I have searched for advice on this and have come up empty handed.....Any Ideas??? (Full Version)

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firefly31784 -> I have searched for advice on this and have come up empty handed.....Any Ideas??? (4/26/2008 5:18:26 PM)

I married the most wonderful christian man a year ago. I felt so blessed to find a man who had submitted his life to the Lord. He is great in most ways. Haha there are no perfect men. Last week he told me he wasn't sure if he believed any more. He had struggled with his faith a few years before we were married, but had overcome, and now he has returned. It is so hard to picture our lives with out sharing God as our master and rock. There is no advice out there for this kind of thing... what do I do. It breaks my heart...



ChoirDJ -> RE: I have searched for advice on this and have come up empty handed.....Any Ideas??? (4/26/2008 5:51:42 PM)

You continue to pray for God to help him sort out the confusion in his heart and you persevere by "showing" him Christ through your godly example. It's not uncommon for us to go through periods of disillusionment and their are plenty of stories in the Bible that illustrate this. In fact, I would argue that we all go through some form of doubting what we are a part of at some point in out lives. Pray with him as well if he is willing but don't criticize or condemn him for the doubt because it could actually be a healthy thing in the long run.



h_seaton -> RE: I have searched for advice on this and have come up empty handed.....Any Ideas??? (4/27/2008 12:58:55 AM)

There is a movie called "A Case for a Creator" by Lee Strobel. You can find it at any Christian book store. The man set out to disprove God's existence, and ended up convinced that there is a God. It is a short, (1 hour I think) film, but it will help. It is also a book if you would prefer to read it.

We all doubt on occasion. It is not easy to live by faith. Whenever I have my doubts, I think about some of the things said in the movie and it helps a lot.


Also, try this series of youtube videos.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGrvp-8oDok
It's an 8 part series I think. They are very interesting.



maddog4god -> RE: I have searched for advice on this and have come up empty handed.....Any Ideas??? (4/27/2008 5:46:43 AM)

In all things we have two choices, look at the problem or look at the answer provider - sounds like a pat answer I know but think about it.

You can worry about your husband and invest lots of time in it - or you can speak the word over that situation. God IS the best "wooer and courter" there is - he knows what to say to your husband and how to court him. Love is the most powerful force on earth and it is rather quite irresistable.

Keep in pray and focus on your walk :D



firefly31784 -> RE: I have searched for advice on this and have come up empty handed.....Any Ideas??? (4/27/2008 8:34:16 AM)

These are not your typical doubts... his brother is gay, and he believes he was born that way. Therefore.... his thinking is that if the bible isn't perfectly true through out then how can he trust it. he had struggled with it before, but was able to get through it. Now it has returned, and he struggles going to church with me etc. Here's another question.. If he decided to not believe should we proceed with having children?

Thank you for your encouraging advice... I will certainly use it!



armydude -> RE: I have searched for advice on this and have come up empty handed.....Any Ideas??? (4/27/2008 9:14:24 AM)

The best advice I can give is pray. And keep praying. And when you think you've prayed enough, pray some more. In other words, the best advice you can get here is good, but your Heavenly Father can handle this situation. I'll join you in that prayer that your husband does not give in to the lies he's hearing and now starting to believe. Also that your husband draws closer to God in this hard time instead of further away.



fist.sensei -> RE: I have searched for advice on this and have come up empty handed.....Any Ideas??? (4/27/2008 9:57:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: firefly31784
These are not your typical doubts... his brother is gay, and he believes he was born that way. Therefore.... his thinking is that if the bible isn't perfectly true through out then how can he trust it.


That is a very typical doubt, I know many who struggle on both the issues of gays and scripture being "perfect". I think it is good that your husband is questioning and searching, in my limited experience most end up strengthened after periods of doubt. I think we should worry more if we don't have doubt from time to time on various subjects, because then we have become complacent.

Is he questioning the existence of God?

quote:

ORIGINAL: firefly31784
he had struggled with it before, but was able to get through it. Now it has returned, and he struggles going to church with me etc. Here's another question.. If he decided to not believe should we proceed with having children?


The bible says that as a believer you should not leave your unbelieving spouse, but by your righteousness make your spouse and children clean.

I don't know of anything in the bible that would make any indication that you should not proceed normally in your love and respect towards your husband.

I do know that the bible says that we can not judge if someone is saved or not, only God can do that. And only God can enter their heart to save them.

I don't think you have anything to worry about, in fact be glad that your husband trusts you enough to communicate this to you. He is showing you love and trust, so return that love and keep his trust by being loving and kind to him while he tries to figure out his spiritual way. Think of how patient God is with us! That is how patient we are supposed to be with each other!



mbgb -> RE: I have searched for advice on this and have come up empty handed.....Any Ideas??? (4/27/2008 10:40:32 AM)

Firefly,
Please continue to pray for your husband and pray to God to help you through this trial. As for wisdom and guidance and courage to be able to tackle the task God has put in front of you, as He knows you are the only one suited for the job. It won't be easy, but you are married. Your husband may stray from the Word and in his belief. I hope you will try to maintian your own relationship with God throughout this journey. Your life as a believer will be the best witness for your husband, and who knows what is happening in his heart, we do not always see that. God knows where your husband stands. Your prayers will help lift his heart towards the Lord if God is willing.

I'll be praying for you sister. Just stay strong because this is your duty, look at it as a job, it's just part of what you signed up for. I'll pray for you!!!



Memaw. -> RE: I have searched for advice on this and have come up empty handed.....Any Ideas??? (4/27/2008 8:49:17 PM)

Firefly,
I would like to offer you the 30 Day Husband Encouragement Challenge and 31 Days of Praying For Your Husband.
I have seen God work miracles through this simple daily encouragement and prayer.



firefly31784 -> RE: I have searched for advice on this and have come up empty handed.....Any Ideas??? (4/28/2008 6:47:34 AM)

You know I thought posting on this was crazy, but it was so helpful. My husband doesn't want me to talk about this with any one. Having God as a focal point in any marriage is so wonderful. It's difficult because you do feel like one, and we were pulling in the same direction ( to seek God) at one time.. and now he is staying in place and I'm still pulling... It makes such a significant difference in a relationship. I've lost my accountability partner.. I'm praying so hard for him..



carl54 -> RE: I have searched for advice on this and have come up empty handed.....Any Ideas??? (4/29/2008 9:56:06 PM)

Be positive and tell him how wonderful it was when you felt that the tow of you were pulling towards God together, and let him know you miss him in that regard. Let him know there a lot of negative outsife influences (homosexual issues, etc.) knocking at the doors of your union, but that the only ones that matter is you and him, and God, the glue that tightens your bond. You should expect these influences to come at you and you should be prepared to fight them off by pulling even closer together and to God.

When my wife and I were in our earlier years of marriage this was our message to each other -- It´s just you and me and noone els matters but God.



firefly31784 -> RE: I have searched for advice on this and have come up empty handed.....Any Ideas??? (5/9/2008 4:39:40 PM)

I posted earlier regarding my christian husband deciding he was unsure or did not believe. When we do our nightly devotions and go to church together I can tell he is just doing it just for me... although I am happy he is doing it. It is so hard to watch him go through this. I miss my best friend and soulmate being my accountability partner. It has been hurting our relationship. We get more distant every day even though I try hard for it not to. I can see our values begin to drift in different directions. It is incredibly trying. What makes it more difficult is that he does not want me to tell any one so I can't have a physical person give me words of wisdom.

It's ironic because I waited so long to marry a man devoted to God and I did, and this situation happened.

Has any one ever gone through this. I'm trying to be an example and be encouraging. I have no intention of leaving him regardless of what he decides. It just hurts.... and I can't talk to him about it. I want him to make that decision out of his own will not forcefully because he is watching his wife hurt.



4agape -> RE: I have searched for advice on this and have come up empty handed.....Any Ideas??? (5/9/2008 9:21:30 PM)

The best way to show someone the truth is to study it. Look up different things regarding Christanity to help with the "truth."

Our truth tends to be faithfully blind at times...and this is good for our faith; however, when we no longer have faith you have to find the REAL reason to why people believe.

Apologetics is a good subject to become familiar with for your husband. It shows why people believe and it has an excellent argument.

THere is evidence for Christanity and you need to become familiar with it. Google it!

I also recommend a few documentaries I have seen lately......"The Star of Bethlahem or The Bethlahem Star".....very interesting.....also "Expelled: No Intellegence Allowed."

I would also look on the internet for videos that can help show why people believe according to facts.

Also check out Lee Stroble's "The Case for Christanity"

This individual was once an athiest who was a lawyer and sought to prove christianity wrong...in the end, he converted. THere is a book and a video.....you can easily find them on the internet.

He has other products, books, videos as well. You can rent them at some video rental places or you can just purchase them.

Get all of them if you can because he was once a skeptic and converted. TRUST ME!

Also, some educated pastors should have knowledge regarding apologetics. Ask someone in your area.

Its not about "believe because I say so." But just the opposite, "Believe because its real and there is evidence."



jaimestarcross -> RE: I have searched for advice on this and have come up empty handed.....Any Ideas??? (5/10/2008 2:29:26 AM)

We all have a sin nature and everyone struggles with a particular sin ... for some it's a sexual sin, for some it's popularity, shopping too much, for others it's loving money, or getting the right job etc...

Ephesians 2:1-10
As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

The Bible tells us to cast down any thought or imagination that isn't in line with God's word... when a Christian fails to do that he or she will continue having doubts and rely upon their own knowledge and reasoning... and they will follow their own beliefs and push God aside.

Does the minister at your church know he's struggling?
Has your husband ever had spiritual mentoring?



Prairiehiker -> RE: I have searched for advice on this and have come up empty handed.....Any Ideas??? (5/10/2008 1:04:35 PM)

Find out what his struggles are before deciding on the course of action. I know that you have to be strong in your faith at all times and don't allow yourself to be drag down by his "unbelief". It's normal to doubt. It's in wrestling with those doubts and finding answers for them that makes one's faith stronger. Here's a website that helped me a lot during my period of questioning.

www.str.org

Also, James Dobson of Focus on the Family did a broadcast a few weeks ago about a woman whose husband completely abandoned the faith. It might help you, even if it's just to get an insight on what you shoudl do as a submissive wife to a non believing husband. I'll try to find it for you.



futuremartyr -> RE: I have searched for advice on this and have come up empty handed.....Any Ideas??? (5/10/2008 3:17:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: firefly31784

These are not your typical doubts... his brother is gay, and he believes he was born that way. Therefore.... his thinking is that if the bible isn't perfectly true through out then how can he trust it. he had struggled with it before, but was able to get through it. Now it has returned, and he struggles going to church with me etc. Here's another question.. If he decided to not believe should we proceed with having children?

Thank you for your encouraging advice... I will certainly use it!


why does he believe his brother was born gay? how does he explain gay men who have become saved and are no longer prusuing sin?

1 Corinthians 7:13And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away.

14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are (L)holy.
15Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us (M)to peace.

16For how do you know, O wife, whether you will (N)save your husband?



firefly31784 -> RE: I have searched for advice on this and have come up empty handed.....Any Ideas??? (5/11/2008 6:15:43 PM)

Thank you for the james Dobson video I will check it out. Has any one ever had this happen to them? If you have please send your encouraging words...



pstrdebi -> RE: I have searched for advice on this and have come up empty handed.....Any Ideas??? (5/11/2008 7:45:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: firefly31784

I posted earlier regarding my christian husband deciding he was unsure or did not believe. When we do our nightly devotions and go to church together I can tell he is just doing it just for me... although I am happy he is doing it. It is so hard to watch him go through this. I miss my best friend and soulmate being my accountability partner. It has been hurting our relationship. We get more distant every day even though I try hard for it not to. I can see our values begin to drift in different directions. It is incredibly trying. What makes it more difficult is that he does not want me to tell any one so I can't have a physical person give me words of wisdom.

It's ironic because I waited so long to marry a man devoted to God and I did, and this situation happened.

Has any one ever gone through this. I'm trying to be an example and be encouraging. I have no intention of leaving him regardless of what he decides. It just hurts.... and I can't talk to him about it. I want him to make that decision out of his own will not forcefully because he is watching his wife hurt.


Hi Firefly...

I hear worry and panic in your voice. Yes, I can still hear you... even though I'm not with you physically... I (and others) am with you in spirit.

I want to touch on a couple of things. First, remember... Ephesians 6:12, "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." There is a battle waging over your husband.

Sweetheart... the enemy "goes about like a roaring lion, seeing whom he may devour..." The enemy is also the author of confusion and the author of lies... and he is stirring up questions and thoughts in your husbands mind.

We tend to look at what we see right in front of us sometimes... I am a very visual person, and when I hear of these things... I can picture the war going on in the heavenlies between the angels and the demons over your husband. And that is exactly what is taking place.

I don't say this to scare you, but to give you an idea of how to pray. If your husband is saved... you need to remember Gods promises... AND you need to pray them back to God, reminding Him of His promises.

John 10:28-29, "And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father's hand."

Philippians 1:6, "being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ."

Also... pray through the Psalms... God loves it when we pray His Word back to Him.

Now... do not think that the enemy is not working on you also... he is doing so by causing you to worry and fret... which God has commended us not to do. The enemy wants to stir your thoughts and cause fear and intimidation in you. He is doing this so that you will lose focus on who you are in Christ... AND THE POWER YOU HAVE IN AND THROUGH HIM! You need to stand strong for your husband, yourself and your future children.

Read Ephesians 6:10-18 and Joshua 1:9. Also read His promise to you in Psalm 37:1-8, Psalm 62:5-8

Praying for your husband and standing in the gap for him right now is one of the biggest tasks you will have. Remember that nothing comes to us that hasn't first passed through the Fathers hands. God, your Father is listening for you... and HE is the one that will turn your husband back to Himself. Ezek 36:26 tells us, "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh." God is telling us that He will change our hard hearts and give us soften ones. And Jesus tells us in Matthew 18:12 "What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them goes astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine and go to the mountains to seek the one that is straying?"

Now, also read Psalm 23... pray it and rest in it.

Keep praying and keep standing strong in the Lord. He will deliver your husband from the hand of the enemy.

Much love... [:)]
Pastor Debi



isaiah6524 -> RE: I have searched for advice on this and have come up empty handed.....Any Ideas??? (5/14/2008 1:50:30 PM)

My spouse became a christian about a year before we married and then a year or two after the wedding, began to have doubts....and then totally renounced the faith.

I tried everything "in my power"....(More recently I've determined to "get out of God's way")

I felt alone. I felt betrayed. I was afraid of being judged so did not tell my church friends, and I didn't want my spouse being judged either.
Know this: Satan wants you to FEEL alone and afraid. He is the master of lies...the truth is: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

It can be lonely, married to an unbelieving spouse. There is so much that changes. But you are not alone.

If your husband is still open to searching for the truth, support him in that, do it together, search scripture together, try to understand the root of his doubt (it sounds like you do already) and show him you are invested in HIM, that you love him unconditionally, and that you do not judge his doubt. Doubt is not a sin, just as anger is not a sin...it's what we DO with it that can Cause sin. It is a seed that Satan plants, but can still be used for good...to strengthen your faith...or can be used for bad...to step away from your faith.

Know this as well...it's your husband's faith, his decision, period.

A question: does he not want you to speak about the nature of his doubt because of a control issue on his part, or because he feels ashamed? If he's going to church with you, the people you talk to about it would probably know him as well. Are you, individually or together, involved in any bible studies or ministries within your church community? If not, he may be uncomfortable with people he only knows a little bit judging him for his previous struggles and doubts. (right or wrong....this may be the root of his not wanting you to talk about it)

Bringing kids into the marriage is a decision you will have to make personally, after much prayer. I decided not to add that to the mix, but I was also dealing with chronic addiction in my spouse and never felt a peace about it after much prayer and counseling. You may want to set that decision aside for a season. I think, at least where I was concerned, we feel such an urgency, when in fact God's timing is perfect. (And sometimes He says "No.")

I have heard it said that it is harder to raise children in a home where one spouse doesn't believe, but they are still God's blessing. I haven't seen any scripture (though haven't "seen it all!") saying one way or the other that it is right or wrong.

Keep praying, if you aren't personally in a Bible Study or small group within your church, GET IN ONE! I can't stress this enough. I was totally isolated at first. I then got involved in a ministry and was invited to a small group bible study and those two groups have come beside me in an amazing way. They are my family, they point me to God and to Scripture, and to prayer. They hold me accountable and speak truth in God's love.

Scripture tells us to fellowship. I'm not the best at remembering scriptural references, but I know it says that!!! To lift one another up in Love, that we are a part of the body of Christ and that when one hurts, we all hurt. Your church family is blessed to come beside you and support you in your time of need. Allow them to do that. Even if, in honoring your husband, you choose not to get into the details, consider allowing your church family to pray for your emotional and spiritual needs.



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