RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce his ears?"
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/18/2008 11:51:42 PM
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Memaw.
Posts: 3315
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
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I will try to word this so as to not offend anyone.
When my children were younger, I had all these plans on how I was going to raise them. I stood my ground on certain issues and thought I knew all there was to know.
As my children grew older, situations that I never dreamed of came into our lives.
My son went to prison at age 18. 
My oldest daughter became pregnant at age 16.
She became pregnant again at age 19, married the young man and gave birth to a child with Downs' Syndrome.
My next in line daughter became pregnant and had an abortion at age 18.
It has taken me going through these trials and tribulations (and much much more) to realize there are more important things to consider with my children than holes in ears and navels or tattoos on wrists.
For some people, piercings are absolute taboo, I wouldn't for one second ask them to change their views, but for those of us who have gone through wars in life that are so extremely painful, the battle over piercing a sons' ears fails in comparison.
_____________________________
~Kimmie
~~Live simply.~~
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
~~Leave the rest to God.~~
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/18/2008 11:58:24 PM
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landabee
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(((((((((((((MeMaw))))))))))))))))))
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"God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts."
"Sound theology discourages ignorance instead of promoting it. " ~ CourdeLeon
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 12:34:30 AM
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relady
Posts: 910
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Greater St. Louis Metro
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quote:
Piercings and tattos are (usually) permanent. Actually, MOST piercings are not all that permanent. Most will close up if one stops inserting earrings or whatever ring is meant to be inserted. Tattoos are another animal altogether.
quote:
Anymore though, it is becoming more and more acceptable, and it will become moreso as the boomers retire. Oh, you bet!
I took my son when he was 10 to get his ear pierced. He had been literally begging for a year. He and his best friend both got them done. He took care of it, learned how to change his earrings, I only really had to help a little to get him started. When he was 13 we went together and I got second holes and he got a second hole. He has had hair every color of the rainbow, LOL. I absolutely said no when he wanted to pierce his cartilage. BTW, until they are 16 or 18 they need your signature to get piercings as well, LOL. Now, he is almost 23, has let both piercings grow shut (well, the original might still be open) because he NEVER wears earrings, and his hair is his natural color and he won't hear of coloring it. Some things are just fashion and fads and I decided very early on, because of the fights I had with my parents, that I would not battle him on such things. There are just too many other waaaay more important battles to fight, especially with teens. I also valued the fact that my son TALKED to me about important things....because I built a relationship built on trust and respect rather than rigid compliance with rules.
(((((MEMAW)))))
< Message edited by relady -- 4/19/2008 12:41:20 AM >
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 12:56:25 AM
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SteelMagnolia
Posts: 2075
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Newberg, OR
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(((((((((((((Memaw))))))))))))))
quote:
ORIGINAL: faroukfarouk
SteelMagnolia
quote:
My boys can get their left ear pierced once (when they become teens) ...They will not be getting other piercings on their face under my roof.
Yes drawing the boundaries a bit sounds good. But also marking their
passage into their teen years with an earring is your way of gradually giving them a bit of freedom of personal expression, I guess.
I think that as long as sons are being taught prayer habits and appreciation for Bible reading, and are respecful with attempts to achieve good grades, the trip to the mall on about their 13 b-day. which you have decided to allow, is a pretty moderate course of action, really.
Take care, Christina.
Yeah, that's kind of how I see it too. I wanted to dye my hair and drink coffee just like my mom when I was a tween. She said I could when I was a teenager, so on my 13th birthday she dyed my hair my color of choice (maroon at that time) and I had my first full cup of coffee. I haven't stopped drinking coffee or dying my hair since, but I did grow out of the rainbow color dying before I got a job. I got an office job at 15, so I never bothered getting the tongue, eyebrow, lip piercings because I woulda got fired probably. LOL!
< Message edited by SteelMagnolia -- 4/19/2008 1:10:18 AM >
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 7:15:25 AM
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faroukfarouk
Posts: 275
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MEMAW:
My sympathies! Thinking of you.
RELADY:
quote:
quote:
Anymore though, it is becoming more and more acceptable, and it will become moreso as the boomers retire.
Oh, you bet!
I took my son when he was 10 to get his ear pierced. He had been literally begging for a year. He and his best friend both got them done. He took care of it, learned how to change his earrings, I only really had to help a little to get him started. When he was 13 we went together and I got second holes and he got a second hole.
So you thought you would just help him a little to get started? He must have appreciated that.
And then you underwent a little mother-son bonding by getting more, together.
Thnx.
_____________________________
Trust the Bible.
Trust the Lord.
Don't trust the appearance of things.
(Some tattoo designs look nice, though...)
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 8:30:03 AM
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Memaw.
Posts: 3315
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From: Sunflower State
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Thank you for the hugs.
I don't want anyone to think I shared our struggles to gain sympathy, or to derail the thread.
I shared those to show that there are worse things than an ear piercing.
As several posters have said, pick your battles.
_____________________________
~Kimmie
~~Live simply.~~
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
~~Leave the rest to God.~~
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 10:27:45 AM
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Calea37
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My sons aren't interested in it, thankfully; I don't really care for that. If one of them was interested in it I would be willing to consider ONE ear. I would never allow any other piercings on any other body part. But that's just me. One ear would be no biggie because when they decided that they didn't want it anymore (and I believe they would eventually decide that) it would just grow shut.
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Calea
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 10:45:40 AM
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shadowspring
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quote:
Don't rush into it, I guess, but in the end: let him do it.
Yes. I have used that for all kinds of requests my older teen has had as well. She has let a few things go after giving it some time, realizing it was a passing fancy.
But she has also learned to respectfully and quietly persevere when she really wants something. 
Pretty much if they ask for anything that is not against God's Word, but I am reluctant for any reason (honestly, it is usually personal inconvenience, personal embarrassment, personal taste) then I give them the opportunity to win me over by hard work and a good attitude. 
My daughter wanted to quit classical guitar after seven years of lessons: seven years of great progress with little practice. I told her give it six more months, enter a competition, go to a college-level workshop and if you still want to quit, you may.
She went to the workshop, began practicing two hours a day, entered the competition and then, was able to tell me decisively she DID NOT want to pursue a career in music. She quit. That was two years ago. She has not picked up her guitar once, not for pleasure or any other reason. The young lady knew what she was talking about when she said she did not want to play guitar anymore!
She also won me over in switching from years of studying Spanish to studying Japanese. My reasons were selfish for saying no at first, I admit it. I teach Spanish- free and easy. I had to find a tutor, pay for it and drive her to said tutor is she chose Japanese. She was in middle school, and I told her to complete high school Spanish I, without complaint, and ask me again. She did (easy A!) and then asked again to study Japanese. 
How could I refuse? She wound up studying Japanese for four years and went to Japan last summer as a Rotary Club Summer Exchange student.
She also used to toy with being Goth. She would draw elaborate curli'q's with eyeliner all over her face, dress in somber colors (mostly black) and was a bear to get along with for a while there. We insisted the clothes be modest, and prayed for her continually about the attitude. We kept the focus on her heart, not her style.
God used even that in an amazing way! She became a mime at church- got to dress in all black, not have to talk to anyone and draw on her face- all for the Lord! He healed her heart through that ministry and the people she met there. It was awesome.
It was also embarrassing, and often. We were shunned by "respectable" home school groups, in our neighborhood, pretty much everywhere but church youth group. 
Now that she is a National Merit Scholar, and her style has changed to classy-chic (wearing high heels, skirts and jackets, a chic assymetrical bob, normal make-up  ), all these same people want their children to be like her!
On a side note: I have been a committed Christian parent for 17 yrs now, and I have seen so many families deal with things they never thought they would. Memaw is NOT alone! (((((Memaw)))))
In fact, one of the truest sayings I ever heard is, "Life is what happens while you're making other plans." 
_____________________________
"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost..." -J. R. R. Tolkien
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 10:54:15 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 9326
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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Please don't think those of us with "only" little kids don't know that. My husband and I *were* rebellious teens, and mine was all very covert...my parents had no idea. Sarah and I have both had experiences of taking in teenagers who were already rebellious and dealing with them for an extended period of time. Even if we had not had that experience, that does not mean we are not setting a reasonable boundary for our families.
Might that boundary change by as yet unforeseen circumstances down the road...sure, it might, if God leads that way (not speaking for Sarah, just myself and my husband). Believe me, I know that life can throw you all kinds of curve balls...boy, do I know. But that does not mean placing that boundary now is the wrong thing to do in any way for our families.
_____________________________
<----We love you, Mom!!!
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
~Psalm 13:5-6~
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 11:05:44 AM
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Memaw.
Posts: 3315
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
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Donna,
Each family must set their own boundaries according to their own convictions.
I didn't allow my daughters to wear makeup till they were quite a bit older than most of their friends. There were many things I did allow my children to do that other parents didn't and vise versa.
I think though when we say things like never, not in my house, and my kids won't do that, we are setting ourselves up for battles that can be avoided.
_____________________________
~Kimmie
~~Live simply.~~
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
~~Leave the rest to God.~~
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 11:31:35 AM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 11762
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: Between Hither and Yon
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quote:
I think though when we say things like never, not in my house, and my kids won't do that, we are setting ourselves up for battles that can be avoided.
or maybe we are starting early to instill in our kids the values that will keep those battles from every becoming an issue in the first place  . I don't say "never" unless I am willing to fight for that decision...my husband either. We don't just have our house rules because it's what we want....we have them because that's what we have prayed about, and those are the things that we are working to teach our kids in. The life we live is not conducive to earrings....it is against the "rules" of the military to wear them in uniform, and on many bases they are going back to the old rule of "not on base even out of uniform". My husband is military and plans on being that for a while....so our decision on that is partially due to the respect of that rule (and many others) that we are instilling in our kids about where we live or will live in the future. So on this one, yes I am saying NEVER...because it WILL NEVER happen in our house...we can not and will not allow this to be a battle that we will give up on. There are other things that we may change our minds on....for right now we don't want our kids driving til they are 18....but of course the reality might be that they may at the age of 16 need to get a license for some reason. We know that and are wiling to change that one (and many other "ideal situational rules") when the time comes. Some though are set in stone for us....no dating....no piercing on boys (girls only in the ear, not cartilage)....no tattoos...no smoking...no illegal activity (ie drugs). It is not wrong to draw that line for our family and insist that it not be crossed. We are teaching our kids very early on that these are things they will never do in our house.
_____________________________
Proud Army Wife
Mom to Jake, Hannah, Emma, and Jack
Baby Boy due June 25, 2008
"God has a plan for your life...and so does everybody else." ~said by Doinkdom
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 12:00:39 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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It's not a hill we will choose to die on... My parents were fairly liberal when I was growing up. We were allowed guaged piercings, funky hair colors, etc... The only things that were not allowed were tounge and naval piercings because of their sexual message. My brother had his tongue pierced once he turned 18, and I've had my navel done twice. Neither of us were particularly rebellious when we lived at home, we saved it until we moved out...
So yes, I would allow my son to pierce his ears and I would even allow him to wear the HUGE guages that look horridly ridiculous. We would also allow cartilage piercings in DD
For the most part we have decided that we won't forbid anything except illegal activity. Neither of us agree with dating, but at the same time we won't forbid it so that it becomes a hidden rebellion. I would much rather know my children are doing something that I don't agree with and be able to know they are safe then to have them be secretive and sneak around, lying about where they are, etc...
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Ryanne Gabriella Alexis born 8-22-07!
"No firebrands, or deadly arrows just a Springfield XD .40 with Tritium sights" Patriotism
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 12:02:23 PM
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2shaye
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peculiar, I'm not trying to pick on you. Something you said made me think. What if you found out that your firstborn, at age 14, was smoking cigarettes? What if he was doing it away from home? How could you stop him? My husband is a drug and alcohol counselor and many addicts come from very, very good Christian homes!
Values and standards are a must to have as a starting point. But since we do not know the future, it's hard to stand on absolutes for the duration of parenthood. It's my opinion that you can't blame all rebellious kids on bad parenting! Many times, even with our very best God-directed parenting, our kids will rebel and make bad choices. Sometimes it's those bad choices that God allows them to go through that make them the ministers God wants them to be!
James 1:2 and 1 Peter 1:6 talk about trials and how we should rejoice in them as they produce good things in us.
"Not in my house" has been used by a few posters. Well, what if the child does these things in someone else's house? What if they bring it in to "your" house? Does that mean that the child is no longer welcome in "your" house? At an early age, will you force the child to find a home elsewhere?
Yes, my dh and I have "our" house. We pay all the bills. But, we've made an intentional decision that this will always be our kids "home". They will be welcome and loved here. If they choose to do stuff that we do not approve of, then we need to work that out. I'm talking about older kids here, teens and above.
My dd recently told me a story and used the word, "frickin'". Neither my dh nor I approve of that word. After she told me her story, I calmly asked her why she used that word since I had never heard her say that before. I asked her if she had ever heard me, my dh or her brother (22) say it and she said no. I explained why we didn't like it and that we hoped she made the choice not to use it again. I told her that if we did hear it from her, and we feel so strongly about it, we would make her "eat soap". She agreed to our boundaries and then told us that she agrees with our reasoning and she will choose not to use that word again. In addition, she said she will ask the girl at school who she hangs around with that uses it to stop as well.
Maybe that's what you all mean when you say, "not in my house". When I hear that phrase, I automatically get very defensive. Maybe others do, too?
_____________________________
Formerly Skipperjoe
<<<---- Castle in Romania
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 12:33:05 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 11762
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quote:
What if you found out that your firstborn, at age 14, was smoking cigarettes? What if he was doing it away from home? How could you stop him?
we would pray about it, find out what was available in the area for groups, deal with the underlying issue of rebellion, get them in to counseling, etc...whatever we had to do....but in no way would we allow them to think that we would just sweep it under the rug and put up with it. I can't say exactly what the situation would bring about as far as punishments goes, but you can bet that we won't change our stance on it just because a child tries to push us.
quote:
My husband is a drug and alcohol counselor and many addicts come from very, very good Christian homes!
yes I know this....I grew up a PK (preacher's kid for those that don't know that term)....I went to the PK retreats and saw more sinful nature coming out at those then I saw anywhere else. I am not trying to say we won't have problems to face....but we are doing the best that we can NOW with our kids in formulating a belief in them NOW that they can fall back on later when they need to. My parents did the same with us, and the worst "rebellion" we got into was very minor (coming in late for curfew, etc). So I think there is something to be said for putting a solid foundation under our kids first and preparing them with the knowledge they will need so that when those temptations come they know how to deal with them. The Bible says that there is not a temptation that you will face that isn't common for all man to face, but that God has a way of escape....we are preparing our kids with the foundation to know those temptations and the knowledge to see that it can be avoided (or escaped from). My husband's at home situation was much different then mine, and it resulted in his brother looking for an escape and finding it in the wrong end of a rope...my husband opened the door on his 19th birthday to the coroner standing there to tell them that his brother had killed himself. The reason was because he couldn't get what he needed at home...others were pressuring him into things, and he got addicted to drugs. When he noticed he was addicted he went to his parents to get help, and the last thing my husband remember about his brother being alive was that conversation and his step mom hitting his brother over the head with her house shoe because she was mad at him....he left the house...and within two weeks was found dead. My husband was not raised with the value system that would have given them any basis for morality (he was not raised in a Christna home)...he was not raised by parents that showed them where restraint should be or where temptation would come or how to deal with it at those times. When they were faced with their own faults and were told by their son that he was addicted and needed help they then didn't have anything to stand on themselves and blamed him for everything.
quote:
It's my opinion that you can't blame all rebellious kids on bad parenting!
just wanted to point out that I NEVER said that!!!! However, see my section above about setting up for success or failure in the way we choose to parent our kids NOW at a young and formidable age...how we choose NOW to teach them how to handle temptations and how to come back to God in their heart when they have strayed.
quote:
Yes, my dh and I have "our" house. We pay all the bills. But, we've made an intentional decision that this will always be our kids "home". They will be welcome and loved here. If they choose to do stuff that we do not approve of, then we need to work that out. I'm talking about older kids here, teens and above.
again, the things that we have set as basics that won't change ever in our house are things that we personally feel convictions about or are things that affect our lives and may not affect your life. I am not saying everyone here needs to have these same rules, but they are what WE have in our house. Here is a breakdown on a few of them (our reasoning of these rules being in place for us).....
no dating....my husband was pushed into dating and told that it was everything. He had his first sexual encounter in his parents house with their "permission" and later found out that sex isn't all it's cracked up to be...it ties you in emotionally and spiritually. Unfortunately he didn't realize this until many women later, and finding Christ at the age of 28. So we will try our best to teach our kids in this area what his parents failed to teach him.
no drinking....again this one goes back to my hubby...he was given alcohol as a teen by his praents, and went through several years of partying with hard liquor and drugs because of what they allowed him to think about it all when he was younger. I personally didn't grow up with any alcohol around at all, so I am going back to his knowledge here on this one for our kids. (drugs falls into this too since his mom is the one that gave him drugs)
no smoking....I am highly allergic to it...one whiff just on the clothes of someone that smokes and my throat closes up and I can't talk. There is not going to be a time we will ever allow someone to smoke on our property...kid of ours or not...adult or not....even when our nephew lived here and smoked, he had to step out of the fence to do so...and he had to change and wash his hands when he came back inside.
no piercings (except girls and only in earlobes)....again, we live in the military life and this is a rule that is pushed by the bases we have been to. We will teach our kids that we may not want to follow the rules, but we will choose to whether we want to or not...including this one.
quote:
Maybe that's what you all mean when you say, "not in my house". When I hear that phrase, I automatically get very defensive. Maybe others do, too?
yes that is exactly what I mean. It is a hill we are willing to fight on...and it is something we are willing to see through to the end on if it comes up with our kids in the future. I/we really don't care about hair dye, or make-up, or long hair on boys, or many other things that may be issues for others...the things we have chosen to make issues in our house have reasons behind them...either from the way we were raised (good or bad), or from our own experiences in life, or simply for our own way of life now.
_____________________________
Proud Army Wife
Mom to Jake, Hannah, Emma, and Jack
Baby Boy due June 25, 2008
"God has a plan for your life...and so does everybody else." ~said by Doinkdom
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 1:01:25 PM
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2shaye
Posts: 4103
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From: So. Cal.
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I'm really sorry that your husband had such a tough childhood and early adulthood. I'm thankful that God turned him around and now he is able to be the head of a Godly household!
Thanks for explaining more. I'm sorry if you felt defensive because of my post. It's now obvious that we have much more in common (regarding parenting) than I originally thought. Let's continue to pray for our kids!
_____________________________
Formerly Skipperjoe
<<<---- Castle in Romania
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 1:51:37 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 11762
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 2shaye
I'm really sorry that your husband had such a tough childhood and early adulthood. I'm thankful that God turned him around and now he is able to be the head of a Godly household!
Thanks for explaining more. I'm sorry if you felt defensive because of my post. It's now obvious that we have much more in common (regarding parenting) than I originally thought. Let's continue to pray for our kids!
I truly believe that my husband's salvation was fought for with many prayers for years by my mom...she was on her knees every single day of my life praying for my future spouse...and I truly believe that if she had not been he wouldn't be saved today. He hasn't had an easy life...especially family life growing up....he came from a broken home, was tossed around from one parent to the other for a while, had lots of abuse he put up with for years (physical abuse and yelling and emotional abuse, etc). We absolutely don't want our kids to have to face that kind of a childhood...and are trying in all we do in our house to stay away from certain things that he struggled with for years because of his parents.
I can't say who's posts it was...I rarely look at or remember who says what in threads like this unless it's someone I talk to all the time anyway and know what they believe from those other threads. I felt like it didn't matter what our reasoning was, people still thought we were wrong...when in reality these are things we have personally felt convictions about in our own lives and to raise our kids with those values. The Bible says to train up a child "in the way he should go" and when he is old he won't depart from it...I fully believe that we can put the best intentions forward with our kids and still not raise them "in the way they should go". Every decision we make for our house is because we have prayed and feel that it is the way OUR house should run or the way WE should raise THAT child. I don't think that every child should be raised the same....anyone who thinks that hasn't been through the toddler years with two opposite personalities of kids!!!! It is our job as parents to find out the things God wants us to raise our kids with...and do it...whether that be because of things they will face, or because of family tendencies (generational type things), or because of the life we live (such as, we are military, or my parents were pastors....there is a certain "face" that needs to be shown in the different living situations and it is appropriate to show those through how we base the rules of our house). We can never take away all the temptation our kids will face, but we sure can make it easier for them to face in teaching them the fundamental truths of what God wants them to learn when they are young. I am not saying that people like Memaw didn't do that with her kids...that's not my place to do that and she knows I don't say things like that about situations like hers....however, I am sure she would even tell you that she has found through those situations places where God has had to deal with her on certain levels. I learn more about God through dealing with my kids every single day!!!! I wouldn't give up the trials we have gone through because they have produced a knowledge beyond just "book learning" or what others could tell us. However I feel it is our place as parents to train our kids and teach them while they are young with the underlying truths they will need to fall back on later in life so that they actually HAVE a basis for their own morality. It's not about the nit picky do's and don't's of every day life...it's about the foundation for them to find what truth really is so they can make proper and right decisions when they are older.
_____________________________
Proud Army Wife
Mom to Jake, Hannah, Emma, and Jack
Baby Boy due June 25, 2008
"God has a plan for your life...and so does everybody else." ~said by Doinkdom
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 3:41:36 PM
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relady
Posts: 910
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quote:
For the most part we have decided that we won't forbid anything except illegal activity. Neither of us agree with dating, but at the same time we won't forbid it so that it becomes a hidden rebellion. I would much rather know my children are doing something that I don't agree with and be able to know they are safe then to have them be secretive and sneak around, lying about where they are, etc... Pretty much exactly how I felt. I never understood the need to be strict just for the sake of being strict. I always felt that if there wasn't a good reason then it boiled down to a control issue and I certainly didn't want to die on THAT hill, LOL.
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 3:46:52 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 8795
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: relady
quote:
For the most part we have decided that we won't forbid anything except illegal activity. Neither of us agree with dating, but at the same time we won't forbid it so that it becomes a hidden rebellion. I would much rather know my children are doing something that I don't agree with and be able to know they are safe then to have them be secretive and sneak around, lying about where they are, etc... Pretty much exactly how I felt. I never understood the need to be strict just for the sake of being strict. I always felt that if there wasn't a good reason then it boiled down to a control issue and I certainly didn't want to die on THAT hill, LOL.
I don't think anyone is saying that they are being strict just to be strict. They all appear to have well thought out reasons why they will not allow certain things in their home. Most, if not all, have also said that they don't expect everyone else to have the same standards.
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 3:54:47 PM
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relady
Posts: 910
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Greater St. Louis Metro
Status: offline
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quote:
I don't think anyone is saying that they are being strict just to be strict. They all appear to have well thought out reasons why they will not allow certain things in their home. Most, if not all, have also said that they don't expect everyone else to have the same standards. I didn't mean to insinuate that. BUT, I know my parents used the Bible and God as a control mechanism and didn't really have well thought out reasons why they forbade many things. My mother has actually apologized to me for a lot of things in recent years and has stated that she herself doesn't know why they forbade so many things and that if she had it to do over she would pick her battles a little differently. With my dad, it was just all about authoritarian rule, which I challenged with zeal. I just more or less meant it as a caution to parents who are very strict to make sure their strictness has a good solid reason that they can explain to their kids. Because there WILL come a day when "because I said so", "because God doesn't like that" or "because the Bible says so" won't be sufficient for some very independent thinking children.
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 4:09:19 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 11762
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: Between Hither and Yon
Status: offline
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Because there WILL come a day when "because I said so", "because God doesn't like that" or "because the Bible says so" won't be sufficient for some very independent thinking children.
God doesn't always answer us when we ask a question, and I don't plan or expect to have to always answer my kids on everything they question...sometimes "because I said so" is the best answer. Sometimes it is best to not have to rely on your own knowledge. I might have a deeper reason for that answer, or I might not...but I expect my kids to realize that I don't HAVE to say why to them even if they do ask.
_____________________________
Proud Army Wife
Mom to Jake, Hannah, Emma, and Jack
Baby Boy due June 25, 2008
"God has a plan for your life...and so does everybody else." ~said by Doinkdom
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 5:58:40 PM
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relady
Posts: 910
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Greater St. Louis Metro
Status: offline
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quote:
but I expect my kids to realize that I don't HAVE to say why to them even if they do ask. Yeah, so did my parents. I simply chose to parent differently. Of course, you have a large family and things HAVE to be different with lots of kids...what you do for one you have to do for all. I only had one child, so my choices and parenting style did not have to be probably as "strict" as yours needs to be. And for good reason!
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 6:34:27 PM
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legalnicki
Posts: 50
Joined: 12/18/2006
Status: offline
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My son is 11 & will be entering middle school in the fall (6th grade). We've talked about piercings, but he doesn't seem very interested in it. If he did want his ears pierced, I'd probably procrastinate a little bit, but I really wouldn't mind (my husband has his left ear pierced, but hasn't worn an earring for many years). Like others here have said, it's not a sin issue and I would rather save my "battles", should we have any, for more important issues.
He *is* talking about using gel to make his hair spiky, though. I guess a kid his age at school actually has blonde highlights and wears it spiky. DD11 doesn't want the highlights, though - just the gel.
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 6:39:13 PM
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landabee
Posts: 4490
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
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In effort to not derail this thread with related burning question, I started a new thread.
Your input is requested HERE.
_____________________________
"God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts."
"Sound theology discourages ignorance instead of promoting it. " ~ CourdeLeon
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RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce ... - 4/19/2008 6:41:04 PM | | | |
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