How should I bring this up? (Full Version)

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BlackCapnHarlock -> How should I bring this up? (4/13/2008 9:57:47 PM)

Ladies,

There is this woman in my church who wears tight jeans. I mean TIGHT JEANS!! Should I bring this up to my pastor or not?

I don't want to offend the woman as she is new to the faith and loves going to church and has paid a huge personal price to come to our church and I don't want to be the jerk I've always hated.

But come .. . on they 're TIGHT!!!!!!!

I felt like an old lady gossip this morning I said to a church member, "She's wrong for wearing those tight jeans, today."



car2ner -> RE: How should I bring this up? (4/13/2008 10:04:00 PM)

A man can't really tell a woman that her jeans are too tight. You might want to enlist the help of another woman. But even then, it has to be handled with tact or it will seem like a personal judgement instead of friendly advice.



trinigirl722 -> RE: How should I bring this up? (4/13/2008 10:20:24 PM)

I agree with car2ner. Perhaps your pastor could ask a woman in the church to tactfully broach the subject in private with this lady. If she's a new Christian, this is probably not even on her radar right now.



funny_girl -> RE: How should I bring this up? (4/13/2008 10:20:53 PM)

I think you need to give this woman a little time. DON'T LOOK! She's a baby in Christ from what you wrote. She'll figure it out soon enough. Silly man! LOL
Don't you dare be a gossip about it and run around talking to everyone else about it. This is a test for you and you're going to pass it!



BlackCapnHarlock -> RE: How should I bring this up? (4/14/2008 8:10:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: funny_girl

I think you need to give this woman a little time. DON'T LOOK! She's a baby in Christ from what you wrote. She'll figure it out soon enough. Silly man! LOL
Don't you dare be a gossip about it and run around talking to everyone else about it. This is a test for you and you're going to pass it!


You're right. I'm going to keep my mouth shut and keep it moving. The women in my church aren't bad dressers (i.e. they don't dress like they are going to a club or bar) as some churches. So I'm going to keep my mouth shut.



AlwaysR8chel -> RE: How should I bring this up? (4/14/2008 8:18:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackCapnHarlock

So I'm going to keep my mouth shut.

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........ you could also put some positive energy into it and pray for her walk in the LORD when you think of her....

[;)]



funny_girl -> RE: How should I bring this up? (4/14/2008 10:29:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AlwaysR8chel

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackCapnHarlock

So I'm going to keep my mouth shut.

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........ you could also put some positive energy into it and pray for her walk in the LORD when you think of her....

[;)]



NO He can't!!!! LOL he doesn't need to be thinking about her, LOL

Woman!!![sm=hammerhead.gif]



Jenny-Fair -> RE: How should I bring this up? (4/14/2008 12:04:30 PM)

quote:

I felt like an old lady gossip this morning I said to a church member, "She's wrong for wearing those tight jeans, today."
Uh, maybe because you WERE being a gossip?



ladyingrace1979 -> RE: How should I bring this up? (4/14/2008 2:04:42 PM)

I'm going to disagree with the not bringing it up. Only if it can be brought up in a tactful manor. As mature saints we women are commanded to teach the younger women. So go to the pastor, tell him your concerns, he should have the sense to find a mature godly woman who will know how to speak to this lady.

From my perspective I would rather be told, kindly, now than later on. I can guarentee that if you have noticed others probably have, the quickest way to stop gossip is to take care of what the gossip is about.
Kim Q



Dakotasunbeam -> RE: How should I bring this up? (4/14/2008 5:28:28 PM)

I personally don't think you should. An inward change is better than an outward one. She's a babe in Christ, she should be discipled and the love of the Word of God will eventually change her. Often, Church does it a little backward, they say, "Dress piosly" first, then work on the inside. God obviously does it differently.

I'd think you, as a mature, older believer would not be having such an issue with this. I mean, if you are not able to overlook ONE little woman IN CHURCH, how in the world are you suppose to exercise self-control with HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of women OUTSIDE of church? That's all women wear these days!

And additionally, there are some women with figures so made as ANYTHING they wear makes them look "sexy." Unless of course they wear a cloak or a burka. Many times, its not the clothes that are sexually attractive, its the body.

The female body was made to be sexually attractive to the male eye and vice versa. But the male or female that cannot control him or herself from focusing on, being preoccupied with the body needs to have more meetings with Jesus or pluck that eye right out. [;)]



car2ner -> RE: How should I bring this up? (4/15/2008 6:29:55 AM)

You almost have to know more about the woman. Is this a gal who "has back" as some folks put it? She may have a limited supply of pants because this is what they wear in her social circle and has nothing churchy? Maybe she's not really thought about it.

The nicest thing would be to have a gal go shopping with her. Give friendly fashion advice. This is where you got to know the "wearer". I'd like to know if something was out of place, like a tag sticking out, or something is too shear or not fitting right. But it should be a friend that the wearer knows. Otherwise it comes cross as judgemental.



AlwaysR8chel -> RE: How should I bring this up? (4/15/2008 8:28:41 AM)

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......... another idea.... is to ask a leader of a woman's group to invite her to their study......

Transformation takes time..... [;)]



rgod -> RE: How should I bring this up? (4/15/2008 1:20:19 PM)

I agree with most of the comments here. Unless she is wearing something that is really out of bounds (tight jeans with a see through top - thong showing) I'd say just keep praying for her and praying that one or more older godly woman will mentor her. (And older doesn't always mean age - she needs someone who is older in the spirit). She'll change soon enough as the Lord works on her. Definitely say something to the pastor if it is over the top though. Also, don't say anything else to any other member of the church about her. If they come up to you about it (and they will - maybe this very next Sunday if that person likes to gossip) just tell them that you are sorry that you said that, and that you've realized that you need to pray for her. That will squash the gossip flat. If you don't and she catches wind that people are talking about her, this will knock her off the path as quickly as anything and can turn her against church.

Is this a problem with a lot of women or men in the church? Maybe doing a teaching aimed at them, falling under the topic of purity, might help. But other than that, just love this young girl and pray for her. The Lord will prompt her to cover up soon enough. And it won't just be external but an internal modesty too. I've met many church people who were externally modest with the big hats and long flowing dresses or well fitting suits who were really immoral, freaky even, when I got to know them. Just praise God for this babe in Christ and do whatever you can to support her growth and God will straighten it out in time.

rgod



BlackCapnHarlock -> RE: How should I bring this up? (4/18/2008 7:30:40 AM)

I don't think it's as big a spiritual issue as some of you are making it. It's just the fact that someone needs to tell her to loosen up the jeans a bit. She's not "full figured" she's not a woman "with a past" she just needs fashion advice.

I am going to leave it alone . . .



stellaluna -> RE: How should I bring this up? (4/18/2008 10:47:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackCapnHarlock
I am going to leave it alone . . .

That's probably best.



MsSara -> RE: How should I bring this up? (4/25/2008 12:27:13 PM)

You know, I think this is silly. You were being a gossip and why are you paying so much attention to what this woman is wearing? Church is about worship and fellowship, not about whose pants are too tight. Its not easy dressing to please everyone. Its either too loose or too tight, bla bla bla. Who cares. Get to loving your fellow Christians and keep your eyes above the neck.
Funny girl is right to. She is a new Christian. Give her time. I doubt her wardrobe is God's first priority in her life.



miasma -> RE: How should I bring this up? (4/25/2008 1:48:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSara

You were being a gossip and why are you paying so much attention to what this woman is wearing? Church is about worship and fellowship, not about whose pants are too tight. Its not easy dressing to please everyone. Its either too loose or too tight, bla bla bla. Who cares. Get to loving your fellow Christians and keep your eyes above the neck.



I completely agree. [:'(]

quote:

I felt like an old lady gossip this morning I said to a church member, "She's wrong for wearing those tight jeans, today."



Your comment was completely inappropiate. The only person wrong in this situation is you.



trinigirl722 -> RE: How should I bring this up? (4/25/2008 8:14:50 PM)

I don't think the comment was inappropriate. It's OK to speak up when you think something is wrong. She said it quietly to another church member, so it didn't embarrass the woman wearing the jeans. There's nothing wrong with expressing an opinion.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: How should I bring this up? (4/25/2008 8:24:13 PM)

Actually, there can be many things wrong with expressing an opinion, and in this case, there was--the op was gossipping and even felt like a gossip.



trinigirl722 -> RE: How should I bring this up? (4/25/2008 8:41:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair

Actually, there can be many things wrong with expressing an opinion, and in this case, there was--the op was gossipping and even felt like a gossip.


I think it depends on circumstances. Obviously, the comment could have been made in a gossipy tone. But there are other times when a person could have said it in concerned tone, confiding in a friend, and I think that would have been fine.

I realize the OP said he felt like a gossip, so I suppose that shows his intent. But I just don't think the comment was completely inappropriate. I think that's a little harsh. He saw something that disturbed him, he reacted and made a comment to one person (not to a group -- now that would have been inappropriate). Let's show him a little grace here.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: How should I bring this up? (5/5/2008 1:10:28 AM)

Many a brand new christian woman has come to our church dressing immodestly. As they become more familiar with the Bible, they all seem to become more modest on their own. Give her time, and leave it alone.

Ever thought of sitting in the front row, so that women don't distract you?



bluestone -> RE: How should I bring this up? (5/6/2008 3:26:46 PM)

A lady visiting my old church got saved, and quickly stepped up her attendance. She wore fish net hose, leopard print skirts, and teddy tops that you could see through. She looked like an aging hooker.

One man in his fifties, who was always condemning the way women dress, actually said something to her, a rather catty remark in Sunday school. Her face just sank, and tears welled up. She never came back, she was so hurt and embarrassed. I talked to her, as did the pastor. Did no good.[:o]

IMO, the holiness-hound dude should have been tossed out on his modestly clad rear end. [>:]

give the woman time. She may not own other clothing.



teaspoon61 -> RE: How should I bring this up? (5/11/2008 11:52:33 AM)

quote:

give the woman time. She may not own other clothing.


Nodding in agreement.
And you mentioned she's new, praying for her, as others suggested, is the best thing I can suggest.

Also I noticed this thread began about a month ago. Has anything changed?



BlackCapnHarlock -> RE: How should I bring this up? (5/11/2008 9:29:22 PM)

Well today, the 11th guess who wore tight jeans again???? SHE DID!! My goodness it's no big deal though.

Also, I'm not "scoping women" like it's a shopping mall. I work security on the front door some Sundays and today we arrived at church at around the same time.



BugLady -> RE: How should I bring this up? (5/11/2008 9:38:42 PM)

You have security at your church? Where is it? I wanna go there. [;)]



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