must i sleep separately with my son? (Full Version)

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Brachah -> must i sleep separately with my son? (4/28/2008 8:35:16 AM)

my son is nearly 5 years old.
must i sleep separately with my son now??
to avoid oedipus complex?



Brachah -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (4/28/2008 8:42:08 AM)

i read some articles, say, that little boys may have oedipus complex, though, myself think it's ridiculous.



Brachah -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (4/28/2008 8:54:59 AM)

oedipus complex is said to be popular or normal according to psychology?
(3-6 years old is the period to have this psycho stuff.)



Brachah -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (4/28/2008 9:29:12 AM)

ok, i find an article. the final time is 6 years old.
n it's better to separate before 5.
n it is good if the boy has some man or boy models.



PrincessDonna -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (4/28/2008 9:49:27 AM)

I don't know if I believe in that complex you're talking about.

Is it culturally normal for children to sleep with parents where you are (I see you're from China)? What is your child's personality? Do you think he'll be fine on his own? Does his father want to encourage him to sleep on his own? Do you?

All things to think about...



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (4/28/2008 12:26:17 PM)

I agree with Donna's post. It depends on a lot, and I don't think there is one answer for everyone. Some families share a bed for many years, others have their newborns in seperate cribs from the beginning.

Is there any developmental issue that is keeping your son from being able to sleep on his own?



Auben -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (4/28/2008 2:44:43 PM)

Freud tried to explain many things about the human psyche. Some of the things still make sense to us today. Some of the things seem hopelessly contaminated with his own hangups and culture.

Certainly you know your family better than a man who's been dead for over a century. Use your best judgement.



stellaluna -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (4/28/2008 3:31:14 PM)

I wouldn't worry at all about "Oedipal complex." I'd worry more about when you want your kid out of your bed. [8D]

My great-grandparents had all five of their kids sleeping with them for years and years. My brother and sister-in-law slept with their son until he was about four--and then suddenly couldn't get him to sleep anywhere else. When their daughter came along, she wasn't allowed in the bed, ever!

Freud had his own issues. [8|]



Brachah -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (4/29/2008 4:47:20 AM)

tks for all the answers.

i am surprised. LOL. here people think western babies sleep alone after they are born. there are parents here thinking the experts ideas are all from the west. chinese are different. they have stronger family ties, also every parents only 1 child.

i still repect experts. i am discussing with my son about his sleeping on his own little bed beside my bed.

his father is worried. bcz once, he asked son to go watch a football game with him, but my son refused. my son is more dear to me than to his father. my husband travels a lot. he is also not a very communicative person at home. 99% of time at home he watches tv or plays computer alone quietly. mayb it wl be good to have some balance. just need do some experiments. hehe.



manda59 -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (4/29/2008 4:53:50 AM)

I think it would be good to encourage your husband and son to spend time together when your husband is home. Perhaps you could suggest to your husband of something your son would like to do, if not football.

I'd also suggest placing a limit on his TV/computer time, if you don't have one already.



buckifn -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (4/29/2008 8:58:11 PM)

I would suggest every child have it's own bed from day one.



W.O.F. -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (4/29/2008 9:50:12 PM)

oepdipus complex is actually a NORMAL part of development and has nothing truly sexual about it. It has nothing to do with whether or not you co-sleep with your child or whether or not they sleep in their own bed from day one.

In fact...those children who do NOT co-sleep have shown stronger "symptoms" of oedipus and electra complex (electra is the female version)....for no particular reason.

To clearly define what oedipus complex/electra complex is....it is merely the child recognizing strong emotion for the parent of the opposite sex and realizing that that parent is 'different' than they are. Both little boys and girls will say they want to marry that parent. It is normal and short-lived...especially if parents lovingly point out that they love the child, but not in the way that you love someone you marry. They are simply learning about love and do not realize yet that there are different forms.

Most girls and boys experience this between 3 and 4. Very few show signs of it after those ages unless there are other developmental delays.



Brachah -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (4/30/2008 4:00:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: W.O.F.

oepdipus complex is actually a NORMAL part of development and has nothing truly sexual about it. It has nothing to do with whether or not you co-sleep with your child or whether or not they sleep in their own bed from day one.

In fact...those children who do NOT co-sleep have shown stronger "symptoms" of oedipus and electra complex (electra is the female version)....for no particular reason.

To clearly define what oedipus complex/electra complex is....it is merely the child recognizing strong emotion for the parent of the opposite sex and realizing that that parent is 'different' than they are. Both little boys and girls will say they want to marry that parent. It is normal and short-lived...especially if parents lovingly point out that they love the child, but not in the way that you love someone you marry. They are simply learning about love and do not realize yet that there are different forms.

Most girls and boys experience this between 3 and 4. Very few show signs of it after those ages unless there are other developmental delays.


yeah, very good understanding of the 2 concepts.



Brachah -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (4/30/2008 4:02:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: manda59

I think it would be good to encourage your husband and son to spend time together when your husband is home. Perhaps you could suggest to your husband of something your son would like to do, if not football.

I'd also suggest placing a limit on his TV/computer time, if you don't have one already.


very good suggestion.
actually i talked with my husband already. he also admit he was wrong. he wl correct himeself. he is reasonable n loving person.



Brachah -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (4/30/2008 4:24:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: buckifn

I would suggest every child have it's own bed from day one.


according to 1990 survey, 44% american children never sleep with parents, 55% sleep with parent sometimes, 14% sleep some days per week with parent, only 11% sleep with parent.

here people think babies sleep alone fm day 1 is only western idea.
the chinese experts encourage chinese parents to give immediate care of their child when they feel cold, hungry, fear of darkness, or wanting to pee etc to increase children's sense of safety. chinese experts suggest children sleep alone from 3 or 5.

according to chinese survey 2005, there are still 17% chinese parents who support children sleep alone fm 0-0.5 years old.



buckifn -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (4/30/2008 11:17:53 AM)

brachah

Are you Chinese?



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (4/30/2008 12:46:47 PM)

quote:

here people think babies sleep alone fm day 1 is only western idea.


Well, it is (I think). But just because the idea originated in some Western man's mind doesn't mean we all agree with it. [:D]

I don't mind my older children (3 and 5) coming into our bed for a cuddle, but by that time all night sleeping is in their own bed--they share a bed with each other.

From one of your posts, I think much more important than where he sleeps is that your son connects with his father and becomes more physically active.



ladyichigo -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (4/30/2008 10:44:00 PM)

Both of my children who are now 6 and 2 have slept in their own crib/bed from the time we left the hospital. Thinking back, I think it was more harder on me to have them sleep in their own bed as I was constantly checking on them, and then constantly getting up to nurse them every hour! Had I thought of co-sleeping with them (which I was terrified at the time to do so in fear of losing my children to SIDS) while I was nursing, I think I would have had an easier time with nursing!! I'm thinking now whenever God blesses us with a 3rd child, I will definitely be thinking about having him/her co-sleep with me
And, once the baby is able to sleep through the night, then I will have them sleep in their own bed. :)



Christian30 -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (5/1/2008 12:08:50 AM)

Before having kids I was not a fan of sleeping with them. When my 20-month-old (or so) son walked up to our bed and said "sleep with Mama," my Japanese wife said joyfully: "Oh how sweet, he wants to sleep with us." I (an American) rolled my eyeballs and said: "Great, just what we need. Beds are for sleeping and sex, and not in that order."

My wife seemed more "right" in this area than I'd thought, but I don't think it's a moral issue. She said that almost all Japanese (at least in her generation) slept with their children, and she (confidently) told me that American culture is overboard with independence. Oh well, probably in the middle is closer to the best balance.

Brachah, the "experts" in western nations have their limitations. The east Asian societies have much to offer the world in terms of well functioning lifestyles. Believe me, we don't have all the answers here in the U.S.



snoops -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (5/1/2008 1:10:52 PM)

I think you have to do what works for your family.

It is just easier for me to sleep with my son than not. I hope that when he gets older and sleeps through the night I can put him down in his crib for longer periods of time. Right now, sleeping with him is easier for late night feedings and diaper changes and everyone gets lot more sleep than when we were putting him in the crib.

We don't intend to sleep with him for years on end, but fighting with a newborn about where he's going to sleep just isn't worth it - regardless of what the pediatrician says - and I think that I know my son's habits better than I would if I didn't sleep with him.

A couple we know has four kids and all of them started out sleeping in mom and dad's bed and they are very well-adjusted tweens and toddlers-and yes, they have their own beds!

Honestly, I can't wait until I can sleep in the same bed with my dh again (he's terrified of rolling over the baby); however, co-sleeping works for our son and we wouldn't have it any other way at this point in time.

I really didn't want to co-sleep at first, but now I can't imagine not doing it. It makes the evening shift go a lot better.



Ephesians4_32 -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (5/2/2008 10:31:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Brachah

tks for all the answers.

i am surprised. LOL. here people think western babies sleep alone after they are born. there are parents here thinking the experts ideas are all from the west. chinese are different. they have stronger family ties, also every parents only 1 child.

i still repect experts. i am discussing with my son about his sleeping on his own little bed beside my bed.

his father is worried. bcz once, he asked son to go watch a football game with him, but my son refused. my son is more dear to me than to his father. my husband travels a lot. he is also not a very communicative person at home. 99% of time at home he watches tv or plays computer alone quietly. mayb it wl be good to have some balance. just need do some experiments. hehe.


I think people here in the West are always looking for new ideas. For many years, breast feeding wasn't considered best for a child. My mother who is in her eighties doesn't approve of breast feeding. I only breast fed for a few months. My daughter breast feeds until the child wants to stop. Their four-year-old son still sleeps with them. But I think the "family bed" is a rather new idea in the United States. In the nineteenth century, it may have been more common (out of necessity). My grandfather and his brother shared a bed until the oldest left home to get married.

Our son-in-law is like your husband: "99% of time at home he watches tv or plays computer alone quietly. mayb it wl be good to have some balance." I think balance is a good idea.



Ephesians4_32 -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (5/2/2008 10:35:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Brachah

quote:

ORIGINAL: buckifn

I would suggest every child have it's own bed from day one.


according to 1990 survey, 44% american children never sleep with parents, 55% sleep with parent sometimes, 14% sleep some days per week with parent, only 11% sleep with parent.

here people think babies sleep alone fm day 1 is only western idea.
the chinese experts encourage chinese parents to give immediate care of their child when they feel cold, hungry, fear of darkness, or wanting to pee etc to increase children's sense of safety. chinese experts suggest children sleep alone from 3 or 5.

according to chinese survey 2005, there are still 17% chinese parents who support children sleep alone fm 0-0.5 years old.


I agree with the Chinese experts! Even though my husband and I had a small bed, I made a bed of blankets on the floor next to our bed if our children came to us during the night.



WesP -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (5/2/2008 1:48:59 PM)

quote:

here people think babies sleep alone fm day 1 is only western idea.
the chinese experts encourage chinese parents to give immediate care of their child when they feel cold, hungry, fear of darkness, or wanting to pee etc to increase children's sense of safety. chinese experts suggest children sleep alone from 3 or 5.


All 4 of my children have slept in their own beds since birth. They slept in a basinet by my bed until they could sleep through the night. After that, they went into the next room. That way they were still close enough that I could hear them if anything was needed. I would think that 4 or 5 secs to wait is not too bad. [;)]

At any rate, I am not judging your actions. I do not understand having a child in your bed, but I do not say that is wrong. I always thought that if I did things the way I did, they would learn to be individuals and not rely on me to thrive. At the same time, if they needed anything, I was right there to help and comfort them. It is a progression as the grow older.



JimboFletch -> RE: must i sleep separately with my son? (5/2/2008 2:14:17 PM)

As a male child, I would have considered it strange to sleep in the same room as my parents - or either one of them - at age 5, 4, or even 3.

At least by age 5, I would have MUCH preferred my own room (and did have).

IMO, if the child has been weaned, he should be sleeping in a different room than mama or dad.



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