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zamdad -> RE: Who will stand? (5/10/2008 12:16:59 PM)
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quote:
Do you really want to be judged the way you judge others? I thought I would come back and revisit this. I think I may have posted this here before. When I was supervising the sex offender caseload and co-facilitating treatment, I got to know the guys in the group so well that I knew where they were going to go with thoughts they wre trying to complete. I had the opportunity to sit and listen to them sort through their garbage and help them go through it to heal old wounds and begin the process of thinking in a way that had previously been foriegn. At the same time I was working with these guys, I was longing for someone to be that close to me. In supervising this caseload, I was not only exposed to the things I heard, but periodic home visits exposed me to pornography as well. While I was helping them process their garbage, I had no one to help me process the collateral exposure. IN the area I live, we re mostly rural and there is a large geographical distance between me and the men I consider friends. We also work varying schedules. I should be able to process the collateral stuff with my wife, but she doesn't want to hear about this stuff. My pastor is one of my closest neighbors. I also serve on the deacon board of the church. I went to him several times and found that he was incapable of relating on an intimate level. While he is good at counseling, his own upbringing makes it hard for him to get too close to others. Most of the men I turned to to be a Barnabas really didn't want to get that close either. I hthink, perhaps, I need to shed some additional background here. When I came to Christ, I came out of a lifestyle of drug use and promiscuity. I have no doubt that God's hand was in my recovery. While I did not go to any type of treatment, my thinking changed. I had repentance as my thought life turned a 180. I no longer thought about the old ways. if thoughts do strike, I am able to capture those thoughts, process them and give them to Christ to deliver me from them. I don't think I'm different than anyone else. I think we all need a Jesus with skin on. Another person we can be close enough to that we know they will listen, be there to help with a hand or pick up the pieces when we crash. I've heard this term described as a Ranger Buddy. This is something our culture has moved away from. Toward the end of my time supervvising the sex offender caseload, I began to experience some difficulty. I think I began to get to full of myself and forgot to turn to God as the source of my strength even though I'd known from the outset that he was the source. I also slipped into some old patterns. I allowed alcohol to become frequent instead of very occasional. I allowed some other sin issues to creep in. All the while I was reaching out for help. But no one wanted to see past the facade. Afterall, I am a church leader. I have the perfect family and live the perfect life. I finally got someone in the church to listen to me. My problems didn't go away. I am still struggling with some things. But, I have someone who will hold me accountable. Someone who is not afraid to ask me those difficult questions. Someone who is not afraid to point out sin in my life. Yes, there are times that I hate it. But, I know he loves me enough to care. Sadly, I can't say that for the majority of "the church." Even those of us who are the "go to" people within our congregations need someone to hold us accountable. I look at the Ted Haggard situation and I can see how he got into the situation. I don't know the who's or what's. But, if he didn't have someone courageous enough to get in his business, he was bound to fall off the merry go round. On these forums I hear the same things as those in the church all the time. "Trust God, He'll never let you down." "I'll pray for you." I know God, I know He's faithfuil. I know He's going to take me through some dark places for His purposes. I want to know that others care for me and others as much as they say God cares. Afterall, Christ tells to love our neighbor as ourselves. Frankly, I'm convinced that too many don't love themselves very much which makes it difficult to love others. I guess I'll end this rant.
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