RE: Teen Dating (boy) (Full Version)

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manda59 -> RE: Teen Dating (boy) (5/5/2008 5:59:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AslansChild
I'm not sure who posted it but I agree w/ the statement about taking some one to a social event where you are "expected" to have a date, like a school dance.


That's not a date (not what a young person would call a date anyway). It's just someone to accompany you to the dance (or whatever). Young people would see there being a real difference there.

quote:


A fear of mine is that my son will fall in love with the first girl he meets in college and she may not be the one.


I don't understand on what you are basing that fear. From what you've said, it's not as if your son has been locked away and deprived of all female company - he already has female friends at church.

When I met the man who became my husband, I knew he was the one. That was based on who he was, not on the others that I had dated.

And in fact, after I'd met him, I wished I had never dated anyone else first.



AslansChild -> RE: Teen Dating (boy) (5/6/2008 8:27:32 AM)

I believe when you ask a girl to a function, pay for tickets, bring flowers, and dance with her, that is a date. As for wishing you never dated before you meet your spouse, depending on how respectful those dates were there should not be any issues.

I also hope my children do not make the mistakes I made while dating. That is part of the reason why I think they should know the rules and boundaries and have an opportunity to mature into the relationship that will lead them to marrige.



manda59 -> RE: Teen Dating (boy) (5/6/2008 9:42:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AslansChild
I believe when you ask a girl to a function, pay for tickets, bring flowers, and dance with her, that is a date.


But, with respect, it's not you, or someone of your (our) generation that is doing this, it's a teen. And they have different ideas about what a "date" is.

quote:


I also hope my children do not make the mistakes I made while dating.


What mistakes did you make?

quote:


That is part of the reason why I think they should know the rules and boundaries and have an opportunity to mature into the relationship that will lead them to marrige.


What kind of rules and boundaries are you talking about? And would young people really have to "date" in order to know about these?



AslansChild -> RE: Teen Dating (boy) (5/7/2008 8:14:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: manda59


quote:

But, with respect, it's not you, or someone of your (our) generation that is doing this, it's a teen. And they have different ideas about what a "date" is.


Okay are you referring to dating or "hooking up"? To me dating from my generation (the 80's) is the same as dating now. You date to get to know someone one-on-one, now this may include hanging out in groups, being included in family activities, and more significant events like dances and proms, dinners. This also includes sitting with each other in church/youth group and "naging out".

quote:

What mistakes did you make?


Lets just say that I did not have any boundaries established and was able to push the limits. I also dated non-christians.

quote:

What kind of rules and boundaries are you talking about? And would young people really have to "date" in order to know about these?


Based on my definition above, letting my children know that they are not be alone with the person they are dating. That there are limits to touch. That there is a process of meeting the parents, us meeting the person they are dating, dating will not interfere with school, church or family, this includes extra curriculars.

As a matter of fact we have already had a young lady who introduced herself to us as our son's friend. It was nice to see a her maturity and respect. Based on that circumstance we (my wife and I) now know that there is this interest and can be open with our son about this friendship.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Teen Dating (boy) (5/7/2008 10:19:39 PM)

It is prom season. Around here, the high schools take different weekends to do prom. So for the past few weeks I have seen a LOT of prom-goers. ONE COUPLE was dressed in formal wear, behaving respectably, etc. The young lady wore a dress.

The rest of the dozens of couples I have seen...the boys were wearing jeans and ratty shirts and the girls were wearing remnants. They were behaving very badly...and they were NOT AT THE PROM.

Dressing up, bringing flowers, attending a special event and behaving, in general, like grown or near-grown humans may have been a date in the past, but it is an endangered species nowadays!



keelgirl -> RE: Teen Dating (boy) (5/8/2008 3:19:31 PM)

In today's culture dating for teens (or pre-teens) is not hanging out with friends, its a semi-committed relationship, going out ALONE, doing anything from kissing to sex, depending on the person and their boundaries.
Hooking up is where you get together for anything from kissing to sex for one night without any commitment to that person.
Friends with benefits is where you are not in a committed relationship but you have the benefits of a relationship (kissing - sex)

It doesn't matter what we view as dating, to teenagers the definition is way different and us thinking of it our way isn't changing it for them.



AslansChild -> RE: Teen Dating (boy) (5/9/2008 8:57:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: keelgirl


It doesn't matter what we view as dating, to teenagers the definition is way different and us thinking of it our way isn't changing it for them.


I am aware of all of these definitions but we can change our childrens views by setting the boundaries. I believe in extending trust until I am given a reason not to. By allowing boy-girl interaction and setting boundaries I think you can instill better decision making when it comes time for the kids to go to the next level of a relationship. Leaving this until 18 or older either has them sneaking around or jumping into something too quickly once they are let loose.



manda59 -> RE: Teen Dating (boy) (5/9/2008 9:08:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AslansChild
I am aware of all of these definitions but we can change our childrens views by setting the boundaries.


I think you may be missing the point. "Dating" means what it does in the world, I don't see how you think it will work to say to your son that you're going to allow him to date, when actually you are not (not according to how most of his peers/society in general define "dating").

quote:


I believe in extending trust until I am given a reason not to.


You may trust your son, but can you trust all these unknown girls out there? Can you trust them not to try and tempt him? You may trust your son, but can you trust his raging teenage hormones?

quote:


By allowing boy-girl interaction and setting boundaries I think you can instill better decision making when it comes time for the kids to go to the next level of a relationship.


Interaction? Sure, no problem. But interaction is not dating. It's just friendship, even a special friendship, but without any physical contact it is not dating.

Btw, what do you mean by "the next level"?

quote:


Leaving this until 18 or older either has them sneaking around


As far as I can see, no-one here has advocated boys and girls not mixing at all till they're 18.



AslansChild -> RE: Teen Dating (boy) (5/9/2008 12:07:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: manda59


I think you may be missing the point. "Dating" means what it does in the world, I don't see how you think it will work to say to your son that you're going to allow him to date, when actually you are not (not according to how most of his peers/society in general define "dating").

What I am saying is that in his perspective dating will be defined by my standards. If society defines dating as a relationship that leads to sex, we need to define it in acceptable Christian terms for our children.

quote:

You may trust your son, but can you trust all these unknown girls out there? Can you trust them not to try and tempt him? You may trust your son, but can you trust his raging teenage hormones?


I will never trust them if I do not have an opportunity to meet them. Hormones are hormones, Just like being able to lift heavier things by working on your muscles being able to recognize a situation as becoming dangerous needs smaller opportunities to recognize them.



quote:

Interaction? Sure, no problem. But interaction is not dating. It's just friendship, even a special friendship, but without any physical contact it is not dating.


Now you are accepting society's dating rules. Dating can be dating w/out physical contact. Going steady is where there is that pitfall with todays youth where a significant physical event leads to "going steady" (holding hands, peck on the cheek, kissing, petting, etc)

quote:

Btw, what do you mean by "the next level"?
Knowing when and at the proper age to ask someone to be more than a friend (This is where the age limitations come in).



As far as I can see, no-one here has advocated boys and girls not mixing at all till they're 18. Mixing yes but the term dating below 18 was shushed.


quote:

I think you may be missing the point. "Dating" means what it does in the world, I don't see how you think it will work to say to your son that you're going to allow him to date, when actually you are not (not according to how most of his peers/society in general define "dating").


Again we are working on providing the Christian definition of dating. Which is partially the respectful asking of a girls parents if he can escort their daughter to an event. He would be responsible for understanding both their and our rules, he would be responsible to treat her as a daughter of God and potentially someone elses wife (meaning this girl may date him but will marry someone else in the future and any actions that would cause her not to be pure for her future husband are forbidden).



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