Today's Christian men...wimpy?

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StephenJ -> Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/19/2008 2:03:05 PM)
I've heard some Christian ladies make statements that are somewhat akin to this. It seems odd considering that our society seems to push men to be so much more sensative than in the past. Can anyone shine some light on why some Christian women think this way? (Perhaps this works better in the She said forum or relationships but I'm curious to hear from guys too.)

John_O -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/19/2008 2:55:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: StephenJ I've heard some Christian ladies make statements that are somewhat akin to this. It seems odd considering that our society seems to push men to be so much more sensative than in the past. Can anyone shine some light on why some Christian women think this way? (Perhaps this works better in the She said forum or relationships but I'm curious to hear from guys too.) Because many Christian men are wimpy. We've been so ingrained to be gentle and accepting that most men have lost their backbone. Jesus was very gentle when he needed to be, but he could whup up on people when He needed to also. So many men (Christian and lost) have bought into the kinder/gentler story. Then they whine because the women won't go out with them but go out with "bad boys" instead. Well most bad boys have a backbone. Women don't want to marry women, they want to marry men. Unfortunately many males never learn how to be men. They either get stuck as boys or become feminized pseudo men instead. Note that it's posisbel to be kind, polite, gentle etc and still be a man. Jesus was so we can be too. But far too many pick up all teh soft traits and lay down the hard traits. We have to be strong, steadfast, faithful, hard working, bold etc while still being gentle kind etc. We need to speak up against the things that are wrong (Abortion and homosexuality for example) without worrying about offending the people in those lifestyles. Those people need to be offended. How else will they open their eyes to see the truth? The church in general has made it entirely too easy for people to go to hell these days. 'Well we wouldn't want to impose our values on them." Hogwash. They either accept our (biblical) values or they go to hell. Why do so many remain silent? (Sorry. Major soapbox issue for me)

Prairiehiker -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/19/2008 3:25:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: John_O quote: ORIGINAL: StephenJ I've heard some Christian ladies make statements that are somewhat akin to this. It seems odd considering that our society seems to push men to be so much more sensative than in the past. Can anyone shine some light on why some Christian women think this way? (Perhaps this works better in the She said forum or relationships but I'm curious to hear from guys too.) Because many Christian men are wimpy. We've been so ingrained to be gentle and accepting that most men have lost their backbone. Jesus was very gentle when he needed to be, but he could whup up on people when He needed to also. So many men (Christian and lost) have bought into the kinder/gentler story. Then they whine because the women won't go out with them but go out with "bad boys" instead. Well most bad boys have a backbone. Women don't want to marry women, they want to marry men. Unfortunately many males never learn how to be men. They either get stuck as boys or become feminized pseudo men instead. Note that it's posisbel to be kind, polite, gentle etc and still be a man. Jesus was so we can be too. But far too many pick up all teh soft traits and lay down the hard traits. We have to be strong, steadfast, faithful, hard working, bold etc while still being gentle kind etc. We need to speak up against the things that are wrong (Abortion and homosexuality for example) without worrying about offending the people in those lifestyles. Those people need to be offended. How else will they open their eyes to see the truth? The church in general has made it entirely too easy for people to go to hell these days. 'Well we wouldn't want to impose our values on them." Hogwash. They either accept our (biblical) values or they go to hell. Why do so many remain silent? (Sorry. Major soapbox issue for me) quote: speak up against the things that are wrong (Abortion and homosexuality for example) without worrying about offending the people in those lifestyles. Those people need to be offended. How else will they open their eyes to see the truth? I agree with what John said! If men only start acting like men, women wouldn't have to start acting like men.

trainfan -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/19/2008 4:54:36 PM)
Good post John_O! I think society in general plays a role in this also. Watch TV shows with families in them for a couple hours and you will see for the most part a bunch of dads who act like a bunch of clueless stupid bafoons while the moms are the smart strong parent.

shemaromans -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/19/2008 5:20:33 PM)
John summed up the backbone/loving heart combination well. (It's actually high up on my list)

woodwind228 -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/19/2008 9:20:34 PM)
Great post, John. I think that pretty much sums it up.

benelchi -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/19/2008 9:56:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: John_O quote: ORIGINAL: StephenJ I've heard some Christian ladies make statements that are somewhat akin to this. It seems odd considering that our society seems to push men to be so much more sensative than in the past. Can anyone shine some light on why some Christian women think this way? (Perhaps this works better in the She said forum or relationships but I'm curious to hear from guys too.) Because many Christian men are wimpy. We've been so ingrained to be gentle and accepting that most men have lost their backbone. Jesus was very gentle when he needed to be, but he could whup up on people when He needed to also. So many men (Christian and lost) have bought into the kinder/gentler story. Then they whine because the women won't go out with them but go out with "bad boys" instead. Well most bad boys have a backbone. Women don't want to marry women, they want to marry men. Unfortunately many males never learn how to be men. They either get stuck as boys or become feminized pseudo men instead. Note that it's posisbel to be kind, polite, gentle etc and still be a man. Jesus was so we can be too. But far too many pick up all teh soft traits and lay down the hard traits. We have to be strong, steadfast, faithful, hard working, bold etc while still being gentle kind etc. We need to speak up against the things that are wrong (Abortion and homosexuality for example) without worrying about offending the people in those lifestyles. Those people need to be offended. How else will they open their eyes to see the truth? The church in general has made it entirely too easy for people to go to hell these days. 'Well we wouldn't want to impose our values on them." Hogwash. They either accept our (biblical) values or they go to hell. Why do so many remain silent? (Sorry. Major soapbox issue for me) I think you only half right on this one. While I agree that there really has been a strong push in our society towards demonizing masculinity to the point that many men seem to fear expressing their masculine side at all, there is also an equal push (especially from Hollywood) to equate true masculinity with that "bad boy" image; both are equally invalid pictures of real masculinity. The Christian woman who buys into Hollywood's lie and chooses the "bad boy" is equally as wrong, as the man who allows himself to be feminized by our society.

John_O -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/19/2008 9:57:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: benelchi quote: ORIGINAL: John_O Because many Christian men are wimpy. We've been so ingrained to be gentle and accepting that most men have lost their backbone. Jesus was very gentle when he needed to be, but he could whup up on people when He needed to also. So many men (Christian and lost) have bought into the kinder/gentler story. Then they whine because the women won't go out with them but go out with "bad boys" instead. Well most bad boys have a backbone. Women don't want to marry women, they want to marry men. Unfortunately many males never learn how to be men. They either get stuck as boys or become feminized pseudo men instead. Note that it's posisbel to be kind, polite, gentle etc and still be a man. Jesus was so we can be too. But far too many pick up all teh soft traits and lay down the hard traits. We have to be strong, steadfast, faithful, hard working, bold etc while still being gentle kind etc. We need to speak up against the things that are wrong (Abortion and homosexuality for example) without worrying about offending the people in those lifestyles. Those people need to be offended. How else will they open their eyes to see the truth? The church in general has made it entirely too easy for people to go to hell these days. 'Well we wouldn't want to impose our values on them." Hogwash. They either accept our (biblical) values or they go to hell. Why do so many remain silent? (Sorry. Major soapbox issue for me) I think you only half right on this one. While I agree that there really has been a strong push in our society towards demonizing masculinity to the point that many men seem to fear expressing their masculine side at all, there is also an equal push (especially from Hollywood) to equate true masculinity with that "bad boy" image; both are equally invalid pictures of real masculinity. The Christian woman who buys into Hollywood's lie and chooses the "bad boy" is equally as wrong, as the man who allows himself to be feminized by our society. Exactly. That's why we must be both. Like Jesus was.

Single4Life -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/19/2008 11:48:35 PM)
I've heard this line used in regards to dating...that Christian men don't step up to pursue women. Well, I know I have pursued Christian women in a healthy, vibrant way. The last one I dated, I was dumped when she went back to an unsaved ex-boyfriend. Another good Christian friend of mine was dating an unsaved guy at the same time. It seems that even when Christian men DO step up and pursue women, female Christians still want the men they can tame...like John said, the "bad boy". Why do women look outside of the church for a relationship...especially when they KNOW dating a non-believer is wrong??! It would seem that men aren't the only one with "issues" in the church. Sure, women want to be pursued. They only want to be pursued by someone they are INTERESTED in. There is a difference. A guy is considered to be weird or a stalker if he shows any interest in a woman that she doesn't like. So, maybe Christian women should be more open to seeing the ways Christian men express interest. Dating at church is TOUGH. If you do get involved, breaking up is HARD b/c you still go to the same church, have the same friends, are involved in the same ministries, etc... That stuff isn't anything to take lightly. It is a HUGE risk and worth taking time to see if there is chemistry. There does come a point when the guy has to man up, but I disagree w/ the general statement that Christian men are wimpy. Some of us do step up to the plate, but the women drop the ball a lot of times as well. There's a soapbox for ya! (It might seem like a bunch or rambling nonsense, but I'm tired.)

WaitingforBoaz -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/20/2008 12:38:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Single4Life I've heard this line used in regards to dating...that Christian men don't step up to pursue women. Well, I know I have pursued Christian women in a healthy, vibrant way. The last one I dated, I was dumped when she went back to an unsaved ex-boyfriend. Another good Christian friend of mine was dating an unsaved guy at the same time. It seems that even when Christian men DO step up and pursue women, female Christians still want the men they can tame...like John said, the "bad boy". Why do women look outside of the church for a relationship...especially when they KNOW dating a non-believer is wrong??! It would seem that men aren't the only one with "issues" in the church. Sure, women want to be pursued. They only want to be pursued by someone they are INTERESTED in. There is a difference. A guy is considered to be weird or a stalker if he shows any interest in a woman that she doesn't like. So, maybe Christian women should be more open to seeing the ways Christian men express interest. Dating at church is TOUGH. If you do get involved, breaking up is HARD b/c you still go to the same church, have the same friends, are involved in the same ministries, etc... That stuff isn't anything to take lightly. It is a HUGE risk and worth taking time to see if there is chemistry. There does come a point when the guy has to man up, but I disagree w/ the general statement that Christian men are wimpy. Some of us do step up to the plate, but the women drop the ball a lot of times as well. There's a soapbox for ya! (It might seem like a bunch or rambling nonsense, but I'm tired.) I think your all right! But it is not just Christian men. The 2 previous generations raised their boys to be "sensitive" and to have a feminine side. Many tried to raise their children to be as gender neutral as possible. It was a parenting trend gone very wrong.Women realized that they did not want soft emotional sensitive men, they just wanted to be loved as Christ loves the church, they wanted their men to live with them in understanding way. Most women desire the biblical model of marriage even when they are not Christians. The last 10 years or so I have seen a trend towards raising boys to be real men. There are many new books out that are trying to teach just that. Hopefully things will right themselves in the next few generations. I understand what you are saying about relationships and dating. My views on this are somewhat unpopular here on the threads but would it really hurt to try something new if what you are doing now is not working? I believe that a girl feels somewhat insecure nowdays and would really like to know someone before they date them. Yes, this means that she would like to be friends first. Be her friend. Invest time and energy into getting to know her before you ask her out. It will be so much easier to gage if she is interested enough to ask out if you already spend some time together. Again I know there are those that disagree with me and fine if what you are doing is working great. But if it isn't the only thing you will be doing differently by doing it as I suggest is making a friend. We can never have to many friends.[;)] ~Blessings~

WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/20/2008 12:47:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: followtheLeader I understand what you are saying about relationships and dating. My views on this are somewhat unpopular here on the threads but would it really hurt to try something new if what you are doing now is not working? I believe that a girl feels somewhat insecure nowdays and would really like to know someone before they date them. Yes, this means that she would like to be friends first. Be her friend. Invest time and energy into getting to know her before you ask her out. It will be so much easier to gage if she is interested enough to ask out if you already spend some time together. Again I know there are those that disagree with me and fine if what you are doing is working great. But if it isn't the only thing you will be doing differently by doing it as I suggest is making a friend. We can never have to many friends.[;)] ~Blessings~ Oh, Nadine. Amen! Absolutely excellent.

WaitingforBoaz -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/20/2008 1:21:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings quote: ORIGINAL: followtheLeader I understand what you are saying about relationships and dating. My views on this are somewhat unpopular here on the threads but would it really hurt to try something new if what you are doing now is not working? I believe that a girl feels somewhat insecure nowdays and would really like to know someone before they date them. Yes, this means that she would like to be friends first. Be her friend. Invest time and energy into getting to know her before you ask her out. It will be so much easier to gage if she is interested enough to ask out if you already spend some time together. Again I know there are those that disagree with me and fine if what you are doing is working great. But if it isn't the only thing you will be doing differently by doing it as I suggest is making a friend. We can never have to many friends.[;)] ~Blessings~ Oh, Nadine. Amen! Absolutely excellent. [:)]

benelchi -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/20/2008 5:21:25 AM)
quote: I believe that a girl feels somewhat insecure nowdays and would really like to know someone before they date them. Yes, this means that she would like to be friends first. Be her friend. Invest time and energy into getting to know her before you ask her out. It will be so much easier to gage if she is interested enough to ask out if you already spend some time together. Again I know there are those that disagree with me and fine if what you are doing is working great. But if it isn't the only thing you will be doing differently by doing it as I suggest is making a friend. We can never have to many friends. CAUTION: I really know there are two perspectives to this topic, and I really do understand (as far as I guy can) some of the very legitimate difficulties that single Christian women face in dating. The following is not meant to bash Christian women, but just to shed light on the topic for a Christian man's perspective. Please read it in that light. My experiences over the last few years have really taught me that this is something that many Christian woman say often, but often really don't mean. It is often the Christian men who choose to pursue women in this way who wrongly get labeled "wimpy"; the "real" men many Christian women choose to date are those that will jump right into a heavy dating relationship with them without knowing a thing about them, and caring nothing about the fact that they are Christians. The reality is that Christian men who do stand up and have a backbone, but draw lines in a relationship based on their Christian values are often the ones that don't get the dates. Because they believe the physical part of a relationship should reflect the commitment they are willing to give, they draw boundaries around their relationship that get them wrongly labeled "wimpy". One of the reasons I believe that many Christian women do choose to date non-Christian men is simply that it is far easier to get into a hot and heavy relationship with non-Christian men because their values don't require them to have any boundaries, and often it is a reflection of Christian women not being willing to wait for the godly relationships to develop. As a Christian man, I cannot begin to tell you how very many times I have talked to Christian women who have told me that they have "learned" that being "unequally" yoked was a bad mistake that they will never do again, only to watch those same women choose another "unequally" yoked relationship a couple of months later because the Christian men wouldn't "date" them. As a Christian man, I want to know that a woman has a track record of not compromising her standards to get a date, and those just out of an "unequally yoked" relationship really are "undatable" for a while until their actions have shown that their repentance was genuine; too often a little time shows that it was not. I think one of the things that has changed in our society over the last few decades that significantly contributes to this problem is that our society used to value men who would pursue women in a respectful way that honored and valued women, but today a woman's value is almost entirely seen in terms of her sexuality, and the man that does not immediately peruse that aspect of the relationship in some way is seen as not having enough "backbone" to do so; too often Christian women seem to have bought into this lie. Sometimes I wish that women would realize how much backbone and strength of character it really takes a man to NOT pursue that aspect of a relationship. ==================== I really do understand that there are Christian women who don't compromise godly standards and end up dateless because of it; however, the reality is that Christian men who do not compromise godly standards often end up just as dateless because of the boundaries they will not cross. I believe that a big contributor to the "dateless" problem is that far too many Christian men and women compromise godly boundaries when dating and take what they believe is the easy path to a relationship, and it leaves very few around who are really "datable" to those who really want their dating life to reflect their relationship in Christ.

Single4Life -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/20/2008 5:33:23 AM)
Well said, benelchi!

mutinywxgirl -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/20/2008 6:24:58 AM)
quote: Sometimes I wish that women would realize how much backbone and strength of character it really takes a man to NOT pursue that aspect of a relationship. ==================== I really do understand that there are Christian women who don't compromise godly standards and end up dateless because of it; however, the reality is that Christian men who do not compromise godly standards often end up just as dateless because of the boundaries they will not cross. I believe that a big contributor to the "dateless" problem is that far too many Christian men and women compromise godly boundaries when dating and take what they believe is the easy path to a relationship, and it leaves very few around who are really "datable" to those who really want their dating life to reflect their relationship in Christ. Truly one of the most godly and most manly man I know absolutely WILL NOT bend in this respect. He has my utmost respect as a result. We have dated off and on over the years - because neither one of us has been ready for it to go any farther. Seems that God is now preparing us to take it farther, however, that is in His timing, and most certainly NOT in ours. That said, it appears to all come down to a level of maturity of the believer. When someone has made Jesus Lord over every part of their life - and that most importantly includes their love life - then dates are going to be few and far between - because we don't compromise our standards. Does it stink? Absolutely! But, when I stop and think of the glorious reward I will one day receive from the Lord - then I could really care less about the fact that I don't have a date one night. In fact, I can count on one hand the number of dates I've had in the past 10 years! Now, men, let me tell you this - if you do find a woman you desire to date, and she appears skittish and you tell her that you are willing to take it at her own pace, PLEASE adhere to those words. I just had a situation where I had exchanged maybe 10 emails in the course of a week, and we agreed to meet at church (ours is huge, thankfully), and we talked for a couple of hours afterwards. Then a few more emails where he said he saw I was skittish and said it could all go at my pace. THEN I started getting text messages - at 6:20am, 10:30pm, in the middle of the day - IMs telling me that he was infatuated with me and is hoping that "I'm the one", etc. They all called me "hun" and said he was thinking about me and wanting to know how my day was going, etc. Men, please, DO NOT DO THIS. That's only appropriate AFTER you're in a relationship - NOT WHEN YOU'VE FIRST MET! After around 10 text messages - of which I only answered one - I finally had to tell him to stop and not send me any more. He then sent me one more saying he didn't mean to upset me, and still had a "wink" in it. ARGH!!!!!!!!!! To a woman, this feels like borderline stalker material. Anyway, back on topic - it is difficult for both men and women. We must both make sure to keep our love lives under the Lordship of Christ - and we'll all be so much better off! What benelchi said is perfect - absolutely perfect.

jlp1 -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/20/2008 9:13:47 AM)
So with all that said, women think that the men are "wimpy or slow to act" and the men think the women are "inpatient or disinterested", what do we do? I'm guilty of not let the one I'm interested in know how I feel because of society rules that a women should wait for a man to pursue her (which I'm not sure if I've adopted the same way of thinking) so am I lead to believe that christian men are "wimpy", absolutely not, I've grown to understand the difference between the two type of men. Men of the world are quick to pounce on a women like a tiger and christian men are patient and gently and that I can appreciate. So, what do I do? wait? yes!! and patiently.

iwillfearnoevil -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/20/2008 9:58:54 AM)
i think benelchi stated it really well. i guess people perceive that it's wimpy to try to get to know a woman before pursuing a deeper relationship rather than just acting flirty and pouncing on every girl regardless of yokedness that crosses your path and if she responds just take it as far as you can.

WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/20/2008 10:24:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil i think benelchi stated it really well. i guess people perceive that it's wimpy to try to get to know a woman before pursuing a deeper relationship rather than just acting flirty and pouncing on every girl regardless of yokedness that crosses your path and if she responds just take it as far as you can. It's not only NOT wimpy, it's my preference. [:)] I don't flirt with men unless I'm in one-on-one relationship with them, and I don't care for men to flirt with me unless they're in a one-on-one relationship with me. I also don't believe in the concept of dating as it applies to today's definition. I think dating is all backwards. For me, dating should come after 2 people have gotten to know each other and have decided they want to explore the relationship on a deeper, more committed level; NOT to shop and test unknown or semi-unknown waters. And the neat thing about my philosophy is that my life has backed up my words. I have experienced "dating" as most people define it . . . and no thank you; not ever again. Even when I did "date" as the word is popularly defined, I didn't like it and it didn't feel "quite right." I have also experienced "dating" as I define it . . . I'm specifically thinking of CS . . . and if I ever date again, that will definitely be the way I'll do it. Before I even met CS (years before), I had long since decided in my mind the parameters for dating. I had determined that if I met someone, I simply wanted it to be someone in my everyday life doing everyday things where we gradually and perhaps not even intentionally got to know each other on deeper levels. I didn't want to participate in focalized 2 or 3 hour segments of time where two people who may not know each other that well are intentionally checking each other out and comparing them against preconceived lists and notions. For me, that just never seemed "real" and it always seemed way to romanticized and with way too many false expectations and hopes. Before anyone decides to become offended, please note that I have written this entire post based on how I choose to live my life; not based from a standpoint of trying to tell others how to live their life. HIS Peace and HIS Joy, y'all [sm=redhairsmile.gif]

woodwind228 -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/20/2008 11:16:24 AM)
quote: I also don't believe in the concept of dating as it applies to today's definition. This reminds me of a book I read, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye". The title sounds weird but the premise of the book is to return to courtship of times past, rather than what we call dating today. It's a good book. It is crucial to be equally yoked. The absolute most important thing to me is whether or not the guy is a chrisitan. Not just professing it, but actually living the christian life and serving God. Just because they go to church or say they want a godly man/woman doesn't mean that they are christians themselves. It's important to look at the kind of fruit they have to determine if they're real. Their spiritual maturity (and ours) should be strongly considered as well. The stronger and more mature we are in Christ, the better our decisions/discernment will be, which may very well result in not having many dates/relationships. Personally, I'm okay with that.

Focusing -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/20/2008 12:11:02 PM)
quote: Sometimes I wish that women would realize how much backbone and strength of character it really takes a man to NOT pursue that aspect of a relationship. Amen! Benelchi, this is huge! Any man who desires to pursue the physical aspects of a relationship, and not wait until marriage, is not someone I would be interested in. A need to feel safe, and not have to fight off these unwanted advances, is extremely important - and the pressures can and do come from both men and women in relationships. A man who has this character trait is no wimp. In fact, it's a very attractive quality. I still stand by my opinion that becoming friends first is very important. [:)] It's a great way to get to know each other without any pressure, you can find out just how deep their relationship is with the Lord, and let's face it, don't we all want Him leading our relationship? If a woman likes a man's company, she needs to let him know ... not so subtly he doesn't get it, and the man needs to initiate a relationship if he likes her back. This all goes back to some previous discussions: holding each other in a light of respect, and elevating them in importance in our lives. As women, we need to give the men an opportunity to be manly in regards to the relationship. And we need to be careful in our thoughts, words and actions about not cutting them down if they are not doing what we expect them to do. That says a lot about our character.

Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/20/2008 12:16:26 PM)
As idealistic as being friends in the beginning sounds, I don't see it happening. I have a hard time shifting my brain from "friend" to "romantic interest" unless it's a real, quiet, easy occurance. A friend of mine was proposed to by her "friend". They never dated, he didn't officially court her, anything like that. They just hung out with each other, with friends, and he realised he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. That would probably be the only way I could see being friends first. That would be like Kyoudai and I deciding to date. shudders I fear how awkward it would become. [8D]

jlp1 -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/20/2008 1:16:31 PM)
quote: As idealistic as being friends in the beginning sounds, I don't see it happening. I have a hard time shifting my brain from "friend" to "romantic interest" I see what you are saying because you're gonna or not gonna have interest in a person from the start. It could lead to other things but the initial interest or non-interest is going to be there. I typically know from the initial meeting a person if I have interest, sounds strange, but true. I would know my intent with this person and I would always put my best face forward at all time, lol. I would definitely smile too much [sm=icon_smile_blush.gif].

Focusing -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/20/2008 1:16:39 PM)
Just saying this has been my experience. The best relationships I have been in have started out with us being friends. I realize it isn't the most popular thought expressed here in singles. In fact, I think I'm in a tiny minority. It's what works for me.

John_O -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/20/2008 1:30:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focusing Just saying this has been my experience. The best relationships I have been in have started out with us being friends. I realize it isn't the most popular thought expressed here in singles. In fact, I think I'm in a tiny minority. It's what works for me. It's not that it's unpopular. It's that it is unworkable for the vast majority of people. Once a friend, never a date tends to be the rule for most people. Ladder theory again.

WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/20/2008 1:33:03 PM)
I've always liked being in tiny minorities. [:D] When CS and I met, neither one of us was "looking" for anyone; and neither one of us was that particularly "interested" in the other in the begining. As we got to know each other, we became friends. Eventually, we both realized we were, indeed, interested in each other for more than just a platonic friendship. The transition was very smooth and not at all awkward or uncomfortable (it was, in fact, a lot of fun). I think part of the reason for that is that neither one of us had a "dating" mindset. He didn't have to stop dating women for me and I didn't have to stop dating men for him . . . because that just wasn't a part of who either of us were. When the two of us decided to start dating each other, it was because we had already gotten to know each other intimately on so many levels. It was simply natural for us to come together and take our relationship to a deeper level. We knew that we weren't going into it casually. We both also knew that the dating was going to be exclusive; just between the two of us. Neither did either one of us start the dating aspect of our relationship by knowing that we were going to get married . . . but I think we both realized it was a very likely possibility; simply because of how we both viewed casual dating.

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