RE: Purity Rings? (Full Version)

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OLEEguacamole -> RE: Purity Rings? (4/29/2008 3:36:48 PM)

i know kids that REALLY meant it when they decided to stay pure, but didn't.

often their compromise is based on:at least this is the person i'm going to marry. after the break-up? well at least THIS one is the one...and the possibility of being the only one on the wedding night is over. so what is the drawback now?

keep in mind, we are talking about young people, not adults with our sensibilities.



karlie -> RE: Purity Rings? (4/29/2008 3:39:45 PM)

quote:

Many will wear it and sin anyway, if that is what they want to do. If, however, they decide to honor God's law, then they really have no need for the ring.


I guess I look at it much like I do my wedding ring. Will it keep me from sinning in and of itself? No. That's a heart issue that has nothing to do with a ring. I'd stay faithful even if I never owned a wedding ring. But it means much more to me than a passing fad, just as my daughter's rings seem to mean to them. It's a symbol of a commitment. By the way, we didn't pressure either of our girls into them. It was actually our oldest daughter's idea when she was a teenager, and when our youngest became the right age, it seemed important to her too. We wouldn't have presented them with those rings or even bought them if it wasn't what they both seemed to want.

Obviously kids can and do stay pure without them. My husband and I were both virgins when we married and neither of had ever heard of a purity ring! I certainly don't think they are a must by any means. But I'd also never presume to negate what a purity rings does mean to some people or turn my nose up at the symbol just because I didn't need/want one. Some people are fine with no wedding ring too, but others(like me) place a lot of value and pride in wearing one.

My oldest said her husband looked at it often on her finger before they married...it was his reminder that until HIS ring was there, she didn't belong to him.



ladyingrace1979 -> RE: Purity Rings? (4/29/2008 3:48:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mrsdash

i actually think that this is a significant flaw in the concept. the tying in of the parents too strongly to purity. sexual purity is between God and an individual and the commitment should be to God. a young person should know that the compromise in breaking that commitment is a compromise in his/her walk with God.

yes parents have a role. but the relationship here is with God.

Then I guess we throw out the passage in proverbs about training up a child? As an adult I have mentor and role models. I am to be that for my child, only with more responsibility and authority to correct.



OLEEguacamole -> RE: Purity Rings? (4/29/2008 3:53:29 PM)

i did not even come close to saying we are not to teach and train our children.

i am talking about the way we have conceptualized purity.



ladyingrace1979 -> RE: Purity Rings? (4/29/2008 3:58:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stateofgrace

Last night I glanced through this thread, and my thoughts were along the same lines as the Tinkerbell and MrsDash. I didn't post last night because in the big scheme of things as far as our walk with Christ, I don't think whether or not a parent choses to give their child a purity ring is a big deal - I think we have liberty in this area. And I didn't want to be the lone party-pooper.

Personally, I think that the purity ring thing is a fad, although well intentioned. It's much more important to me personally to focus on my children's overall walk with Christ, and help them learn to make wise choices, then to make a big deal with some kind of symbol of their purity and a ceremony or ritual surrounding it. Thousands of people wear crosses, for example, without it meaning what it should mean to them. For others it has deep meaning.

The other thing tied into the purity ring, which is certainly not true in many cases, but true in some, is the whole idea of girls "giving their heart to Daddy" (and going on "dates" with Daddy, etc.) - and I really, really am uncomfortable with putting a "romantic" focus on the father/daughter relationship.


So you don't speak or do anything specific about the child's sexuality? Sex is very tempting and if a physical symbol helps my child stop and think for a moment then it helps.

How is this ritual any different from water baptism? Ritual and ceremony can be valuable landmarks in our life. Symbolic yes, but the commitment behind them deserves commemorating. If you follow your logic about people wearing crosses a step further, thousands of people marry every year and how may end in divorce, how many take that ritual seriously. So should we stop getting married?



ladyingrace1979 -> RE: Purity Rings? (4/29/2008 4:04:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mrsdash

quote:

ORIGINAL: karlie

quote:

yes parents have a role. but the relationship here is with God.

That's very true, but in my opinion, until my children are adults, I am directly responsible for helping them maintain that purity. I don't think we were tied in to strongly to it at all. We trained them in the ways of God, we prayed for them and we presented them with a purity ring when they were of the appropriate age. How strongly they chose to feel that commitment to God was between them and God.

i am really talking about the concept. i appreciate the heart of the purity ring thing. my thinking on this comes from stepping back and looking at our culture and the teens within it.

a large portion of our christian teens are not waiting. even the pledged, ringed kids.

as much as we look at our kids as still our kids (rightfully so) sex is an adult concept. kids are breaking away from their parents to stand on their own two shaky feet when it comes to sex.

i have issues with the "sex is a gift for your future spouse" too. it's about obedience. that's what purity is REALLY about. i don't think a lot of christian kids today fully understand that.

we are romanticising purity, it's more serious than that.

my teens and young adult children feel the same way about the christian perspective/marketing of purity and are saddened by how many christian kids are falling into premarital sex.

So we do nothing? If the purity ring is romaticising purity fine. Heaven knows the world has been romanticising sex for years.

Is the ring a guarentee, no, of course. Hopefully it is not only a pledge by a teen but by the parents to open this dialogue. We haven't been good about talking to kids about the reality of the world out there. If this symbol helps to get kids and parents talking I think it is a good thing.



ladyingrace1979 -> RE: Purity Rings? (4/29/2008 4:08:14 PM)

I'm reading all these posts about this symbol and I have yet to see in the protests any serious suggestions of something better.



OLEEguacamole -> RE: Purity Rings? (4/29/2008 4:09:27 PM)

[8|] i DID say parents have a role and that they are our KIDS.

my picky point is that we should teach that purity is about our relationship and obedience to GOD. not our relationship to our parents, not to our future spouse. it's about honoring God. that's what we TEACH.



OLEEguacamole -> RE: Purity Rings? (4/29/2008 4:20:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ladyingrace1979

So we do nothing? If the purity ring is romaticising purity fine. Heaven knows the world has been romanticising sex for years.

Is the ring a guarentee, no, of course. Hopefully it is not only a pledge by a teen but by the parents to open this dialogue. We haven't been good about talking to kids about the reality of the world out there. If this symbol helps to get kids and parents talking I think it is a good thing.

i'm not saying rings can not or should not be any part of a commitment to purity.
i'm saying romanticing purity weakens the concept. it's about obedience.



stateofgrace -> RE: Purity Rings? (4/29/2008 4:50:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ladyingrace1979

quote:

ORIGINAL: stateofgrace

Last night I glanced through this thread, and my thoughts were along the same lines as the Tinkerbell and MrsDash. I didn't post last night because in the big scheme of things as far as our walk with Christ, I don't think whether or not a parent choses to give their child a purity ring is a big deal - I think we have liberty in this area. And I didn't want to be the lone party-pooper.

Personally, I think that the purity ring thing is a fad, although well intentioned. It's much more important to me personally to focus on my children's overall walk with Christ, and help them learn to make wise choices, then to make a big deal with some kind of symbol of their purity and a ceremony or ritual surrounding it. Thousands of people wear crosses, for example, without it meaning what it should mean to them. For others it has deep meaning.

The other thing tied into the purity ring, which is certainly not true in many cases, but true in some, is the whole idea of girls "giving their heart to Daddy" (and going on "dates" with Daddy, etc.) - and I really, really am uncomfortable with putting a "romantic" focus on the father/daughter relationship.


So you don't speak or do anything specific about the child's sexuality?


My goodness, wherever did you get that that idea?

I have been very open discussing sex and relationships (and a biblical perspective on both) with my two daughters, who are now 15 and 18 1/2. Both are committed to waiting until marriage because of their strong relationships with Christ; neither has had a boyfriend; neither has been on anything other than "group dates." Their standards are VERY high...and those are THEIR standards, because they own them now.


quote:

Sex is very tempting and if a physical symbol helps my child stop and think for a moment then it helps.


And if that is your choice and your child's choice, than go ahead with my blessing. I was explaining why it isn't my husband's and my choice.



stateofgrace -> RE: Purity Rings? (4/29/2008 4:51:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ladyingrace1979

I'm reading all these posts about this symbol and I have yet to see in the protests any serious suggestions of something better.


I have yet to see why it is necessary, or why something similar would be necessary.



Sideways -> RE: Purity Rings? (4/29/2008 8:05:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: karlie
My oldest said her husband looked at it often on her finger before they married...it was his reminder that until HIS ring was there, she didn't belong to him.


I've always found it odd, using terminology of ownership in relation to females. A girl belongs to her father until her father gives her away, then she belongs to her husband. Odd that even today, we use language that would associate women as property.

And I've always found the "dates with daddy" and "giving her heart to daddy" a bit squicky myself, stateofgrace.



W.O.F. -> RE: Purity Rings? (4/29/2008 9:41:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowspring

Are they for girls only or has anyone given such a ring to a son?

Yes...many people do give them to their sons as well. We plan on giving one to our son this year. We gave one to his older sister 3 years ago.

They have really nice male rings for this...some people just give their son a plain band that he can use for his wife's wedding band if he so chooses. A friend of ours had a crucifix ring....that way he was reminded daily for WHOM he was choosing to stay pure...for Jesus as well as his then future wife.



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Purity Rings? (4/30/2008 8:17:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bluestone

I see them as the latest fad in the church, a lot like WWJD braclets were.

Too many in my church and community have been through the ceremony and wound up sexually active and some even pregnant.

What is the kid gonna say? "Nope, Mom & Dad, I don't want to wear the corny ring?"

Many will wear it and sin anyway, if that is what they want to do. If, however, they decide to honor God's law, then they really have no need for the ring.

[sm=thumbsup.gif][sm=thumbsup.gif][sm=thumbsup.gif]



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Purity Rings? (4/30/2008 8:25:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ladyingrace1979

So you don't speak or do anything specific about the child's sexuality? Sex is very tempting and if a physical symbol helps my child stop and think for a moment then it helps.


Sex is very tempting, but you also have to look at it from a different perspective: What am I doing as a parent to keep my child from having to even worry about that temptation? Am I allowing my son to date at a young age? Do I allow him one on one time with a girl where they may be tempted? Or do I talk to him about dating and reasons why he should wait, sexual temptation being one of them? I have to not only teach my child that premarital sex is bad in God's eyes, but I also have to teach him how to avoid even being put in that situation and that includes monitoring the kids he hangs out with. It's so much more than just talking to them about abstinance; it's a whole life issue and if I have done everything I can as a parent, they won't need a purity ring to remind them to abstain.



Szaftoo -> RE: Purity Rings? (4/30/2008 10:36:33 AM)

I think there could be some misconceptions about the rings.

First, the majority of teens that wear them ask for them, they weren't forced to wear them by their parents. In the case of my daughter, she explained her reason for wanting one and asked us what we thought about it. We had never heard of it so after much discussion and prayer with her, we got her one.

The father is not a big part of the ring, other than buying it. The girl promises God, herself, her parents and her friends to save herself for marriage. However, I believe a girl's relationship with her father has a huge impact on her relationship with boys later on. My husband took our daughter on date nights the same as I took my son.

Wearing a purity ring will not keep teens from having sex any more than wearing a DARE T-shirt will keep them from doing drugs. However, for me personally, I am thrilled that my kids wanted to make that commitment.



OLEEguacamole -> RE: Purity Rings? (4/30/2008 12:56:49 PM)

there are different programs that involve rings that do them differently. some people do it independently inspired by one of the programs or books/speakers that have promoted the idea.



thisistheday -> RE: Purity Rings? (4/30/2008 1:25:14 PM)

So which finger is the purity ring intended to be worn on? I assumed not the wedding ring finger. However my daughter's ring fits better on her wedding ring finger, so she's moved it over to that hand.

Is it a matter of personal preference?

Dee



W.O.F. -> RE: Purity Rings? (4/30/2008 6:52:17 PM)

I ditto what szaftoo said....our kids have asked for them..and have made that commitment.

In our family..the dad takes the girl out for dinner and gives it to her...while continuing the aspect of "the talk" (which in our house is an ongoing thing) that lets her in on guys and how they really want a girl they can respect....etc. the mom takes the boy out and does likewise. Nothing overtly sexual...just pointing out what a treasure each of them is in the eyes of God and what a gift they can give their future spouse if God so blesses them...and what a gift to bless their singleness if God blesses them in that way.

as to what finger...that is up to the wearer.....it is purely preference.



Szaftoo -> RE: Purity Rings? (4/30/2008 9:54:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: thisistheday

So which finger is the purity ring intended to be worn on? I assumed not the wedding ring finger. However my daughter's ring fits better on her wedding ring finger, so she's moved it over to that hand.

Is it a matter of personal preference?

Dee


I don't think it really matters which finger it's worn on. My daughter is left handed and prefers to wear it on her right. Sometimes she wears it on a chain around her neck.



29redballoons -> RE: Purity Rings? (5/1/2008 4:59:40 AM)

You know, this thread really has saddened me this morning. We as Christian parents should welcome healthy relationships between fathers and daughters. We should praise God that our children want to proudly portray a "symbol" of purity. It is for us...a symbol worn on her wedding ring finger of her commitnent to the Lord, her parents, and herself of her purity until the ring of her husband takes its place. The use of ownership terms is from the bible, not terms made up for this thread. And I for one praise God that daddy/daughter dates happen...girls with a healthy love and adoration of their fathers don't usually go looking for that from other males. I pray that we do not let the world make us cynical and judgemental of others trying to help a child avoid sin as much as possible by whatever means we see fit.



zoebob -> RE: Purity Rings? (5/1/2008 7:45:29 AM)

I asked DD (she's 12) if she had heard of these and was interested. After I explained what it was she said "I am trying to eat I don't want to talk about this now." I guess if htat's how she feels about sex then she isn't in any hurry to do anything.



11111111 -> RE: Purity Rings? (5/1/2008 8:23:19 AM)

If a Son or Daughter asks for a Purity Ring for the right reason I believe it could be a good thing. I have a problem, though, with a Church Ceremony where all Youth get a ring. Who's going to say no? I do believe that the Church should help us parents with teaching about waiting until you're married. My precious 18-year-old unmarried Daughter will give birth in August to my precious Grandson. We pray for our children, teach them, but, ultimately it's up to them. My Daughter said she'd never have sex before marriage. If we'd had a ceremony at church, I'm sure she'd have worn a ring. Things don't always turn out the way we want, but God is good.



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Purity Rings? (5/1/2008 8:24:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 29redballoons

You know, this thread really has saddened me this morning. We as Christian parents should welcome healthy relationships between fathers and daughters. We should praise God that our children want to proudly portray a "symbol" of purity. It is for us...a symbol worn on her wedding ring finger of her commitnent to the Lord, her parents, and herself of her purity until the ring of her husband takes its place. The use of ownership terms is from the bible, not terms made up for this thread. And I for one praise God that daddy/daughter dates happen...girls with a healthy love and adoration of their fathers don't usually go looking for that from other males. I pray that we do not let the world make us cynical and judgemental of others trying to help a child avoid sin as much as possible by whatever means we see fit.

IMO, we're not just speaking of daughters wearing purity rings. My son is in middle school and quite frankly the idea that he wear a purity ring as a commitment to his mother until he gets married is slightly creepy. He is God's child first and his comitment to abstainance should be to Him, not to me.

Not to mention I have not let the world make me "cynical and judgemental" at all. Just because I don't agree with purity rings doesn't mean I've allowed myself to be care what the world thinks. [8|]



Szaftoo -> RE: Purity Rings? (5/1/2008 1:46:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bryantcook

If a Son or Daughter asks for a Purity Ring for the right reason I believe it could be a good thing. I have a problem, though, with a Church Ceremony where all Youth get a ring. Who's going to say no? I do believe that the Church should help us parents with teaching about waiting until you're married. My precious 18-year-old unmarried Daughter will give birth in August to my precious Grandson. We pray for our children, teach them, but, ultimately it's up to them. My Daughter said she'd never have sex before marriage. If we'd had a ceremony at church, I'm sure she'd have worn a ring. Things don't always turn out the way we want, but God is good.


PB, sort of off subject, but congratulations on the upcoming birth of your grandson.



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