How can I encourage this mom... (Full Version)

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VisitorinWaiting -> How can I encourage this mom... (5/12/2008 4:49:44 PM)

My cousin-in-law [:D] is in a sticky situation. I will go back a little to give some info. Before I was married, she talked to me a little about homeschooling...saying that she could NEVER do it because she didn't know enough of what the kids learn in school today to be able to teach it. At the time, I didn't argue that with her. I had enough issues on my plate at that time. Well, time has passed, and now her daughter is 11...and pays more attention to the boys at school than the teacher and her schoolwork. She is failing at least one class right now, and probably close to failing in others. She honestly has a different boyfriend every week, and they say that when she gets home, they have to struggle with her to get her work done because she wants to be on the phone, computer, etc talking to her "boyfriends." It is really out of hand according to what I've been told...I'm not in the house with them, so I don't know all the details. Anyway, her mom has said that she is going to homeschool her next year since she cares more about the boys than the learning. (Enter my mouth open with shock here!) I am not sure if she is REALLY meaning it or if she's just trying to scare her into doing the right thing. Now, here's another factor... Cousin-in-law has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer, just had her first treatment on Tuesday of last week. So, with all of that on her plate...I really want to talk to her about homeschooling, but I'm sure now that the medical issues are at the forefront, she may be back in the "I can't do it" boat because of that... What could I say to encourage her? Are you, or do you know of people, who are ill and still do a great job homeschooling their children?



csl7037 -> RE: How can I encourage this mom... (5/12/2008 8:01:13 PM)

IMO, it doesn't sound like a good time or an appropriate reason to start homeschooling. I doubt she was serious.



VisitorinWaiting -> RE: How can I encourage this mom... (5/12/2008 10:42:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: csl7037

IMO, it doesn't sound like a good time or an appropriate reason to start homeschooling. I doubt she was serious.


I have talked to the 11 yo, and her 16 yo sister...they both THINK that mom was serious. I am not saying that they right...but the 16 yo is usually very perceptive about those things... ?? I agree that it probably isn't a good time. I don't agree that it's not an appropriate reason. That is one of the things that I don't like about public school. Few of them have rules about boy-girl relationships at such a young age, and if they do, they don't enforce them. She has kissed the boy, and has never seen him outside of school... Anyway, I am concerned about the girl not caring about her education, and I really don't know what the answer for this family could be...



3tulips -> RE: How can I encourage this mom... (5/13/2008 1:59:06 PM)

Will all her treatments be done by next school year? Is there a lot of hope for an easy recovery? Do the daughters WANT to be homeschooled, or will they straighten up after hearing this is a real possibility?



VisitorinWaiting -> RE: How can I encourage this mom... (5/13/2008 3:27:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 3tulips

Will all her treatments be done by next school year? Is there a lot of hope for an easy recovery? Do the daughters WANT to be homeschooled, or will they straighten up after hearing this is a real possibility?


I think her treatment length will depend on how she responds.

The doctors do seem to be hopeful that it will be easy to control.

The oldest daughter wants to be homeschooled, but won't, most likely. The younger daughter is sort of in between, but is the one that they have been talking about homeschooling. She says that she hopes her mom homeschools her, but I think once she's away from the new boyfriend a week thing, she may change her mind, you know? I would love to see her homeschooled though...I can just imagine the paths that she is going to take from seeing her behavior thus far...



PrincessDonna -> RE: How can I encourage this mom... (5/13/2008 7:02:00 PM)

It's tough to know. With mom being sick, she'll need to be sure of the commitment to hsing before she does it. You can offer to help (if you are able), and then just leave it alone and pray.

I have a relative who has told me twice now that she is for sure going to hs. I have helped her with the paperwork twice now and then she has changed her mind before she files it...very frustrating for me.[:@]

If the commitment is not there, it's not worth starting. And I don't mean the commitment to go all the way through...I mean the commitment to go at it with all she has (which may not be much now, with medical issues) and stick with the plan until God says otherwise. Which brings up another issue...is this cousin a Christian? If not, it may just be entirely too much for her to deal with medical things AND hs a reluctant child.



VisitorinWaiting -> RE: How can I encourage this mom... (5/13/2008 9:14:56 PM)

quote:


Which brings up another issue...is this cousin a Christian? If not, it may just be entirely too much for her to deal with medical things AND hs a reluctant child.


She is a new Christian. The whole family actually commited/re-commited themselves to Christ through the medical situation last year with the 16 yo. The 16 yo had a brain tumor last year and had to have brain surgery twice! She's doing GREAT now...and they are all praising the Lord for allowing her to get sick, not because she was SICK, but because it brought them all to/back to the Lord.

I understand what you are saying. Even with being a Christian, it will be tough if she decided to move forward with homeschooling. I just wish I could do something. I am 10 hours away, so there isn't much I can do besides words of encouragement and prayer.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: How can I encourage this mom... (5/13/2008 11:15:08 PM)

It might be a difficult time to start homeschooling. However, it might also be a good time, because with medical issues going on, it might be good not to be enslaved to a school schedule. And she does have the advantage of having girls old enough to do quite a bit on their own.



sen10tious -> RE: How can I encourage this mom... (5/14/2008 2:38:56 AM)

Um, people…. The 11 year-old has an imprudent perspective on boys now, today, in mid-May of 2008. Homeschooling for next year is three months away! I would think that the first course of action would be some character training to start at once before the boyfriend problems advance any further. Encourage your cousin-in-law to start looking at materials now and to use this summer to de-program and rebuild.

If you think there is even a tiny chance that the mom is serious about homeschooling, how about suggesting a test to see how well their relationship functions when the daughter has to be responsible for an assignment and the mom has to hold her accountable? Will they still have to struggle with her to get her work done?

(Brainstorming late at night here;) but I’d propose that the mom, along with her daughter, read both a non-fiction “Virtues of Godly Women” style book and a novel. Then they can discuss and apply the virtues they studied in the non-fiction book to the different characters in the novel. By discussing fictitious characters it will keep discussions academic and curb the personal drama. The daughter can write a paragraph or two about what she learned. They can use the time now to work out each others’ learning and teaching styles and experiment to see if they can build a mother/daughter relationship strong enough so that homeschooling is a realistic goal.

Encourage her to de-school and re-program their relationship first. The failing grades can be dealt with next winter once they get the character issues under control.



Sunnymom -> RE: How can I encourage this mom... (5/14/2008 6:52:47 AM)

I agree that there are some character and relationship issues here, and homeschooling isn't The Big Fixall that will magically take care of it by removing the girl from the daily company of boys.

However, I have known girls who were 'boy crazy', and many of them were really lacking in loving attention at home. Homeschooling might contribute to the the family bond in a way that would be helpful to this little girl.

Anyway, I ditto sen10- they should do something together this summer to mend their relationships and test the homeschool waters to see if they could manage it.



VisitorinWaiting -> RE: How can I encourage this mom... (5/15/2008 10:42:00 AM)

Thank you all for the advice, and I plan to send this along to her... I did get an idea this morning though. I subscribe to many homeschooling newsletters. One today was a letter from a 12 year old about why she'd reather homeschool than be in the knowledge confnes of ps. So, I was going to ask if any of you would be willing to either 1. tell me why you chose homeschooling for your child and what benefits it has for your children...especially vs. ps if they were in ps at all or 2. ask your child what they prefer about hs vs. any other schooling, if they have had any other. I know that even my almost 5 yo tells me that he's happy that I'm his teacher and that he doesn't have to leave me everyday. Not as wise as what the 12 year old had to say, but still valid to me. You see, I think if she has some encouragment from someone besides ME, being that I have been talking about it for so many years, and I think it's just one of those things that she hears but doesn't really hear, you know...if she had something from others, even children, she might be more willing to search out the possiblity for her family. Now, I know this might not be what is , best for her family (although I think it would really help), and I plan to address that when encouraging her...but I want to try to at least get her to give it a trial run, like the summer time stuff that another poster mentioned. Any help from you all would be much appreciated.



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