 21, having never lived on our own before, and just finishing up college. I had previously dated a guy for over 2 years that I thought I was going to marry one day. I broke it off with him because I started developing feelings for this guy (my husband). He was devasted but we went our separate ways and have never had contact since.
I never had one doubt about who I marrying when we were engaged. After we were married I started seeing a side of him that I NEVER saw while we were dating/engaged. It started with outburts of anger over something I did or didn't do. Over the years though it has progressed into complete emotional abuse. I am constantly told "I hate you, You're a horrible mother" with a lot of profanity mixed in. In my home there is this feeling of everything needing to be perfect before daddy get home so it's even affecting our children. The whole mood in the house changes when he gets home.
We did receive counseling about a year ago and have taken numerous marriage studies. My husband seems to have this way about him though so when we get in counseling he comes across so great and I can't seem to articulate all the junk that goes on behind the scenes. No one really knows. I talk to his mom and she (from experience too) knows how he can be. He was a very angry little boy. I'm pretty sure if he was on some type of medication it would help.
The bottom line is, after years and years of this I don't know how much more of this I can take. I feel so trapped because I know I have no grounds for divorce. I find myself constantly thinking back to the days with my old boyfriend. I just recently heard he is still single. I wonder what could have been and if I made a horrible mistake. I know I need to get out of this line of thinking but I don't know how!!! Any advice for a woman who feels she made the biggest mistake of her life???


What happened in the counseling sessions?



jaimestarcross -> RE: Trapped (6/4/2008 10:27:47 PM)

How about getting a recording device (the kind that's sound activated) that way you can have proof of those outbursts --- save them and make an appointment to see another counselor and when your husband puts on a good show for the counselor you can play those taped outbursts of your hubby. I've known of people who've hidden video recording device in their living room to capture their abusive spouse in action to show unbelieving counselors/therapists their spouse being abusive. If it's possible I'd try to get him on video being verbally abusive.... those recording devices are so small it'd be easy to conceal one in your home.

*Another thing, would his mom be willing to stand up for you in a counseling section and relate how this anger of his comes out at different times ?
(I would think his own mom would want to see that her son was getting help.)
It seems if she would reveal what she knows about her son - it would be beneficial for getting him help and getting your marriage back on track.



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