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peculiar_lady2 -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/2/2008 7:08:59 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BlessedMamaofmany
Since my man is military, I thought I'd ask him about that 'superior/junior officer' aspect. He found that interesting. He says he'd describe us as two offocers of the same rank, but one (him) has more time in service...LOL So he's ultimately responsible, and he's got the final say if it comes down to it...but we're still the same rank
Just thought I'd throw that out there LOL
Sandy
I think that is a good analogy of what I/we believe and live out in our home. We both have our places of "authority"...and we each respect those places in each other. I show my husband respect and submit to him in ways that he needs out of love...and he does the same for me. Some ways he shows me respect for my place is for instance....he knows that I have a better handle on basic mathematics then he does, so he gives the money over to me. Anything money related I "oversee" and he steps into that position of being "under me" easily. We make mutual agreements about things, but overall I am the one that figures it all out. Another way he respects my authority is in our home in organization. He is not an organized person, but I grew up with a mom that was so overly organized that to this day I can tell you exactly what she is doing at all times and be 99% sure that I am correct...even if I haven't talked to her about it. I don't want to be THAT organized, but I do have to have order to my life or I go insane. Hubby's way of organizing is to stack papers up and say it looks good enough. However he steps under me when it comes to things like that....he allows me to get my quirky ideas and work things out over and over again until we find a way that works for both of us. He tries to put things where they need to go...but one way in that that I respect him is I organize things so that it is easier for him. I understand that he can't be like me and put things where they go exactly when I would, so I have a basket that he can put things into and then I will put those things away (or we will do it together on a major cleaning day, etc). So even in the ways that I have "authority" I still choose to show respect by looking at things the way he still needs them to be. His thing is the vehicles. My dad had a rule about us getting a license...we had to be able to change the oil, change a tire, and do basic maintenance on a vehicle before we could get to drive. So I *know* how to do those things, but my husband is a mechanic and is much better at those things then I am. I can physically work through how to get them done...but he is much better at it...so he takes the lead. If he tells me the van needs spark plugs and oil then that's what we do...because he said so. I don't question it...I just put it into the budget so it can get done.
I don't see it as a junior officer or senior officer, I see it as a thing of two officers working in two different offices. We each have our places and sometimes we have to each come under the other one...and sometimes we have to each come together on things. When it comes down to it though we have learned to each step down to the other's place of given authority....and when each of us (whether him or me) doesn't, then a fight ensues.
I also agree with something someone else said...I had to learn how to gain respect from my husband by showing him respect. I grew up with a dad that demanded respect...so that's the male side of things that I saw my whole life....but my husband and my dad are polar opposites. My husband isn't one to walk into a room and the whole room come to attention...my dad is...it's just how he carries himself and his personality. So in marriage (because my personality is similar to my dad's in a lot of ways) my hubby was actually a bit intimidated by me and wouldn't step up to be respected. So I had to learn (the hard way of course) to step back and show respect in doing so. Once I allowed him that respect he stepped up to the plate more and became the man that I could respect more. I notice that when things are getting out of whack, if I will do that again...step back and give him more respect, even in areas that he hasn't asked for or wanted me to respect him more in, then he steps up and is more apt to be comfortable in that role. He is not generally one to overstep anything...he will step down if it comes to it...but I find that if I step down instead he steps up and things work out better (generally speaking).
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