Are some people meant to be together? (Full Version)

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Camille79 -> Are some people meant to be together? (6/3/2008 3:39:41 PM)

Does God plan just one person for everyone? I have a friend and he says that he just knew, the first time that he met his wife (several years before they started dating) that she was the one. They are a very close and loving married couple. Can you know that you are going to marry someone, just by looking at them, like love at first sight?
I sometimes wonder if love at first sight isn't really that important, and maybe doesn't even exist. It seems like relationships are what you make them, and someone could have an excellent marriage, just by keeping God's commandments, and trying to be a great spouse. Is there any way that I can know for sure if there is a certain person for everyone?



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/3/2008 3:48:15 PM)

welcome to crosswalk singles! this is much discussed topic from time to time :) i don't believe anyone has ever referenced any scripture indicating there was only one potential spouse for us. if there was, human would likely often mess it up with our free will. God has certainly revealed things to people about their future spouse ... and also sometimes people think God has revealed things and they don't come to pass (so clearly not of God in that case). i don't think love at first sight, means there is only one potential. i do believe that there is action on one's part typically to help induce another to fall in love with them, whether it be great conversation, openness & honestly, recreational companionship, physical appearance, etc ... the work doesn't stop once marriage begins so yes you need to keep God centered.



FunBetty -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/3/2008 3:51:37 PM)

That's a great question.

I have heard many tales of "Love at first sight" and believe that it can work with the right people.

As to whether there is one specific person that is right for one - I don't know. On the one hand, I want to believe that God has created a match uniquely for us that complements each other perfectly. My oldest brother's wife is a good example of that, and I told him the other day that she was exactly what he needed.

However, what happens when you find that "perfect match" and something happens? ie. death, or sin to destroy the relationship. Does that mean that the person is bound be be single for the rest of his/her life? I shudder at the thought!

I believe that there is a level of compatibility among two people that can be nurtured into a committed relationship. I'm no relationship expert (ha!) but love is a choice, and not just a feeling. Just like our relationship with God - we don't always FEEL like praising him, but we do it out of choice to be obedient to Him.

I probably threw a lot of gaps in there, but I liked this question enough to spur a discussion. [:)]



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/3/2008 3:59:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FunBetty

That's a great question.

I have heard many tales of "Love at first sight" and believe that it can work with the right people.

As to whether there is one specific person that is right for one - I don't know. On the one hand, I want to believe that God has created a match uniquely for us that complements each other perfectly. My oldest brother's wife is a good example of that, and I told him the other day that she was exactly what he needed.

However, what happens when you find that "perfect match" and something happens? ie. death, or sin to destroy the relationship. Does that mean that the person is bound be be single for the rest of his/her life? I shudder at the thought!

I believe that there is a level of compatibility among two people that can be nurtured into a committed relationship. I'm no relationship expert (ha!) but love is a choice, and not just a feeling. Just like our relationship with God - we don't always FEEL like praising him, but we do it out of choice to be obedient to Him.

I probably threw a lot of gaps in there, but I liked this question enough to spur a discussion. [:)]


Thank you for shuddering with me. My thoughts exactly!



.Pammy -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/3/2008 4:12:55 PM)

Waiting for John's input . . .



John_O -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/3/2008 5:01:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: .Pammy

Waiting for John's input . . .


Surely I'm not that predicatable, am I?


Is there just "one" person for each of us? Of course not. There'd be a whole ton more singles if so.

"My 'one' got hit by a bus as a child. Now I'm doomed to be alone" or maybe "I met my 'one' but I was a druggie then and missed the chance".

Both of these are laughable. Is God so cruel that He would give us only one chance for happiness in this world? Of course not. I'd wager that you know (as I do) several widows/widowers who are remarried and just as happy with their new mates as they were with their first ones.

There is one and only one fool proof way to know who your 'one' is. After you both say "I DO" look at who took the vows with you. That is your 'one'. You say "I do", they say "I do", and God says "I do too!" Man and wife become one until one of them dies. Then the survivor is free to remarry.

And since the bible talks about remarriage and does not condemn it, it's safe to say that God has more than one compatible person out there for each of us.

(I've got to run.)



broyce1981 -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/3/2008 5:22:07 PM)

I agree with what others have already said. Until I see Scriptural evidence to refute me, I believe we are free to choose who to marry. In reference to widows, the Bible does say that they are free to marry who they choose, only in the Lord. I read that passage and I conclude that such free will is given to us all. Otherwise there would be a situation where if a widow were to marry me (never married), then it would be acceptable for her to enter that relationship, but not for me since allegedly there is just one person I am supposed to marry. It seems like foolishness to me. I don't believe in love at first sight, but I do think there is such a thing as attraction at first sight. So, there's my thoughts.



Prairiehiker -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/3/2008 8:37:31 PM)

Ok, then how do you guys reconcile this idea that God has "the one" for you and are waiting for God to bring him to you? (a belief that I don't subscribe to.



John_O -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/3/2008 9:56:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

Ok, then how do you guys reconcile this idea that God has "the one" for you and are waiting for God to bring him to you? (a belief that I don't subscribe to.



He doesn't. He is bringing my wife to me but she could be any one of 127 million or so women in the USA. There isn't just 'one'. Now some of those 127M are more compatible with me so I assume he'd bring someone who is perfect for me, as that is what I'm praying. But a wonderfully happy married life can be made between any two people who are willing to be Christian and work at it. (Both have to work at it)

That doesn't mean I'm just sitting on my keister though. I've got to get out there an be in the place He's bringing her to.



LabGuy -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/3/2008 10:00:36 PM)

Actually, I'm reading a book right now that touches on this subject along the way. (We're covering it in Sunday School.) It's called Decision Making and the Will of God, by Garry Friesen. Kinda mind-blowing, and I don't think I agree with everything, but it makes some good points.

One of those is that God's sovereign will is impossible to miss, because it's gonna happen regardless of the choices we make. BUT we cannot know it in advance (short of revealed prophecy). So in one sense, whether and who we marry is already decided, but we can't know until it happens, and nothing we do (or don't) will change that.

Oftentimes the story of Rebekah and Isaac is cited as proof that God has "The One" picked out for us. But this book argues that's more properly an example of the outworking of God's sovereign will, because Isaac needed God's particular choice for a wife to give birth to Jacob, and ultimately the whole nation of Israel (and Jesus).

The main thrust of the book is that the Bible reveals God's moral will for us - His commands for holy living, which we must seek to understand and obey. But if something is not specifically commanded or forbidden or otherwise spelled out (like what to have for dinner tonight), we are free to choose, as long as it doesn't violate His moral will. The whole issue of whether and who to marry falls within that area of freedom (with only a couple restrictions, such as believers must marry other believers).

As to how to make such decisions, we are to seek and employ wisdom in the process. And God has promised to provide it. The book goes into some depth here, and there are points there I disagree with, but overall it's pretty biblically sound. The main point being there isn't a roadmap we have to discover and if we mess it up we're forever relegated to God's second or third or fourth best. But as part of holy living we seek wisdom and guidance for our decisions, and then make them on that basis and then don't worry that we've "missed God's will". Because it is His will that we be wise in our conduct.

In terms of whether and who to marry, the book argues that if we find someone we love, want to marry, who is a committed believer, are compatible with, a good match, various sources of wisdom (counselors, etc.) agree, and so forth, and if together can glorify God better than separately, then go ahead and marry them.

By the way, this kinda opens up the old "free-will vs. predestination" can of worms. The way I think of it is, imagine a jigsaw puzzle whose pieces change shape of their own accord depending on the pieces around them. The pieces are people, events, and circumstances. The "picture" is God's sovereign plan, and he knows how to fit all the shape-changing pieces together to make that perfect picture. (Considering that a puzzle with shape-changing pieces would be about the most impossible thing in the world to solve, this also give an inkling of how far God's wisdom exceeds our own!)

(And that's all I'm gonna say on that lest I get banished to a Theology thread. [sm=icon_smile.gif] )

-Robb



Prairiehiker -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/3/2008 10:17:15 PM)

quote:

So in one sense, whether and who we marry is already decided, but we can't know until it happens, and nothing we do (or don't) will change that.



I read the same book but I didn't get the same conclusion as you. Actually, it talked more about our freedom to choose as long as it's within the revealed will of God which are written in the bible. WIth respect to choosing a spouse, it talked about making the decision wisely, because the will of God is when you get married, you stay with that person for life. And when faced with the decision of who to marry between many suitable candidates, God gives you that decision. And He will be equally please with who you choose and will bless your decision as long as it's within His will.

I guess what I got out of that book is that God is not a micro manager.



LabGuy -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/3/2008 10:33:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

quote:

So in one sense, whether and who we marry is already decided, but we can't know until it happens, and nothing we do (or don't) will change that.



I read the same book but I didn't get the same conclusion as you. Actually, it talked more about our freedom to choose as long as it's within the revealed will of God which are written in the bible. WIth respect to choosing a spouse, it talked about making the decision wisely, because the will of God is when you get married, you stay with that person for life. And when faced with the decision of who to marry between many suitable candidates, God gives you that decision. And He will be equally please with who you choose and will bless your decision as long as it's within His will.

I guess what I got out of that book is that God is not a micro manager.


I actually agree with your impression. But the quoted part is true too, but maybe could have been worded better (perhaps "known by God" rather than "decided"?)

-Robb



writer04 -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/3/2008 11:03:11 PM)

I used to wonder about this, but I would think not. I think that God gives us the freedom of choice. He will provide us with a rainbow, so to speak, and let us choose. If there was just "one", then there would be nothing that we could do to ever change that course. I completely identify with the person who wrote that sin, choices, etc. can change that course. I don't believe that God would give us one chance, either.

Case in point: I fell in love with someone after a long time of being lukewarm about relationships. Well, one night we had a disagreement. I asked him to give me some time to not be so emotional; we could talk later. He got angry with me for asking for a small amount of distance. I certainly wasn't saying to him, "I don't love you. Leave me alone." I was saying, and I was CLEAR, "Give me a minute to digest this." He chose to only see the negative. Long story short, he got very drunk that night and he was angry with me. He ran into and old flame with whom he had a purely physical relationship in the past (or, at least, that is what he told me). He told me that he slept with her out of anger and frustration over our relationship, and he thought that I had "rejected" him. Well, nine months later ... that was pretty much, I see now, the beginning of the end for us.



saraimay75 -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/4/2008 4:02:34 AM)

As much of a romantic that I am I really would like to think that there is only one man meant for me. But in reality I know this is not true. I do believe that there are some men that are better matches than other men.



mutinywxgirl -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/4/2008 4:25:29 AM)

For a variety of reasons, I wonder IF there is anyone for me who isn't going to go running to the hills when things get too intense. I've only met a handful of men who can keep up with me an my pace of life and everything else I wish to do and that God has me doing. I'm seriously doubting that I'll even be married by the time that I turn 50 (in a few years). I'll probably have my PhD before I have a husband.



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/4/2008 10:26:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O
He doesn't. He is bringing my wife to me but she could be any one of 127 million or so women in the USA. There isn't just 'one'. Now some of those 127M are more compatible with me so I assume he'd bring someone who is perfect for me, as that is what I'm praying. But a wonderfully happy married life can be made between any two people who are willing to be Christian and work at it. (Both have to work at it)

That doesn't mean I'm just sitting on my keister though. I've got to get out there an be in the place He's bringing her to.


i don't believe in one person either, but when you say God is bringing someone to you, that implies one person. if i bring you a birthday present, that's one gift. or is God bringing several women and you pick and choose. i guess i am not sure about the word bring. i do agree that God moves and can orchestrate situations as i don't think things are completely random. nor do i think there's only one person. i guess how it happens is like a black box to me.



BugLady -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/4/2008 11:43:27 AM)

quote:

Can you know that you are going to marry someone, just by looking at them, like love at first sight?


I believe something like this can and does happen, but I wouldn't call it love at first sight. Knowing someone is "the one" can come through what is referred to as a word of knowledge. Something that you just know in your knower, ya know? [;)]

The Lord can speak to a person's heart and make clear that they are to be with someone specific for His purpose and plan. And I'm not talking about someone who just gets it in their head that God told them they are supposed to marry so and so, and loses touch with reality. I'm talking about situations where everything lines up biblically, and other believers confirm that the word received is really of God.

I know a couple brought together by a word of knowledge from the Lord. It can happen. [:)]



Psalms274 -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/4/2008 4:04:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BugLady

quote:

Can you know that you are going to marry someone, just by looking at them, like love at first sight?


I believe something like this can and does happen, but I wouldn't call it love at first sight. Knowing someone is "the one" can come through what is referred to as a word of knowledge. Something that you just know in your knower, ya know? [;)]

I am pretty sure, when God places two people together, He takes these things into consideration.[:)]

The Lord can speak to a person's heart and make clear that they are to be with someone specific for His purpose and plan. And I'm not talking about someone who just gets it in their head that God told them they are supposed to marry so and so, and loses touch with reality. I'm talking about situations where everything lines up biblically, and other believers confirm that the word received is really of God.

I know a couple brought together by a word of knowledge from the Lord. It can happen. [:)]


I agree with you Bugsy! [;)]

As to the question

quote:

"My 'one' got hit by a bus as a child. Now I'm doomed to be alone" or maybe "I met my 'one' but I was a druggie then and missed the chance".


"I am pretty sure God takes these things into consideration." [:)] He's not going to destine a person to be with someone He knows will die before you meet ... and if you meet the one as a druggie ... He is perfectly capable of bringing you together despite yourself. I noticed a lot of people who have been married and lost their spouse to divorce or death struggle with this question. But I cannot get away from the fact that each of us were known before we were born ... and the environment we grew up in and the specific dna (that we received from each our parents) were also known before we were born. Just because the spouse you committed to is no longer an option, doesn't mean He hasn't planned ahead for that tragedy ... just as He saw our need for forgiveness long before anyone of us were born ... or sinned. Before the foundation of the world ... He had a plan of redemption.

God can do anything, and is sovereign in every area of our lives. He knows the error of our ways before we act on them, and plans accordingly because of His great mercy. He even brings relationships into being ... allow us to cross each others path at just the right moment. (And by relationships, I mean both friends and spouses ... and family members which would be the specific parents He planned for you as well as your siblings and the rest of the clan.)

oops ... I forgot to add ... that yes He does give us freewill ... but freewill does not trump His sovereignty. (He will always be more powerful.) I have heard many a sermon about how God has a "permissible will" and a "absolute will" ... but for something as important as the way you will live the rest of your life here on this earth ... do you really think He doesn't care enough about you to plan ahead?



rcudawg -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/4/2008 4:18:28 PM)

When I first gave my life to Christ, I was more along the lines of "free will." Now, after being a Christian for almost 13.5 years, I lean a lot more to the 'predestination.' That's both from what I've read in Scripture, as well as what I have seen in my own life.

For me, I believe that since God is omnipent and omniscent (forgive me if I don't spell them correctly), and since He created each of us, He knows the kind of person who would be the 'perfect match' for us. And, depending on our willingness to listen to Him and follow His will, I believe that He will bring us together with 'the one' that He would prefer us to marry. And, that is because of the joint skills, abilities, talents, desires, etc., that each possess.

My very good friend, Mark, is a very good example. He and his wife, PJ, met while he was at a military college while with mutual friends. Not too long after they met, they felt God calling them to get married. And, having seen them while they were still engaged, and today (10 years later), I can say that they are a 'perfect match.' That's because, 'one half' of the couple has the skills and abilities to cover what the 'other half' lacks. It goes both ways.

With my relationship with Sharon, I see the same thing. Both of us have a 'leadership' personality. She's more of the 'come on, let's go!' kind of leader. I'm more of the, 'okay, here's the goal. This what we need to do to get from point A to point B.' We're both very much alike and very much opposite at the same time. The pastor that we have had a couple of premarital counseling sessions with made the comment that, with our combined skills and abilities, if God calls us to do something, there's probably nothing that could stand in our away. Could God be trying to tell us something??? [8D]

Just my thoughts...

In Christ,

RC



okrox -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/4/2008 8:20:25 PM)

I believe in Love At First Sight in the same way that I believe in other coincidences--that they are just one of the more delightful ways that God sometimes chooses to work. And isn't that what love at first sight really is? A coincidence that the person you were the most attracted to at first glance just happened to turn out to be a great match for you? I am not doubting other people's experiences with LAFS, but I am certainly not counting on it for my own self.

I agree with Labguy that this is really an off-shoot of predestination-type discussions. The REAL answer is nothing we will solve here. But I think that the "one and only" theory flies in the face of our freewill. And yes, I believe passionately that God gives us complete freewill in this life--that's what makes His love for us so incomprehensible! What a risk He's taking there! Yet, still He loves us anyway.

In my own personal experience, I think, yes, it was God's will that I married my now-ex husband. But in no way do I believe it was God's will that I remain married to him.

How can I say that?

Because we are looking at God's perfect will as if it were one straight line from point A to point B. And I don't think that is the way it works. Doesn't God know who he's dealing with here? Doesn't he know that we are incapable of living a perfect life? I think he does! So I think God's perfect will is a much more complicated thing than that. Maybe kind of like a horrible maze. Maybe there was originally a short, fast route, but every turn changes your possibilities. So what was once His perfect will for you is no longer perfect. Does that mean you are just slap out of luck, if you came to Christ later in life? That you missed his will? Or that you just have to settle for a "Second Best" will for your life? Do you believe that? That God will be so measley and miserly? I can't believe that.

I think that the moment you turn back to God, He can point you to another way, which, because it's from God, is now perfect, too.

None of this "You'll have to make do" business, thanks.

Short answer: Whoever you are married to can become your soul-mate, if you are both willing and choose to make it happen. Some people just might take a little more work than others.

And either way, it could lead you to His perfect will.



coinpurse -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/4/2008 9:54:25 PM)

There is someone for you who will stick around when things get intense. By the time he gets to you, he would have learned through other circumstances in his life how to stick around when things get intense or painful. He would have ran enough races (w/God along side him) to know how to hang in there w/you. Umm, and if not, he'll have to learn w/you!

I can't wait till you announce that you've found him. Woohoo!






quote:

ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl

For a variety of reasons, I wonder IF there is anyone for me who isn't going to go running to the hills when things get too intense. I've only met a handful of men who can keep up with me an my pace of life and everything else I wish to do and that God has me doing. I'm seriously doubting that I'll even be married by the time that I turn 50 (in a few years). I'll probably have my PhD before I have a husband.



Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/5/2008 9:26:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Camille79

Does God plan just one person for everyone? I have a friend and he says that he just knew, the first time that he met his wife (several years before they started dating) that she was the one. They are a very close and loving married couple. Can you know that you are going to marry someone, just by looking at them, like love at first sight?
I sometimes wonder if love at first sight isn't really that important, and maybe doesn't even exist. It seems like relationships are what you make them, and someone could have an excellent marriage, just by keeping God's commandments, and trying to be a great spouse. Is there any way that I can know for sure if there is a certain person for everyone?


Posting kinda blindly here, but I wanted to throw out something a little different.

To address "love at first sight" I belive that if a person is healthy and they know a lot of different kinds of people, they have dated enough to make good decisions, and then they see someone who just knocks them off their feet, they can believe in "love at first sight". Sometimes when I meet someone, I can see something in their eyes or their smile... or maybe I witness a kind act they have just done, or maybe it's the way they hold themselves confidently... those kinds of things make me look at a person and go "wow"

Now on the other hand, if a person is lonely, if they're isolated, if they are on the rebound or have just lost someone sigificant in their lives and THEN they meet this person... well, they shouldn't jump to the conclusion that they've found "love at first sight." They need to become whole once more. People sometimes make bad decisions when they're not in the right frame of mind.



John_O -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/5/2008 2:32:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psalms274


quote:

"My 'one' got hit by a bus as a child. Now I'm doomed to be alone" or maybe "I met my 'one' but I was a druggie then and missed the chance".


"I am pretty sure God takes these things into consideration." [:)] He's not going to destine a person to be with someone He knows will die before you meet ... and if you meet the one as a druggie ... He is perfectly capable of bringing you together despite yourself. I noticed a lot of people who have been married and lost their spouse to divorce or death struggle with this question. But I cannot get away from the fact that each of us were known before we were born ... and the environment we grew up in and the specific dna (that we received from each our parents) were also known before we were born. Just because the spouse you committed to is no longer an option, doesn't mean He hasn't planned ahead for that tragedy ... just as He saw our need for forgiveness long before anyone of us were born ... or sinned. Before the foundation of the world ... He had a plan of redemption.



Thank You Psalms. Clarified what I meant that portion of my response to communicate. God has not just 'one' for each of us, but many 'one's for each of us. We'll just only meet one at a time. So if one of our 'one's doesn't happen, through their choice or ours, God has someone else waiting.



okrox -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/5/2008 3:17:05 PM)

[/quote]

God has not just 'one' for each of us, but many 'one's for each of us. We'll just only meet one at a time. So if one of our 'one's doesn't happen, through their choice or ours, God has someone else waiting.
[/quote]

Yeah! Yeah What he said!



sign4Him316 -> RE: Are some people meant to be together? (6/5/2008 5:35:24 PM)

I still think about that. I am 32 and still not married. Maybe it's the circumstances in life -- where you are at a point in your life and what has happened to you to allow things come together or not. Maybe ready, maybe not. Maybe marriage is more likely to happen when two people are friends at first. I wonder if a person is quick to have romantic feelings towards a person, it's doomed to fail. Life has to be more than romance. Maybe it is like two people are willing to make a relationship work. They treat each other well and always think about the other person -- what they can do for the other person more than for themselves. Communication must be the key to keep a relationship sustained. It can't be all that romantic all the time. I have seen my parents, my sister and brother both of whom are married and I never see the romantic side of them. Oh, I have seen them give each other a hug and a quick kiss here and there but I never see them really into each other. (Of course, sex is private... I don't expect to see that and I never plan to. Haha.) I sometimes wonder is that all there is? Just living together to make ends meet, going thru the day to day living of life? How does falling in love happen?



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