How To View The Molested? (Full Version)

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Amherst -> How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 1:45:00 PM)

Hey everyone,
Someone I am very close to recently stepped out in faith and bravely told me that she was molested from ages 7 to 12. I talked with her extensively about it, and I have been praying for her a lot since she told me.
My problem is that it's hard for me to view her as untouched and special now. I feel like she has marks left on her, and it's extremely difficult for me to see her as pure in Christ.
Please understand that I am NOT trying to make my problem seem more important than hers. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for her to live with those scars day after day.
I am just asking you what you think I should do about my views toward her. I know it wasn't her fault that she was violated, but thinking about it makes me devalue her mentally. What can I do about this?



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 1:52:24 PM)

Pray for Our Lord's Wisdom and Guidance for you. Seriously; that's not a slam.

But it is a slam to a person to view them as unpure because of something that happened to them when they were a child and had no voice in the matter. This attitude will eventually surface itself in how you respond to her and treat her overall; and if she hasn't yet picked up on how your feel, eventually she will.

From your profile, I see that you are male. Is this person someone in whom you are romantically interested?



Amherst -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 1:59:24 PM)

Yes, the mentioned person is my girlfriend who I've been with for over a year.
I know it is a slam for me to view her as unpure, because it wasn't her fault. I still want to see her as someone special, with no stains. I know that God sees us as sinless because of Jesus's perfect life, and I want to follow God's example and see my girlfriend as clean/pure. I don't know why it's so hard for me.



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 2:01:57 PM)

God bless you.



Kat_D -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 2:06:16 PM)

quote:

Someone I am very close to recently stepped out in faith and bravely told me that she was molested from ages 7 to 12. I talked with her extensively about it, and I have been praying for her a lot since she told me.
My problem is that it's hard for me to view her as untouched and special now. I feel like she has marks left on her, and it's extremely difficult for me to see her as pure in Christ.


Wow, that's pretty pathetic isn't it?

Please, do her a favor and let her go. She doesn't need another person in her life who says he cares for her, but makes her feel bad about herself and who perverts what real love truly is...unconditional.



MrsOliver -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 2:17:29 PM)

amherst,
after reading your post and letting it soak in, I would have to say this is a test for you. God is testing you, he is 'stretching' you and developing your spiritual mind. I think many of encounter things in our life that we just can't wrap our minds around but when we realize that, we need to turn it over to Christ. Prayer, as I see it, is your only answer. God is stretching you so you should be in prayer for your feelings and thoughts towards this situation. Take your eyes off your girlfriend and put them on yourself. Lay yourself on the alter of Grace, so that you can give to your girlfriend, what Christ has given to you! We are all human with human emotions and reactions. But don't stay in that....work your way out through the help of Jesus. HE will help you see your girlfriend and others, as HE SEES THEM AND YOU!

Be encouraged and blessed
Mrs. Oliver



sisrev -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 2:18:44 PM)

Pray for the Lord to change your heart.

I think we all, if we're honest, would have to admit that at times our love for others is self-based and not other-based. Face it, it's a lot easier to love someone who loves us back, is pleasant, attractive, and makes us feel good about ourselves. It takes time for some of us to learn to love in a more unselfish way. We're born with a selfish streak a mile wide--it's called the sin nature. Only God can change that, and if you are willing for Him to change you, it can happen.

Just keep praying and loving her, and give her the support she needs as she works through all of it.



stellaluna -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 2:20:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
Pray for Our Lord's Wisdom and Guidance for you. Seriously; that's not a slam.

Yes, please!



MrsOliver -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 2:24:02 PM)

Kat D
How is your response to him, any different than his response to her?

I have a feeling your post is not loving, encouraging or uplifting to him. He already stated he knew it was wrong, but still continued feel this way. He is looking for someone to 'encourage him in this emotional battle he is in".....



lightshineon -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 2:34:06 PM)

So if you see her as dirty, the evil continues, and a molestion of the soul continues. This is not a slam, but something in you maybe needs fixed also. If you cannot have understanding, compassion and love for a wounded Spirit, then maybe exzamine yourself, as to why not? Look deep into yourself, and pray for wisdom, and why you cannot have normal love and compassion.



Kat_D -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 2:52:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrsOliver

Kat D
How is your response to him, any different than his response to her?

I have a feeling your post is not loving, encouraging or uplifting to him. He already stated he knew it was wrong, but still continued feel this way. He is looking for someone to 'encourage him in this emotional battle he is in".....


Well, as someone who was sexually assaulted as a child, I guess I just don't have a lot of sympathy for anyone who would add to the pain of the victim by considering her to be damaged goods because some pervert robbed her of her innocence and purity...
.
.
.
but, maybe that's just me![sm=halo.gif]



Amherst -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 3:08:46 PM)

Mrs. Oliver, I want you to know that God has truly spoken through you! He has given you wisdom and He has used you as His vessel. God has used you to get through to me and I praise Him for His grace!

I don't want anybody to think that I am favoring Mrs. Oliver, because I am not. I know that you all have given your best advice, and God is using you as well, but after reading Mrs. Oliver's reply, I truly felt God's presence.

I can honestly say before God that I have resolved this issue within my heart. I have been in constant prayer since I started this thread, and God has worked on my heart and spirit! I now understand God's love and His mercy and grace. Now I see my girlfriend as pure in Christ, and I give all the credit and glory to God! I know He has worked on my heart and He has truly changed my view.

I don't want anyone to think that I am pretending to be resolved about this just to end this thread. Trust me, God has changed my heart completely and I don't understand how I ever could have thought badly of my girlfriend for her past. God answers prayer, and I can't describe the joy I feel right now; it's incredibly amazing! Thank you all for your encouragement and advice. God bless you all!



Kat_D -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 3:39:13 PM)

quote:

God has changed my heart completely


I hope so....for her sake!



Amherst -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 3:43:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kat_D

quote:

God has changed my heart completely


I hope so....for her sake!


Yes, God has changed my heart...........but not for my girlfriend's sake. I have been changed for God's glory, so that I can love according to His example of unconditional love in Christ Jesus!



NoDumbBlonde -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 3:46:44 PM)

To add to what has already been said, I suggest really praying for God to give you an increase in compassion for your gf. Those who have beem molested have very deep scars and emotional issues as to self-worth, value and our own sense of purity. You cannot fully understand the depth of what a sexual abuse survivor feels and believes about themselves. She will need additional understanding, support, encouragement and possibly counseling to work through those emotions and deep issues. Coming to Christ is a great start on the road to recovery but it's only a beginning. By loving her as Christ does you will allow God to truly work in her life as well your own. For her it may be a journey of healing. For you, a journey of understanding and compassion.

As one of millions of sexual abuse survivors, I appreciate your effort.

Blessings



Amherst -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 3:50:25 PM)

Yes, I am still praying that God will continue to give me compassion and understanding toward my girlfriend. I know she needs that to help her along. I have also been praying for her healing, and I will continue to do so. I know that through God's grace she can be healed.



Roberta_ -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 3:55:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Amherst

Hey everyone,
Someone I am very close to recently stepped out in faith and bravely told me that she was molested from ages 7 to 12. I talked with her extensively about it, and I have been praying for her a lot since she told me.
My problem is that it's hard for me to view her as untouched and special now. I feel like she has marks left on her, and it's extremely difficult for me to see her as pure in Christ.
Please understand that I am NOT trying to make my problem seem more important than hers. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for her to live with those scars day after day.
I am just asking you what you think I should do about my views toward her. I know it wasn't her fault that she was violated, but thinking about it makes me devalue her mentally. What can I do about this?


Talk about adding insult to injury!!

I'm glad the Lord has changed your heart.



Roberta_ -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 4:04:14 PM)

Is this the same young woman you mentioned HERE and HERE?



Amherst -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 4:08:40 PM)

Wow, you're good! Yes, that is the same young woman in both of those threads.



Roberta_ -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 4:12:39 PM)

So that puts her at being about 16 now?



Amherst -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 4:15:38 PM)

That is correct.



Roberta_ -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 4:15:48 PM)

Amherst- how would you feel if she'd been raped. It's pretty much the same thing.



Amherst -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 4:21:00 PM)

At first I thought that she'd been raped when she said "molested". But with further explanation I understood that was not the case.
If she were raped, I think that I would go through a similar process like the one I just went through (prayer and examining my heart), but it would take longer for me to be at peace with it.



Roberta_ -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 4:23:20 PM)

Why?

Either way someone forced her to do something very personal against her will.



Amherst -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 4:27:26 PM)

I think it would take longer for me to be at peace with it just because it's technically a further sexual advancement. At least that's how I view it in my mind. (Whether that's right or not, I'm not sure.)



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