RE: Husband doesnt want kids (Full Version)

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sharonjef2007 -> RE: Husband doesnt want kids (5/6/2008 10:22:46 PM)

quote:

A human being's longing for a child is a very real feeling. It should never be taken lightly because it's inconvenient to the other partner.


A human being's desire to NOT have a child is also a very real feeling.

I stand by my advice, that right now this couple is not united in a decision or desire. They should, TOGETHER, pray about it and see where God leads them. Until they do that, more then likely they will not come together united regarding this issue. It is not about her desire to have children or his desire not to. It really is up to God and all about His will and plan for them anyhow...isn't it?

If she wants her husband to be open to the idea of having children and seeing her point of view, she owes him the very same respect regarding his point of view while they work this out. And it seems from her posts that while she is frustrated and really REALLY wanting a child, she is still respecting her husband.

Yeah, he was insensitive in his comment to her. But can you honestly say that you have NEVER said anything you wish you had not to your spouce? We can't burn him at the stake for one or two comments that were insensitive or in bad taste. What we can do is allow her a safe place to vent and to talk to people about this and we can pray for the couple. We should not be deamonizing the husband because he has a viewpoint that we don't understand.



sharonjef2007 -> RE: Husband doesnt want kids (5/6/2008 10:33:25 PM)

oh....one other point of encouragement to the OP.......

My mom had endo (although it was not considered a disease at the time) and my dad had a VERY low sperm count. The docs told them to expect to never have children. So, they adopted my sister.

8 years later, my mom found herself in a docs office thinking she had some sort of disease or a tumor or something. Turns out it was me...[8D]

All that to say.....endo is not always a diagnosis for total infertility. Neither is a low sperm count.



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: Husband doesnt want kids (5/6/2008 11:34:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sharonjef2007

quote:

A human being's longing for a child is a very real feeling. It should never be taken lightly because it's inconvenient to the other partner.


A human being's desire to NOT have a child is also a very real feeling.

I stand by my advice, that right now this couple is not united in a decision or desire. They should, TOGETHER, pray about it and see where God leads them. Until they do that, more then likely they will not come together united regarding this issue. It is not about her desire to have children or his desire not to. It really is up to God and all about His will and plan for them anyhow...isn't it?

If she wants her husband to be open to the idea of having children and seeing her point of view, she owes him the very same respect regarding his point of view while they work this out. And it seems from her posts that while she is frustrated and really REALLY wanting a child, she is still respecting her husband.

Yeah, he was insensitive in his comment to her. But can you honestly say that you have NEVER said anything you wish you had not to your spouce? We can't burn him at the stake for one or two comments that were insensitive or in bad taste. What we can do is allow her a safe place to vent and to talk to people about this and we can pray for the couple. We should not be deamonizing the husband because he has a viewpoint that we don't understand.


I totally agree. Kinda shocking, eh, Sharon?

My husband only wants 2-3 kids, he is not of the QF mindset and has no desire to be. When I realized that this difference between us was beginning to breed resentment I took it to the Lord and basically said "God, you need to either change my heart, or his but I can't continue like this anymore" and whaddaya know? It was my heart that got changed.

I really don't like it when that happens, but God does have a plan for our lives and our ultimate goal has to be to seek Him and His plan.

Having children, IMO, is one of those areas of life where the "no" has to win.



patiently -> RE: Husband doesnt want kids (5/8/2008 9:23:09 PM)

Hi everybody. My h is on a 6 day hunt, so Im alone. But, I have a book called 31 days of prayer, and its really helping me. Also, reading your posts help me alot!!! Thanks!!
Im being patient again. I lose my patience every now and then. I may look into the big bro and sister program. It would be fun, and maybe my h will see how much love a kid can give.
God has a wonderful plan for me, I just need to get my head out of the sand and learn to hear him!!
Thanks, again!!!



Auben -> RE: Husband doesnt want kids (5/8/2008 10:33:56 PM)

What is up Sharon? [8|]

No one indicated that the husband's feelings were wrong.
No one demonized him.
No one said the poster should attempt to do anything without her husband.
No one said this should not be a decision between the couple.


The poster is doubting her own feelings because of what her husband said. While he may never want children he should not make her feel like what she feels is a frivolous emotion. She needs to stand up for the validity of her feelings even if she can't force him to change his. Got it? He needs to respect her the way she is respecting him. She may not like his feelings, she may want them to change, but she is holding fast and trying to figure it all out.

If you reread my posts I have never said anything else.



jaimestarcross -> RE: Husband doesnt want kids (5/12/2008 12:30:35 AM)

You were forced to give up a child for adoption?

If I did read your post correctly, then have you come to terms with the heartbreak that caused you (being forced to give up a child)?
Can you find out any info about this child that was given up for adoption?

Your husband may enjoy children but doesn't want to be a full time parent yet because he enjoys the feeling of not being tied down and a child will require most of your attention/affection. I've seen women who became child centered and their marriages did suffer for it. A child doesn't ruin a marriage... it's the adults who ruin the marriage because they fail to honor each other and God.... set healthy boundaries.

God isn't punishing you for giving up a your child for adoption... there were moms in the bible who gave up their children also(Moses's mom - Samuel's mom for example).
It seems your focus is on the wrong thing... God is first and we are to be about His business - sharing the Good news of the Gospel with the Lost. Wanting a child isn't a bad thing but don't make it more important than reaching out to the unsaved people in your area. (I have to be reminded of this myself....
For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.)
Your Father in Heaven knows your wants and needs - give Him this desire to have a child with your husband and leave it there. Trust God and submit to His will for your life.



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