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RichLP -> My mother's words of wisdom on marriage (5/12/2008 9:23:33 PM)
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After I hit my mid-late 20s, my mother and father began to talk to me about the need to settle down. They weren't pressuring me, but they were saying, "Rich, you're gonna turn 30 soon. Some of our friends who are your age are not yet 30 and they've already settled down. Soon, your turn will come."
Although they don't express it openly - well, my mother does sometimes - I know that my parents are a bit anxious to see their children married.
She used to say, "Rich my son. I love you, and I will be very glad when I see you married to a girl who will take my place."
HUH?
"Mom. I don't want to be babied. I want to have a lifelong partner, an equal, my spouse."
"Of course, Rich. You don't understand. One day I will leave - I'm not getting younger. You will however have to have an important woman in your life, and that will be your wife. My job as a mother raising you is complete. I'll always be here for you as I will always be your mother. You're an adult now. But you need to find your half."
Agree or disagree with this, I think my mother was spot-on when she said I needed to find my half - that everyone (excepting, of course, those who are called to celibacy) needs to find a mate.
She referred to a relative of ours; a younger cousin of my father's (who is, I estimate, at least 25 years older than me). I call him "Uncle." He is a good and kind man, but he never married.
"Your uncle is a good man, but I feel bad for him. He has no wife and no children. You think he never feels lonely?"
Personally, sometimes the hardest part of singleness and of simultaneously desiring a spouse is the moments of loneliness. Now, I know that in today's world, there are millions of young adults in their 20s and 30s who live their own lives independently, no longer living with or near family. Whether it's night jobs, grad school, or just being young (or wanting to live as if young), a lot of single folks like it that way.
I just happen to be past that stage... way past it, I think.
In a way I feel I've "made it" - in a way. I am a homeowner, have a car, have a job. Some retirement savings. Some money. Healthy. Family is all doing very well. All that's missing is her.
I come home to my clean, tidy, well-furnished, pretty apartment (really; my married friend and wife recently stopped over; she expressed surprise at how clean my place was, and her husband said, "honey, Rich is not your average single man.") and there's plenty of space for one person... and I wish there was someone to be here with me. Someone I could snuggle with at night and embrace, listen to, encourage, love.
Yesterday was Mother's Day, and I spoke to my mom... and her wisdom is always the same. The things I wrote here about what she told me about marriage... these were comments from years ago. But my mom knows me, and I think her life experience becomes more evident to me the older I get.
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