Son With LD , How not to get frustrated (Full Version)

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sunnyangels2 -> Son With LD , How not to get frustrated (5/9/2008 1:10:47 PM)

Hi, I posted 2 weeks ago regarding enrolling my ds to aikido class for self defense since he seemed to get bullied MOST of the time by boys AND girls alike.

The thing is I felt continuously frustrated by his inability to follow instruction from his teacher. This happens not only in aikido but also in his piano lessons, etc,etc.

He always coming off as lazy but I know that he really wants to follow instruction , don't know why its so difficult for him to follow through.

Many many times on the way home I confronted him and reprimand him to 'pay attention' to 'look' to 'listen' to 'stop laughing'

I don't know whether i am expecting too much too soon 'cause it's burning me out, it drives me crazy, it makes me worried about his future and makes me wanna cry most of the time



cindybode -> RE: Son With LD , How not to get frustrated (5/9/2008 4:07:25 PM)

That is incredibly frustrating.

The first thing to keep in mind is that he's not doing this to drive you crazy. If he's honestly trying, then getting angry with him won't solve anything.

You need to try to figure out what his difficulty is. Is he simply not paying attention, and his mind wanders off halfway through the instructions? Can he only keep 2 or 3 steps in his head at a time?

Next time you tell him to do something, ask him to repeat it back to you. Start with giving him a couple of simple steps like, "Please let the dog out, and then clean and refill his water bowl." Have him repeat what you just told him to do. If he can tell you what you said but then gets "lost" between the dog and the bowl, that's a different problem than if he's not able to repeat what you said. Narrowing down the problem will help you come up with a solution.



MrsDC -> RE: Son With LD , How not to get frustrated (5/9/2008 5:21:19 PM)

I think that Cindy and I are twins separated at birth!!! [:D]

With our Ds#2, we did the "repeat back what I say" thing for YEARS. Hmm. In fact, I just did it with all the kids a few minutes ago, so I guess that we've been doing it for a little more than 10 years. Not always...just when something is really important.

Used to be if I gave Ds a list of more than 3 directions, I could count on him getting bogged down in the middle of #1. If it were a long list, the last item might be completed...maybe. Even now, if he's in the middle of anything else (especially computer-related) forget giving any instructions at all. I write it down.

SO, that's said to say this -- we say "ADD/ADHD" so quickly nowadays that we don't really stop to think about what the words mean. A-D-D Attention Deficit Disorder. This doesn't mean that they are incapable of paying attention; it means that they need to work -- to train themselves -- to pay attention. The gift of "paying attention" is not theirs: they have a deficit in that area. At 8 or 9 years old, your son is very ready to begin training himself. The "repeat what I say" thing is a very good tool for memory training. Bottom line is, though, that your son has to decide to listen. It's going to take work, and it's not going to be incredibly easy.

Not having had experience with martial arts, I don't know if this is the best sport for a child with ADD. What worked for my son was shoveling goat poop and throwing windfall apples over a fence. (we're poor hillbillies! [;)] ) I do agree that boys need some sort of daily, rigorous exercise, so if martial arts works, cool.

As far as help for being bullied, really the only thing that is going to help that is an internal change, not self-defence classes. I have a young-un who is frequently brought to tears by siblings and peers alike. He's just very sensitive. I see that as (ultimately) a strength, not a weakness. I would guess that Jesus himself was bullied sometimes...hmmm. Don't the Pharisees seem a little like bullies? Anyway, IMO it's more important to teach your son that God created him specifically -- on purpose -- just the way he is rather than to teach how to retaliate against the bullies in the world.

Sorry, I just realized that I was responding more to your previous post rather than to this one. Is ADD hereditary??? [:D] Just help your son learn to listen and encourage him to do his best work. I'm thinking about the verse that says, "Whatever you do, whether word or deed, do it all to the glory of God". There are lots of verses like that. Help him to memorize encouraging verses like that! It's not going to change overnight. My Ds is almost 14 and sometimes I still shake my head and sigh. It IS improving, though -- but its WORK!!!!

Hang in there, Mom! Don't get frustrated!!!

Hope that was somewhat helpful!!!
-- Rebecca



cindybode -> RE: Son With LD , How not to get frustrated (5/9/2008 5:58:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrsDC

I think that Cindy and I are twins separated at birth!!! [:D]



No doubt about it. [;)]



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Son With LD , How not to get frustrated (5/9/2008 7:23:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunnyangels2

Hi, I posted 2 weeks ago regarding enrolling my ds to aikido class for self defense since he seemed to get bullied MOST of the time by boys AND girls alike.

The thing is I felt continuously frustrated by his inability to follow instruction from his teacher. This happens not only in aikido but also in his piano lessons, etc,etc.

He always coming off as lazy but I know that he really wants to follow instruction , don't know why its so difficult for him to follow through.

Many many times on the way home I confronted him and reprimand him to 'pay attention' to 'look' to 'listen' to 'stop laughing'

I don't know whether i am expecting too much too soon 'cause it's burning me out, it drives me crazy, it makes me worried about his future and makes me wanna cry most of the time



Oh, your son sounds so much like I used to be. I will get back to this later.

Ok, I'm back.
Back when I was growing up, no one labeled anybody as having ADD, but I'm sure if my childhood self was transplanted into the schools of today, that's what I would be labeled as. Part of my problem was my ability to breeze through some easy subjects, and yet need more time than the teacher ever wanted to give me for the hard subjects. For example, in 2nd grade in reading, I had read through the whole book on my own, and so for the rest of the year was somewhat bored with my reading book. I had the opposite problem in math, though. I remember one day in particular when I was kept in from recess because I hadn't finished my math page. Well, I wasn't trying to be lazy, but the sheet of problems seemed like a mountain to me, so I sectioned the paper off with my pencil so that it would only seem like four problems at a time that I had to do. I was just about to start on the problems themselves when the teacher came in and had a fit at me for drawing the lines. That teacher still teaches in the town I still live in, and some days I feel like going and explaining to her what was going on in my head, and also discussing some other things she did wrong to me that year (smacking my hand for no good reason, not dealing with it when the entire class all at once tormented me as we came in for recess every day, 3 recesses a day). One of the recesses was lunch, if you're wondering why so many recesses.

Even now, instead of just cleaning the kitchen, I tend to bounce between the kitchen, the laundry, and the bathroom until all 3 chores are done. And I've always been that way. It's not that I've EVER wanted to be lazy, I just have a short attention span.

I think for the martial arts class, the piano, and the homeschooling, he needs to be given a very small chunk at a time. Then, when he accomplishes the small assignment, let him walk a lap outside, get a drink, whatever, then on to another very small assignment, then another break, and so on.



cynthia -> RE: Son With LD , How not to get frustrated (5/10/2008 12:15:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrsDC

SO, that's said to say this -- we say "ADD/ADHD" so quickly nowadays that we don't really stop to think about what the words mean. A-D-D Attention Deficit Disorder. This doesn't mean that they are incapable of paying attention; it means that they need to work -- to train themselves -- to pay attention. The gift of "paying attention" is not theirs: they have a deficit in that area.

Rebecca, What a wise statement. I wish someone had realized that about me when I was a kid. It would have saved me years of frustration and money (and time) spent on shrinks that wanted to drug me rather than solve my problem. Thank God, my Heavenly Father has been working with me on this for several years and great progress has been made. It would have been so much easier for my parents to train me in my youth though.

On thing I do know is that when someone told me to pay attention, I had no idea how to do that. I would try and then lose my focus when something else came along to distract me. This is a lifelong issue unless someone has the understand, time and patience to help a child with those issues.



sunnyangels2 -> RE: Son With LD , How not to get frustrated (5/10/2008 9:16:41 AM)

quote:

You need to try to figure out what his difficulty is. Is he simply not paying attention, and his mind wanders off halfway through the instructions? Can he only keep 2 or 3 steps in his head at a time?


quote:

SO, that's said to say this -- we say "ADD/ADHD" so quickly nowadays that we don't really stop to think about what the words mean. A-D-D Attention Deficit Disorder. This doesn't mean that they are incapable of paying attention; it means that they need to work -- to train themselves -- to pay attention. The gift of "paying attention" is not theirs: they have a deficit in that area. At 8 or 9 years old, your son is very ready to begin training himself.


You know, you guys are so right. How sometimes I really hoped that he can just learn from his teachers instruction without me getting involved. But the truth of the matter is that this kid can only learn in bite sizes though the teachers at the class were really great and very patient too.

I have always been biting my lips so to speak everytime i enroll him to NEW class / course. I just hoped and prayed that the teachers and his friends would have favor and patience for him. I know this may sounds silly and even unfair on my part for coming off with this kind of mindset regarding my ds.


quote:

Hang in there, Mom! Don't get frustrated!!!


I guess i have been carrying my frustration over several days that i just broke last night crying about it and I has not cried for quite a long time (which is a record in itself)

quote:

Hope that was somewhat helpful!!!
-- Rebecca


Yes it does. All you guys that responded to my post are such a trooper. I can't thank you enough for your support. It's just like I have this team of cheer leaders on the side. Believe me! I need all the help I can get. At least to know that I am not the only person on earth who are dealing with this thing is a HUGE relieve ! Guess I just lost my perspective. Guess I am expecting too much too soon.

quote:

Oh, your son sounds so much like I used to be.


My Ds is a huge chip of the old block. ME


quote:

(smacking my hand for no good reason, not dealing with it when the entire class all at once tormented me as we came in for recess every day, 3 recesses a day).


I just hope I did not treat him as my mom has treated me. At least I understand why my mom seemed to be so frustrated toward me most of the time


I had this kind of treatment at home AND at school. And I have not even mention the verbal abuse I had received.


quote:

Rebecca, What a wise statement. I wish someone had realized that about me when I was a kid. It would have saved me years of frustration and money (and time) spent on shrinks that wanted to drug me rather than solve my problem. Thank God, my Heavenly Father has been working with me on this for several years and great progress has been made. It would have been so much easier for my parents to train me in my youth though.



This is the very reason why god insisted on me to home school my ds.

Just wonder when my ds will "take off" ya know. I had drastic change when i was 16 y. old and on that time I had drastic improvement since I was born again and has the holy spirit ministered to me.



RJR_fan -> RE: Son With LD , How not to get frustrated (5/11/2008 4:31:42 AM)

quote:

This is the very reason why God insisted on me to home school my ds.


I got a great deal of encouragement from the 26-page article Towards Success in Tertiary Study with Asperger's Syndrome. Click on that title to see for yourself.

It's upbeat, practical, a road map towards managing one's disabilities in order to achieve success. Pragmatic. Simple steps that can make a big difference.

In God's providence, I encountered that article between the time I found a label many characteristics in my own life, and the time I began an online grad school program.

Look me up in a thousand years, and let's compare notes. Your son (and you) have better, brighter, days ahead. Note my tagline -- "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."

I know there's a cult of denial in Christianity today, a taboo on "negative confessions." Yet, realistically coming to terms with one's disabilities is key towards managing them. (Diabetics don't dally in candy stores.) And honesty with self and others opens doors of communication.



sen10tious -> RE: Son With LD , How not to get frustrated (5/11/2008 10:50:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunnyangels2
I just hoped and prayed that the teachers and his friends would have favor and patience for him. I know this may sounds silly and even unfair on my part for coming off with this kind of mindset regarding my ds.

There is nothing silly or unfair about that. Part of a mother’s role is that of watchman and advocate for her child. The thing that is potentially unfair is not giving your child’s aikido teacher a heads-up that your child needs bite-size instructions if/when you know such information would be helpful.

You said God insisted on your homeschooling your ds. Since that is the case, it is perfectly fair that He’d expect you to do what is in your power to do for your son’s success.



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