Is this a Faith Problem (Full Version)

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crh737 -> Is this a Faith Problem (5/6/2008 9:49:10 PM)

I have a real problem and I'm not sure if it is a faith problem or really a relational problem. So here goes:
My fiance is a super guy and that's the problem. He comes from a very religious and grounded faith backround, but with that comes his achievements.
A very supportive family, I mean if we have an argument, then his pastor brother calls, because mom was concerned, etc.... Prom pics, sport pics., trophies.
I on the other hand never had that. I don't have any trophies or sport pictures or for that matter any pictures. I feel left out!

He's known God his whole life and grew up with him. I only heard about Him and learned about Him here and there.
I am self taught, he is learned.
I mean he went through college on a baseball scholarship, My scholarship is just life.
So today we were talking about "stuff" and I just cried. (something I really don't do, but really cried)
All I could think about is, What is God thinking? Is this surreal? He's gotta be crazier than me?
Yeah I have studied the bible, yet He puts me with a natural grown boy
I am self taught, yet He puts me with a scholar
I was very athletic in my youth, yet He put me with an athletically achieved man
This may seem cool for most, but I see it as very unkind. He put me with a person that achieved things I dreamed I could have, but couldn't because of my past. I wasn't allowed
And evertime he talks about it, I cringe, so how is God receiving glory in this?
Is it Him wanting me to step up to the plate and get over it?
I just don't see the lesson?
CRH



Liveloved -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/6/2008 10:23:35 PM)

You are discovering one of the wonderful ways of God---He completes us through marriage. All the things you wanted and did not have, you have through this one who God has put you with. Don't view it as something that is working against you. God is FOR you and is allowing this relationship to give you what you did not have but wanted. (I have made the assumption that you are looking at this relationship as your lifetime partner.) I would just encourage you to thank God for giving you everything you longed for in this man and just enjoy and appreciate it.

My spouse and I are very different as well. But God puts those differences together in a way to make a whole---two becoming one, a complete one. Consider yourself blessed and surrender yourself to the wonderful plan God has for your life with your man! Bless ya![:)]



Conquered -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/7/2008 1:44:19 AM)

Based solely on what you've relayed and in answer to your question:

Yes, I think you've described a faith problem because you've just described a problem with pride.

And furthermore, all of his acheivements are things the world esteems but how much does God esteem them against things like meekness, humility, love, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control and yes, even contentment?



timf -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/7/2008 7:17:37 AM)

I am self taught, yet He puts me with a scholar

You sound down on yourself in comparison with the achievements of your fiance. You may want to consider that God put you with him not to make you feel inferior, but to help him. Many people are damaged by worldly success and achievement. Even unsaved Roman generals returning in victory for a triumph (parade) would have a slave ride in their chariot whispering in their ear, "you are only a man" because they knew the danger in pride of human "accomplishment".

The greatest scholar in Israel, Gamaliel, who lived in Jerusalem and presumably saw and heard Jesus, was unable to recognize the Son of God. Of what use was his learning if it in fact blinded him to God?

Worldly achievement can be a handicap and liability in the things of the Lord. You may want to discuss your feelings with your fiance and ask him if he sees any value in your more natural approach to faith. If he clings to an organizational achievement perspective, he may see you as a sort of spiritual "charity case" and even come to resent you in future years. If he sees the value in your natural faith, he may value and need your perspective and grow in appreciation of you over the years.



Wild-Rose -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/7/2008 7:43:14 AM)

quote:

I have a real problem

I'm not seeing it either. Things that are your strengths, you think are weaknesses. For example, being self-taught. That is a STRENGTH. Lots of people wish they could do it. When I wanted a fish tank, Hubby said "We know nothing about fish tanks" like he thought that would stop me. I went to the library and got 5 books out about fish tanks and fish. When I had a grasp on it, we went and bought one. Another time I bought some dolls to sell on eBay. He said "You know nothing about dolls". I smiled , went to the library, did some research and then sold them at a profit. Now he admires me for being able to learn whatever it is I want to learn. It is a STRENGTH.



SonInMe1 -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/7/2008 7:56:48 AM)

Do you love him?

My wife makes twice what I do and is college educated.



kingdust -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/7/2008 8:51:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crh737
So today we were talking about "stuff" and I just cried. (something I really don't do, but really cried)
All I could think about is, What is God thinking? Is this surreal? He's gotta be crazier than me?
Yeah I have studied the bible, yet He puts me with a natural grown boy

And evertime he talks about it, I cringe, so how is God receiving glory in this?
Is it Him wanting me to step up to the plate and get over it?
I just don't see the lesson?
CRH


I am glad to hear that even in the midst of crying you think about how God feel about your situation- that is a great strength you have right there, a great faith asset.
I wish I have that when I fume with hissing anger.

What would God think about that?

That you can ask and get from God.

In the meantime, I will let you know what I think about that.

If I were your fiance I would be very much appreciated by your love expressed in long suffering, though not now but later when I finally got sense out of nonsense, and glorify God because of your love enduring.
(To take only three letters, 'non' out of nonsense, it takes some time for men, says I a man.)

Like you are engaged to a not so perfect man, God is engaged to even unholy people, sinners if you will.
Think about the long suffering.
If God stopped loving us, just because we did what we are good at- breaking the heart of God, where would we be or what would we become of?

In American love standard, long suffering love is nonsense love and a legal cause to divorce.
So, if you have that standard, you got a lawful reason to end your relationship.

If you have the standard of God, long suffering love itself is a glory of God who loves.
You can suffer with God and share the glory together.
Is suffering = glory sensible to you?

Speaking of sharing, what your fiance has is yours by marriage.
All of his talent, achievements, supportive mom, brothers, in-laws, pastor, even trophies are to become yours also.
If you think his is his and your is yours, you merely live together, not united in marriage.

Faith in God can be a lot of thing.
If you believe God knows what He is doing, you shouldn't cry but rejoice.

I heard someone said that God raised Moses in palace only to use him in desert and Joseph in desert to be used in palace.
To us is nonsense but to God, supersense.

You have a seed of faith in you.
Let God make it bigger to accept your fiance as the best God has for you, not in a short order but in the long run, even beyond our sensible world.



iamjc-s -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/7/2008 10:29:08 AM)

-
Suggestion: look at it all from an eternal view point.
Are there really any differences from this view point?
-



BibleBased -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/7/2008 11:07:06 AM)

The problem seems to be that he and his family see faith in the same way as the things of this world. A human needs praise only from God. Who cares if he got a scholarship, who cares if he's a great athlete? Who cares if he has achieved in 'satan's world and is loved for it? Perhaps you have out grown this man and his family? Perhaps your self-taught BIBLICAL faith is far supierior to a life time of human achievement?
What has he achieved for God while he has been acjieving so much for himself? I don't mean has the church allowed him to be a leader, or do readings. I'm saying what has he achieved for & with God? Has he admited how WEAK he really is and leaned on God daily, or is it all his achiechment and his strength?
There are easy routes in religion, the family, the college/ school, the youth group, the sports team. But i think perhaps you have a stronger faith and understand the bible much better. Do you want to marry into a religious family and have all the things this WORLD has to offer. Or do you see your God not in human success, but in human weakness + God's strength.
I would take a big step back, get stuck into the bible daily and ask is this man and his family Christian in the BIBLE sense or christian in the worldly sense? Many become teachers, pastors/ ministers who never were even saved! BibleBased.



deliveredarling -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/7/2008 11:34:14 AM)

Look at the similarities not the differences.



tiffywal -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/7/2008 12:09:59 PM)

My husband has mind like a computer. He is extremely smart. I love it because I can ask him random questions about anything he tells me what he knows. I learn alot from him. Then at the same time there are things I know that he doesn't. We teach each other. Our walk with Christ is together.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You sound like an amazing person and have an amazing guy. You two can grow together.



Jhud -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/7/2008 2:56:36 PM)

If he is as you say he is, a confident, smart, successful and Godly guy, and he chose to love you and commit the rest of his life to you, then that means that he must see something pretty special in you. The question then would be, why does he see it, and you don't?



kingdust -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/8/2008 9:44:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jhud

If he is as you say he is, a confident, smart, successful and Godly guy, and he chose to love you and commit the rest of his life to you, then that means that he must see something pretty special in you. The question then would be, why does he see it, and you don't?


Maybe she has faith more in herself than in her fiance?
Or maybe she sees him as a rival but not as a buddy?

That is possible because we all are full of self to begin with, man or woman.
Man more because we men are to be the head of a household.



crh737 -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/8/2008 5:38:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BibleBased

The problem seems to be that he and his family see faith in the same way as the things of this world. A human needs praise only from God. Who cares if he got a scholarship, who cares if he's a great athlete? Who cares if he has achieved in 'satan's world and is loved for it? Perhaps you have out grown this man and his family? Perhaps your self-taught BIBLICAL faith is far supierior to a life time of human achievement?
What has he achieved for God while he has been acjieving so much for himself? I don't mean has the church allowed him to be a leader, or do readings. I'm saying what has he achieved for & with God? Has he admited how WEAK he really is and leaned on God daily, or is it all his achiechment and his strength?
There are easy routes in religion, the family, the college/ school, the youth group, the sports team. But i think perhaps you have a stronger faith and understand the bible much better. Do you want to marry into a religious family and have all the things this WORLD has to offer. Or do you see your God not in human success, but in human weakness + God's strength.
I would take a big step back, get stuck into the bible daily and ask is this man and his family Christian in the BIBLE sense or christian in the worldly sense? Many become teachers, pastors/ ministers who never were even saved! BibleBased.

This truly is not true of him. He knows his bible and actually wants to participate in a devotional that I m doing for a pastor. It is a lectio Divina devotional using the Message Solo.
Growing up his grandfather was a pastor and all the children were bibically intuned. In fact his parents gave him a bible as a gift for his first marriage. Just a different version than what they generally studied.

When I mean he has it together, I really mean it. Yes I have helped him, but maybe to see some things from a different persepective.

So yeah to him its not all about the trophies to him. Actually as sweet he is, he wants to get me one. I expressed that No I really don't want it! Rotfl
CRH



Conquered -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/8/2008 5:44:37 PM)

quote:

When I mean he has it together, I really mean it.


So he's sinless? I hope you see the point here.



crh737 -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/8/2008 6:10:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kingdust

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jhud

If he is as you say he is, a confident, smart, successful and Godly guy, and he chose to love you and commit the rest of his life to you, then that means that he must see something pretty special in you. The question then would be, why does he see it, and you don't?


Maybe she has faith more in herself than in her fiance?
Or maybe she sees him as a rival but not as a buddy?

That is possible because we all are full of self to begin with, man or woman.
Man more because we men are to be the head of a household.

I think you both have it somewhat of what is going on. I really don't know how to explain.
But I should state that I not only came from an abusive family life, I also married an abusive man the first time.

What I went through towards the end, many state was a spiritual attack.

I truly try not to compare #1 with the future #2. #1 did not work and yes I was the leader of the family, he refused to work. I worked 2-3 jobs until he decided to get with it, which was like 5 years into the marriage.

I will try to get to the jist and I feel downright horrible and yes Jhud I do not see myself as worthy or special. You guys may just send me away as a 1/2 believer which isn't really true.

Because once I divorced my #1, he would not let me go. But the confusion or situation didn't take place until I moved into this apt. bldg.
I always associated it with psycho because of the name, lol.

Anyhow I didn't have any friends left, my ex was abusive, controlling, and manipulating. To the fact that any person in authority listened to him.

I was self taught, so did not have that charisma of a personality and unfortunately was somewhat naive.

However I was saved, by a previous boyfriends brother who was a pastor, but was not given any instructions or discipleship. Again I was on my own. Beleive me I had a real yearning to learn about God.

I knew I needed Him, however my ex was raised protestant, eventhough his family was a catholic denomination. I was born and raised catholic, but didn't believe everything about that denom. after attending their schools which seems to have been a lifetime.

So when I moved into that apt. bldg. Their was another convert from catholism who worked for her husband. The problem you ask, we shared the same piano teacher.
The piano teacher however was raised JW, but converted to New Age, with physics and stuff. Their pastor was a hypnotist. (I attended 2 services and made a remark about how they would be a good one.)
So now I have these 2 women and an ex husband on my tail, which to me was a harrassing form. No peace
I worked at a hospital as a phlebotomist, which beleive me was a step up, for a 9th grade drop out, who achieved something better than another dead end job.
Well this is where the problem started. I have a so called Christian woman who tells me I am not saved because I never read the KJV bible, I have another so called christian who tells me Jesus is coming my way but to refuse him (to me this means reject Him).
Well somewhere between all this being tugged, by this person, that and my ex, not to mention my exhusband harrassment.
I started to doubt everything, but because I come from a really bad abusive backround, it seems I just withdrew myself, period.

So I feel deceptive with my fiance, because I do not know how to be myself. I can handle being rejective by a lot of things, but for someone to make me feel Like God himself rejected me, I really can't handle.

It made me so sick, that I actually had a breakdown over it. You can not imagine some of the stuff that was said to me, that just truly pierced me to the core, so No I do not beleive or feel I deserve such a great guy.

I just don't know how to get over this, that sometimes I believe I have gone sooo overboard that even a pastor wouldn't want a conversation with me.
The bible I know, and several books and endsome that I have read, but it's just all that a head knowledge, because it seems I am missing the main ingredient called the Heart!
CRH



crh737 -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/8/2008 6:14:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrokenMessenger

quote:

When I mean he has it together, I really mean it.


So he's sinless? I hope you see the point here.


No he's not sinless, just an all around great guy. I do not believe in heros and don't consider him one.
He's just very understanding and patient, has great qualities.
I'm having struggles about the why is he with me point and maybe God is showing me I need to trust Him more.
Maybe God is showing me something that I don't see about myself
CRH



Sadey -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/8/2008 6:23:31 PM)

Please find a pastor or older woman to talk to and don't make it his pastor brother or his mother. Just as a quick aside, you argue and his brother talks to you because his mother is concerned. That is a huge red flag, if he is dragging his family into your disagreements. Especially when you are so down on yourself. I have had younger friends who came from troubled families marry into so called solid families and were put down becaues of it by their inlaws. Please be very careful and find out what is going on in your heart. This man is not the answer to your spritual problems, God is and he will help you. But it would be so much easier if you had someone on your side to help you with this.

I think you sound terrifc. After everything you have been through you are still trusting God and wanting to be right with him. This is a good good thing and you need to know your place in God before you take on marriage with this man. He may be a lovely man but he can't fix what you are going through.
Take care and God bless you and you just remember when you are feeling down that you are a child of the Almighty God, Creator of the Universe.



crh737 -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/8/2008 9:39:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sadey

Please find a pastor or older woman to talk to and don't make it his pastor brother or his mother. Just as a quick aside, you argue and his brother talks to you because his mother is concerned. That is a huge red flag, if he is dragging his family into your disagreements. Especially when you are so down on yourself. I have had younger friends who came from troubled families marry into so called solid families and were put down becaues of it by their inlaws. Please be very careful and find out what is going on in your heart. This man is not the answer to your spritual problems, God is and he will help you. But it would be so much easier if you had someone on your side to help you with this.

I think you sound terrifc. After everything you have been through you are still trusting God and wanting to be right with him. This is a good good thing and you need to know your place in God before you take on marriage with this man. He may be a lovely man but he can't fix what you are going through.
Take care and God bless you and you just remember when you are feeling down that you are a child of the Almighty God, Creator of the Universe.


Sadey~
Yes that worried me some, that everytime we had a disagreement his pastor/brother would call. Sort of like getting the scoop to report back to the family. I kind of have that in the back of my mind too.

Sometimes it makes me wonder if "something" happened there and wonder if he (the b/f) divuldged their secret. I mean we are adults and why can't we handle our own situations as God sees fit.
See what my imagination can do? lol

However I do pray alot seeking His direction as I am skeptical about anything good coming my way.

And Yes my pastor of the church I frequent and have confided in, is surprised that I still believe in God.

But in my feeble brain I believe He has been with me and saved me from many things. So I can't give up on Him, He's never given up on me.
Thank You
CRH



kingdust -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/9/2008 10:06:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crh737

quote:

ORIGINAL: jingoist

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jhud

If he is as you say he is, a confident, smart, successful and Godly guy, and he chose to love you and commit the rest of his life to you, then that means that he must see something pretty special in you. The question then would be, why does he see it, and you don't?


Maybe she has faith more in herself than in her fiance?
Or maybe she sees him as a rival but not as a buddy?

That is possible because we all are full of self to begin with, man or woman.
Man more because we men are to be the head of a household.

I think you both have it somewhat of what is going on. I really don't know how to explain.
But I should state that I not only came from an abusive family life, I also married an abusive man the first time.


I am so sorry to underestimate your situation.
I said what I said based on the first impression I got from the very first round of thought from you.
I thought you are a very confident person.
That is why I said you may have faith in yourself more than your fiance.

After reading all of your sad story, I said to myself, 'this is too complected for me to estimate right'.
Only God can do right.

However, faith in self is undeniable reality we have to deal with in whatever situations, I believe.

We do make decisions based on our confidence in doing things.
If we don't have, we don't even think going without, like some people don't go out without a card.

In your current situation is no different, even though a different setting from the old.
It is still depends on what and how ''you think of it and estimates.
No matter what we say, in the end it is your way of choice of your value in your life.

If you choose to be a doormat or not, to go with or against fear, it is still yours, unless you seek the Lord and His confidence, that is, confidence in Him.

My pastor's mother chose to be a doormat for her alcoholic husband for 20 years until God delivered him and made him a godly sober person.
It was a good thing, or glory for God and man, that she didn't give up on her husband, which was very much related to her son being made into a godly preacher.
She earned her husband plus her son.

I am not saying this to make you feel guilty, but as an example that she committed her husband in the hand of God and endured the testing from God whom she had faith in, not in herself or no doubt in her husband.
If God can turn such horrible situation into something glorious, your situation seems no worse that God cannot handle.

If you have fear, it is because you trust your feeling of fear.
We all have fear when it comes to trust and depend on our miserable naked self to do things that overwhelm us with fear of all kind, various pressures, crazy thoughts, yoyo feelings, etc.

Why don't you have faith in God and commit yourself first and your fiance to God and seek counsels from Him?

Remember; righteous may fall 7 times but get up 8 times.
Don't let your first fall be the final or a everlasting handcuff.
Nothing is impossible with God.



Sadey -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/9/2008 7:11:02 PM)

Well she is not married yet.

I hope you will go into this marriage (if thats what you decide) as a whole person, an equal to the man you are marrying. Not as a partner who is so grateful that someone like him would marry you. I hope you will find out who you are in the Lord before marrying him. I believe that the man is to be the leader of the home but not the king.

He needs to be thrilled that you are his. You have so much to offer.

Please Please be careful of him bringing his family into your relatiohship.
If you marry him, you will be his family. I can't stress this enough that unless you can get it stopped before marriage it will get worse and if there are children they will certainly interfere with your parenting and it will be with your husband's permission so I hope you think long and hard about this.
I sure hope it works out for you, you are just a sweetheart!!!!!!



Conquered -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/9/2008 7:23:49 PM)

quote:

No he's not sinless, just an all around great guy. I do not believe in heros and don't consider him one.
He's just very understanding and patient, has great qualities.
I'm having struggles about the why is he with me point and maybe God is showing me I need to trust Him more.
Maybe God is showing me something that I don't see about myself


I would say that since you admit that he's not sinless, and since you admit that you're not sinless then I'd say that you're both on equal ground. You love him. He pleases you. Great. Even better is that you seem to see that you don't deserve it. But keep in mind that you, I and him don't even deserve that last breath we took or the next one we'll take.

But here's a blunt question that may answer the last line I've quoted: Do you swoon over Jesus the way you seem to swoon over your future husband? If the answer is not "No, I swoon more!" then you've made him an idol, but if this is your answer then you have nothing to worry over because God is your greatest love and he'll never leave you.

And for the record, the reason that he is with you is because God put you with him.



BibleL7 -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/10/2008 5:39:54 AM)

Just a matter of opinion here. It seems as though perhaps you do have a few issues about his achievements that the Lord is dealing with you on more than likely to let it go and dont think of it as a competition. It seems you love him and he loves you. Keep Jesus first and there is less likely to be a problem. As to him calling his brother who is also a pastor people tend to call pastors even if they are brother of not when they have questions or doubts. From what you have said it seems as the two of you do very much compliment each other and can very much grow together in the Lord. You are both athletic and it seems that is where the competitive spirit comes in. This can be worked out. As for the Lord loving you sooooo much that He would like to give you a good marriage with a wonderful guy, YEPPERS He does that. The factor that you realize that you dont deserve it is good cause nobody deserves His love or anything from Him which is hard for us to comprehend at times but in realizing it we are much better off for it helps us to rely more on Him. Remember one thing, Eve was taken out of Adam therefore the two together completed each other. You being strong where he may not be and him being strong where you may not be is something that seems to be a completing process. Remember when 2 Christians say 'I do' then 2 sinners say 'I do' for all are sinners but as Christians we are saved by His Grace and He is the answer to all difficulties. Forgive him, forgive yourself and dont listen to the enemy trying to put doubt in your mind. Remember we are in a spiritual war also.

So I would say if you are both born again believers and you both love each other then just depend on the Lord to help you two through it. Yea it is a commitment and is a bit scary at times. But with the Lord is the only way to do anything. So keep praying and I will also pray for you, and you need to decide for yourself if your differences are so great that the Lord can not help you through with them. I thin from your posts you may just be getting some cold feet here which is normal. He may be really nervous about it too. So talk with him and if you feel you should get together with a pastor for counseling arrange it. One of my pastors said the only thing that matters before he will perform a marriage is that the two are both born again and agree on basic doctrines of being saved through faith and perseverance of the saints and that it is Jesus and nothing else. Otherwise as for getting along with one another that is something they need to work on with the Lord. Love covers a multitude of sins.

Sorry if it seems like a book but just what it seems needed to be said. Of course my being a preacher I use that as my excuse. I will say I have noticed many of your posts in other threads and it seems you are fairly well grounded in your beliefs and this is just a little fear of unknown. Is OK we all go thru that. Lord Bless and hope we hear soon of wedding bells.

Just the opinion of a small town preacher



jn1010lf -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/10/2008 10:00:25 AM)

Hello crh737

It seems to me as if this guy presents two red flags; an ego ten miles high and steeped in religion. If you cannot resolve these, you mighe consider heading the other way.



Sadey -> RE: Is this a Faith Problem (5/10/2008 12:21:51 PM)

I agree with jn101Old and add that his brother coming to you with your fiancess's concerns because mama is concerned is just nuts.

I have 2 grown sons and if they complained to me about their loved ones we would have a serious sitdown talk and if they wanted me to do something about it, I would tell them they are not ready to be married.
Its called boundaries. And if you don't get them in place before your marriage trust me Mama will then be concerned about how you are mothering your children and then here will come pastor brother. I'm sorry but just because he is a pastor doesn't mean he has a lick of sense.
His getting involved in all this is a good clue about his good sense.

Also your fiancee's first concern should be you and your trust of him. If he continues telling on you to his family this is a huge waving in the breeze red flag that he can't be trusted with your heart and is certainly not mature enough to leave his parents and cleave to his wife.

Well you've gotten a whole range of opinions haven't you? Again you sound like quite a woman and he is blessed to have you and I hope he doesn't blow it. And that you stop thinking that you aren't good enough for him.



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