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RE: What would you do if... - 5/11/2008 2:41:35 PM
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SteveSund
Posts: 740
Joined: 11/8/2005
From: Michigan
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
...you found out that a "friend" was posting details about you, your family, your kids, or your interactions on the internet without talking with you about it beforehand? (esp in context of kids since this is the parenting folder)
I wouldn't like that. I'd like to think my friends would talk to me first before doing something like that and I could decide whether to give permission.
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RE: What would you do if... - 5/11/2008 10:05:34 PM
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buckifn
Posts: 1753
Joined: 5/23/2006
Status: offline
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I guess I have never seen any details here I considered personal or would have reported it to the moderator's. I think they do take into account those things and take action accordingly.
Perhaps it is easier because I don't know anyone personally here and don't post personal issues that often if ever.
If someone criticized my parenting that wouldnt bother me at all.....I pray for God's will and direction in my life so am comfortable with choices I make knowing my desire is to do my best according to God's plan. I do have sense enough to know I make mistakes and some of them stand out to others a little faster than they do me.
I actually learn things from others insights here...but I have also cringed at the way some people post things about their spouse and marriage too. I always try to lift up my spouse and our marriage but I also realize we all have areas to grow in.
(edited tos 6)
< Message edited by Kath -- 5/12/2008 3:32:54 PM >
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RE: What would you do if... - 5/12/2008 12:57:30 AM
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TammyIsBlessed
Posts: 1704
Status: offline
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I guess it depends on the situation.
Obviously if someone gave specific information about our family and where we lived and stuff about our kids that could pose a danger - yes, I'd be mad!
But if someone genuinely wanted advice on how to handle something that happened between us, and they were being discreet about it - purposely trying to be "annonymous" instead of asking someone IRL because they didn't want to put us down to people we know, I don't think I'd be truly offended. I may be hurt, just because that's a natural reaction when someone disagrees with us about something we did. But if it was done to get advice, and things seemed to be presented fairly, I think I'd be ok with it.
I think that's the only time I've ever talked about someone else. My daughter was having trouble with a friend and I wasn't sure how to handle it, and I didn't want to ask someone IRL because I didn't want to be seen as putting down my friend, so I thought it would be better to do it annoymously online because, as far as I know, she never comes here.
After reading the strong responses though, I guess I'm questioning my decision because I certainly wouldn't have wanted to offend her in any way.
_____________________________
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RE: What would you do if... - 5/12/2008 8:03:59 AM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 4255
Joined: 4/9/2005
From: The EMPIRE state!
Status: offline
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The big difference to me would be why they were posting about us. If someone is posting about a situation in order to get advice on how to better handle situations should they come up again, I probably wouldn't get upset.
If they wrote in just to criticize my parenting choices and to show off how they think they would perhaps be a better parent for my kids than their own parents, or that they think that that the kids are more responsive or loving toward them than they are to their own parents. I would be very offended and would not invite them to join in with our family.
_____________________________
Isaiah 40:29
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
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RE: What would you do if... - 5/12/2008 9:22:27 AM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 12180
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: Between Hither and Yon
Status: offline
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quote:
I too am not at all offended or hurt if anyone questions or criticises my parenting (just as well really!!) - and would especially not be bothered if someone did it on a message board where things are rather anonymous.
and I too am in that boat of not really caring if others agree or not with our personal parenting choices...I have grown a thick skin over the years and am used to people not agreeing with our choices sometimes. However, if I choose to talk about my family (and esp my KIDS) online that is a totally different thing then if someone else chooses to talk about them without even having the common courtesy to let me know they are and let me join in on it. Even if they did that, I doubt I would be at all pleased with their showing of "friendship". My family...My kids...MY discretion of what to say and not say...whether IRL or online.
_____________________________
"Some [babies] are just so inexplicably persnickety and unpleasing that it's easy to imagine that they were not actually floating in amniotic fluid but in pickle juice!" -Maggie (3cappuccinosmom)
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RE: What would you do if... - 5/12/2008 9:46:01 AM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3348
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
quote:
but is it talking behind your back if they don't name you directly?
Yes. If you are giving out enough details about the situation that the person involved can figure it out, then yes. It's happened on here many times. I've seen several instances where one person will be talking about another, when lo and behold, that person, who has been reading, willl start an account and come on to defend themselves.
Yes, Lisa, I have seen that happen too. Once a guy was going on and on about someone he had some negative dealings with, and the person he was talking about logged on and went off on him for it.
quote:
In the particular situation this thread was started from, the situation was quite detailed. If the parents of the kids were reading, they would have recognized the setting and the situation, down to how many times the one child bounced on the other child's back, and where the one child got injured, to what the parent's reaction was, to who was present. The situation was laid out for feedback, and people were telling the poster that their friends had not been good parents in that situation, and he was agreeing with their assesment. If I had been those friends, I would have felt so betrayed. I would have wondered why he felt the need to get the feedback of everyone else about what I was doing was wrong, and why he hadn't just confronted me in the first place.
I agree, when enough details are given. not only would the people that are being written about recognize that the thread was about them, so would everyone else who was present during the event.
I cringe at some of the things people say about others on the forums. I have started to say something many times about people I know, only to think better of it and cancel that post. As with anything, I always have to think about how I'd feel if I saw personal information about me and my loved ones on the internet posted by a so-called friend. I know it would bother me, so I cannot in good conscience do it to someone else. I agree with Lisa. I would feel betrayed. I would also have a hard time trusting that "friend" again.
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
I weep for those who won't experience this because they have been deceived.
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RE: What would you do if... - 5/12/2008 3:14:15 PM
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Kath
Posts: 15992
Joined: 2/28/2005
Status: online
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I have removed some posts that were getting too specific about one of our members. That is gossip. Lets keep this thread to the general question. Thank you.
Sincerely
Kath
Volunteer Assistant Administrator
Please do not reply to this message within the Community.
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Please review our FAQ for an explanation of this policy.
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RE: What would you do if... - 5/12/2008 6:23:38 PM
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cindybode
Posts: 1479
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Northwest PA
Status: offline
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As long as there were no specific details that would enable complete strangers to identify me, I wouldn't have a problem with it. I am thick skinned enough that I don't really care what people who read about me on a public forum think about me, and I really don't care if anyone recognizes this situation or not. My good friends would talk to me about it, and if they're not good friends then their opinion doesn't bother me either.
_____________________________
If you lock in any creature, from rats to chickens to pigs to people, 10 to 30 or more in a box and force feed them you'll create little monsters. Confinement Education School Operations (CESOs) just don't compare to naturally pastured free-ranged kids.
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