Time to move on? (Full Version)

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spade -> Time to move on? (4/7/2008 11:04:00 PM)

If this is the place to post for "issues you face in ministry", I'm hoping someone can help me out with my little issue. To sum it up, my "issue" is that I'm conflicted over whether I need to find a different place to minister in my church for a couple reasons.

One is that the ministry I've been involved with, the young adults group, doesn't seem to have much "space" for me to really engage. As the group has evolved and went through pastoral changes, a good friend of mine has taken on the role of administrative coordinator (under a staff pastor), and most recently, "lay pastor" (not under a staff pastor). It's the right move for him and the church, and I support it.

But for the last year and half, there has been little for me to do other than general helping - taking attendance, counting offering, running Powerpoint, a little event planning. He preaches every Wednesday night, teaches Sunday school, prays with people... and I just kinda hang out. I've been much more involved in ministry at this church and the church I attended during college, and I just long to do more for God and wonder if I should move on. If he's meeting the needs in this group, I could help with a kids class or something, you know?

On the other hand, I could engage more with the group, instead of pulling away, helping to grow and develop it. He's done a great job ministering to the guys, but the girls relationships with each other aren't as strong as the guys. I could try to work on that, maybe starting a girls small group. Or I could put together some small outreaches or service projects, which we rarely do. Or I could join the church's intercession team, which would let me pray for others during altar times on Sundays, letting the girls have a young woman they know well to go to.

Yet, that brings up the second reason why I wonder if I need to move on. We share many things in common, and between our private conversations and the current, ah, division of labor in the group, there are many times when I feel like I'm behaving like a pastor's wife. I've actually had people make that comment - that I do the same stuff for him that a pastor's wife might do.

Every time I try to take initiative in the group, I worry that I'll undermine at least one of our reputations - either by making him look like a jerk for "using" me, or making me look like a desperate chick who hopes to win his heart through the ministry.

So there you have it. Given the "I want to help more.... oh wait, I feel like I'm acting like his wife again" issue, do you think it's time for me to move on?



jhfoote1968 -> RE: Time to move on? (4/8/2008 1:10:45 AM)

Have you talked with him about how you feel?

If you want to move, move, but be in prayer also.

I feel like you know what you need to do, just take the next step.



rcjames -> RE: Time to move on? (4/8/2008 10:23:03 AM)

I agree, tald with the Pastor, share your vision with him, and see if your vision lines up with his vision for the Church as a whole. Listen to vision the leadership has for the Church and see if you can fit in somewhere.

If you want to move on; then move on, but be honest with yourself about the real reasons for the move.

Thanks
RC



spade -> RE: Time to move on? (4/11/2008 3:32:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jhfoote1968

Have you talked with him about how you feel?


I have talked with him about how I feel limited in the group. Years ago, he was appointed the group's coordinator after a staff pastor left. The senior pastor (who has since retired) made it clear that he was chosen over the female leaders because he's a guy, even while saying that our church believes women can hold any role.

During that time, I taught and preached some, but it was secondary to him. These days, I don't do any teaching, and while I have some ideas for ways to meet some needs I see, I'm not asked to do much of anything, and I guess I feel presumptuous seeking permission to start something.

The leader knows that I feel limited, and he knows some of the things I would like do to meet some needs. I've talked about how I feel like the group erroneously calls people like me 'leaders' instead of 'volunteers', as I just get there a little early, help set up, take attendnace, and push some buttons on a computer to run PowerPoint. I don't influence anyone; I don't get people to follow me in pursuit of a ministry goal (serving the community, winning the lost, discipling believers, etc). Yes, I help in different ways, but I don't lead, and I long to, not because I want to be charge, but because I want to serve and see some needs that aren't being met, get met.

He tells me that he values my leadership and wants me to be involved and do anything, but it never goes anywhere. The #1 reason it goes nowhere is probably that we never have a plan - I never walk away knowing what responsibility I have and how clear I am to pursue the goals we established.

We don't have that more detailed conversation because the conversations we have had about it tend to be in relatively private moments before our midweek service or while a group of us are eating out together. We never make it that far before we are interrupted. I would have to sort of force the issue, but like I said, I feel presumptuous doing that, as he already knows what experience I have and what I would like to do.

And that brings up the issue of how closely the too of us can\should be working together in ministry to begin with. But maybe that's not as big of an issue as I've let it become, as there are other volunteers involved now. Even if I started a girl's Bible study, he continues teaching the predominately male class, and he leads midweek services, the other girl putting together activity options at least keeps it from being just the two of us...

quote:

I agree, tald with the Pastor, share your vision with him, and see if your vision lines up with his vision for the Church as a whole. Listen to vision the leadership has for the Church and see if you can fit in somewhere.

I'm positive I fit in somewhere within my church. It' the young adults' ministry that I don't always feel like has a place for me.

On a side note, we're currently looking for a new senior pastor since the former one retired. He should have someone new in about 2-3 months, and the clarity in vision for the church that should bring will probably help me find the right place of service. Right now, I just don't know where I fit.



SteelCurtain -> RE: Time to move on? (4/11/2008 9:11:24 PM)

See my post "finding my nitch" and you will see that I know exactly where you are.

I do agree with other posters in terms of talking to your pastor about your feelings.



hjemerson -> RE: Time to move on? (4/21/2008 3:51:45 PM)

I know you have prayed and talked to others Maybe take a step back and look do you see you r self in a few months. is their a place in the church you may want to be a leader as the Girls mentor as I sure they would use yopu experance. Is their another church you could find a home in it may be the Lords way to open a door for a new Minsty. But What every you do for the Lord Little or samll(Shareing the word or pushing a button) I know you Know it is all for his glory! I be in pray you find your spot or open a new door to you your spot!



gmc4Jesus -> RE: Time to move on? (4/21/2008 5:52:27 PM)

I have read the comments by others and agree. Talk with your pastor about the situation.

However, I would like to suggest that your current role in assisting the teacher should not be taken lightly. I am a former preaching minister and currently a writer and teacher. Yet, I'm currently serving as a greater and helping do setup in our congregation. At this time, I am not using my talents as a teacher. I pray for God's guidance, but I am there to serve in the ways they can use me at this time. As the church grow, gets its own property and has room for more classes, I'll be available and ready (unless God has called me somewhere else first).

The point I'm seeking to make is that what you are doing is important to the class whether it's the best use of your talents or not.

You might consider starting a new class. I'm sure it would also be an asset to your church. Your conversation with the pastor will help bring that out.

May God give you guidance and wisdom in your decision.



BibleL7 -> RE: Time to move on? (4/26/2008 7:38:15 AM)

Pray about it and pray more about it. See where the Lord wants you. You have mentioned in the post that the girls are not as strong as the boys perhaps you might talk to the pastor about how you could be used in the ministry to help the girls. It really seems clear at least to me that your heart is in that area. If you have some ideas that you think would help in that area take those ideas to him and ask what he thinks of them. It seems you value his ability in leadership and it seems he has a weak area in getting across to the girls. There are reasons that women are encouraged to teach an exhort women in the Bible. And if there are always interruptions when you are trying to talk about it, see if you can make an appointed time to discuss it. It seems as though you are hesitant as it might seem as saying he is not doing a good job but if he is in a leadership position and your comments of him seems he is a good leader, it does not seem likely that he should be offended but would more than likely appreciate the help and suggestions. Some times leaders are just pleading for such assistance with in themselves even in prayers and not getting it. If you are worried about appearances of the relationship then have a third party in the meeting with you. Many leaders prefer to have meetings between members of opposite sex to not be one on one but have a witness as to keep rumors from being started. And remember to pray about it and pray with him and the others about it. It seems you may just be where you should be and just somewhat intimidated about talking to him about your roll in the ministry. Will keep you in prayer.

Just the opinion of a small town preacher



spade -> RE: Time to move on? (4/26/2008 8:06:35 PM)

Hey, my dormant thread came back to life! Thanks for the additional input.

I continue giving this a lot of thought and prayer. Not a whole lot has changed recently.

Over and over again, everyone says to talk to the pastor. I'm not sure if you guys mean to talk to our church's pastor or to my friend, the leader of the young adults group. Although he initially used the words "lay pastor" to describe his new role, he's not on staff, a licensed minister, or "officially" anything but a deacon and teacher. (I don't say that to detract from his ministry in the group; he is acting in a limited sense as the group's pastor right now. But, on a personal level, I think of him as one of my best friends, not my pastor.)

As for talking with the church's pastor, we don't currently have one. Hopefully, within a month, we will.

Like I said, I have discussed with my friend how I feel limited in service in the group. But I haven't told him that the biggest reason I feel like I can't do more is because of the tendency of people in the church to start match-making when we're seen working together.

I'm just frustrated by the whole situation. Hjemerson, you asked where I see myself in a few months. I see myself doing the same stinking thing, more frustrated than ever! My friend is a great leader, but certainly not a visionary one. We'll be doing the same things in three months, six months... He tends to just keep things going, the status quo... but I want something different. I always want change, growth, challenge. There are some different areas in the church I've thought about serving, but I don't know if it's time to move on from this ministry.

quote:


However, I would like to suggest that your current role in assisting the teacher should not be taken lightly.

You are right, and it my pleasure to serve. But at the end of the day, I always feel like I've never been taken seriously in this church as a potential leader, if that makes sense. In high school, I started a Bible study at my school. In college, I started and led ministries for international students, serving as an officer in a 200+ student ministry. I now work for an international missions organization, developing biblically-based theme materials, articles, videos, and such to raise funds and volunteers, and soon I will take on a management role.

And yet, at the church I grew up in, I've never been able to do anything but take attendance, push some buttons, prepare announcement slides, or maybe, just maybe, substitute for my friend if he's sick enough that he can't teach one week.

When Jesus went to Nazareth, they were offended, pointing out who's son he was. Jesus told them that only in his hometown is a prophet without honor. I'm no prophet, nor anything special, just a young adult who loves Christ with all my heart and wants to make Him known in all the earth. But I really identify with what Jesus said in Nazareth.



spade -> RE: Time to move on? (5/5/2008 12:30:23 AM)

quote:

Not a whole lot has changed recently.


Something changed! Our leader \ my friend will finish his current Sunday School series in about a month. He asked tonight if I would like to teach for the 4-6 weeks after that. That would be one thing I'm excited about.

Another is that we have a senior pastor candidate coming to try out in a couple weeks. The couple was actually my youth pastors years ago, and they always emphasized the body doing the work of the ministry. They were so helpful when I started a Bible study at my high school, and they know I've always liked to start new things, not just maintain what we've been doing for years. With the increased clarity and vision a senior pastor usually brings to a church, I'm confident it'll be a little easier to find my place.

Finally, I move this week into a leadership role at work. While there's a different working dynamic in a ministry's headquarters than in a local church, managing our projects and team will go a long ways toward satisfying my desire to serve in leadership, not just as a volunteer or employee.

I just wanted to share the progress!



hjemerson -> RE: Time to move on? (5/6/2008 1:03:26 PM)

So Great to hear prays have been answered! I wish we had a few of you here in NC at our church just anyone wanting to do somthing!! God Bless and May ypu eyes and heart stay on the Lords work!!!



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