in like or not in like... (Full Version)

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Odile -> in like or not in like... (4/16/2008 5:00:03 PM)

Several weeks back I updated about a situation (boy likes girl, girl does not like boy) I was having concerning a guy who was not getting the message. Since then we have indirectly told eachother where we stand and I thought everything was fine. I have not begun treating him any differently than before, but I suppose I let myself be less on guard since he expressed that he knew I did not have those kinds of feelings for him. Well, wouldn't you know, my taking myself off guard was enough to put him back on the pursuit.

Around the same time I also posted about this guy I did have "a thing" for. I still have feelings for him, but am finally at peace about our relationship. A few weeks ago he met a girl (he's sure she's The One) and somehow it has strengthened his and my friendship. It is only by the grace of God that I was not completely devastated. I admit that I am a tad disappointed, but am okay with it. He had told me on more than one occasion that I was like his sister. I figured that was simply something one said when they weren't attracted to someone, but amazingly, he meant it. He calls to keep me updated about his sudden and new relationship, asks for my input and advice, as well as asks me to keep him accountable and to pray for them. More importantly, he also calls throughout the week to check in on me, asks me how I am, how he can pray for me. It's certainly an interesting relationship.

So, here's my question. How is it that we can be in like with some people and not others? Why can't I just like this guy that is interested in me? Why couldn't the guy I was interested in just like me? In a way, it all seems so arbitrary. Yes I am fully aware that the relationships we are in are from God. But what are exactly are these relationships that do not work out as we hoped they would? Where one person develops feelings that the other does not. Am I making any sense at all??????



Osano -> RE: in like or not in like... (4/16/2008 5:12:02 PM)

Unfortunately, relationships are messy. The bible talks about the way a man is with a woman in love is a mystery. I've learned these kinds of situations are common in the singles world.

The positive thing about these situations are that you learn more about the kind of man you want. Hopefully, next time you don't give your heart too easily unless you know for sure. In the area of relationships, expect these kinds of misunderstandings and learn from it and you will be stronger next time. I follow the rule that if he doesn't want you, then you don't want him. Easier said than done though, because you still have to process the emotions that goes with it. Don't know if this helps you.



preserved -> RE: in like or not in like... (4/16/2008 5:36:16 PM)

Not quite sure what you are asking...It's a part of life when one likes someone and the other person does not...We all have choices...We are to lean not on our own understanding but in all thy acknowledge God and he shall direct our path as well as the person he has in stored for us..



TMeeks -> RE: in like or not in like... (4/16/2008 6:20:27 PM)

What makes people 'click' is probably more sub-conscious than conscious. Although, the questionaires of dating services like eHarmony seem to indicate that it can be predicted.

Believe it or not, scent is a huge factor in attraction. Just the type of soap one uses can be a turnoff. Smell is the only sense that goes directly to our brain. And, because of this plays an important part in the bonding process.

Another is symmetry. People whose faces are more symetrical tend to attract some people more than those that have slightly assymetrical faces. This is probably much more important that scent.

And, body shape also seems to play a key roll.

It's not always about personality... at least not at first. [:D]



shadowspring -> RE: in like or not in like... (4/16/2008 7:21:05 PM)

Actually there are scientific theories about why we are attracted to certain people. I'm sure if you wanted to research it on the net you could.

One researcher labeled it "the imago". His theory is that there is a subset of people on the planet that we will be attracted to, and it is from that group we make our choices about who to love.

I don't think this takes away from the grandeur of God and his design for us at all. In fact, I find it interesting that the only father-figure in my life growing up was my bald grandfather. As a 25 yr old, I had infatuations in the past but never anything approaching real love. The only true love I've ever had in my life is my husband of twenty-one years, who (lucky for me it turns out) started losing his hair at the tender age of 17. He was pretty much totally bald at 26 when I met him.



jlp1 -> RE: in like or not in like... (4/16/2008 7:47:23 PM)

I do agree with some of what TMeeks is saying attraction and chemistry are subjective to each person individual taste or preference. If a woman view a man as being a chauvinist she may not be attracted to him as another woman may view him as being strong or manly. What you find as an attraction quality in the one guy you may not see it in the other. Those standards that you hold make sure they are Godly, Now you could let that idealistic view go and actually give the other guy a chance or not, it’s up to you. Wait in hope for the one guy (cause in our minds we think that it might not work out and he’ll see the beauty in me and we’ll fall in love and live happily ever after) or try and see and know for sure with the one you said no to, at least you want have any regrets.
[;)]



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