RE: A question for all African American and Asian Americans.
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RE: A question for all African American and Asian Ameri... - 4/26/2008 2:13:13 PM
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jlp1
Posts: 34
Joined: 4/4/2008
From: Chicago, Atlanta
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quote:
That was then, and painful enough, but this is 2008.. you have to let that go. Why hold on to that? It's not making you a better person, is it?
That said, I think it's wrong to have a preference for one race or another, for whatever reason. If I say, I will only date white women or asian women, and not give my own kind a chance, that would be wrong.
I agree, I have not ran into any race that has treated me unfairly (thank God) and if they did I did not notice, maybe because I don't care (I only care about what God thinks). But I do have a preference; God fearing, and I've dated outside my race.
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RE: A question for all African American and Asian Ameri... - 5/5/2008 1:48:07 PM
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workermom
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Joined: 6/2/2007
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StephenJ – I am glad you brought this topic up as I have always been in surprised about how much prejudice there is when it comes to interracial dating/marriages, especially by “Christians”. I am in an interracial marriage and we have been Married 9 of the 14 years we have been together. We have had many discussions from each races view about why people have problems with any kind of interracial dating/marriage. First we had to realize that many people hold grudges and pass them along to their children, thus causing more prejudice in America. Neither I nor my husband has reason to hold each other accountably today for what our ancestors did in the 1950’s and 1960’s. What we believe is to stop that generational curse by not teaching our child to hate or have prejudice against anyone for any reason or what happened in the past. Don’t get me wrong our child will know both sides of her heritage and where each race came from but not with the intent to teach our child to hate a race for what happened back then, something we had no control over. We can not continue to use the crutch of things are still unfair for a one race or another. We all have equal rights in America. I’m not saying people in America may make it hard for one race or another, but we have to have faith to do what is right in all our situations whether its popular or not.
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RE: A question for all African American and Asian Ameri... - 5/7/2008 12:15:39 PM
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imit8him
Posts: 294
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WOW Super controversial topic, hehe.
My thoughts are based on my co-workers and peers comments that interracial marriage and relationships are not a problem (and anyone who thinks they are have a closed and prejudiced mind), but that when racism or fetishism is involved in those relationships, it becomes worrisome. 
In other words, there is no problem with my black or Asian friends dating interracially (or seeing others do so), but they do not like it when someone chooses a spouse or partner specifically to fulfill some racial fetish. I sadly knew of a classmate in school who did such things. This was a black male classmate in my English class, who said he only wanted "white girls"....Clearly, he had some whacky fascination with white women that was more based on fetish than real love. So in those cases, me and my friends see it was problematic. Otherwise, people should marry whomever they love! ...black, white, red, yellow, purple.... 
< Message edited by imit8him -- 5/7/2008 12:22:47 PM >
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RE: A question for all African American and Asian Ameri... - 5/7/2008 12:24:24 PM
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imit8him
Posts: 294
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quote:
ORIGINAL: imit8him
WOW Super controversial topic, hehe.
My thoughts are based on my co-workers and peers comments that interracial marriage and relationships are not a problem (and anyone who thinks they are have a closed and prejudiced mind), but that when racism or fetishism is involved in those relationships, it becomes worrisome.
In other words, there is no problem with my black or Asian friends dating interracially (or seeing others do so), but they do not like it when someone chooses a spouse or partner specifically to fulfill some racial fetish. I sadly knew of a classmate in school who did such things. This was a black male classmate in my English class, who said he only wanted "white girls"....Clearly, he had some whacky fascination with white women that was more based on fetish than real love. So in those cases, me and my friends see it was problematic. Otherwise, people should marry whomever they love! ...black, white, red, yellow, purple....
Ok, I just re-read the OP and a few other people's comments....I see what the question was really asking now. My personal opinion still standing....I have not heard too much about ethnic men getting upset with outmarriage, except with Asian friends in school. During meals, I've heard some of them say they were bummed out that Asian women seemed to choose outmarriage more than in-marriage and it was depleting their "pool" of available marriage/dating partners. It was an amusing convo to me at the time, but I guess I was immature back then. Of coursre, I reminded them that was not true, because they could outmarry themselves. But they did not see that as a liklihood.
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RE: A question for all African American and Asian Ameri... - 5/8/2008 2:32:14 PM
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imit8him
Posts: 294
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Hmmm, I thought I'd clarify my earlier response and term racial fetish. ....What I was referring to was not a "natural attraction" or personal preference for a particular racial or ethnic group, but more of a warped attraction that is based on some sort of stereotype of that group of people or perhaps one's own self-hate, etc. Usually it is a distorted attraction. One that objectifies and stereotypes....I know it's kind of a complicated issue, but that same guy in my English class seemed to best exemplify this point. ...He didn't say he just preferred white/Caucasian women, he went further by pointing out they were the best and he would not date anyone except for them. I won't go into detail about his ultra vulgar remarks, but he more or less said as long as the woman "is white, it's right." We all thought he was weird in class, but he had these feelings and thoughts and was somewhat vulgar and open in saying a lot of these politically incorrect views. It was awkward, because he himself was black and he said black women aren't desirable, etc.  In these instances, where there is racial fetishism, I think most of the black and Asian American friends I've had would be against it, but not if they're marrying or dating out of love. ...So I think attraction is one thing, but racial fetishism is like taking that attraction (to race) and making it the only thing important and nothing else matters....hmmmm....not sure if that made sense???
< Message edited by imit8him -- 5/8/2008 2:40:34 PM >
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RE: A question for all African American and Asian Ameri... - 5/9/2008 12:23:21 PM
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christiangirl0920
Posts: 25
Joined: 9/3/2005
From: jacksonville , florida
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Well, by race I'm white but my family is sooooo mixed. My mom's mom is Filipino, Spanish, Chinese, and Cherokee. My mom's dad was Irish and German, I believe. My father was Irish and many other things. So here I have all of this passed on to me. But you know what I find comical? My little brother came out dark skinned like my mother and I'm white like my dad.
Anyway, in the other thread "in need of some inspiration", I talked about the guy I'm inlove with. His name is Roger. Well, Roger is African American. When he 1st came up and talked to me of course he was flirting. He told me I was pretty and he asked if I dated black guys. I told him no and he asked why. I told him that I really wasn't allowed to date at all and even though I had boyfriends previously they just didn't happen to be black. I've had crushes on black guys before but none of them had ever asked me to go out with them. So to make a long story short we started dating and fell inlove with each other and race had never been an issue. I used to wonder what it would be like to date a black guy. It's no different than dating a white guy. It's about the morals and values not skin color. And we are both Christians. My dad didn't like the fact that Roger was black. He had dated an African American woman before him and my mom got together and it ended badly. So I'm guessing he's basing it off of the way she treated him. But other than that, as far as Roger and I holding hands or displaying affection in public at school (before I started homeschool) or at work when I still worked there, suprisingly no one ever had an issue with it. No one that were mutual friends anyway. All of his friends love me to death and accepted me into their group immediately. And everyone just saw us as Roger and Christian, not Roger and that white girl or Christian and that black guy.
Some of my guy friends from school last year did have a problem with it though. They didn't agree with it. They said I should be with a white guy instead of a black guy and other comments. It made me so mad. How can you judge a person on just their skin color and know nothing about them? So I just stopped talking to them.
So having shared my experience, I am not prejudice and I see nothing wrong with interracial dating. I'm in an interracial relationship.
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RE: A question for all African American and Asian Ameri... - 5/10/2008 12:27:10 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1552
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
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I wish Christians stop this thinking that you should date someone black because they are black or white because someone is white. That is utterly so stupid. Look, color should not matter, but unfortnatly and Christians included make such a big issue out of nothing. The secular world accepts interracial dating, why don't Christians?
Is is because many people and I'm not saying those on here still have not let go of the past?
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Come visit me at http://www.myspace.com/Gaylel121
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RE: A question for all African American and Asian Ameri... - 5/13/2008 6:36:07 PM
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Shugs
Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2005
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Well, reference to the original question, I think the reason is because when (in general) black women see black men dating and marrying white women, the immediate thought is "who is left for me?" The general idea being that black women are not considered desirable or attractive as a general rule is a historical truth. Whether it is still true is debatable and IRRELEVANT! Beneath the surface the feeling is still there. So the idea being, if black men want white women, who will then want me?
The problems that come with interracial dating are secondary.
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