Brother and Family living in SILs moms garage. (Full Version)

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godsman67 -> Brother and Family living in SILs moms garage. (4/14/2008 4:45:21 PM)

In October my brother,SIL,and the kids were foreclosed on. They were able to find a very nice rental house. Just recently they were evicted. Now my SIL claimed she injured her back. My brother mentioned that he had problems with the landlord. But I remember that was the excuse in 2003 when they had to leave a house.
The two things that stick out is that my Sister In Law handles the money but she has a gambling problem,my brother has a drinking habit. So then the kids not even 8 have moved 5 times. When I was 8 we still were at the same house. Last week sometime they moved into my SILs moms garage.
I talked to my sister the other day,and my younger brother got a call from their car finance company stating they had not received payment for their mini-van. He was not at all happy.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Brother and Family living in SILs moms garage. (4/14/2008 5:21:01 PM)

I think I am missing something...why is this any of your business? It isn't your garage. Are they asking you for money? Do you think the children are in imminent danger and you need to call CPS, or are the fed, clothed and warm?



godsman67 -> RE: Brother and Family living in SILs moms garage. (4/14/2008 5:26:53 PM)

I do not think the children are in any danger but I was wondering how can I help them (the kids)?



JimboFletch -> RE: Brother and Family living in SILs moms garage. (4/14/2008 5:29:59 PM)

I had lived in 5 houses by the time I was 8 but neither of my parents drank nor gambled and my parents never got into financial trouble, though we lived very modestly. So, I don't see why a family moving that often means anything by itself.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Brother and Family living in SILs moms garage. (4/15/2008 8:09:12 AM)

quote:

I do not think the children are in any danger but I was wondering how can I help them (the kids)?


You can be a stable place for the kids to visit, and a source of wise counsel and encouragement for them as they get older.



blessedinnyc -> RE: Brother and Family living in SILs moms garage. (4/15/2008 10:37:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: godsman67
You can be a stable place for the kids to visit, and a source of wise counsel and encouragement for them as they get older.

This is a great idea.

You can also have a nice impact by saving money for them for college. I don't know how old the kids are, but if they're still young, if you save $100/year for them for 11 years, that can turn into ~$2000 if you earn 10% on your investments. That's enough to pay for a semester of in-state tuition at a lot of colleges, and if they qualify for FAFSA aid, that money might be enough to make going to college an option for them.

I also just want to make sure that you're not going to give them any loans. Besides the fact that it's a bad move to make loans to family and friends, they honestly seem like they don't know how to be responsible debtors.



pbaribeault -> RE: Brother and Family living in SILs moms garage. (4/16/2008 7:41:33 PM)

Here are some practical ideas:

Invite them for supper the same day every week, provide plenty of wholesome food and send them home with leftovers. Make sure they know they can count on this, so they can save on their grocery buying. You might also consider giving grocery store gift certificates (no alcohol or tobacco).

Give seasonal gifts to each child, including maybe shoes, coats, school clothes (check your local schoolyard to see what kind of clothing is actually welcome) PJs, underthings and books. Again, make sure the parents know that they can count on you to meet these needs, so that they don't buy the things themselves.

Make memories an promote family unity by taking the whole family out for an experience they normally would not afford. (swimming, zoo etc.) Also consider facilitating the parents on cheap dates, by babysitting and giving gift certificates for coffee, cheap movies, or a note of free events such as amature concerts. Do this regularly and make sure they know they can count on you to do this predictably. (If you are able, at some point you might suggest that a counselor would make a good 'date'.)

What you want to make sure of is that they don't consider you someone to 'bail them out' when they are irresponsible and 'hit bottom' - rather you are a known and dependable support system that will help them stabilize their life.



APZR -> RE: Brother and Family living in SILs moms garage. (4/17/2008 2:11:51 PM)

Just be there for the kids. They'll need a stable mentor and your house can be the place they can go to for piece and comfort. What ever you do... do NOT give them any CASH to take care of the kids. They obviously can't manage cash.



Ellie-Mae -> RE: Brother and Family living in SILs moms garage. (4/20/2008 11:34:25 AM)

Great stuff from the other posters. I had an irresponsible brother with family in tow too. He just took advantage of everyone he could and to him, nothing was ever his fault. I was still a teenager when I learned that there was no such things as loans or borrowing. If you do give them anything to borrow or give them a loan, make sure that in your mind that you are ready to never see it returned. It will save you from having a lot of hard feelings.



godsman67 -> RE: Brother and Family living in SILs moms garage. (4/20/2008 1:05:43 PM)

I do agree that he is irresponsible. He pretty much gives his paycheck to my sister in law who has a gambling problem. He has no back-bone. Kinda wishy-washy. My SIL cannot hold a job for any extended period of time.
Usually citing a back problem she was asked to resign from her last job (or get fired). I was told that the reason they had to move was problem with the landlord. I am sure that "if" that were the case then there are departments in the city-county that handles landlord-tenant disputes.. I won't even send them grocery store gift cards. Ya see my SIL does buy those Lunchables,and other junk food products that cost much and have little or no nutrition.



P31W -> RE: Brother and Family living in SILs moms garage. (4/21/2008 7:42:27 AM)

quote:

I do not think the children are in any danger but I was wondering how can I help them (the kids)?


You can help the kids by allowing their parents to hit "rock bottom".



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