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RE: Wedding Rings - 5/16/2008 8:52:42 AM
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John_O
Posts: 6936
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
quote:
Just because it came from a no good cheating loser doesn't decrease it's prettiness
John, thank you for this. I might just dig a ring or two out of my jewelry box and wear them today. 
I love beautiful jewelry. I don't wear any. (But I bought lots of it for my wife to wear.) Some things are just beautiful by themselves.
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Wedding Rings - 5/16/2008 8:56:00 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26739
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
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Pruned, I think you're comparing apples and oranges with Denise's and my posts.
In her quote, she is talking about jewelry that came from a marriage that ended in divorce; and she said the reason it would have bothered for her husband to keep such jewelry would be because of the adultery involved towards him from his former wife.
With me, CS's 2nd marriage ended because his wife died. They were deeply in love with each other throughout their entire marriage.
quote:
ORIGINAL: mmartiandt
If he had been widowed, I would have been completely ok with him keeping his old ring, since that's a completely different animal.
Everyone is different and each couple together is going to bring different circumstances to the relationship than that of any other couple and their relationship.
In my situation with CS, he didn't just have jewelry from his 2nd wife's marriage, his entire house was filled with her. They had built an entire life together - 22 years.
He also had somewhat of a shrine dedicated to her; a corner in the living room. He asked me once before we got married if I wanted him to do away with it. That was a tough question for me, on myriad of levels. I thought about that for a couple of weeks; but, ultimately, in my heart, I didn't feel that it was my right, privilege or even business to ask him to take it down, and I told him that whatever happened or not happened would have to be his decision.
He chose to leave it up. I admit to initially being a bit disappointed with his decision. But this was not a marriage that ended in divorce nor was anywhere close to such; this was a marriage that ended in death; and the 2 years prior to her death were a literal hell for CS, because his 2nd wife had Alzheimers and those last 2 years of her life were horrendous for both of them. For those reasons, I chose to intentionally stay out of that decision regarding whether to leave it up or take it down. But I deeply appreciated the fact that he asked me what I wanted him to do; ultimately, that in itself was enough for me regarding that situation.
CS loved me very much. I know this to be truth. I went through a brief time period of a few months last year questioning that, but Our Lord reminded me in very tangible and specific ways of CS's love for me.
He also loved his 2nd wife very much. If circumstances had been different and she had not died, then when I met CS, he would have been married to a woman to whom he loved very much. But circumstances weren't different, and when I met him, he was already a widower.
But that doesn't change the fact that he once was married and very much in love with another woman. Nor should it.
I loved and still do love CS very much. In those same few months last year when I was questioning if CS really did love me, I was also trying to deny that I still loved him. It was a very vulnerable time for me and it took me a while to reconcile it, but thankfully I have. The truth of the matter is that CS loved his 2nd wife and he also loved me. I loved CS while he was alive, and I currently still love him now that he isn't alive.
The further truth of the matter is that I will always love CS; love doesn't die when the spouse dies. I also know that CS never stopped loving his 2nd wife. At times that had been a painful realization for me; but it was also something that I deep-down understood, even when CS and I were married.
A person cannot nor should not stop loving someone simply because they are no longer alive. Being married to a widower or a widow comes with some unique challenges. Speaking specifically for myself, the ego part of me didn't really want to even be aware that there was this "other woman" in CS's life. My heart, however, could not reconcile such a cold and selfish attitude. And frankly, I don't think I could have loved CS as deeply as I did and do had he been the type of man who could just toss 22 years worth of love aside and forget about it simply because a new love had entered the picture.
Back to wedding rings and such . . .
If you are wondering whether you should get rid of your jewelry, that is something that only you and Our Lord can answer. If you want to keep the jewelry, keep it. If you want to dispose of it, then that's fine too. But please don't base what you do on any of our answers because in a situation such as this, there is no right or wrong answer; this isn't a moral or ethical question. It is, however, a deeply personal one. I would encourage you to pray about it and seek Our Lord's Wisdom and Guidance
If man comes along and you still have things from a previous relationship, then I do think that at least a mentioning of those things to him would be in order.
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RE: Wedding Rings - 5/16/2008 9:14:21 AM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3249
Joined: 2/11/2008
From: The Hundred Acre Wood
Status: online
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WhiteRoseBlessings
quote:
A person cannot nor should not stop loving someone simply because they are no longer alive. Being married to a widower or a widow comes with some unique challenges. Speaking specifically for myself, the ego part of me didn't really want to even be aware that there was this "other woman" in CS's life. My heart, however, could not reconcile such a cold and selfish attitude. And frankly, I don't think I could have loved CS as deeply as I did and do had he been the type of man who could just toss 22 years worth of love aside and forget about it simply because a new love had entered the picture.
I hope that my new man will understand this as well as you do. Perfectly put.
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Nadine
"It's like everything good collided today" quote from my 8yr old daughter
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RE: Wedding Rings - 5/16/2008 9:19:52 AM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 5930
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
If man comes along and you still have things from a previous relationship, then I do think that at least a mentioning of those things to him would be in order.
This is a wonderful thought and not one I would have thought of until this thread. I still have my wedding ring and jewelry that my ex gave me. I even still have my wedding dress. I'm not holding on to them for nostaglia, just because I haven't figured out what to do with them. My wedding ring is beautiful and I would hate to part with it just because it was from my ex. But I also respect my (future) husband enough to discuss it with him and let him know why I still have everything. If he was uncomfortable seeing it in my jewelry box (because like I said, it seems to have shrunk) then I would do what I could to find a good home for it. If he wasn't bothered with it and knew that the only wedding ring that mattered was the one he put on my finger then I would probably do something with it eventually but not be in any big hurry.
Sharon, I am always so blessed when you share you experiences with us I hope you continue to do so. *huggles*
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RE: Wedding Rings - 5/16/2008 9:22:28 AM
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John_O
Posts: 6936
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
The further truth of the matter is that I will always love CS; love doesn't die when the spouse dies. I also know that CS never stopped loving his 2nd wife. At times that had been a painful realization for me; but it was also something that I deep-down understood, even when CS and I were married.
A person cannot nor should not stop loving someone simply because they are no longer alive. Being married to a widower or a widow comes with some unique challenges. Speaking specifically for myself, the ego part of me didn't really want to even be aware that there was this "other woman" in CS's life. My heart, however, could not reconcile such a cold and selfish attitude. And frankly, I don't think I could have loved CS as deeply as I did and do had he been the type of man who could just toss 22 years worth of love aside and forget about it simply because a new love had entered the picture.
This was wonderful and true. But (being who I am) I have to add something to it.
(Forgive me Shar-Mar for speaking for CS But I know this to be true)
CS's love for his second wife in no way affected his love for Shar-Mar. In that situation it is possible to love two people with your whole heart. As SM said. Love doesn't die just because our spouse dies. It lives on. It may live less on the surface than it used to, but it still lives.
I know that I loved M with all my heart. I would have gladly died for her (or lived for her). I also know that I will love my next wife with that same overwhelming love. How could I not?
Love is not a limited resource. The more you love the more you can love. You never run out of it.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Wedding Rings - 5/16/2008 11:16:04 AM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
The further truth of the matter is that I will always love CS; love doesn't die when the spouse dies. I also know that CS never stopped loving his 2nd wife. At times that had been a painful realization for me; but it was also something that I deep-down understood, even when CS and I were married.
A person cannot nor should not stop loving someone simply because they are no longer alive. Being married to a widower or a widow comes with some unique challenges. Speaking specifically for myself, the ego part of me didn't really want to even be aware that there was this "other woman" in CS's life. My heart, however, could not reconcile such a cold and selfish attitude. And frankly, I don't think I could have loved CS as deeply as I did and do had he been the type of man who could just toss 22 years worth of love aside and forget about it simply because a new love had entered the picture.
This was wonderful and true. But (being who I am) I have to add something to it.
(Forgive me Shar-Mar for speaking for CS But I know this to be true)
CS's love for his second wife in no way affected his love for Shar-Mar. In that situation it is possible to love two people with your whole heart. As SM said. Love doesn't die just because our spouse dies. It lives on. It may live less on the surface than it used to, but it still lives.
I know that I loved M with all my heart. I would have gladly died for her (or lived for her). I also know that I will love my next wife with that same overwhelming love. How could I not?
Love is not a limited resource. The more you love the more you can love. You never run out of it.
Wow. Glad I ducked my head in here. Thanks for the reminder, SharMar that there will be things to deal with if/when God ever brings someone to me--and that they may be hard but not irreconcilable.
And thanks for the reminder, John, that love is not limited...
besiderself
_____________________________
Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don’t compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.
Shallbe's Batty Belfry
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RE: Wedding Rings - 5/16/2008 12:27:37 PM
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pruned
Posts: 1107
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
Pruned, I think you're comparing apples and oranges with Denise's and my posts.
In her quote, she is talking about jewelry that came from a marriage that ended in divorce; and she said the reason it would have bothered for her husband to keep such jewelry would be because of the adultery involved towards him from his former wife.
With me, CS's 2nd marriage ended because his wife died. They were deeply in love with each other throughout their entire marriage.
Actually, I did understand that the circumstances ending the marriages were different. I suppose I was trying to substantiate my belief before I even posed the question, that personalities and character are different and unique. Keeping something from a past love will always bother some people, will never bother others, and still more are somewhere sliding up and down the scale in between.
As far as what I do with my rings now that I remember I have them...well, part of my indecision until now is due to out of sight, out of mind. Part is due to the price of tea in China. And part is I really dislike selling something I have no idea what the value would be now, and since years and years have passed since their purchase, I don't remember how much they might have cost then... so I don't know if I'm getting a good price or not.
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RE: Wedding Rings - 5/16/2008 12:29:28 PM
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pruned
Posts: 1107
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Shar-Mar, Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly about your relationship with CS. Being so forthright in such a public setting is courageous.
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RE: Wedding Rings - 5/19/2008 11:14:40 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26739
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
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Nadine, Tink, John, Esther and Pruned . . .
. . . thank you so much for y'all's lovely posts and wonderful words of encouragement!
Abundant Blessings,
Sharon-Marie
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RE: Wedding Rings - 6/9/2008 5:30:52 PM
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hotsaucygma
Posts: 2595
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I haven't read most of the posts, maybe will come back and do so later... I have been divorced 6 years this coming October. I went to the jeweler's intending to have the diamonds reset into a necklace, but decided I did not ever want to wear those diamonds again. The jeweler suggested "trading up", so that's what I did. He applied the value of the ring to a diamond bracelet.
The other jewlery my Ex gave me has been given to my DDIL and Granddaughter.
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Dear Lord, let my words today be as sweet and delicious as cheesecake... for tomorrow I may have to eat them!
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RE: Wedding Rings - 7/3/2008 9:43:32 PM
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kj88il
Posts: 1529
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: IL (NW Central)
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WaitingforBoaz
quote:
ORIGINAL: pruned
quote:
I have hubbys ring (which had to be cut off of his hand) and my engagement and wedding rings in a memorial box.
(((Nadine)))
Tell us about your memorial box.
Memorial Box
I am looking for something to use as an urn that matches it. I gave the urn to my Mother-in-law. I really want something decorative that I can leave out. But nothing that looks too much like an urn. KWIM.
How old were you when your Dad died?
nadine....my gf is married to a funeral director. i could ask her if they have any catalogs or know of any websites that may have what you're looking for...if you'd like. just let me know.
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Kimberly
Shifing Gears w/ Kimberly
Matt 11:29 "...for I am gentle & humble in heart, & you will find rest for your souls."
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RE: Wedding Rings - 7/3/2008 10:12:37 PM
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kj88il
Posts: 1529
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: IL (NW Central)
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i had to sell the diamond wedding set my daughter's father gave me when she was young...literally to buy formula, etc for her...since he wasn't paying any child support, or helping at all financially. i also knew in my heart, he wouldn't be in the picture long...he rarely saw her the first couple years...and hasn't seen her since she turned 3 (she's now 21). needless to say....she has never minded that i don't have the ring he gave me to pass on to her.
i do still have my wedding ring from my divorce 2-1/2 yrs ago. it's a beautiful 3-stone diamond (kinda like the past-present-future rings). i have debated about resizing it (cuz it only fits on my 'wedding finger'; i've jammed my fingers so many times it barely fits over the knuckle of my right ring finger)...just haven't done it. no kids from that marriage, so it's mine to do with as i please, i guess.
kinda silly to let it sit in my jewelry box for so long. heck...it doesn't look like i'll be getting another any time soon...so i should enjoy this one, huh? (especially since there are no hard feelings now.)
_____________________________
Kimberly
Shifing Gears w/ Kimberly
Matt 11:29 "...for I am gentle & humble in heart, & you will find rest for your souls."
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RE: Wedding Rings - 7/4/2008 10:51:32 AM
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kj88il
Posts: 1529
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: IL (NW Central)
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: teaspoon61
Ever since this tread started I've been thinking more about selling my set. I asked advice from my closest friends, the ones who helped me through my divorce. There was only one person who's advice was to keep them for my daughter. Everyone else has told me to sell and move on.
This was a wonderful thought that came from my pastor's secretary.
"I only hold on to the things that give me happy memories."
There was even a story on the local news last night about how people are selling their gold jewlery. Basically they said to shop around to get several estimates before selling.
if you like jewelry...i think your best bet is to 'trade up.' selling outright...you just don't get much value out of it. altho....if you didn't buy it, you're not really out anything, are ya? lol
but i agree...i don't understand holding onto a wedding ring, etc...if there are still bad feelings there. isn't that just a bad reminder, every time you open your jewelry box?
_____________________________
Kimberly
Shifing Gears w/ Kimberly
Matt 11:29 "...for I am gentle & humble in heart, & you will find rest for your souls."
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RE: Wedding Rings - 7/5/2008 1:24:09 AM
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ju-ju
Posts: 66
Joined: 4/28/2008
Status: offline
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i threw mine into a river in the heat of anger and deep pain.....not too long after that, i left him (after finding concrete evidence of infidelity).
NOT a happy time.
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ju-ju <>< (just little ol' me)
http://www.myspace.com/julishines
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