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manda59 -> RE: Question Regarding Boys (4/17/2008 9:54:22 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Georgia-Peach
How do you handle your little boys when the play with themselves? I don't know maybe little girls do this too. Hunter has found himself and as soon as he is in the bath tub he starts playing with it. I distract him and usually he forgets about it then starts playing with his bath toys. But, it has me thinking how my hubby and I are to handle this the older he gets. I would just like to know how you have handle it with your sons, just advice and tips. I never want to make my children feel ashamed of their body in anyway, but I also don't want him to become obsessed with playing with it either.
With my ds (now 18), we always told him it was fine to play with himself in the bath, but that it was not appropriate in public. We explained that if you're in the bath, you can wash your hands right away so they don't get smelly. We said that it was ok to touch himself when he was in bed too, but that then he'd have to get up and wash his hands afterwards right away.
(We never used words like 'wrong' or 'rude' - to me they're too "loaded", and atttribute importance that it shouldn't really have - but we taught "appropriate" and "inappropriate" right from the beginning. We also taught the word "private", teaching our ds and dd that there were certain parts of the body that were "private". Again, we used this word right from the beginning, and this made it easier, later on, to teach them about keeping themselves safe from abuse.)
That was enough for him. He has grown up feeling comfortable and not ashamed bout his body, and modesty and integrity have been important to him all through his teens. He's always felt able to talk about very personal things with us, and we still have healthy open discussions about those things.
(We made the same rules about blowing bubbles in your drink too. We said that it wasn't appropriate to do that in your drink, but it was fine to do it in the bath (we provided straws at bathtime - as well as lots of toys of course!). I feel that including this in the "appropriateness" category also helped in not making the "touching himself" out to be too important. We also used "appropriate/inappropriate" regarding shouting - that it was appropriate to shout when you're outside at the park, or on the beach, or playing a sport, but not indoors or at church etc.
It's totally natural for boys to be curious about their bodies, especially a part which feels nice and "does things". I believe that cultivating a healthy outlook depends on teaching them appropriateness without making them feel like they are doing anything wrong. Making them feel that it's wrong or rude or dirty or naughty or whatever can make them feel ashamed, and that could actually make them more likely to be obsessive over it.
Distraction is good, while it works, but when they get a bit older, you will likely find you need something else. It was my next-door neighbour who got me onto the "appropriate/inappropriate" thing, and I have found it totally helpful in a number of areas.
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