RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church?
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Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church?
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Total Votes : 79
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(last vote on : 5/5/2008 12:34:43 PM)
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 9:23:58 AM
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Zedd
Posts: 33
Joined: 4/14/2008
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I know many of you are thinking this is a matter of obedience. It's not.
They could be asking anything else of me on Sunday morning and I would do it promptly with no complaints.
When I left my dad's to come here for college it was with his promise that I wouldn't be able to return. (He would be renting out my room to students.) When the time came to discuss this with my mom, she was happy and proud that I was thinking about it. I asked her if whether or not I attend church could be MY choice if I lived there. She agreed. (I ABSOLUTELY would have stayed if her answer was no.)
I knew I would have to change aspects of my life to meet their expectations by moving, and I was willing. Church was the only factor I would not change, she understood & being that I was 18 at the time, agreed that I could make my own choice.
Now she's taken the choice away from me. She knows I have nowhere else to go.
She thinks it will better my life, when in reality it will only conflict it.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 9:33:15 AM
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Restored_Heart
Posts: 627
Joined: 7/23/2005
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Zedd.... a few questions for you....
Is the main thing that is bothering you the fact that the choice was taken away (so you feel you are being controlled)? Or is it the going to church?
Can you give details as to what you believe going to church will do to you and why you feel that way? Is it their church you object to? Or all church's in general?
You need to identify what your difficulties are with the request. Is it the request or the fact that the request feels like they are treating you as a child and controlling you?
Can you compromise? Is compromise worth a place to stay?
If it is not, then possibly it is time to continue growing up and away from the parents.
_____________________________
<-------Lil Peanut.... due ~10/27
Yes, this will make 6 (5 of them girls!!)...
Formerly Hunterjumper777
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 9:44:28 AM
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edgibson
Posts: 192
Joined: 10/3/2005
From: Then: upper NY, Now: NC
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As long as you are dependent on your parents, they make the rules.
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Where are we going?
And why are we in this handbasket?
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 9:53:33 AM
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rnershigh
Posts: 1731
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: DC metro area
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Zedd
I know many of you are thinking this is a matter of obedience. It's not.
They could be asking anything else of me on Sunday morning and I would do it promptly with no complaints.
When I left my dad's to come here for college it was with his promise that I wouldn't be able to return. (He would be renting out my room to students.) When the time came to discuss this with my mom, she was happy and proud that I was thinking about it. I asked her if whether or not I attend church could be MY choice if I lived there. She agreed. (I ABSOLUTELY would have stayed if her answer was no.)
I knew I would have to change aspects of my life to meet their expectations by moving, and I was willing. Church was the only factor I would not change, she understood & being that I was 18 at the time, agreed that I could make my own choice.
Now she's taken the choice away from me. She knows I have nowhere else to go.
She thinks it will better my life, when in reality it will only conflict it.
Are you saying you would have stayed at your father's house if the answer had been no? Just wanting to clarify.
It sounds like you are responsible and mature. Since you have your college expenses being paid through federal aid, is there a way to get aid for campus housing too? Hmm...actually, it may be too late for that as it's already so far into the semester. I think honestly, maybe you should get your own place, or if it's possible, to go back to your father's? Have you discussed the matter with him, what's going on at your mother's home?
Maybe your mom can compromise and allow you to stay home while you finish the rest of your semester. This doesn't seem like an issue your mom will let go of and it will cause conflict between you both if you continue to stay and nothing gets resolved.
< Message edited by rnershigh -- 4/16/2008 9:59:33 AM >
_____________________________
O Grave! where is thy Victory?
O Death! where is thy Sting?
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 9:58:33 AM
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stampinlady
Posts: 1907
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Northern IL
Status: online
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Zedd, I'm gonna side with you as long as you are respecting their rules and attending church shouldn't be one of them. It would make me very sad if my children chose not to serve God, but I can't force them to.
Are you not a believer at all or is this a denominational thing?
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Deb
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 10:03:19 AM
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phreddy
Posts: 247
Joined: 3/28/2007
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If your biggest concern is that they changed the rules on you, sit down with them and ask them why that requirement has changed. Did your mom make that promise without asking her husband. Are there other kids in the house that lack of chuch attendance could be affecting? With out having your mom and step father here, there is only so much we can do. You need to talk to them and find out what has changed since you moved in. Maybe you can agree to a compromise. Also, keep in mind what another poster said, right or wrong, your mom and stepfather are doing this out of love and concern for you. They honestly believe that you need to be in church.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 12:42:01 PM
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Zedd
Posts: 33
Joined: 4/14/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Restored_Heart
Zedd.... a few questions for you....
Is the main thing that is bothering you the fact that the choice was taken away (so you feel you are being controlled)? Or is it the going to church?
Can you give details as to what you believe going to church will do to you and why you feel that way? Is it their church you object to? Or all church's in general?
You need to identify what your difficulties are with the request. Is it the request or the fact that the request feels like they are treating you as a child and controlling you?
Can you compromise? Is compromise worth a place to stay?
If it is not, then possibly it is time to continue growing up and away from the parents.
Yes. The principal of the matter is a huge problem for me.
The personal aspect is an even bigger problem. I have my beliefs.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 12:43:43 PM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 5565
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ellie-Mae
No one is FORCING anything. They have given him a CHOICE. He just doesn't like it. His parents aren't forcing a relationship just by having a rule that says that if he wants to live their that he has to attend church. As an adult they don't automatically OWE him room and board, and it may even be more loving for him to be on his own.
I agree!
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 12:52:48 PM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 5565
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Zedd- first off, welcome to the forums!
Secondly, why does going to church cause a conflict for you?
If you're not a Christian, then you could just look at it as "family time."
There are seven people living in my house. The only ones that I am legally responsible for are myself and my daughter. We go to church, the others don't. My dd (age 15) doesn't think it's fair that she has to go to church most Sunday mornings while her cousins get to sleep in. However, as her mother, I am responsible for her and that includes her education, which includes her education about Christianity. I have three older children (all over the age of 18). When they come to visit, they go to church with me. We don't go to church every Sunday- but we are in church at least 45-50 Sundays a year.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 1:51:17 PM
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rcjames
Posts: 4691
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Oklahoma
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Zedd
quote:
ORIGINAL: car2ner
As one other poster mentioned, what changed since he moved in?
THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REPLIES!
Nothing really has changed.
Someone previously inquired about alcohol. I have a 3.5 GPA, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs. I never have, friends don't, never will. I try to be respectful and positive in everything I do. The disharmony comes with the constant religious lecturing that is thrown at me, my respect dwindles with this. They know what my beliefs are, and they know my beliefs don't follow their's. This is the root of the problem. This is their attempt to counter it.
As far as tuition; my college expenses are paid via FAFSA.
I do appreciate everything they've given me. Most of all the direction, counsel, and wisdom.
What I don't appreciate is the archaic ultimatum they've thrown at me. I think it's weakening, demeaning, and most of all unchristian to force this choice of either abandoning the life I've made here, or abandoning my beliefs.
Well you sure have a choice; move out, get a job suppoort yourself, and don't go to Church.
Thasnks
RC
_____________________________
Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 1:57:54 PM
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Zedd
Posts: 33
Joined: 4/14/2008
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quote:
why does going to church cause a conflict for you?
I believe what I believe and I am not ready to change my beliefs at this point in my life. My beliefs do not include going to church and listening to a sermon that contradicts what I hold to be true.
Putting a roof over my head, as loving and respectable as it is, is not a license to influence/control/prod/dictate/etc (into) my beliefs.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 1:59:51 PM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 5565
Status: offline
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I understand that you don't like the fact that the rules got changed. If you knew beforehand that you were going to have to go to church, would you still have moved in?
quote:
ORIGINAL: Zedd
What I don't appreciate is the archaic ultimatum they've thrown at me. I think it's weakening, demeaning, and most of all unchristian to force this choice of either abandoning the life I've made here, or abandoning my beliefs.
Since you are not a Christian, how do you know what the Christian thing to do is?
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 2:05:04 PM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 5565
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Zedd
quote:
why does going to church cause a conflict for you?
I believe what I believe and I am not ready to change my beliefs at this point in my life. My beliefs do not include going to church and listening to a sermon that contradicts what I hold to be true.
Putting a roof over my head, as loving and respectable as it is, is not a license to influence/control/prod/dictate/etc (into) my beliefs.
When you go to church with them, are you allowed to discuss the sermon and what each family member's views are about it?
Just out of curiousity (and you don't have to answer if you don't want to) what denomination do your parents attend?
Are you an atheist, agnostic, occult or something along those lines?
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 4:07:02 PM
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everythingat
Posts: 181
Joined: 2/21/2008
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Here's a new perspective...
Proverbs 22:6- Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Maybe there comes a time for the parents to let go and let God do His job?
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 4:12:55 PM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 4183
Joined: 4/9/2005
From: The EMPIRE state!
Status: online
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They are in that they are letting him have this choice.
_____________________________
Isaiah 40:29
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 4:12:58 PM
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rcjames
Posts: 4691
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Oklahoma
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Zedd
I believe what I believe and I am not ready to change my beliefs at this point in my life. My beliefs do not include going to church and listening to a sermon that contradicts what I hold to be true.
Are your beliefs so shallow that you are afraid to hear an opposing or different view.
By the way, just what do you believe?
Thanks
RC
_____________________________
Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 4:39:29 PM
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relady
Posts: 958
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Greater St. Louis Metro
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Zedd, I agree with you -- I think REQUIRING a 19year old adult to go to church is ridiculous. Unfortunately, it is their home and they do have the say. I think, though, that they are wrong. I don't know what your mom really thinks she is going to accomplish. No one has ever been converted (truly) through coercion. And I have to say that I have little respect for any parent that would actually do such an unChristian thing as put their child out for not going to church. Good grief.
If I were you, I MIGHT go along to get along for a little while, but I would be looking at other options.
Good luck to you!
BTW, I also would be interested in knowing what your beliefs are and how you came to them. Have you ever considered yourself a Christian?
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 4:45:04 PM
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JimboFletch
Posts: 4973
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quote:
ORIGINAL: relady
Zedd, I agree with you -- I think REQUIRING a 19year old adult to go to church is ridiculous....
FWIW, when I was 19 and in bootcamp in 1971, I was required to go to church. I could pick Catholic, Protestant, or LDS services, but I had to go.
Remarkably, nobody, including me, suffered permanent trauma.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 4:57:02 PM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 4183
Joined: 4/9/2005
From: The EMPIRE state!
Status: online
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Jimbo, I know what you mean. My husband and I were married and REQUIRED to be in church on Sunday because of the college we went to. It really isn't so strange or awful.
_____________________________
Isaiah 40:29
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 5:00:39 PM
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crankius
Posts: 4194
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Jimbo's post made me wonder--would your mom let you pick which church you go to? Does it have to be her church?
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Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
IS CHURCH YOUR IDOL?
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 5:34:36 PM
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everythingat
Posts: 181
Joined: 2/21/2008
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In my case the trauma has been permanent. Then again, I was referred to as "the kid who looks like he would go into a school and shoot people" just because I was shy. Not even the leaders of the church acknowledged my existence in a positive light, I was eventually told I wasn't welcome there anymore for "spreading dissent." Even though as I said, I didn't communicate with anyone. That was the church my parent forced me to go to. I'm not trying to belittle your experience, Jimbo...just saying things aren't always wrapped up in a nice, tiny package when it comes to being forced to go to church. Just because it has the title of "church" doesn't necessarily make it the house of God. The situation I mentioned probably sounds like there's information I'm leaving out...I'm not going into all the details, but trust me...it was that cut and dry.
I still have yet to find a church that I would trust enough to attend regularly, as soon as I see signs that they're like the one that ex-communicated me...I run away as fast as I can.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 5:59:15 PM
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car2ner
Posts: 2308
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: just north of Florida
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Having young adults in the house, we don't make church a requirement. We do encourage it. We welcome discussions about spirituality. They claim to be athiest. It breaks our heart, but we just keep plugging away trying to show What Would Jesus Do.
But that being said, we both agree with "If you don't like the house rules, get your own house or put up with it".
I am also interested in finding out what your beliefs are. You just can't change beliefs like you can change your college. Perhaps you could start a new thread about your faith.
_____________________________
bungalow time http://www.car2ner.2ya.com (my blog)
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 6:31:17 PM
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Zedd
Posts: 33
Joined: 4/14/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rcjames
quote:
ORIGINAL: Zedd
I believe what I believe and I am not ready to change my beliefs at this point in my life. My beliefs do not include going to church and listening to a sermon that contradicts what I hold to be true.
Are your beliefs so shallow that you are afraid to hear an opposing or different view.
By the way, just what do you believe?
Thanks
RC
If you're really that interested, I'll give you my e-mail.
quote:
ORIGINAL: JimboFletch
quote:
ORIGINAL: relady
Zedd, I agree with you -- I think REQUIRING a 19year old adult to go to church is ridiculous....
FWIW, when I was 19 and in bootcamp in 1971, I was required to go to church. I could pick Catholic, Protestant, or LDS services, but I had to go.
Remarkably, nobody, including me, suffered permanent trauma.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 6:42:26 PM
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earthless
Posts: 4967
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: where bbq pigeons roast....
Status: offline
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Zedd,
I remember being 19 (not that long ago actually..) but you have it good and it is a SMALL price to pay to keep that going. Just go and sit there, space out, doodle on the church bulletin, whatever. But if you plan on living on the shoulders of others while you finish school (which many of us, including me, have done) then just go with them on Sunday morning and be done with it.
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Probing Today's Religious Movements | Promoting Doctrinal Discernment & Critical Thinking | Providing Reasons for Christian Faith & Ethics
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