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p.progress -> RE: Husband doesn't read Bible or is involved w/ church (5/1/2008 3:34:25 PM)
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Dear Bella, I haven't read the other posts regarding your delimma, so I am giving you straight out what I see to be the problem and the solutions for it. I fear though that none I think you are going to be willing to soberly take into serious consideration. But I thought it good to offer you what may be your only Scriptural solution - though I am well aware that the strength of your emotional entanglement with this man, will not permit you to see the objective reality that you are facing. I'll start my answers by quoting your words and then commenting:
"Hello all,
My husband was raised Catholic and even went to a Jesuit college."
This man was RAISED a Roman Catholic and to be sure STILL IS and REMAINS a Roman Catholic...him accommodating you notwithstanding in your particular choice and flavor of professing Christendom.
"We've been married for only a year."
You now for a year have considered yourself the lawful wife of this man...YOU, a born from above; redeemed, professing child of God, having a knowledge of your sins washed away by the once and for all never to be repeated blood sacrifice of Christ upon the cross, who YOU placed your ENTIRE trust and confidence in, NOT leaning whatsoever upon your OWN MERITS (works or deeds) to provide the grace to deliver you from "the wrath to come", but HIS merits, his perfect life of obedience to the will of his Father. You leaned upon this to not only deliver you from the wrath to come, but to give to you "the gift of righteousness" and "the gift of the Holy Spirit" of God to come into you and dwell with you and who enlightens you to the truth and SUPPLIES TO YOU THE DESIRE AND POWER TO both LOVE THE WORD OF GOD and THE PEOPLE OF GOD.
You leaned upon and placed your trust in Christ himself to save you from your sin, the wrath to come, and to grant to you the right to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven; you did not LOOK TO, NOR LEAN UPON the false claims of a religious system...no matter how 'ancient', 'great' or 'established' it is in this world to provide any of this for you. Such false claims would have lulled you to sleep, as it has millions of others; and caused you to think and say of yourself what you were not: a true child of God...that is, a follower of Christ, a 'Chrsitian'.
It is written: "...only in the Lord" [1Cor.7:39-40], "be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers...". To 'marry' an unbeliever is a violation of the command that specifically forbids this union.
"During the time we were dating, he started to go to my church, which is an evangelical reformed Presbyterian Church."
It is very common for a man to do this sort of thing, in order to please and thus win the affections of the woman he is interested in. Your experience in this regard is not the first, and sadly will not be the last.
Your dating of him - though you were ignorant of this or not - was the beginning of your violation of the command of Christ (who you call your Lord and Saviour - Master) to you (a believing woman) not to 'marry' such a man...NO MATTER HOW CUTE, HANDSOME, CHARMING, WITTY, INTELLIGENT, COMFORTABLE, KIND, GRACIOUS or otherwise the man might appear to be or is. There is a reason - if not many in fact WHY christ FORBIDS such unions.
"We both knew in order to get married we need to belong to one denomination. So he decided not to go to the Catholic Church anymore."
No, that may be your's and this man's thinking, but that is not what God thinks, nor what the Word of God teaches to believers is essential to 'getting married'.
In order to 'get married', God requires a few simple prerequisites: One, the father gives his daughter in marriage; and two, even if the father gives her, she may not marry a man if he is not a believer and she either knows or 'thinks' she is a believer.
That means to marry another man's daughter who's father "utterly refuses to give her" to him in marriage, is to covet and steal from that man what God forbids any man to covet or steal from another man; or as in this case of coveting and stealing, vaining trying to take the daughter of a man "to wife" when it is forbidden him before God to do so.
So the father MUST "give her" before she can in God's eyes be "taken to wife" - otherwise the so-called 'marriage', is NOT lawful, that is it is NOT acceptable in God's view and he thus does not make them "one-flesh" when they engage in physical intercourse on their supposed 'wedding night', rather they have defiled themselves and the sanctity of what a "marriage bed" is, and will bring God's blessing in when done acording to his will and order.
To get a so-called priest, pastor, minister or otherwise to 'perform a ceremony' of 'marriage' for a daughter who has disobeyed what God commands her to not do, that is, to marry a man who her earthly father forbids her to marry or he as her Heavenly Father forbids her to marry, does nothing to change God's mind on the matter. Such so-called 'marriages' only cause the minds of the ignorant and rebellious to rationalize what they want to believe to be true - but is in reality not. If God does not honor the sexual union then it is not a marriage, or a "one-flesh" relationship such enter into and engage in, but rather they are guilty of fornication...albeit a 'legalized' form of fornication. The state may grant you a license to marry, but that only establishes the 'legal right ' to do so in the eyes of the state; that has nothing to do with what only God can do when he makes two one-flesh.
This is a very serious issue, as there are many who are under the false impression that just because "the powers that be" are ordained of God, that this means whatever they give their 'stamp of approval' on in regards to 'marriage' God honors. This is a very, very naive and erroneous notion. If that were true, then when the state of Vermont (etc.) grants a legal 'marriage license' for two sodomites to 'marry', then they two would become one-flesh, and their 'marriage bed' would not be defiled by their deviant sexual acts (men with men, women with women), instead God would HAVE TO honor their unions!!! God forbid!!!
DO you SEE that God does not automatically honor what even "the powers that be" 'sanctify'?
Did God honor the murdering of millions of peoples in Nazi Gemany; or even many millions more in communist Russia under Stalin? God fobid that notion!!! It is no different when we are speaking of the commands of God against the marriages of believing women with unbelieving men; or a man who takes another man's daughter who refused to give his daughter to him "to wife". Just because it is 'legal' does not make it 'Lawful' [God's Law]. If anything, the legalized murder of unborn children via 'abortion' (Roe vs. Wade) ought to make this fact of truth plain to see and understand to be so.
The alleged importance of BELONGING TO THE SAME DENOMINATION is to think as man thinks and wrongly infer is an important ingredient in God's eyes. Belonging to the same God is what is essential to God. Merely professing to be a 'Christian' is not enough. Wisdom would have guarded you from allowing your heart to begin welding itself and become emotionally bonded to a man before you were absolutely certain of the genuineness of his relationship to Christ through the Holy Spirit. Did your father have anythinng to say about all this if you had one watching out for you? No need to answer this, just a question for you to think upon.
"We've been going to the same church for about 2 1/2 years. He still enjoys going and loves our pastor's sermons which is so awesome."
How so, for you go on to say...
"The only thing is, is that he has no desire to read God's Word, meditate on His Word, join a bible study, or to seriously get involved with our church."
What does the Word of God say of those that have been born again? "As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the Word that ye may grow thereby" I'll go so far as to say, I doubt the any who have truly been converted will lack this kind of hunger and thirst for God and His Word.
"It's like the sermons go in one ear and straight out the other. "
"It's like..." that most likely because that is precisely what is occuring when this man sits in the pew and the words of the man speaking enter his ears. Do you not know that Paul addressed this in the letter to the Corinthians [1Cor.2.14,6-16]? And Jesus himself spoke of this very thing [John 3; 8:43]? He does not understand whatever spiritual truth is being related from the lips of another man, becuae he is not born of the Spirit of God as yet.
"He says that he is a Christian."
Yes and you naively believe - or WANT TO believe this to be true. But face that facts: He most likely is NOT a believer; that's why he doesn't act like one. You 'married' an unbeliever...a very kind one perhaps, but an unbeliever nevertheless.
"He states that he was raised Catholic, went to all the theology classes, goes to church every Sunday, and has done some volunteer work in the past. "
So? That only lends itself to raising even more doubt about any conversion experience he's assumed to have had.
"But he doesn't see the need to read the Bible everyday and usually comes up with an excuse saying that he's too busy."
Again, the desire for God's Word only comes to thoise that are either seeking the kingdom of God (being drawn to it by the Spirit of God); or by those who have received the Holy Spirit after receiving the gift of righteousness by placing their whole faith and confidence in the merits of Christ - NOT a 'church' or religious system that calls itself the 'Church Universal'.
"He doesn't feel comfortable in a Bible Study and finds it too emotional. So, I'm sort of the spiritual leader of the house and I know that I shouldn't be (at least not forever).'
Well he might be right about your 'bible study' Perhaps there is too much emotional emphasis there; perhaps there is little truly spiritual depth being presented there, I don't know. BUt sometimes this is the case. If it is, then perhaps he might be interested in a bible study that is more centered on the study of the WOrd of God than a 'feel' good group meeting, that does little true scriptural study. Again I don't know what you're involved with. But it still sounds as if he is not evidencing spiritual life.
"Catholicism is really confusing to me."
Join the club. I have studied it somewhat, and can say this: Much, very much of what they teach SEEMS so close to the truth; but in my own sutdied opinion, is just that - an appearance. Better to stick to studying the scriptures then to try to figure out the RC religion or even argue about it. Seek the wisdom and knowledge of the Word of God and all false religious sytstems will become more clearly false in your sight as you gain the mind of God.
"I'm not trying to put anyone down or anything. My husbands entire family is Catholic. They go to mass every Sunday."
It isn't a matter of 'putting down' people or even religous systems; Christ and the apostles taught and warned all true believers to learn to discern between "good and evil"; truth and error. You can judge between the two without assuming the role of a judge, that is condemning as only God is able and has the right to condemn. We need to discern for our safety and to help others who need to be warned of things that will lead them astray...if they want to be hepled all the more you can speak to them.
I have no more time to comment on the below, but encourage you to take a step back and think on what I have said herein. I hope you can tell that I am not condemning you or this man. But I do care for the truth, and I see that you are in need of growth your understanding of the will of God for his children. It appears you've made a very serious error in marrying this man...not that he is not as I said before unworthy of someone's admoration, love and affection...just not a believers. And if you are a believer as it appears you seem to evidence, then you have made a common mistake in assuming too much of the character qualities this man possesses. He is not a believer, you are; good and kind and all that he may be or is: He still was and is off limits to you as a believer.
My perspective: I see that you are not "one-flesh" with him (i.e. not truly 'married'), but have entered into a relationship, 'legal' though it may be, it is nevertheless not Lawful in the eyes of God; and so is not acceptable to him...hence your physical relations are not sanctified in the sight of God, but rather you are committing the sin of fornication with him.
I speak from the stand point of what I have discovered in the study of the Word of God. And I am well aware of the fact that since it is very different and contrary to what is being generally taught out there in Christendom today, it is too strong to the ears of many to hear and bear. I can only say or encourage any (and l'll include you here), to not automatically reject what is stated herein as false, just because it is severe; but examine the scriptures for yourself - but do so honestly and very, very, very thoroughly...take your time in doing so, but don't fail to be diligent.
Look up all passages about daughters, marriage, taking a wife, giving in marriage, etc. These issues I cannot go into too much detail here, as they are considered I'm sure, 'off topic'. So if you have any further questions of comments, please feel free to contact me via whatever means this forum provides.
Blessing to you as you seek the truth of God.
"However, they never read the Bible either nor get involved with their church, or hangout with other believers. "
I'm here thinking, well they are still brothers and sisters in Christ but there's no heart in it?
"One of his family members commented saying that they read the bible during mass and that's all they need."
"So my husband shares the same way of thinking and living. I try to be encouraging and ask him if we can read the bible once a week. We do on occasion and he never complains."
"It's really up to me to mention it. He doesn't have any male christian friends. When he does get together with Christian friends, they're usually my friends who are married."
"One time I asked if we could ask one of his non-christian friends to go to church with us. This one particular friend has abandoned the faith because of the last church that he attended.
My husband got really upset and said that he doesn't want to impose our beliefs on him."
"I feel so stuck here and completely flabbergasted. He says that he's a christian but it's like it hasn't hit home yet. I'm really scratching my head over this and starting to get discouraged."
"Usually he even agrees with me and says that he need to be more disciplined and a "better Christian" (whatever that means)."
"I feel like I'm being tricked or something because he's been saying this for quite sometime now. He's just not motivated. Of course, I always pray for him. I just feel disappointed and upset at times.
"I love him a lot. He's very patient, understanding, kind, and such a gentleman. But when it comes to our faith... God doesn't seem to be his top priority."
"Any advice would be greatly appreciated."
"Is it harder for men to befriend christian males? Or for men to express themselves in the faith?"
Thank you,
Bella
Thank you all so much for your insight and well-thought out answers. I can't believe everyone took the time to help me with my situation. All of your answers are very helpful.
My husband is wonderful. I don't feel "superior spiritually to him". I would love to see him experience the fullness of God and that is my prayer.
At times though, it can be a little tough. I see these married couples at church and wonder, "when will my husband get there?"
I will try to be more patient. Thanks for your support.
Bella
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