Have you guys ever ... (Full Version)

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Love2play -> Have you guys ever ... (4/27/2008 9:43:17 PM)

liked a girl that your friend liked at the present time?
I hope this question makes sense lol.
If it doesn't, I'll let you guys know my situation.


I recently found out that a friend of mine was interested in me, but I didn't like him romantically so I told him that I just want to be friends.
Right now, I'm starting to like his friend (and it's one of his closest friends), but I don't want to purse an intimate relationship with him right now. I want to get to know him more and be friends for now.
I'm trying to think and wonder, if the guy I like, would even think of liking, liking me since he knows that his friend has romantic feelings for me.
So my question to you guys is, were you ever in a situation where a close friend of yours liked a girl and you as well liked her?

Thanks for your time and input!



APZR -> RE: Have you guys ever ... (4/27/2008 11:00:06 PM)

Yes, many decades ago back in grade school. The friendship didn't not survive, and I lost all in the end. [sm=yummy.gif]



NoShow -> RE: Have you guys ever ... (4/28/2008 10:00:39 AM)

Yes, a few times. Twice the other guys were very good friends of mine, another time he was just a friend\co-worker. Each time, I sat down and had heart-to-heart discussions with them, exploring how the situation was going to effect our (guy to guy) relationship.



Love2play -> RE: Have you guys ever ... (4/29/2008 10:34:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NoShow

Yes, a few times. Twice the other guys were very good friends of mine, another time he was just a friend\co-worker. Each time, I sat down and had heart-to-heart discussions with them, exploring how the situation was going to effect our (guy to guy) relationship.



Wow, that must've been a conversation that you had with your friends ... so what did your two very good friends think of the situation?



NoShow -> RE: Have you guys ever ... (4/29/2008 2:22:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Love2play

Wow, that must've been a conversation that you had with your friends ... so what did your two very good friends think of the situation?


I've always had very open channels of communication with male (and female) friends. I guess you can say it becomes a requirement in order to become a closer friend of me.

Both times (two different friends) we discussed how it didn't make sense to allow a "potential" relationship, ruin years of friendship building. And that "it" (the competing for affection) shouldn't be the cause of anything happening to our friendship. And in all three cases, it didn't.

The first time, she knew that we were both interested and we were good friends, but didn't know either of us real well, so didn't want to have any say (I think this was part of a typical female desire to be "pursued"). My friend decided to step back and not pursue her at the same time, that I did, after I promised him I wouldn't go "Percy" on him (Percy Sledge, When A Man Loves a Woman). When nothing really developed, I stepped back and my friend pursued. I forgot to get him to promise, not to go Percy on me, because he did. Their relationship did develop "more", even though she initially was put off by the fact that he chose not to pursue her in the beginning, but eventually didn't last. (She and I had a second relationship, later, but that's another story).

The other time, with a good friend involved, after getting everything out on the table (i.e. discussing our friendship) we both pursued her. We agreed to not "talk" about it (the "competing" for affection), whenever we got together. Funny, thing, it would become the "fuel" whenever we were doing anything "competitive" (in a fun way), in that we would be trash-talking each other (in jest) making references to breaking each others heart.

The time with the co-worker, we avoided each other somewhat, to limit our exposure to each other.



Love2play -> RE: Have you guys ever ... (4/30/2008 1:23:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NoShow

I've always had very open channels of communication with male (and female) friends. I guess you can say it becomes a requirement in order to become a closer friend of me.

Both times (two different friends) we discussed how it didn't make sense to allow a "potential" relationship, ruin years of friendship building. And that "it" (the competing for affection) shouldn't be the cause of anything happening to our friendship. And in all three cases, it didn't.

The first time, she knew that we were both interested and we were good friends, but didn't know either of us real well, so didn't want to have any say (I think this was part of a typical female desire to be "pursued"). My friend decided to step back and not pursue her at the same time, that I did, after I promised him I wouldn't go "Percy" on him (Percy Sledge, When A Man Loves a Woman). When nothing really developed, I stepped back and my friend pursued. I forgot to get him to promise, not to go Percy on me, because he did. Their relationship did develop "more", even though she initially was put off by the fact that he chose not to pursue her in the beginning, but eventually didn't last. (She and I had a second relationship, later, but that's another story).

The other time, with a good friend involved, after getting everything out on the table (i.e. discussing our friendship) we both pursued her. We agreed to not "talk" about it (the "competing" for affection), whenever we got together. Funny, thing, it would become the "fuel" whenever we were doing anything "competitive" (in a fun way), in that we would be trash-talking each other (in jest) making references to breaking each others heart.

The time with the co-worker, we avoided each other somewhat, to limit our exposure to each other.



So in both situations,
nothing worked out with the girl that you and your buddies were interested in.
But your friendships didn't get affected did it?

Now I have a new question ...
Guys, would you feel bothered if a girl that you liked didn't like you back, but liked your friend instead and pursued a relationship with him?



bigfrank -> RE: Have you guys ever ... (4/30/2008 4:05:59 PM)

I refuse to do so. Someone else thought it would be fun to do it to me once, and I refuse to put anyone through that. Never. It's not worth it.



NoShow -> RE: Have you guys ever ... (4/30/2008 8:02:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Love2play
So in both situations,
nothing worked out with the girl that you and your buddies were interested in.
But your friendships didn't get affected did it?


Nothing real long term. I'm actually friends with one of the girls still (she's married now as am I). Both (male) friendships stayed in tact for many years afterwards. Drifted about from one to do relocation.

quote:

Now I have a new question ...
Guys, would you feel bothered if a girl that you liked didn't like you back, but liked your friend instead and pursued a relationship with him?


I should define "pursue" for me. I've never really pursued someone as wanting them to be a "girlfriend", rather I "pursue" for a girl "friend". I've always gone with the approach of if we're good friends, we'll be able to see if there something there. I just don't see the point of an approach of "let's see if there's something there, even though we're not friends". The former approach often lets to new friendships (which some develop into relationships) while the latter doesn't realy give friendship a chance.

So to answer your second question, if I was interested in becoming a better friend of a girl and she was interested in pursuing a relationship with a friend of mine, would I be bothered? No.



SavedByGraceMD -> RE: Have you guys ever ... (5/1/2008 1:11:31 PM)

Yes I have liked someone my friend liked also. But once I knew he had feelings for her I did not pursue her. I think the friendship is more important to me.
But I know that most guys, not all, would not let the friendship stand in the way.
Neither would most men stand in the way of their friend dating someone whom they liked but had no interest in him.

I just think it is best to get all of it out in the open. What most men would reject and get P.O'd about, is if they thought this was happening behind their back.



Love2play -> RE: Have you guys ever ... (5/1/2008 1:20:23 PM)

Alright guys, I really appreciate your opinions ...
every answer meant a lot and has helped me in a different way [:D]



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