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[Poll]
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Do you love your husband? Do you respect him?
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| I love my husband but do not respect him |
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| I respect my husband but do not love him |
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| I love my husband AND I respect him |
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| I do not love or respect my husband |
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| other... in case I left something out :) |
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Total Votes : 49
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(last vote on : 10/8/2008 1:08:47 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? - 5/1/2008 10:47:50 PM
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funny_girl
Posts: 854
Status: offline
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Respect means love to a man. If we respect him, he'll feel loved. In reality it's vise versa for women.
When we submit to our husbands we are allowing them to be our covering as is pleasing to the Lord. We are also equal, co partners that have to negotiate who's responsible for what and take ownership of what was agreed upon. My husband and I really had to work in this area last year because he overstepped his boundaries. Our counselor helped us. My husband doesn't like to admit he's wrong nor that he really was the one that needed changing and fortunately our counselor was able to communicate on his level. My husband isn't perfect, neither am I, but we were a couple that had to write things out on paper to come to an agreement.
Now my husband is able to show me respect and vise versa.
Being submissive means that we recognize our husband's spiritual authority as the head of our family and we respect him for that by honoring him. Especially when negotiating who was responsible for what. If he’s responsible for something, respect his decision and don’t try to nag him to change. If it’s something you’ve agreed to decide together, than you can influence him. We have to be smart when picking our battles.
A great book is "For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men ". It was very helpful to me and so hubby read "For Men Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Women ." Both books gave us insight to what the other person was like or viewing things. Now instead of getting mad at me for changing the subject, he'll blurt out, "that was a pop up."  And I understand the significance of respecting him. To respect is to love him.
< Message edited by funny_girl -- 5/1/2008 10:56:57 PM >
_____________________________
"...bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as imposters; known yet regarded as unknown...poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." II Corinthians 6:8-10
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RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? - 5/2/2008 5:46:07 AM
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car2ner
Posts: 2768
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: just north of Florida
Status: offline
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quote:
Since my man is military, I thought I'd ask him about that 'superior/junior officer' aspect. He found that interesting. He says he'd describe us as two offocers of the same rank, but one (him) has more time in service...LOL So he's ultimately responsible, and he's got the final say if it comes down to it...but we're still the same rank
I like this. And the Pop-Up idea. It paints a good picture verbally that makes it easier to understand.
_____________________________
http://www.car2ner.2ya.com
"May your days be long and your hardships few".
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RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? - 5/2/2008 7:08:59 AM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 10705
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: Between Hither and Yon
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BlessedMamaofmany
Since my man is military, I thought I'd ask him about that 'superior/junior officer' aspect. He found that interesting. He says he'd describe us as two offocers of the same rank, but one (him) has more time in service...LOL So he's ultimately responsible, and he's got the final say if it comes down to it...but we're still the same rank
Just thought I'd throw that out there LOL
Sandy
I think that is a good analogy of what I/we believe and live out in our home. We both have our places of "authority"...and we each respect those places in each other. I show my husband respect and submit to him in ways that he needs out of love...and he does the same for me. Some ways he shows me respect for my place is for instance....he knows that I have a better handle on basic mathematics then he does, so he gives the money over to me. Anything money related I "oversee" and he steps into that position of being "under me" easily. We make mutual agreements about things, but overall I am the one that figures it all out. Another way he respects my authority is in our home in organization. He is not an organized person, but I grew up with a mom that was so overly organized that to this day I can tell you exactly what she is doing at all times and be 99% sure that I am correct...even if I haven't talked to her about it. I don't want to be THAT organized, but I do have to have order to my life or I go insane. Hubby's way of organizing is to stack papers up and say it looks good enough. However he steps under me when it comes to things like that....he allows me to get my quirky ideas and work things out over and over again until we find a way that works for both of us. He tries to put things where they need to go...but one way in that that I respect him is I organize things so that it is easier for him. I understand that he can't be like me and put things where they go exactly when I would, so I have a basket that he can put things into and then I will put those things away (or we will do it together on a major cleaning day, etc). So even in the ways that I have "authority" I still choose to show respect by looking at things the way he still needs them to be. His thing is the vehicles. My dad had a rule about us getting a license...we had to be able to change the oil, change a tire, and do basic maintenance on a vehicle before we could get to drive. So I *know* how to do those things, but my husband is a mechanic and is much better at those things then I am. I can physically work through how to get them done...but he is much better at it...so he takes the lead. If he tells me the van needs spark plugs and oil then that's what we do...because he said so. I don't question it...I just put it into the budget so it can get done.
I don't see it as a junior officer or senior officer, I see it as a thing of two officers working in two different offices. We each have our places and sometimes we have to each come under the other one...and sometimes we have to each come together on things. When it comes down to it though we have learned to each step down to the other's place of given authority....and when each of us (whether him or me) doesn't, then a fight ensues.
I also agree with something someone else said...I had to learn how to gain respect from my husband by showing him respect. I grew up with a dad that demanded respect...so that's the male side of things that I saw my whole life....but my husband and my dad are polar opposites. My husband isn't one to walk into a room and the whole room come to attention...my dad is...it's just how he carries himself and his personality. So in marriage (because my personality is similar to my dad's in a lot of ways) my hubby was actually a bit intimidated by me and wouldn't step up to be respected. So I had to learn (the hard way of course) to step back and show respect in doing so. Once I allowed him that respect he stepped up to the plate more and became the man that I could respect more. I notice that when things are getting out of whack, if I will do that again...step back and give him more respect, even in areas that he hasn't asked for or wanted me to respect him more in, then he steps up and is more apt to be comfortable in that role. He is not generally one to overstep anything...he will step down if it comes to it...but I find that if I step down instead he steps up and things work out better (generally speaking).
_____________________________
Proud to be...  
"To punish the child is to take revenge because you're irritated or whatever...to discipline is to teach the child."~~OneOfHisJewels
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RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? - 5/3/2008 11:47:11 AM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3508
Joined: 6/8/2005
From: a mother who let me live
Status: offline
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Sometimes, people act out what they wish they are rather than showing what they really are, so the other person is fooled.
And sometimes, the circumstances that develop in a marriage change things, like it or not.
In those cases, we have choices: one is to dissolve the marriage; another is to stay and fulfill the vows made before the L-rd, doing one's best to make the marriage work, no matter what the feelings are. In times like these, both love and respect can be lost, in spite of those who say that love is "forever" -- or ought to be by their judgment. But one can make the choice to live out what is not there in such a way that the partner will never be convinced that they are gone. The big question regarding this is can such a one continue to live out non-existent ideals into the winter of life.
_____________________________
Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? - 5/3/2008 11:47:49 AM
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danas_mom
Posts: 540
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bride48
In respecting my husband, I still voice my opinion. Usually, he adjusts his decision in response to my perspective, but not always. And when we disagree, he makes the final decision. He will have to answer to God, not me.
Big fat DITTO.
I see my and hubby's relationship as kind of like a tongue-in-groove fitting. We each have our strengths and our weaknesses, but those things compliment each other instead of conflict with each other. Where he is weak, I am strong - and vice versa. We fit together to make a stronger whole.
Some things we decide on our own (like I know nothing about the inner workings of the vehicles, so when they need something he just tells me and I don't argue the point - meanwhile I'm the one making most of the decisions about the finances and the kids) and some things we decide together. But I always keep in mind that he is the final authority on everything because, as DebbieLynne said, he will be the one answerable to God for our family.
_____________________________
I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing. ~ 2 Samuel 24:24
Spirit of Ashes Creations
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RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? - 5/3/2008 12:47:10 PM
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ladyamythist
Posts: 56
Joined: 4/28/2008
Status: offline
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no, that is why I divorced him, and why his son divorced him too. some men are not worth marrying.
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RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? - 5/3/2008 5:45:18 PM
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bride48
Posts: 5340
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Near Boston
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ladyamythist
no, that is why I divorced him, and why his son divorced him too. some men are not worth marrying.
Love and respect are choices, not feelings. That's why they're written into wedding vows.
_____________________________
Joyfully,
DebbieLynne
Dancing, Sam Malone, Arthur Fiedler and a Willow (blog entry)
<--Taken on August 24, 2008: our 6th anniversary
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