RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (Full Version)

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[Poll]

Do you love your husband? Do you respect him?


I love my husband but do not respect him
  4% (2)
I respect my husband but do not love him
  2% (1)
I love my husband AND I respect him
  87% (43)
I do not love or respect my husband
  2% (1)
other... in case I left something out :)
  4% (2)


Total Votes : 49
(last vote on : 10/8/2008 1:08:47 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )


Message

isaacsmom -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 11:21:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sideways

Now, I think that respect doesn't mean just following the husband no matter what, especially if it's a serious health or financial issue. But there are ways of hashing out an issue where both spouses respect the other's intelligence and opinion.

But again, while dH is the technical leader of the family, we make all major decisions together. Nothing is done without our mutual agreement. I don't think this shows disrespect for him. Actually he appreciates when I respectfully challenge his ideas, as it gives him a chance to refine them or even toss them completely out.

I can't phantom how I would even be supportive of an idea I felt was really wrong, especially if it had a major impact on the family. But there are ways of challenging him that don't insult his intellect.


Respect is an aspect of submission (following husband's lead, etc.) yes, however, that's not all it entails. I've learned to respect my hubby just as a person. He is very intelligent, works very hard, is godly, etc. I respect him for who he is and what he does. I respect him as our children's Father. He has a personal relationship with Christ, and so I respect him as a brother in Christ. And I respect his ideas in general. Not only in submitting to him, or in viewing him as leader. And I do, don't get me wrong. But I think there is a whole lot more to respecting him.



Mrs.X -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 11:27:45 AM)

I voted I respect him but do not love him. I wasn't sure if the OP meant we had those loving feelings or if we show love. I definitely show love. We did the 5 Love Languages quiz, so I at least know how to show it now. But, I don't really have the loving feelings very much. Never really have. We were kinda forced into getting married. But, those loving feelings have grown since our relationship has improved.

If the OP meant respect as in submit, yes I do respect my hubby. That's been a rough road, but I manage to do that most, if not all the time. It has made me trust God a lot more than I used to. Bad large decisions have been made by my hubby, but God has always gotten us through it. Do I feel respect? I did for a while there, but hubby is kinda slipping back into his "the computer is my life and no one else matters" mode. He goes in and out of those though, so pretty soon he'll probably become that man that I really like and feel much respect for again. I'm glad I can at least spot his patterns and not feel so doomed when he gets in that mode thinking "Is this what it's gonna be like for the rest of my life? I can't live like that." He'll come back soon, and we'll be happy and good again.



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 11:35:56 AM)

Do I love Micah? Absolutely. I have never met a man I have wanted to love more then him, and there have definitely been times in our marriage where it has been a choice and not just a "feeling". Christ is love, and love is sacrifice, not just a giddy, head over heals feeling.

Do I respect him? I do, and I have found that the more I show him respect the more I feel like I respect him, if that makes any sense. I respect him as my husband and the head of our household, as a person, as a man of God, as a leader in our community.



Sideways -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 11:36:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelMagnolia
If the OP meant respect as in submit, yes I do respect my hubby.


But why does respect = submit? That's the point I disagree on. I think respect means caring about a person's feelings, recognizing that although he is different from you, that doesn't necessarily make him wrong. I think it means listening with an open heart and mind, and always treating him like you would want to be treated.

Yes, we should always remember that our hubbys are beloved children of God. But there are a lot of people I respect that I don't submit to. And I feel that I would be a bad wife if I submitted to a decison that was really, really bad for our family. But before it ever comes to that we talk, talk and talk some more.

dH agreed to buy our current house even though he had reservations because I really loved it. I did love it, but that doesn't mean it was the only house I would ever want to live in. If dh had spoken up more, then we would've been saved a lot of grief (in the form of a lot of complaining from dH).

So, if the situation is reversed, then I should speak up, respectfully but forcefully. And if the situation still turns out wrong, then I keep my mouth shut and don't complain. I pity any husband who disregards his wife just because she's a woman and he feels his "leadership" is threatened.



isaacsmom -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 11:37:49 AM)

quote:

But why does respect = submit? That's the point I disagree on. I think respect means caring about a person's feelings, recognizing that although he is different from you, that doesn't necessarily make him wrong. I think it means listening with an open heart and mind, and always treating him like you would want to be treated.


Yes, yes you are right. Did you read my post? It's just one aspect of submission.



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 11:39:37 AM)

quote:

And I feel that I would be a bad wife if I submitted to a decison that was really, really bad for our family. But before it ever comes to that we talk, talk and talk some more.


Micah made a poor decision as the head of our home. I did not submit as in "don't make a peep and just go along for the ride" but I did submit after I voiced my opinion in a "God will get us through, DH already feels bad and I don't need to rub it in/make it worse" sort of way.

Other then that, [sm=thumbsup.gif]



Sideways -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 11:48:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: isaacsmom

quote:

But why does respect = submit? That's the point I disagree on. I think respect means caring about a person's feelings, recognizing that although he is different from you, that doesn't necessarily make him wrong. I think it means listening with an open heart and mind, and always treating him like you would want to be treated.


Yes, yes you are right. Did you read my post? It's just one aspect of submission.


Of course I read your post. I just don't feel like I have to always submit to my husband in order to show him respect.

Sometimes, perhaps wrongly, I feel like there is only one of two extremes. Either a woman is a man-hatin' witch who always has to be right, or she allows disaster just because he's the head of household. No, I am not pointing at any one person, I just get frustrated with feeling like its one or the other.

If something bad has already happened, then there is no gain in harping on the man about it.

But if the act has not been done yet, then you'd better believe I'll talk till I'm hoarse! Either my husband can convince me that he's right, or he won't do it at all.



isaacsmom -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 11:54:05 AM)

quote:

Sometimes, perhaps wrongly, I feel like there is only one of two extremes. Either a woman is a man-hatin' witch who always has to be right, or she allows disaster just because he's the head of household. No, I am not pointing at any one person, I just get frustrated with feeling like its one or the other.


Oh, I see. I don't live in either extreme. Thankfully, I have a husband I trust won't lead us to disaster. He really listens to the Lord and values my opinion.



ta_mosquito -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 12:42:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sideways

So, I guess I'm the only one who feels respect but sometimes has trouble acting out that respect?


Well, apparently I have trouble acting out the respect, too, since hubby doesn't sense that I really respect him. It's kinda neutral for him.



laughinggirl -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 12:49:07 PM)

I love my husband so much. He is a daily blessing to me. My respect for him grows and grows the better I know him and have opportunities to watch him exceed my expectations over and over again. He is a wonderful man and I am so thankful for him.



Nicole_Michelle -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 12:54:50 PM)

I absolutely love and respect my husband!



PrincessDonna -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 3:16:03 PM)

I do love him, though I will admit there are certain areas that we struggle over still that make me wonder why I even like him. But I do love him, even when I don't like the things he does at times.

I do respect him, but that is kind of a new thing for us and one I will admit I struggle with even when he is doing everything right. I really want to respect him and he has only in the past couple years shown me a man worth respecting. I actually found that didn't happen until I determined that I would do my best in God's strength to respect him as my husband and the head of our home even when I was not sure I could trust his leading...IOW, I had to treat him like he already was the man I wanted him to be before he could step up and be that man.

So for both, yes, I think so, but it is not easy. I am a strong-headed woman and in the past, he has not been the man he should have been. Put that together and of course there have been struggles in this area. But God is good and He is faithful and He is slowly changing both of our hearts and binding them tighter together.[:D]



paulsbride -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 3:35:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey

Do I love Micah? Absolutely. I have never met a man I have wanted to love more then him, and there have definitely been times in our marriage where it has been a choice and not just a "feeling". Christ is love, and love is sacrifice, not just a giddy, head over heals feeling.

Do I respect him? I do, and I have found that the more I show him respect the more I feel like I respect him, if that makes any sense. I respect him as my husband and the head of our household, as a person, as a man of God, as a leader in our community.


I thought it was the coolest thing the first time I didn't "feel" like I loved him, and yet I KNEW I loved him because love is a choice, not a feeling. Actually, every time that happens (not *feeling* in love, but knowing I love him) it amazes me and makes me happy.

I agree with whoever said they could never marry a man whom they didn't love or respect.

I also think men view respect differently (from each other)... whereas one man might want a woman who doesn't share her opinion unless asked *my husband* would not find that respectful. If I am thinking something or have an idea or think he's doing something wrong he wants me to tell him - the challenge to me is telling him in a loving and compassionate way. I struggle with that sometimes.



Georgia-Peach -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 4:08:09 PM)

quote:

the challenge to me is telling him in a loving and compassionate way

I struggle with that one as well.



lilyofthefield -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 4:30:59 PM)

Donna, that is just what I was trying to say in my post - you explained it much better! LOL



HisCovenant -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 5:44:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sideways
But why does respect = submit?


I absolutely agree with you and our marriage operates on a similar model to what you describe in your marriage, so I think the misunderstanding is one of semantics.

Respect is accepting authority over you because you trust the other. Respect is not a feeling. The Greek word for "respect" in Ephesians would more properly be translated "fear," accept we would take it out of context of the Bible and forget what "fear" means. When you study the word "fear" in the Bible you see that it is submitting to authority. It is used repeatedly in the OT about fearing God and it is used most of the time in a positive light with benefit to the one fearing, not the negative way our American minds percieve it. It may be an interesting study for you to do... I was shocked at what I learned- both about God, His expectations, and how that helps us to understand why Paul in Ephesians would say we are to "have a phobia of" our husbands when I know good and well taht God wouldn't have me cowering from dh (which is what started the "fear" study for me.)

Also the word for "submit" doesn't mean "act like a zombie and do whatever you are told." It was a word used to describe how an officer of the army would view his superior. He would still have decisions to make, have an important ruling role to play, anticipate what his higher-up would want, aid in forming strategy, etc. If it came down to a question of whose decision took precidence, the superior would be respected and trusted and the officer would obey.

So, I think it's all in your view of what those words mean. I think they mean something different than what you are connoting with them... but in the end, our relationships with our hubbies sound the same.



purejoy -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 6:23:10 PM)

Yes I love and respect my husband. He an amazing man, and I feel so spoiled that I get to be married to him!

Does submit = respect? In some situations, maybe. We make all decisions mutually. If we have different opinions, we discuss those opinions and pray over them until we come to agreement. To me, that's not submission. In all honesty, there has only been one time where something has come down to a submission issue (buying our house...funny someone else mentioned that!) and in the end it didn't end up being a submission issue. He wanted to buy our house. I really didn't. Really really didn't. After a lot of discussion, sometimes heated, and a lot of praying on my part, I felt God telling me that I need to show respect to my husband by submitting to his decision. So I told him that. Which caused another discussion to ensue in which he backed off buying this house because he didn't want it to be a submission issue. In the end, we came to agreement and bought our house. And this is EXACTLY where the Lord wants us to be.

This has got me thinking though.... do I submit to my husband because I respect him, or do I submit to my husband because I love him?

Maybe it's hard to separate those two...but I think I submit because I love him. I love him and want to show respect to him....so I submit. (As I said, we don't really have submission issues. But that's what I think happened in the above situation.)

Sometimes I do have a hard time showing him respect. I wonder what he would say. He's not home right now or I would ask him. Thinking about it, I completely respect him. But I have a feeling I probably don't show him enough in ways that really tell him I do respect him.



Sideways -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 6:25:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisCovenant
Also the word for "submit" doesn't mean "act like a zombie and do whatever you are told." It was a word used to describe how an officer of the army would view his superior. He would still have decisions to make, have an important ruling role to play, anticipate what his higher-up would want, aid in forming strategy, etc. If it came down to a question of whose decision took precidence, the superior would be respected and trusted and the officer would obey.

So, I think it's all in your view of what those words mean. I think they mean something different than what you are connoting with them... but in the end, our relationships with our hubbies sound the same.


Our relationships may sound the same, but I do not view my husband as my superior. I do trust my husband completely, but I do not obey him the same way I would my boss at work. If there's a serious disagreement in a decision, then we work it out till the issue is resolved. I don't just obey.

Now please understand, I am not putting down other marriages. I think a real problem here at CW is that if anyone says they do something differently, then that mean they are putting others down. And that isn't what I mean.

If my boss at work told me to do something I felt was incorrect (but not morally wrong), then I would explain my point of view, but in the end I would do what I was told. That is not how things work with my husband and myself.



Nicole_Michelle -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 6:28:59 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Georgia-Peach

quote:

the challenge to me is telling him in a loving and compassionate way

I struggle with that one as well.


Sometimes I wonder how to tell Lorne that his idea isn't the greatest without just telling him it is dumb. [8D] My mom always taught me that just because someone has a different idea or outlook on things does not make them or their ideas dumb. I always think of that when I have to tell Lorne that his idea or whatever isn't really the best thing. That usually helps! So far I think I do a really good job! Sometimes he gets upset when I let him know that his idea isn't going to work, but once he thinks it over he always agrees and then we move on! [:D] We have yet to find something major that we don't agree on (like where to live, what house to buy, what car to purchase, what to do with the money we made on our home... big things like that). We are 2 different people and I would find it weird if we both thought the same way. I think it would drive me nuts! [8D]



Nicole_Michelle -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 6:33:32 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Sideways

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisCovenant
Also the word for "submit" doesn't mean "act like a zombie and do whatever you are told." It was a word used to describe how an officer of the army would view his superior. He would still have decisions to make, have an important ruling role to play, anticipate what his higher-up would want, aid in forming strategy, etc. If it came down to a question of whose decision took precidence, the superior would be respected and trusted and the officer would obey.

So, I think it's all in your view of what those words mean. I think they mean something different than what you are connoting with them... but in the end, our relationships with our hubbies sound the same.


Our relationships may sound the same, but I do not view my husband as my superior. I do trust my husband completely, but I do not obey him the same way I would my boss at work. If there's a serious disagreement in a decision, then we work it out till the issue is resolved. I don't just obey.

Now please understand, I am not putting down other marriages. I think a real problem here at CW is that if anyone says they do something differently, then that mean they are putting others down. And that isn't what I mean.

If my boss at work told me to do something I felt was incorrect (but not morally wrong), then I would explain my point of view, but in the end I would do what I was told. That is not how things work with my husband and myself.


I totally understand how you think in this situation. I listen to my husband, but I certainly don't "obey" him. I think that would cause some major problems in our marriage if I thought I was to obey to my husband. I just don't like the word submit I guess. It sounds too boss/worker-ish. We do things together. We never do things unless both of us agree on it. And we always talk things through to come to an understanding. If I married a man that used the whole "submit to your husband" thing like some people see it as I could see me being one annoyed and unhappy person that got into a lot of arguments. [8D]



bride48 -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 6:57:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: InBetweenDreams


quote:

ORIGINAL: Sideways

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisCovenant
Also the word for "submit" doesn't mean "act like a zombie and do whatever you are told." It was a word used to describe how an officer of the army would view his superior. He would still have decisions to make, have an important ruling role to play, anticipate what his higher-up would want, aid in forming strategy, etc. If it came down to a question of whose decision took precidence, the superior would be respected and trusted and the officer would obey.

So, I think it's all in your view of what those words mean. I think they mean something different than what you are connoting with them... but in the end, our relationships with our hubbies sound the same.


Our relationships may sound the same, but I do not view my husband as my superior. I do trust my husband completely, but I do not obey him the same way I would my boss at work. If there's a serious disagreement in a decision, then we work it out till the issue is resolved. I don't just obey.

Now please understand, I am not putting down other marriages. I think a real problem here at CW is that if anyone says they do something differently, then that mean they are putting others down. And that isn't what I mean.

If my boss at work told me to do something I felt was incorrect (but not morally wrong), then I would explain my point of view, but in the end I would do what I was told. That is not how things work with my husband and myself.


I totally understand how you think in this situation. I listen to my husband, but I certainly don't "obey" him. I think that would cause some major problems in our marriage if I thought I was to obey to my husband. I just don't like the word submit I guess. It sounds too boss/worker-ish. We do things together. We never do things unless both of us agree on it. And we always talk things through to come to an understanding. If I married a man that used the whole "submit to your husband" thing like some people see it as I could see me being one annoyed and unhappy person that got into a lot of arguments. [8D]


Actually, I chose to say "love, honor and obey" in my wedding vow to John. I'll write more tomorrow...it's supper time now.



Shells54 -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 7:49:05 PM)

I voted loved and respected hubby. I am sure there are times that I don't show him respect. But I always show him love.
We are working very hard on the respect thing.



HisCovenant -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 9:16:08 PM)

When I said "superior" I meant a higher ranking officer, not one having more merit (worth or ability.) I just wanted to clear that up because I thought I might have been unclear.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sideways
Now please understand, I am not putting down other marriages. I think a real problem here at CW is that if anyone says they do something differently, then that mean they are putting others down. And that isn't what I mean.


I find that I take things that way even when they aren't meant that way. I think we were speaking in another thread of when some question SAHW duties out of curiosity that it sounds to me like they mean an insult, but upon reflection I know they don't.

I also find that when I believe something and have studied about it and act on it that I tend to think it's the best way. Otherwise, I wouldn't act that way or hold those beliefs. I have the attitude that if I could only explain it that others would act the same way because they would understand. I've learned over the years that I need to listen to others because I may be the one who needs to understand to act more wisely... but I don't think others always percieve that I am listening to them and weighing what they say because I "give my opinion so decidedly." I don't know if others do that, but I know I act that way. Y'all can all take that on board for future conversations. [;)]

So, if I give the impression that I am putting you down, please forgive me. I am listening to you and following what you are saying.



Sideways -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 9:28:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisCovenant
When I said "superior" I meant a higher ranking officer, not one having more merit (worth or ability.) I just wanted to clear that up because I thought I might have been unclear.


I understood what you meant. I've never thought that complementarian wives considered themselves to have less worth or anything like that. I still don't agree, though.

I asked my husband if he thought our marriage was like your analogy, senior officer to junior officer. He said "I wish" - then he stuck his tongue out at me. [8D]

quote:

I have the attitude that if I could only explain it that others would act the same way because they would understand.


LOL, my husband sometimes has that same thought! And of course, I would expect that you believe your way is the best way. I'd hate for anyone to think that another way is better but not be doing that.

I do hear you though. With all this talk of respect, may I say that I respect ladies like you and 3Capp, who are willing to explain your life choices with grace and gentleness?

We'll probably never completely agree, but with a lot of forum thread descending quickly into nastiness and name calling, it's nice that we can discuss our beliefs about marriage calmly and rationally.



HisCovenant -> RE: Do you love your husband? Do you respect him? (5/1/2008 9:38:56 PM)

My clarification about superior wasn't directed at you, but to all just because I thought it could be taken wrongly.

Thank you for being so kind! I am glad to be able to discuss stuff like this, too, and really hear each other. I really like it and appreciate it.



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