in need of some inspiration

in need of some inspiration (Full Version)

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christiangirl0920 -> in need of some inspiration (5/9/2008 11:06:32 AM)
Okay, so I met a guy named Roger when I started working at McDonald's last year in April. We started talking and became friends. We started spending all of our breaks together and when he wasn't working and I was he'd come and see me on my break. Of course we began liking each other so we started dating. We fell in love. I don't know what it was but after only about a month or two I loved him. It wasn't lust or anything like that. I really truly loved him. It was a deep down gut feeling and being with him just felt so right. The kind of feeling where you know without a doubt you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. Well in September of last year we had sex. We weren't purposely planning it. We both had talked about it and wanted to wait until we were married, if that was in God's plan. But we got caught in the moment one day when we were alone and gave in to temptation. My parents found out about it through a message I had on MySpace. My dad was truck driving in Texas so he really couldn't do anything. My mom was really upset. She had me when she was 16 and she didn't want me to make the same mistakes she did. She wants me to live a better life and have more opportunities. Before my parents found out about us having sex, we thought I was pregnant. I didn't expect Roger to stick around. I figured he would leave me and I would take care of the baby myself but he told me he was going to do the right thing. I asked him what he thought was the right thing and he said if I was pregnant he was going to take care of me and the baby and be a good father and provide for his family. I took a pregnancy test and it turned out I wasn't pregnant. I was relieved but at the same time a little disappointed. It would have been amazing to have been carrying a life. A miracle created by the Lord. Something Roger and I made together. But I knew it was for the best. I wouldn't have been able to provide for the baby like I want to. We wouldn't have had any money or a place of our own. So I thanked the Lord and told him I understood it wasn't the right time but maybe someday when I'm married that I will have a baby. Anyway, so I moved in with my friend Jazmen. Roger never left my side. Through all of this we were still together and helped each other. My parents wanted us to get married but his parents didn't agree. Roger did want to marry me though. But he was only 17. So through everything with his parents and mine it definitely was hard but it strengthened our bond even more. We did repent and ask God for forgiveness and we set boundaries for ourselves. Like we decided that we shouldn't kiss anymore because that's where the temptation starts. A month later my mom decided that I needed to come back home so we could work this out as a family. So she brought me back home and then took me out of public school. So I've been in homeschool since October and I never see Roger. It's hard on both of us. We talk on the computer but my parents don't want me to see him. He says it's hard talking to me sometimes because we can't be together 100%. He can't see me physically or hug me or be able to look into my eyes. He misses me a lot and still tells me he loves me. We've had our arguments and been through all of this stuff with our parents but we've always gotten through everything together. And I know we've made our mistakes but I thank God everyday that he brought Roger into my life. I love him so much. He's smart, very wise for his age, funny, hard working. He got promoted to shift manager a few months ago and he's been working at McDonald's since he was 16. He just turned 18. Well, he got a scholarship to go to A&M University in Tallahassee. I'm happy for him but I'm really going to miss him. He's leaving at the end of the summer. I know I don't see him anyway but I feel more comfortable knowing he's only 15 minutes away versus 3 1/2 hrs. It sucks I'll be waiting another 1 1/2 yrs until I can see him again. I'm 16 right now. But I keep telling myself and him that we're going to make it. We'll get through this just like everything else. I mean, we'll have already been together for a year on the 27th of this month. I've never met a guy as determined as he is. Other guys I've dated would have given up within the first few months. But Roger has been there all the way. Through all the stuff that's happened he still wanted to be with me and he never stopped loving me. I guess I just wanted someone's input. Some inspiration to let me know that it's not so bad and it will work out. Or if anyone who can relate to my situation in some way could share with me how they got through it. We've already made it through a year. Based on all of the things that have happened and how we've always stuck together, does it look like Roger and I are meant to be together? If it wasn't for all the drama it would be one of those romantic cliche high school sweethearts type of thing.

ChoirDJ -> RE: in need of some inspiration (5/9/2008 12:15:14 PM)
christiangirl0920...you are posting on a christian forum so I'm going to be very blunt in my response to your situation. First and foremost, I'm not hearing anything from your post that suggest you are remotely concerned about seeking God's will in this relationship. You sound incredibly immature and naive about a lot of things and it does appear you are anywhere near being ready for a relationship. It concerns me deeply that you would be willing to bring a child into this world on such a rocky foundation. You're setting yourself up for a train wreck and you really need to rethink your perspective if you claim to be a christian.

christiangirl0920 -> RE: in need of some inspiration (5/9/2008 12:51:25 PM)
Firstly, I am concerned about seeking God's will in this relationship. I have made a lot of progress as far as getting my head back on right and focusing on things that are more important right now such as school and applying for colleges. And I know I didn't do it on my own. I asked the Lord for strength and wisdom and that he would help me through all of this. I pray to God everyday in that he helps me get stronger as a Christian. I've pretty much learned to let go of everything that has happened and just move on. It's in the past and God has forgiven me. I sincerely asked for forgiveness and God has answered many of my prayers as far as my family coming back together and all of that. I'm trying really hard to give everything to God and whatever happens happens. I know that it's not my will but His will. However, I still miss Roger and get down sometimes because we can't see each other or be together. So that is why I wanted someone's insight. I apologize if I wasn't clear. I didn't mean I need inspiration that things will work out between just Roger and I but that I need inspiration that God will work in our lives and make us both better Christians. That's what I meant by everything will work out. About having the child, I never said I was willing to bring a child into this world especially with the way things were. I wasn't purposely trying to get myself pregnant. I had sinned. I know that. But if I was pregnant what was I going to do? Get an abortion? No, that's not an option in my book. I made a mistake and I admit it. But if I was pregnant I would have given birth to that child and taken responsibility for my actions and accepted my duties as a mother. I just needed someone to help me. Give me advice on how to handle this and let me know that I'm doing better. Inspiration to motivate me to keep progressing. Some support would be nice. I'm not trying to be rude, I can see where you are coming from but all you really did was point out my faults. It didn't really help.

ChoirDJ -> RE: in need of some inspiration (5/9/2008 1:33:06 PM)
I went back and reread your post and I'd like to apologize for my rash response. I did get a different impression of the situation than I did the first time. Some coworkers walked into my office as I was reading your post so I didn't get a chance to read it as closely as I should have before responding. I should have waited until a better time to respond so I'll try again. Something that's really going to be important for you to consider is that your parents has been where you are at but you've never been where your parents are at so there's a little of wisdom to be gained from their perspectives. I'm sure they only want the best for you. God will only be able to bless your relationship to the extent it is centered around Him so that's key. You are still very young and your views will change drastically over the next several years so I would advise you to give yourself plenty of time to enjoy the stage of life you're at and to mature. If this relationship works out, Great! If if doesn't, then God has something better in store for you down the line....Again, I'm very sorry for how I responded in my previous post.

bigfrank -> RE: in need of some inspiration (5/9/2008 1:55:50 PM)
quote: We both had talked about it and wanted to wait until we were married, if that was in God's plan. If that was God's plan? Can it not be God's plan? How did you have sex? Did you start making out and it went downhill from there? I'm assuming that's how it happened, because that's how it normally happens. I just want to say that this is why I am against making out. I find it admirable that you wouldn't get an abortion, and I also find it admirable that you are willing to admit when you are wrong and ask for help. That's a lot of the battle right there. Continue to seek God's will, and focus on finding yourself and what you believe. Learn, go, and sin no more. Kevin

TaranWanderer -> RE: in need of some inspiration (5/9/2008 2:15:43 PM)
christiangirl0920....I appreciate your willingness to share openly about your situation. I am sure there are others who are going through something similar and hopefully will benefit from some of the thoughts posted here. At my church, I've been a group leader for college aged people for about 12 years now and have spent a lot of time around youth. I just wanted to offer you a few thoughts that will hopefully help you plan for the future: You will be in college soon (God-willing) and your friend Roger is about to be there. College is a time when you both may change dramatically as people. I think it's important to be very sensitive to these changes and really take an honest look at how your relationship will change along with that. Usually in college your circle of friends changes/grows as well and friendships become deeper and more intimate. At times this can be really confusing and emotionally frustrating, but also very rewarding. Hopefully these friends will be the ones who will help you in your walk with God.... ...which leads to my second point, and that is the importance of having brothers and sisters in Christ who love you and can keep you and Roger accountable. Surrounding yourself with these people will help you avoid situations where you and Roger are tempted. That you both decided you shouldn't kiss anymore is a wise decision. I remember a couple of friends of mine who were dating said they made a commitment to God that they would never go on any type of trip where it was just the two of them alone together, but always bring at least one other person along (even thought that might not be fun for that "third wheel" [;)]). It's something you might want to consider. I am one who believes ALL things are possible with God, so I definitely believe that things can work out well between you and Roger. If you both are faithful to God and do things His way, then you will avoid a lot of the emotional and physical consequences of going against His will. I think ABOVE ALL ELSE, continue reading the Scriptures for inspiration, especially Christ's teachings and Paul's letters. This will really help keep you grounded and you will be amazed at how much you will grow spiritually. That will really help you bring a lot to your relationship with Roger.

preserved -> RE: in need of some inspiration (5/9/2008 4:02:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: christiangirl0920 A month later my mom decided that I needed to come back home so we could work this out as a family. So she brought me back home and then took me out of public school. So I've been in homeschool since October OK...You need to re-direct your relationship with God to know what is God's Plan... I think this is why God allowed your mother to have you return home and be homeschool. Apparently you were getting too caught up with being in love... Your friend will be attending college away from you...more than likely the relationship that the two of you shared will eventually fade because of the distance between you and you still being at home...He will gain new friend in a difference circle of life.... It is truly God's Will the two of you will re-unite...in the mean time get focus on you and allow God to work thru you

bltormey7 -> RE: in need of some inspiration (5/9/2008 7:58:47 PM)
I've never been in this situation before, but we do have a Father that understand all things. Our Father in Heaven. Trust Him with all your heart and don't lean on your own understanding, in all ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. He knows everything. He is everywhere...all at the same time. He loves you COMPLETELY. He knows all the PERFECT and WISE directions you should walk. I ENCOURAGE YOU...Trust Him with everything...including your boyfriend and you will be amazed of how much direction He will give you...even if it's difficult hon, He knows what is best for you... I couldn't give you better advice... That's Proverbs 3:5-6... Ever want to talk...just message me...

christiangirl0920 -> RE: in need of some inspiration (5/22/2008 12:17:23 PM)
Thank you everyone for your insight. It's very meaningful to me. I can't really talk to my mom about the way I feel sometimes because she gets aggrivated when I talk about stuff dealing with Roger. It doesn't even have to be about Roger. If I'm talking about my feelings, for example if I feel really down and lonely, and they relate to him, then it's like she tunes me out. I just needed some perspective from my Christian family since talking about it with my mom doesn't really help. I'm getting stronger everyday because God is with me and I ask him for strength and guidance, but sometimes I still feel that tug on my heart. I've never had feelings so strong for anyone in my whole life. I accept your apology ChoirDJ and I realize I may have responded too rash. So I apologize as well.

pbaribeault -> RE: in need of some inspiration (5/22/2008 11:17:37 PM)
It's going to be OK, christiangirl. Sometimes I get really steamed at the abominably hard position that teens are in in our society. Older teens are biologically predisposed to seek a mate, fall in love, commit to that person forever, get married and have sex. Only in the last 200 years has it been considered normal to hold off on that path for up to a decade after biological maturity -- which is why sexual temptation is such a strong part of teens' lives and why those first-love boyfriend type bonds are so strong and so painful. (They were designed to help you overlook the flaws in an immature husband, not to make it feel like murder to break up with your 'puppy love'.) Now, don't get me wrong. Teens in our society should definitely NOT get married, nor have premarital sex. It's just that I know how hard it is to stand firm against the design of our bodies and minds at that age. Because it takes more than instinct-level bonding to make a marriage. That bonding is meant to enhance what forms the true basis for a marriage, which comes much later in our day and age. Our world is too complicated for teens to manage well, and our society does not train or expect teenagers to deal with the world on an adult level. Plus, a pair of teens can not form a self-sustaining household -- which is critical to married life. So, until the world gets less complicated, or unless you can rewind your life and change how you were raised, and unless McD's pays the kind of money you would need for a whole household's worth of expenses in your area -- Then you just can't get into the deep loving relationship that your whole self is crying out for right now. God knows that's hard. He designed you, and maybe He thinks the world is crazy for inventing adolescence. He knows you are being torn up inside, as the very instincts He gave you to enhance your ability to bond tightly with someone are working against you right now. So, for right now, your parents are doing the wise thing. You are blessed not to be facing that tension of longing for relationship and holding back at the same time. You are happier not seeing much of each other, since you can't move forward with him right now. Instead, he is pursuing what it takes to make a household and you are biding your time in a safe place. Two things might happen. Your sense of bonding might fade (and at a better time you might establish a pure and upright relationship with another man -- or you might choose to remain single for a time or forever) or your love might stand up to this unfair delay, and you will be able to 'pick up where you left off' with Roger, once you are mature, and can deal with the world, and can establish a home between you. (The most painful thing would be if one of you experienced the intensity of the bonding fading, while the other was holding on and expecting to pick it back up. I pray that even if this happens, you will recover.) God can bless you whichever way this relationship goes, so long as you are committed to Him alone. Become His child in every waking moment, with your every breath, and He will guide you to exactly where He wants you. There is nothing better than that. Truly. And nothing can stop you from getting there. And, also on the up side, all this training in self control is going to make you a strong spiritual warrior. Go girl! How's that for inspiration?

christiangirl0920 -> RE: in need of some inspiration (5/23/2008 8:47:03 AM)
Thank you pbaribeault. That was very helpful and inspirational. quote: (The most painful thing would be if one of you experienced the intensity of the bonding fading, while the other was holding on and expecting to pick it back up. I pray that even if this happens, you will recover.) That's the part I'm scared of. I know he loves me. We haven't seen each other in months and he still tells me how much he loves me and misses me but I'm scared about him going to college in Tallahassee. We'll be even further apart. I know I shouldn't worry about it because God will take care of me but I'm still scared that after awhile we'll drift apart. I know that I can wait another year and a half. I love Roger that much. But so much can happen. On Tuesday we will have been together for a year. This is the longest and most serious relationship either one of us have had. He told me the other day that it's hard not being able to be together 100% but he still has faith that one day things will be better. We both feel the same way about each other in that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. I've never experienced an emotion so strongly. It's overwhelming sometimes. How do I give all of this to God and let him take complete control? I've prayed about it many times before that God would take care of everything and make the pain go away. It has gotten better in that the pain is hardly there anymore. The first couple of months I would cry myself to sleep every night. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. But now I don't cry anymore. I just miss him alot and hope that we will be together again. But how do I learn to listen to what God is wanting me to do or wanting to tell me? I felt a strong tug on my heart yesterday. I know it was God but I didn't know what I was supposed to do.

pbaribeault -> RE: in need of some inspiration (5/23/2008 10:23:07 AM)
You don't have to try to hold on to the relationship between you during this time that you are apart. If your sense of being attached to him fades, and you drift apart, that's OK (and probably less painful in the meantime). Stop counting the time you are 'together' -- you are not 'together' because you are not sustaining the relationship. Instead, think of it as a time apart, an intermission, an important part of re-establishing a healthy relationship later. Whatever happens for now, you can renew the relationship later if you both choose, or you can let it go. Both of these will be 'better' if they are what you choose. You give this to God by giving yourself to God. You know what God is wanting you to do by His Holy Spirit within you (which might not be as specific as you'd like) and through the Word that He went to all the trouble to inspire, write down, and make sure you got a copy. You can also learn from wise people of the faith (either people you know, or people who have written books). What you want is to become WHO God wants you to be... then what He wants you to do will be the most natural thing in the world (you'll just feel like doing it). As practical advice, I'd recommend: (1) Learning to focus on praying for a reasonable amount of time, like starting at 30 minutes at a time, maybe twice a day (2) Reading the entire New Testament in the next 6 weeks, which is about 8 chapters a day (3) Getting 3 books about spiritual disciplines reading through them and trying each suggestion once to see what works for you, then continuing what was meaningful for you (4) Start writing a journal of your days and your feelings (5) Begin to get a sense of your passion for ministry and move forward with living your life as a minister for Christ. Since you are homeschooled, perhaps some of this could count as study time or a project. (I have some helpful methods and routines for doing these things, if you are interested) You should also put a lot of time into rebuilding your relationship with your parents, based on holy love, openness, and submission with boundaries. (Reading 'Boundaries' by Cloud & Townsend is probably a good idea too.)

christiangirl0920 -> RE: in need of some inspiration (5/23/2008 12:46:20 PM)
Thank you so much for all of your help. I am truly interested in learning about your methods and routines. Basically it's like hitting the pause button. And when we're finished with what we need to take care of, then we can either choose to push play or stop. I know that I want to be closer with God. I know that I need to focus and put all of my faith in Him. But how do I pray for 30 minutes? I would run out of things to pray about. I pray daily and I take my time. I pray for the people who don't know God, I pray for family, personal issues, our country, the war in Iraq, all kinds of things. I thank God for his mercy and patience and how much he loves me. But all that usually only lasts about 10-15 minutes. How do I pray longer?

pbaribeault -> RE: in need of some inspiration (5/23/2008 2:43:54 PM)
quote: Basically it's like hitting the pause button. And when we're finished with what we need to take care of, then we can either choose to push play or stop. EXACTLY! PRAYER To pray for longer, one of the methods I've found most successful is to pray to music. I use 8 or 10 instrumental songs that set the mood for each phase of prayer. Since most songs are 3 to 5 minutes, that easily reaches 30 minutes or more. (1) Adoration (2) Praise (3) Confession (4) Requests for self / personal issues (5) Requests for family >(or 2 songs for immediate family & extended family) (6) Requests for various areas of life, split up by day of the week >(plus an extra song or 2 if there is an area of life that you want to pray for daily, not in rotation) (7) Submission (8) Rejoicing --- (1) Adoration is acknowledging who God is, and focusing on Him alone. For adoration, you can alternate through the trinity, God one day, Jesus the next, HS the following. (2) Praise is more about thanking God for things He has done, answers to prayer etc. (3) A powerful thing for confession is to take notes for a while of where you fall short, and you will find that they will seem to fall into "families" of sin, and you will be aware of your common temptations. You memorize this list, and you can use it to assess yourself and pray out not only your sins, but the general inclination of your flesh towards a specific sin. Such as, if you often exaggerate, then you know to be on your guard for all kinds of deceptive speech. (6) So, by days of the week, I mean that you would do something like... mon: school friends, tue: extended family, wed: world issues... etc (7) Submission is about telling God how you are His own, and that you desire nothing but to serve Him, etc. (8) Rejoicing is more praise, but kind of less specific, just expressing to God how He has made your life joyous in both the little things (a sunny day) and the great things (you are redeemed and free from the bondage of sin). (PM me if you could use the songs I use) BIBLE Here is a 5 week plan to read through the NT. It is not intended to be a deep Bible study, but a thorough reading that gives you a sense of the whole message contained in the NT. WEEK 1: Mark 1-8; 9-17; Romans 1-8; 9-16; 1 &2 Thes + Philemon; Luke 1-8 WEEK 2: Luke 9-17; 18-24; Acts 1-9; 10-18; 19-28; 1&2 Tim + Titus WEEK 3: 1 Cor 1-8; 9-16; 2 Cor 1-7; 8-13; Gal + Phil; Eph + Col WEEK 4: Matt 1-14; 15-28; Hebrews 1-7; 8-13; James + Jude; 1&2 Peter WEEK 5: John 1-11; 12-21; 1,2&3 Epistles of John; Rev 1-7; 7-14; 15-22 SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINES: You will do well to figure these out, by researching the opinions of various authors. They are very individualized practices, and the point is to learn through experimentation, and to find out what works for you. Amazon dot com has a good selection, if you just use their search box. Searching for 'boundaries' on amazon dot com will also get you the book by Cloud & Townsend that I recommended.

christiangirl0920 -> RE: in need of some inspiration (5/27/2008 10:23:50 AM)
Thank you for taking the time to explain and help me. Even in the last few days I have grown closer to the Lord. Last Thursday I felt a strong tug on my heart. I knew that it was God telling me or wanting me to do something but I couldn't figure out what it was. Well I had been praying for a while now that my family would start going back to church. I know that you don't have to go to church to worship God but I like being around others who are learning just like I am. I needed inspiration and motivation. So anyway, my mom has been going to church with a friend of hers the last couple of weeks. The friend's daughter and the daughter's husband are the pastors of the church. So I was excited to be going to church with my mom. My dad didn't want my mother and I to go to that church because there was no sense in it. It's about 45 minutes away from where we live. But my mom feels that God is calling her to be there. Not only that but The pastor is black and my mother's friend's daughter is white. My dad has strong feelings about white people being married to black people. I guess you could say that he's a bit prejudice. Well I was very confused about what to do. I know that it was wrong to disobey dad because he told me not to go. But I felt that tug on my heart again. I was scared I'd get in trouble with my dad but I knew that I needed to listen to God and God was telling me to go. My mother also told me that confusion is not of God. So that helped a little. So we went to church and it was exactly what I had been praying for. Instantly I was refreshed and rejuvenated. The people are amazing. I've never experienced that kind of power in my life. The people are so in tune with God. They are uplifting and supportive. Just the worship alone was amazing. I could feel God's presence in the church. Nobody judged anyone. We were free to do whatever we needed to do. There were people praying out loud, people dancing, singing, people with their hands raised. It was amazing. God had answered my prayer. And when we got home dad wasn't mad at me. Mom and dad had been arguing about my mom going to that church for the last week. Yesterday my dad finally listened to what my mom had to say and he told her he wasn't going to bother her about going to church anymore. God answered another one of my prayers. That my parents would stop fighting and my father would see that this is where God wants her to be. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to go with mom now but if God wants me there he'll make a way. Just in one weekend he's answered two of my prayers. I did have a few questions though. My dad was mad at my mom because she wasn't listening to him. He says that the "man is the head of the household. Children are supposed to honor their parents and wives are supposed to submit to their husbands". But husbands are also supposed to love their wives as Jesus loved the church and my dad was being more dictative than loving at the time. I guess my question is, what does it mean by submit to your husband? Does that mean you always listen to and do what he says. My dad is a little bit of a control freak. Like with the church issue. My dad told her not to go but his reasons were ridiculous (i.e. the pastor was black, we don't have the money for gas, there are churches around where we live, he's already told her what she needs to know about the bible and where to find it). Well if God wants us to be there then he'll take care of the money. Mom has already been to the churches around our area and she wasn't getting what she needed to grow spiritually. Their methods didn't work for her. At this church she's been going to, it works for her. I've seen how much happier she is. Was my mother wrong for not submitting to him?

pbaribeault -> RE: in need of some inspiration (5/27/2008 8:33:33 PM)
Yes! Go to Church! Sorry, I had assumed that as an active Christian you would have been part of a body of believers already. The reason that God invented Church (and commanded us not to give it up) is because all Christians become weak and begin to falter when they lack the inspiration, motivation and accountability of a Church. There's a lot of opinions on how submission in marriage is supposed to work, and at least a little variation about honouring parents as a child in their house. I'm of the position that, because our structure of society does not invest legal authority over the whole household in the husband / father, that the NT passages meant to uphold families in a society that did structure itself that way are not to be applied to marriages in our culture, which are based on a different style of covenant -- involving more mutual respect and no particular authority structure. Therefore I would say that a husband does not have a Biblical mandate to dictate to his wife, and that a wife not under a contract of obedience (although respect is called for and must be maintained). So, under my understanding your dad couldn't forbid your mom from attending the Church she chose. If he did, she would want to seriously consider it and respectfully communicate to him her own choice and the reason for it. As for you respecting your parents, you can find a space that respects both of them, so if your mom has given you permission to attend that Church, and you dad is just sort of objecting and arguing mostly with her, then that is between them, and you can go with your mom -- even if he doesn't seem to like it. If you dad has actually said, "You may not go." to you, then you should find a Church closer to home that you can get to without help. It might not be as great of an experience, but you need something. (Because you should not disobey a direct command from either parent, except if it would involve disobedience to God, of course.)

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