When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (Full Version)

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Consecrated2God -> When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/7/2008 8:37:02 AM)

I have pre-teen daughters that are anxious to grow up. They want to look and dress and act older than they are. It's not been so long that I can't remember being that age myself, and wanting to wear make-up, etc., so I can sympathize, but I'm also at the mommy end now and I know that girlhood doesn't last that long and there's no reason to grow up too fast. I've let them pierce their ears, because mine were pierced when I was five. I haven't let them wear make-up yet, but I've told them that when they turn 13 I'll let them start wearing light colors. Now the newest thing has come along--high heeled shoes. My eight-year-old found some at God's Closet (a place that gives out free used clothing) and brought them home. She totters around the house in them, looking absolutely silly. I forbid her to wear them to church. I told her that her legs are still developing and she shouldn't be wearing them. She wants to know when she can wear them, and I haven't decided yet.

What kind of rules do you have about your little girls wearing make-up, earrings, high-heeled shoes? Let's discuss! [:)]



PrincessDonna -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/7/2008 8:44:54 AM)

She's not allowed to. Ever. But then mine is only 3, so I'm interested in hearing what others have to say.[;)]

Earrings we probably won't consider until she's at least 6 or 7, and only if she really wants them and for a long period of time.

The discussion of makeup came up yesterday, looking at a drugstore ad together. She was saying, "I want that one, and that one, and that one!" I told her Mommy thinks she is beautiful without makeup, and Mommy doesn't wear makeup either.[:)] But Grandma does...

High-heeled shoes...not until much, much older, like 16 or so. Like you said, they aren't good for developing feet. I actually don't think they're good for my feet either, and secretly hope my little girl never wants them.

You didn't mention clothes, but our rule is...if it isn't cute at 13, it's not cute at 3. Nothing belly or backside baring, no rude or bratty sayings on clothing, and absolutely NO WORDS on her rear end.[&:]

I also think the rules for makeup and high heeled shoes should maybe be bent for at home only. I'd allow them to be used as dress up playthings, but not for out of the house until much older.

But really, like I said, she's just going to stay little. Because I said so.[:D]



Consecrated2God -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/7/2008 8:50:52 AM)

quote:

You didn't mention clothes, but our rule is...if it isn't cute at 13, it's not cute at 3. Nothing belly or backside baring, no rude or bratty sayings on clothing, and absolutely NO WORDS on her rear end.


I agree with you. Inappropriate clothing is inappropriate no matter what the age. They don't ever get to wear those kinds of clothes.

But they don't want to dress like that, they want to dress like...me. And I want them to stay little and be happy being eight and ten. [:)]



BlessedMamaofmany -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/7/2008 8:53:22 AM)

hmmm. I like Donna's thinking. They just can't grow up. Although, I keep asking my girls to stop growing and stay pint-sized, but they just don't listen [8D]

Actually...I don't wear makeup, and I'm hoping they won't want to either. I started wearing light makeup at 13, but quickly grew tired of it, and haven't bothered much ever since. I'll wear powder if my face is red, or a sheer liptint...but other than that, I'm just plain lazy. I hope that inherit that laziness[;)]

High heeled shoes will be a no-no until much older. We might consider the small 1/2 or 1 1/2 inch 'kitten' heels, but other than that, no. Again, I don't wear them, so maybe they won't show too much interest.

I have a serious issue with pre-teen and early teen girls trying to dress like women. It just breaks my heart because they have no clue about the image they portray to men that struggle with purity issues.

My girls have their ears pierced, I had them done as infants. I wasn't saved then, but I don't think I would do it any differently for any future daughters I have. I had mine done at 2, so it's just a common, normal thing for me. I can see why some moms choose to wait though.

Sandy



PrincessDonna -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/7/2008 9:02:57 AM)

quote:

But they don't want to dress like that, they want to dress like...me. And I want them to stay little and be happy being eight and ten.


Well, I think wanting to be like Mom is something to be encouraged, especially at their ages...before puberty hormones hit and make them cranky.[8D] I don't think I'd bend on the makeup (except for dressup, right before a bath) right now, but maybe you can take them out and find some cute little girly shoes with little tiny heels, like Sandy said? Maybe find some less-grown up versions of things that will make them like you? Do you allow nail polish in tame colors?



stampinlady -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/7/2008 9:22:51 AM)

Lisa, dd was allowed to wear heals and lip gloss at 10. Heals no more than an inch I believe. She thought she was so grown. I took her to get her ears pierced at 8, got an infection in one ear and let them close up. I tease her every time we pass Claires in the mall! She's 14 now and has no interest in wearing makeup nor does she want her ears pierced. I think it absolutely important to let them grow up at a nice slow speed.[:D] Our dd is very comfortable with how she looks right now, plain Jane and all and I'm happy with that. It's next year that I'm worried about because she will be attending a public high school with more pressure than she currently has at the christian school. Yikes!!



Consecrated2God -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/7/2008 9:36:57 AM)

They do have shoes with the little heels already. I just draw the line at the kind that make you wobble when you walk. [:D] I've seen sixteen year olds who wobble in their shoes and it looks ridiculous. It takes a lot of practice to walk in tall heels and look natural.

I allow my girls to wear nail polish, and on special occasions I might put on a little bit of make-up. I don't mind them getting play make-up, but I don't let them wear it to church at this point. Maybe I should bend a bit on that one, I don't know.

It's amazing how fast Joy went from not caring about her appearance and running around with tangled hair and a messy face to suddenly wanting to dress up nicely. It's nice that she cares about how she looks, but I don't want her to obsess, either.



zoebob -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/7/2008 9:52:27 AM)

My DD's are 12 and 9. They still for the most part dress in younger girls styles. The 12 yr old has no interest in make up or ear rings. The younger one might. However, I don't wear those things so not for a while.

DD1 wears a size 9 shoe (women's) so her church shoes usually have a small heal because it's what I can find. Until her feet stop growing I am not going to spend a ton of $$ on shoes she wears once a week. If they have a heal they are wedge style or as wide as the shoe and aren't more than about 1/2 inch high.



garsyt -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/7/2008 10:54:35 AM)

I have 10 and 7 year old dds. Both have their ears pierced BUT neither of them wear earrings all that much - I don't think my 10 year old has in at least a year. My 7 year old took hers out for basketball this past winter and hasn't put any back in since. My eldest dd is just starting to care about her appearence - but it's basically in looking clean and being healthy - nothing about makeup yet. She is secure enough in WHO she is, that even with peer pressure that she could get anywhere (school, church, youth group, neighborhood playground) that she doesn't, at this point, care too much about make up at all. I personally think it's the friends she keeps, that help this, along with the fact that I wear very little if ANY makeup at all, and I just don't have all that much of it around - except for her brother's stage makeup for plays and musicals. My 7 year old may be another story. She already has a set of play makeup she got for a birthday present - SHE loves it! But she is not allowed to wear it away from home, except for the lip gloss.

Heels - My eldest dd has wide and big feet - it's hard to find shoes for her period so if they have 1 inch or less heel and she likes them and can walk in them AND are a resonable price - I'll buy them. Haven't apporached the heel thing with the 7 year old yet. She still enjoys clomping around in her dad's big cowboy boots and loves her little flowery flip-flops!

I'm in charge of what my girls wear outside of the house. Now other people may buy things or give things to them - but I get the final say in what they are allowed to wear to school and to church - or basically anywhere outside of our home. They may not always like that fact but it's a fact they've come to accept. My 10 year old is growing up physically and emotionally faster then I want her too - but she has a good head on her shoulders and my hubby and I to guide her- and she'll be just fine.

I do think there is no set age for lots of these things - that it varies from family to family and just because one family decides at 12 their dd's can start wearing makeup and heels that they are any more or any less right then those that choose to wait til 15.

Blessings,

Garsy



Brooke313 -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/7/2008 11:01:23 AM)

Hi everyone!!

I agree with what has been said so far. My girls are 15 and 16. When they turned 13 they got makeup for their birthdays, however, they don't wear it very often. Usually only for special occasions. If they are going to be on stage in a band concert or dance recital or whatever, they usually wear makeup. I don't wear makeup, and they have taken up that policy as well.

I have one that loves heels and one that does not. Hoever, they are both most comfortable in jeans and t-shirts and sandals or tennies. I go shopping with them always and they know what they can wear and what they cannot. A lot of times we go to menswear for jeans and we love the second hand stores.

OUr girls grow up so fast as it is and they do not need help in getting there faster, even though our society says that they should be grown by the time they are 10 0r 12.



zoebob -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/7/2008 11:06:25 AM)

My girls know there are certain rules when trying on clothes. Depending on what item it is they have to raise their hands above their head, turn around so I can see their backside, touch their toes with their back side towards me and sit Indian style.



ladyingrace1979 -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/7/2008 12:46:31 PM)

my oldest is almost 13 and she is in this weird stage where sometimes she wants to be all girly and others times she just wants to run around and play like a tomboy. So she is allowed to wear makeup but only lightly, she really only likes the lip glosses and blush. Heals she has little interest in, so she mostly wears ballet flats, pretty and comfortable. For clothing, no bare stomach, no low cut tops or high cut bottoms. They have to come to knee length or maybe an inch above. She is really fond of skorts, she can look pretty but can still move around. She does have her ears pierced but she only wears the stud type earings and usually only for special occasions. She seems to have a good head on her shoulders and we talk alot about how your apperance affectes how you are treated.
Kim Q



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/7/2008 1:38:19 PM)

[&:]

quote:

What kind of rules do you have about your little girls wearing make-up, earrings, high-heeled shoes? Let's discuss!


These are all non-issues in our house. I don't wear them, we don't have them here, so any daughters God may give us are going to grow up without them.

To me, growing up has not much at all do to with decorations. We shelter our children but as they get older we will probably be accused of making them grow up "too fast" because hard work and contribution to the family, as well as decent, respectable, discreet behavior are going to be expected of them from early ages.



LaurainAL -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/7/2008 2:08:26 PM)

My daughter is only 4 so we aren't at the spot yet, but I have seen some clothing at stores in her size that I think it totally inappropriate for a little girl, i.e., thong panties, sequined bras, etc...[sm=icon_smile_yikes.gif]



Consecrated2God -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/7/2008 2:11:58 PM)

I think from the responses given that there seems to be a trend--girls who have mothers who don't wear makeup don't have as much of an interest in it. However, for me personally, that wasn't the case. My mom didn't, and still doesn't wear makeup, and my sister and I both do. I was anxious to wear it when I was twelve, and she reluctantly let me. I wore horribly bright colors at first, because I didn't have any direction in that area. I'd like to help my girls know what looks best on them, and how to wear it right.

I'm not sure what it all is that causes girls to want to or not want to wear makeup, but I think having a mother who wears or doesn't wear it is only part of the equation.



stampinlady -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/7/2008 3:51:43 PM)

quote:

I'm not sure what it all is that causes girls to want to or not want to wear makeup,


I've always thought that it has to do with how they view their looks. Maybe they just think they look prettier with it? Maybe they overheard a comment by daddy telling mommy she looked reeally pretty with makeup on and now the kid feels like she need to wear it so daddy will think she's pretty? OR Maybe she just like the color blue?[8D] Who knows what goes through our little minds at that age.



2shaye -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/7/2008 5:29:23 PM)

My dd will be 13 next week (sigh....). She has been allowed to play with makeup for a few years. Last summer, she was allowed to wear mascara out of the house. When school started, she began wearing foundation, shadow, liner, mascara and lip gloss. It's all pretty minimal and many days she doesn't wear any. I don't have a problem with her wearing it in the least.

I can only think of maybe a dozen days in the past 20 years that I have not worn make up.

Also, dd and I sell Avon, so we play around with stuff all the time to "know what works"!

quote:

ORIGINAL: stampinlady

OR Maybe she just like the color blue?[8D] Who knows what goes through our little minds at that age.

DD was on a green eyeshadow kick for a few months - her favorite color is green![:)]

Regarding heels, she is not allowed to wear shoes with more than a 2 inch heel to school. She doesn't like to wear spikes or chunks, but she loves her 6 layered Rainbow sandals! She can't wear them to school though! She is 5'7" and loves to be even taller. Again, I have no problem with her wearing high shoes.

Clothes are a different story! Thankfully, she is very, very modest and makes very conservative choices when it comes to clothes.



manda59 -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/7/2008 7:54:19 PM)

In our house, we don't regard make-up or a certain type of shoes to be a sign of being "grown up". Being "grown up" means having more responsibility, behaving maturely etc.

My dd (14) has always known that shoes need to be both comfortable and good for your feet. High heels are not good for your feet - they are especially not good for feet which are still forming and growing. Therefore, my dd knows that she can have high heels when her feet have stopped growing and is ok with that.

She has also always known that make-up is not good for your complexion - it clogs your pores and ages your skin. Teenage skin is sensitive and any problems with acne tend to be worsened by wearing make-up. Having always encouraged her to look at the natural beauty of her own skin/colouring, she has decided for herself not to wear make-up yet, and will likely wait till she is at least 18.

Yet she is one of the most, if not the most, "grown up" 14yr old I have ever known. At church no-one believes she is 14 - she has been mistaken for anything up to about 21. That's because of how she behaves and conducts herself around people, not because of superficial things like make-up and heels.



Consecrated2God -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/8/2008 7:50:03 AM)

quote:

I've always thought that it has to do with how they view their looks.


When I was twelve (I can remember back that far still!) I remember my parents telling me, "Oh, you don't need make-up, you're beautiful the way you are," etc. and I still thought, "Okay, I know that...but when can I start wearing it?" It wasn't that I had a low self image or anything. I just wanted to wear it. It looked like fun. I still think it's fun. I didn't wear it for several years after I met my husband, because he said he preferred natural beauty. Somewhere along the way he realized that he didn't know what he was talking about. His brother got married, and he said something to me in passing about how she didn't wear makeup, and I told him that she most certainly did. I think he thought that makeup always came in blues and reds and pinks and greens. I started wearing makeup in neutral tones and he really liked it. He even likes it when I do wear a few bolder colors now and then, just for fun.

quote:

In our house, we don't regard make-up or a certain type of shoes to be a sign of being "grown up". Being "grown up" means having more responsibility, behaving maturely etc.


That's why I put "grown up" in quotation marks. Obviously, it doesn't mean you are grown up, I'm just referring to little girls wanting to look older than they are.



Sunnymom -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/8/2008 8:23:17 AM)

I tell my dd that what she is and isn't allowed to do is based on principles of modesty, health, and safety. I don't apply different rules to her than I do to myself.

I could wear high heels because I am not tempted to play an impromptu game of tag in the church parking lot. Actually, I don't wear high heels anymore, but that's beside the point. They aren't good for the legs, feet, or posture. The highest heel I have is about 1-1/2", and so are her highest heels.

I wear light makeup, and allow dd to wear some lipstick/lipbalm stuff. Wearing more makeup doesn't make sense, because she runs and plays and gets sweaty. I don't wear makeup if I am going to do 'grubby' stuff. She does, however, wear a little bit for pictures or special occasions. Just like I do.

Ditto earrings etc... The principles I apply to myself I apply to her. I only wear longer/larger earrings when I know I am not going to be in the nursery or doing some kind of work around the church, like serving in the kitchen. Dd doesn't wear long/large earrings because she is still a very active child, and loves to hold babies and play with the toddlers etc... and it just wouldn't be sensible.

The same with hair- fancy-schmancy hair is for when you aren't going to be doing anything strenuous, and keeping one's hair neat and clean is part of being healthy and modest, and pinning it up or back for play is safer than leaving it down.

Look- I am just a stick-in-the-mud practical kinda girl. I weigh everything by whether or not it is sensible to me, and I am not into fashion. My dd knows that if I find a shirt I like, I buy one in every color. Ditto skirts and shoes. I have four pairs of earrings. My wedding ring. A watch. I AM BORING.

But IMO it isn't so much about 'growing up' as teaching kids what is appropriate for the activities they engage in and their own ability to be responsible for certain privileges. Like, being old enough to care for one's ears if they are pierced. Or to keep jewelry organized. Or taking care of their own clothes.

I am just rambling now- did I make any sense?[&:]



Sunnymom -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/8/2008 8:26:17 AM)

OK- I just read through the thread, and wanted to ditto Manda. And I talk alot to my dd about "Why" she wants to do/wear something. That is the kicker.



sen10tious -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/8/2008 9:21:48 AM)

When there is such a commonsense approach as Manda’s already posted, why should I bother to add my 2 bits?

…maybe because I was taught to be self-conscious by a mom who was sternly opposed to make-up. Let me tell you, going through the teen years feeling ugly and with no recourse is a horrible situation too. When my daughter reached that point in her life, I taught her how to apply the natural look; that makeup can be used to downplay blemishes and delicately enhance your better features. It worked. She was always allowed to wear make-up, she just had to wear it responsibly. Today, at 23, she wears a breathable sunscreen and a light dash of mascara as her daily look, adding a light tint lip balm as needed to deal with cold & sun. One of her friends (who worked for a while as a model) once told her she envied my daughter’s approach; that she herself feels naked if she goes out in public without make-up. I thought, Wow, it is really about properly placed priorities, isn’t it?

It sounds to me like you are already on the right track with your neutral tones approach, Consecrated. I don’t see it so much as a “when” question but as what is right for now thing. And it is important to teach the responsibility of make-up removal for the night.



Row1 -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/8/2008 9:23:47 AM)

Thank God my stepdaughter wasn't like that.
I am much more comfortable fighting over chores, homework, and tv time.

She got to a certain middle school age and finally began simply wanting to wear cute clothes, but not so much make-up and not so much the clothing where you need to make sure everything is covered.

Our only clothing issue is whether it is OK to leave the home wearing pyjama pants or house shoes. I can't stand that!!!



stampinlady -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/8/2008 9:25:47 AM)

Sen10, loved your post.[:D]



manda59 -> RE: When do you allow your girls to "grow up"? (5/8/2008 9:47:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sen10tious
…maybe because I was taught to be self-conscious by a mom who was sternly opposed to make-up.


Funny, isn't it?

I was taught to be self-conscious by a mum (I'm British, we say mum not mom, lol) who told me time and time again that make-up would make me "look better", that I was "much too pale" (or pallid - I grew to hate that word), that I "needed some colour in my face" in order to look "attractive". This was right from when I was 13 or 14. If I went to go out without wearing any, she'd just stare at me and the look down. Ugh.

It was so liberating to marry and leave home, and not feel I had to wear it anymore.



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