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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/18/2008 4:43:03 PM
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magdaleine
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Thanks. I think I'm more exhausted now, after the bath than before. I'm sitting here huffing and puffing. It's coming up to 4:00 and I haven't run my errands yet and there are still other things to gather before we pack the car. Dh is annoyed that I'm sitting here when I said I wanted to leave at 4:00. Well, I can't help it. I've pushed myself way beyond what I've done for a long time, even before the surgery. I do wish he was more interested and concerned for me and my well-being than in what I do or don't do. The look on his face when I told him I'm still huffing and puffing bodes ill for the weekend. I could so easily fall asleep right now.
Guess I'd better go do those errands. I hope I don't regret going to this thing.
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Maggie
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/18/2008 6:23:24 PM
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Doveflight
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Maggie, praying for your dh and for your energy and perseverance.
Slushie, I am so happy you are back to studying Captivating. I have found the
Eldridge study guides to be great in pushing growth and self examination. Hope you
enjoy.
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If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I am made for another world. C.S. Lewis
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/18/2008 6:54:11 PM
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magdaleine
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Thanks Dove.
I had a meltdown--totally out of breath and sobbing uncontrollably. Dh was still in a foul mood so I called my boys to come sit with me and they held me and tried to calm me down. Then ds1 went to talk to dh and they all just loaded up the van so I guess we're ready to go except that I'm still an emotional and physical mess and I don't know how I'm going to manage setting up camp or interacting with strangers once we get there. There are only two couples/families that I'm close to at church because I knew them from before and I don't think they'll be there. Please pray that I can do this because right now it seems impossible.
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Maggie
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/19/2008 7:08:09 AM
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Doveflight
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Maggie, am praying. I know you are now gone, but again at our church camp we had many single moms coming who needed to set up as well. There were many able bodies ready to help and these women were not post op at the time. One year a friend had a complete melt down on arrival because of all the effort to get her and her girls there. It is hard. I do so hope you and dh can relax and enjoy and I will pray many hands are ready and waiting to help.
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If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I am made for another world. C.S. Lewis
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/19/2008 7:14:02 AM
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humbleinspirit
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(((((((((Maggie)))))))))
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/20/2008 8:52:20 PM
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magdaleine
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Thanks for the hug, Mike.
Dove, thank you for your prayers. Thank you too to everyone else who prayed. For most of the drive to the park, I was really worried that I wouldn't have myself put together before we arrived but somehow it happened, so that was good. The first person who saw us was someone I know and feel very comfortable with, so that was good. Then an angel came in the form of one of the pastor's wives I had never met. She greeted us on arrival, marshalled a bunch of kids to help carry our gear (we had to park a long way from the tent site) and then she helped put up the tent. What a blessing she was! I got to know a number of people--some well enough that I hope I can remember their names when I see them in a different context (at church) and two or three that I spent more in-depth time with. I got lots of exercise because the bathrooms were on the other side of a huge field. We had one ferocious deluge that wreaked havoc for some tents--our tent leaked, forming a puddle right under the power bar (I need electricity for my C-PAP)--but everything was good. I'm very glad I went.
Oh! We had a pack of foxes (maybe more than one pack) prowling the group campsite and eating area. One of the street people who had been invited to come, a native man, stayed up all last night patrolling where all the tents were, and eating area, to keep the rest of us safe. He wasn't asked to. He just did it. Those who saw some of the foxes said they were very cute and they didn't seem afraid of people, but the man who stayed up all night said that foxes like to prey on little children and we had a ton of little kids. I was very impressed because I don't think he knew anyone there except the pastor and he told me he comes to church only once in a while--not often--and yet he cared so much he lost a night of sleep. He wasn't well, either. He'd been splashed with some sort of corrosive acid recently and still has very painful burns from it on his face and ears.
There was a couple who had been married before but divorced two years ago. She lived on the streets, a "working girl" hooked on drugs and alcohol. Two weeks ago she ended a two-month-long drinking binge. It happened because a gang of girls beat her up with an iron pipe. She somehow made it to our church where she became unconscious. Those at the church at the time helped her and reached out to her and this weekend she was glowing. She looked so happy and healthy. She's been dry for two weeks and just last Sunday, she and her husband were remarried. They were at the camp with their three adorable kids. They've committed their lives to Christ and that same day the came home and found all their possessions cleaned out--even the toilet paper. So they have nothing. But all weekend they did all they could to contribute to the group--hunting far and wide for dead and fallen wood to use for our fires, carrying the wood back in their daughter's stroller.
One woman is newer to the church than me, having been going for only 1 1/2 months. She seemed drawn to me and told me some of her story and gave me an opportunity to tell her mine. She's probably the one person I spent the most time with, but I got to know bits of others as well.
One woman is part of the leadership of an independent Christian healing ministry that focuses on theophostic prayer. She's the one I mentioned at the top who was first to greet me. So she told me a bit about how theophostic prayer is done and the rules/guidelines that have been established to protect both the pray-er and the prayed for and shared part of her story too--very open and vulnerable but out of a place of strength. I'm interested in both being prayed for like that (I've experienced some through a different group and it was amazing) and being trained to pray like that for others. A training session will begin this fall and she knows I'm interested so I guess I'll see where that goes.
Years ago I had a woman try to pray for me "theophostically" who hadn't been trained. I picture came to mind but it was so horrifying that I was sure the source was Satan. But as time has progressed, I'm beginning to think that what I saw is a clue or key to at least part of the puzzle--especially the ssa stuff. I told her about this (without telling her what the picture was) and then later, after I had thought about it more, gathered the courage to ask her if she would be willing some time to help me make some sense of what I saw. She didn't commit to it because she has five people she's ministrying to right now in this way and she sees one each evening of the week. I'm sure it must be draining so I understand why she doesn't want to add anyone else and she said that it would probably take a series of times together. But maybe when she "loses" one of these people I can step in. I'll wait and see.
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Maggie
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/20/2008 8:53:41 PM
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magdaleine
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The whole weekend was very laid back with no schedule for anything. Meals were whenever people were ready and often people weren't ready all at the same time. If you recall, I was really nervous about the meals because no one could explain to me how they were done so how would I know what to bring? So I brought WAY too much. Basically people brought their own food for their own families but generally brought extra which they shared. So, for instance, I was sitting at a circular table that could hold more than a dozen people. Each person/family brought their food to the table and unpacked it. If they had kids they took care of the kids first and then, if there was enough, invited people to have some.
I had gone shopping Thursday night thinking that it would be more like a potluck. so I bought things that would be next to no work, a single dish for each meal that I could contribute to the whole. But I decided that I like the breakfast I have every morning at home and so that's what I would bring to camp, making sure I had enough to share. It's a porridge called Red River Cereal (we live in the Red River Valley) and is made of cracked wheat, cracked rye and cracked flax. It takes as long to cook as brown rice. I made at least eight two-cup servings, each with a quarter cup of raisins. When it was ready I let people know it was there if they wanted it. It had been a cold night for me (so I didn't sleep well) so I figured some people might be glad to have a hot breakfast. I was not prepared for the response I got. "Red River Cereal?" they asked. "YES! I LOVE that stuff and haven't had it for ages. Wow! I served it both mornings and this morning the guy burned with acid had three bowlsful!
Everyone got up whenever they wanted. Yesterday, the only full day there, once the kids had had breakfast, most people went down to the beach. I wasn't interested (not much shade and I have to stay out of the sun) so I stayed back and tried to write on my computer but it turned out impossible because I was more interested in joining in on conversations. Then I got invited to a game of "Cross-Country Canada Trivia." I love games like that if I'm familiar with the subject and had a wonderful time getting to know a few more people.
When the beach crowd returned with their hordes of kids the first order of "business" was to get the kids fed. I think most people only had two meals yesterday. Each evening a fire was built and people gathered around on their camp chairs, first chatting but eventually singing together under the excellent leadership of the head pastor who is also a phenomenal guitar player. The first night we sang worship songs. I enjoyed that greatly and stayed up till most everyone else was going to bed--about midnight. But last night they sang songs from the sixties and seventies and I wasn't as interested. After a few songs I retired to our tent where I was able to read a nice chunk of my Bible before trying to sleep.
The first night I had been cold, despite long flannel pj's under a sweater and inside a sleeping bag on a cot off the ground (and a double layer of a thick, heavy wool blanket under me) so last night I added a t-shirt under my pajamas and borrowed a blanket someone didn't need. I tossed and turned like crazy in that sleeping bag and couldn't get settled at all. The sleeping bag was too restrictive. It hadn't the night before. Eventually I unzipped the bag and slept on top of it with just the blanket. My problem had been that I was too hot! And I stayed warm and comfortable all night. I had a good sleep too.
And dh was nice to me while we were there--though that doesn't surprise me. He wouldn't let anyone see him treating me other than well. As I predicted, he got to know more people better than I did and this isn't even his church. I guess I have to learn to accept that this is a fact of my life.
I did make some improvements in this camp over the family camp two weeks ago. I tried to be less withdrawn and more involved. I missed my alone times. I really missed my times with God. (That's ironic, isn't it, since this was a church camp, but I like my alone time in my prayer room and then, before I go to sleep, reading my Bible for about half an hour or so. I couldn't do those things without withdrawing from the group.
But the group really was awesome--like a great big family. What a variety of people too! There are a number of young families who remind me of hippies four decades later; a few street people; some more business-looking people a couple that farms and others who were a combination of some of these. A surprising number of people were smokers and they felt comfortable to smoke within the group (though thoughtful enough to not get smoke in people's faces--we were outside). I liked that.
I think the big thing about the weekend was learning to share and work as a community. I may have said previously that the pastor is trying to foster more of this. We're currently studying Acts during the Sunday morning services (moving very slowly--since the beginning of January we've covered the first four chapters only) and a major part of the story in Acts was how the new Christians shared what they had with each other and lived far more in community that we know how to today.
I think in part to illustrate this, the church bought a bunch of camping equipment that the pastor said very pointedly this morning is jointly owned. It belongs to all of us. I'm guessing that means that if someone without equipment wants to go camping, they would have access to use this stuff.
The sermon was good and took an angle on a Leviticus passage I'd not seen before. (The angle was new to me, not the passage.) The Israelites were given three special holidays by God. One of these was the feast of tabernacles. Wikipedia says, "The English word "tabernacle" is derived from the Latin word tabernaculum meaning "tent." Tabernaculum itself is a diminutive form of the word taberna, meaning "hut, booth, tavern."" I just looked that up because I hadn't heard it before but that's what the pastor told us. Tabernacle means tent.
Why was the Feast of Tabernacles to be celebrated (check out Lev. 23 near the end)? It was to remember the 40 years they lived in tents in the wilderness. But why was it important to remember that time? Well, what did we discover this weekend as we lived in tents? Tents aren't as secure as houses. It's easier to live in community with tents (they're smaller and closer together). So he suggested that God had them live for a week like their ancestors had for 40 years so they could get a picture of what it was like to live less securely, with less stuff, sharing what they had. I'm not doing the whole thing justice but I think you get the idea. I had never thought about it all in that way and what a great object lesson to have us all camp out together to illustrate his sermon! This is the second year they've had a camp-out like this in tents and I think the plan is to make it an annual event. I'll certainly go again.
Now the trick will be to remember who everyone is, out of the context of camping in the provincial park and in the more familiar environment of the church where I haven't seen most of these people before. I've written notes to remind me but I know I will forget much. Oh well. I feel much more a part of the church now and that feels good.
Again, thanks for your prayers. I'm so glad I was able to overcome all the obstacles and go despite them.
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Maggie
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/21/2008 5:57:50 AM
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Doveflight
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Maggie,I am so glad the weekend went well for you. Have you had any feedback from your husband yet? Our camp was much more structured, often with a thieme for the weekend teaching of three or four sessions, children's programs, scheduled meals, and lots of freetime and walking as you said. Facilities were often on the opposite side of the grounds than where I happened to be at the time of need. Again, it sounds like God blessed your perseverence and built more faith in His provision.
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If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I am made for another world. C.S. Lewis
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/21/2008 12:44:22 PM
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cherish405
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Maggie, I'm so glad the weekend turned out so well. That's so awesome that you got to meet more people and that you feel comfortable with them.
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/21/2008 12:59:48 PM
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slushie
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That's wonderful!!! Thanks for sharing about the experience! The funny thing was that I went to a church retreat on Friday. It was held in my church. The youth had a sleepover... girls in one room, guys in another. I didn't get much sleep.
I'm still trying to process all that I learned.
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/21/2008 9:31:20 PM
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Doveflight
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Congragulations Shauni, good luck this week.
I can understand your opinion of the funeral home. I went to a local business to make arrangements. It used to be a local, intimate business. Now it has been bought out by a huge
conglomerate. It was so impersonal and unprofessional. I closed the sales pitch book and walked out. I called up a small family owned business near my parents. They know my parents and will take good care of any arrangements I make. I am much happier.
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If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I am made for another world. C.S. Lewis
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/22/2008 5:41:40 PM
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slushie
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Yay! Shaunii!
I started volunteer work today. I'm exhausted. 9 hours straight of filing... not just filing but reorganizing the WHOLE FILING SYSTEM.... that woman is a slave driver.... she doesn't deny it either. I had fun, though.
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/22/2008 5:57:24 PM
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magdaleine
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quote:
Maggie,I am so glad the weekend went well for you. Have you had any feedback from your husband yet?
Not sure what feedback you're thinking of. He had a good time. He hasn't really said a whole lot.
quote:
Maggie, I'm so glad the weekend turned out so well. That's so awesome that you got to meet more people and that you feel comfortable with them.
quote:
That's wonderful!!! Thanks for sharing about the experience! The funny thing was that I went to a church retreat on Friday. It was held in my church. The youth had a sleepover... girls in one room, guys in another. I didn't get much sleep.
I'm still trying to process all that I learned.
Thanks, Trish and Slushie! Slushie, I find that I process things easier when I write about them. You're certainly welcome to write about the retreat here in this thread. Nine hours of filing? Yikes! I'm glad you had fun. That's quite the volunteer job. I'm sure the woman really appreciated your work. Filing is often something that is put on the back burner because it can wait--though often it can't because you need to access that stuff later.
Shaunii, who died? I went back through this and the previous thread but I couldn't find the answer (and I haven't yet taken the time to go to your thread--I'm way behind in my threads). That's awful about the funeral home's manner. That's totally unacceptable. Sheesh! {{{{{{{{Shaunii}}}}}}}} Congratulations on the job start. Are you getting paid to be at orientation and training? I hope so!
Dove, good for you for going to the smaller place that knows your parents. The personal touch is so necessary for funerals.
I just got dh set up with MSN Messenger. He's having a great time with it. Which leads me to say that if any of you use MSN Messenger and want me to add you to my list, just let me know.
And now back to my vacuuming.
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Maggie
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/22/2008 8:47:05 PM
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Doveflight
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quote:
quote:
Maggie,I am so glad the weekend went well for you. Have you had any feedback from your husband yet?
Not sure what feedback you're thinking of. He had a good time. He hasn't really said a whole lot.
Maggie, I was just wondering if he enjoyed it as well. Did he feel comfortable with the people attending as this is not his church and he probably didn't know anyone? Just curious. Glad it was a good weekend for you.
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If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I am made for another world. C.S. Lewis
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/22/2008 9:56:01 PM
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magdaleine
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Oh yeah. Dh is rarely uncomfortable with people, even if he doesn't know them. He got to know everyone better than me.  And yeah, he had a good time. There was really only three people there that I'd spoken to before and them not much.
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Maggie
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/23/2008 12:19:25 PM
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cherish405
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Maggie, Shaunii's grandmother passed away.
I wouldn't mind doing 9 hours of filing. It's monotonous, but I don't mind doing those jobs.
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/25/2008 12:30:19 AM
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magdaleine
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Thanks, Trish.
{{{{{{{{{{Shaunii}}}}}}}}}}
A hug for Linda also. Her brother died Sunday--senselessly and needlessly. The funeral was today. {{{{{{{{{{Linda}}}}}}}}}}
We had dinner guests tonight. The only way I can do dinner guests at this point is if dh does all the work. For a long, long time, even that wasn't enough because I haven't had the emotional/mental energy to handle it. These are the first guests we've had for dinner for a long, long time and I truly enjoyed their visit. They were a "young" pastor, his wife and their two teenage daughters that we've known for a long time but never known well. Now they're leaving the city and province to move far, far away just as we're getting to know them better. I'd love to have the wife as a friend.
Near the end of their visit, they asked what they could pray about for us. I was very quick to say, "that the barriers between us" be removed. I wasn't prepared for them to ask what the barriers are. There are so many, most of them have been built by me, and I'm not sure I could articulate them adequately in just a few short sentences. But dh was quick to say that one of the barriers is that he is big on doing, getting things done and I'm not. When I couldn't articulate anything they asked if I could elaborate on what dh said so I told about what happened last Friday with dh fussing angrily about me not doing enough and ignoring the fact that I was completely done in.
I started crying, and cried through the whole time of praying. Now, three hours later, my head is really hurting and I can't sleep. Sometimes life is easier when one's pains are left ignored and untouched.
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Maggie
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/25/2008 12:37:19 AM
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cherish405
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(((((((((((((((((MAGGIE))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Boy, do I know what it's like to not be able to do things, and to find it too hard to have people over.
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/25/2008 8:21:34 AM
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magdaleine
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Thanks, Trish. I want to start having people over--last night was a start--but it can only happen if dh is willing to do most of the work. At least for now. I am very pleased that I managed to have the place half-decently clean and tidy. The dusting didn't get done but oh well. With my new routine of trying to exhaust myself each day with the physical activity of housework, I'm hoping that I can stay on top of things with the house so that that part of having guests over is not a big deal. Then maybe I can return to doing the food preparation as well.
I haven't gotten enough sleep and will be going back to bed shortly, I think. The tension headache lasted much of the night and when it finally subsided with the help of two Tylenol 3's, the endometriosis pain began.
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Maggie
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/25/2008 8:22:23 AM
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slushie
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Ugh.... same here.
The conference with my church with me helping out the kids was GREAT! I missed most of the messages but it was worth it to help the kids out and see the look on their faces.
They were supposed to build a robot - 20 ft tall. Each grade was in charge of building/decorating a section of the robot. One grade had the head, another had a leg, another an arm, and so on. Then after each separate limb was done, they were supposed to take them out for the adult helpers to put the entire robot together. The robot was supposed to signify the bad things that distract them and keep them away from doing what their supposed to do, like church, reading the Bible, and prayer. At the end of the conference, they were to pelt it with water balloons and get all the cardboard soaked wet. (This was a robot made of cardboard boxes) Then they had to pull it apart.
I was put in charge of the 2nd graders. They were so cute and helpful! Their leg was already pre built by the adults, so all they had to do was decorate. They ended up painting themselves. That was cute! Their moms weren't that happy and I had my hands full cleaning up colorful little girls.
Our theme was swearing.
Does anyone want to see pictures?
The thing is that I don't think I'm the type of person kids like, or the type of person who's good with kids. The funny thing was that they LOVED me. I had little girls hanging onto my arms and saying, "You're my best friend. I love you." It almost made me want to cry. I'm still overwhelmed by that.... by little kids liking me even though I don't think I'm very likable. It was a very new thing for me.
In any case, I was sleep deprived by having to get up at 5:30 in the morning to fill up 600 water balloons with my youth pastor. 
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/25/2008 8:27:46 AM
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magdaleine
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600 water balloons? Yikes!
It's cool that the little kids really liked you, Slushie. And sure! Do you have a link to photos?
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Maggie
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 7/25/2008 2:35:20 PM
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magdaleine
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quote:
Yuck to endo. Been there, done that. Not nice.
No, it's not. I told my psychiatrist that I hadn't gotten enough sleep because of it. She wanted to know what my family doctor was doing about it. "Nothing. My choice. I didn't like the options," I told her. She agreed that the options aren't that good. I've had it for more than 20 years. For a few months in 1990/1991 it was nearly non-stop but other than that the pain comes once a month during ovulation and lasts ten days--not continuous pain; it comes and goes during those ten days but, when it comes, it's like labour pain and really messes with my sleep. I think last night I finally fell asleep around 5:00 a.m., got up at 7:00 a.m., went back to bed at 9:00 a.m. and slept till 1:00 when my son called my cell phone. I'm tired.
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Maggie
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Thanks for the prayers. The funeral was nice... the "family reunion" was a blessing in it... I saw family and cousins that I, unfortunately, hadn't seen in years... and I means 10's of years... so there's that. Ther service was nice but the funeral home did an absolutely horrible job... in all areas... its a very well known local (large) organization... I think they've gotten "cocky" or something... anyway... my mom and a few siblings are going to complain... words cannot describe... in all of my years of going to funerals I have never seen anything quite like this... different people (outside the family) were commenting... inside the family we were having a conniption (sp?)... I guess one plus of that was it was SOOOO not my grandmother that it kept people calm... hard to mourn someone when it seems like you're at a funeral for someone else... 
)... It was a long day (orientation) and I have another tomorrow and a Traning Wed. I don't report to my office until Thurs... so it kinda feels like that's when I "start" 
Been there, done that. Not nice. I hope you managed to get some good sleep.