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Kylie14 -> Online dating (3/22/2008 11:36:28 AM)

Have you ever done it?If so was it a good experience?Any advice on what to look out for?

I just signed up on eharmony and am wondering if this is a good way to meet people.I know I have to be careful that goes without saying.Thoughts anyone?



Pauley464 -> RE: Online dating (3/22/2008 12:04:15 PM)

I've had a few experiences with on-line dating, some were good, some were bad. I'd give these two pieces of advice:

1.) Never assume that on-line descriptions or pictures are accurate or truthful.

2.)Make your decisions based on the personality profiles and make sure you get to know them very well before making any sort of commitment. Do a lot of talking on-line and over the telephone before you even have your first face-to-face meeting.



timf -> RE: Online dating (3/22/2008 12:34:05 PM)

Online dating - Thoughts anyone?

Online dating is like regular dating with the exception that communication is more difficult and therefore tends to amplify the difficulties of regular dating. In regular dating you have the potential problem of thinking that there are similarities (like both being Christian) only to find out later that you really have big differences because you may not mean the same thing by saying that you are Christian.

In regular dating you have more of an opportunity to observe the other person in real time and observe character demonstrated in unanticipated circumstances. This often allows the observation of "unadvertised" characteristics.

In regular dating you may also have the opportunity to observe friends and family that can provide helpful information.

In dating in general one faces the difficulty of "falling in love". This is an emotional state of hopeful anticipation based more on desire than on substance. Many people experience this passion and move in together or get married only to find six months later as the passion fades that they are now analytical and have regrets. It is better to be analytical first and passionate later.

For Christians, nothing should be more important than a real, living, and fruitful faith. One also needs to be careful of trying to accomplish something by the strength of the flesh;

Psalm 127:1
Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.



trinigirl722 -> RE: Online dating (3/22/2008 1:19:36 PM)

Kylie:

"The Meet Market" thread in the Singles forum discusses this also. It has posts from a few of us who've registered with eHarmony. You might find some helpful info there, too.



StephenJ -> RE: Online dating (3/22/2008 4:38:29 PM)

I tried it and for the most part had positive experiences, one of the great things about it is that the "are we just friends" confusion is very rare. People pretty much go on these sites to find dates.

ChristianMingle and Christian Cafe are both sites that I recomend.



gaylel1 -> RE: Online dating (3/22/2008 4:58:03 PM)

..But on the other hand you have to be careful because many on those site say they are Christian, but their walk states otherwise. For example, it may say Christian, but he or she may be involved in porn or doing things that are ungodly. Or someone who is not in a felllowship and accountable to a pastor.


You have to make sure that they are walking the walk, talking the talk and no lip service because some people on the sites, and including these christian sites can decive people.

Oh, btw, e-harmony is not a Christian site.



Prairiehiker -> RE: Online dating (3/22/2008 6:59:33 PM)

I think the label "Christian" means different things to different people. For me, it doesn't mean a thing when looking at a person's profile on an online dating site.

I put a profile on E Harmony, and I've gotten at least 100 matches all of them stating that they are Christians under the "religion" question. But when I read the questions and answers, there's nothing that suggest that they are true Christ followers. Not one. So, I haven't responded to anyone on E Harmony. I didn't even bother subscribing because, like I said, I'm quite skeptical about their screening/matching process.

I also joined a free 14 day trial at Christian Cafe. One guy I communicated with and he seemed to be on fire for God. He was good looking, and talks about all sorts of things about mission and his church services. His words were "flowery" and talked about meeting. He must have sent me 30 emails in one day to which I responded to (he was so gorgeous, and appealed to my shallow side,lol).This is within a span of two days. Then he asked if I wanted to chat. I said not right now as I was too sick. I gave him my email. He didn't like that. The next few days, he was on all the time, but never contacted me. I emailed him but he never responded. I think he was one of those men who are addicted to online dating. So, be careful of those things.

I think knowing the qualities that you're looking for in a person would save you a lot of time and trouble. A true follower of Christ would shout it from the mountain top, so, their commitment would also be evident in the way they present themselves through their written profile.

Oh, another one incident was this guy who had the word "I love God" in his profile. He was kinda weird. But since he had those words, I thought, hmm. I'd give it a try. We were chatting, then all of the sudden, he turned psycho. He started telling me how he's masturbating while he's looking at my pictures. Eeeeckkk. I ran out of that dating site so quickly, and never went back.

So, be careful.



dinomax55 -> RE: Online dating (3/22/2008 8:56:01 PM)

I've had mixed results with online dating, but the positives outweigh the negatives.. I've had a chance to meet some great people that I wouldn't have otherwise known about..



buckifn -> RE: Online dating (3/23/2008 1:16:26 AM)

I found it to be like most other things in life...you get out what you put in...



Prairiehiker -> RE: Online dating (3/23/2008 11:19:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: buckifn

I found it to be like most other things in life...you get out what you put in...


No, you don't always get what you put in esp when it involves people.



car2ner -> RE: Online dating (3/23/2008 7:48:59 PM)

I got mixed results. I joined with the intention of meeting interesting people and I did. I also had folks contact me that seemed odd. What I did not like was contacting people who simply disappeared. I would have liked a "thanks but no thanks". Perhaps they thought I was odd. Who knows.

I met my husband indirectly through online dating. He worked in the same office as someone I met online.



SD456 -> RE: Online dating (3/23/2008 10:31:16 PM)

I tried it once. It takes so much work to get to know people, and you have to get to know many, that I quit. The one person I talked to for awhile turned out to be not like his profile. It took many months for this to come out in his character (that his character traits were not what he wrote in his profile) that I think meeting people in person would be better.



jaimestarcross -> RE: Online dating (3/24/2008 2:16:25 PM)

quote:

Have you ever done it?If so was it a good experience?Any advice on what to look out for?



Yes, I have done online dating - end results I married a Canadian and moved to Canada in 2002. It took several years before I met the man I married.

If the person you are chatting with doesn't live close enough to visit then avoid dating anyone who's too far away unless you are able to travel frequently and you don't mind moving away from family and friends. If you aren't into traveling or can't afford it - avoid persons who live out of state or out of the country.
Whatever info is exchanged check it out if you can - do a background check on him.
Play attention to what the person reveals about himself and what type of person they want to have a relationship/marriage with some day. (Save online conversations if possible and review them later to see if the guy is being consistent(honest, stable etc.)

*Don't meet with a guy alone until you feel safe in doing that - don't be pressured into meeting up with him! Always meet with him in public places on your home turf -
too often girls will go off and meet a guy because he sounds so nice and charming.
When you are on his turf it's to his advantage.



AlwaysR8chel -> RE: Online dating (3/24/2008 3:32:13 PM)

.
.
.
.
.
........ I can't believe I'm posting this!



...... but - I've finally been burned one too many times. [&:]



I will never have an LD/on-line relationship again....

[:'(]

(and yeah.... I've been burned by people on a few sites... even the Christian sites recommended above)



gaylel1 -> RE: Online dating (3/24/2008 7:00:45 PM)

And another thing and that is the Christian men should step up to the plate and going to the women's place of residence...

I don't know it they are scared or lack of faith, but I think the women should not have the burden of going to his place when the men, if they really interested or love them to go where they are...




Technophile -> RE: Online dating (3/24/2008 7:44:37 PM)

one of my friends had a good experience with online dating. he joined a site for a few months and asked several girls out during that time. for him it was a confidence booster, and it gave him more experience to handle situations with dating in the future.



preserved -> RE: Online dating (4/17/2008 6:56:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gaylel1

And another thing and that is the Christian men should step up to the plate and going to the women's place of residence...

I don't know it they are scared or lack of faith, but I think the women should not have the burden of going to his place when the men, if they really interested or love them to go where they are...




Good point...Many men prefer women who are living alone...which triggers their motives..



preserved -> RE: Online dating (4/17/2008 6:58:57 PM)

On line dating is interesting...I have met so many. Besides it gives you a chance to communicate....before the 1st look see meetings. I do not call them dates...



Cc20 -> RE: Online dating (4/19/2008 2:00:54 AM)

ahhhhh
exactly the thread I was searching for!
I am currently in an on-line long distance..loooong long distance realationship..! I have to admit it's hard! really hard , I sent my bf several gifts, (which is really fun) and he did the same, but you begin to want an actual physical relationship with the person you know? and it's really difficult when that person wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. I thin this is part of a big plan God has for me though so i just need to wait and see where it goes. you never know.[:)] we've been dating for 6 or 7 months now, our first anniversary will be July 1st if we make it til then, and I am just really confused. I love this guy, and he loves me but we cant benear one anohter, and that gets to be hard sometimes, but this has negative and postive benefits, for example we aren't able to be physically close, which means there's no probabiltiy that we'd end up doing something we would regret(especially me)..I'm afraid it'd be hard to protect my purity with him around me in person. you know ehehe!
now the negative side is, I'd really just like to go and do fun things like go to the cinema, out to dinner and stuff..normal bf/gf things[;)] another problem, he comes from a muslim fam, so I doubt we could ever marry even if we were living near one anohter..and were physically dating. and laslty he's in Turkey and is in the Navy there, so it's unlikely he can come to my country anytime soon.
online dating is confusing..and difficult, especially long distance![&o]



LivingParadox -> RE: Online dating (4/19/2008 10:37:20 AM)

I think it's a great way to get to know someone but at some point it has to become "traditional" dating to be able to go anywhere. And like the last poster said, communicating online does give a little of physical distance so the relationship doesn't move too fast.

Online dating is kind of faster version of letter-writing from a distance a hundred years ago -- you can fall for a person that way.



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: Online dating (4/19/2008 8:35:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pauley464
2.)Make your decisions based on the personality profiles and make sure you get to know them very well before making any sort of commitment. Do a lot of talking on-line and over the telephone before you even have your first face-to-face meeting.[/color][/font][/size]


the opposite is often recommended. obviously for a long distance relationship, you'd want to take your time before flying across the country to visit. but if someone is local, no sense in spending hours talking on the phone and IM building up fantasy like attributes for this dream person that will fall short when a simple meet & greet for coffee would give you a realistic idea of the other person.

i think there needs to be more of a distinct between online-only relationships and using an online dating site to meet someone locally. it's completely different process.



samthomas -> RE: Online dating (4/24/2008 2:31:54 AM)

My friend was using free internet dating site. He found his match on this site. He suggested me this site. I signed up with this site just couple of weeks back and I found myself in a world of amazing singles but I was confused about how to present myself online and how to communicate with other singles. I searched for that on internet and found some good tips for online dating.

Following are few of them on how communicate with others:
Do not ignore anyone profile. Read it well and try asking about the things that seems to be interested in profile.

Conversation:
Keep your conversation simple, short and sweet. It is better to keep a light-hearted and cheerful tone. It has proven to attract more successful online dates.

Don’t ask about personal details such as telephone number, address, etc. within first few messages.

Talk about things which are common in both of you. This way tries to highlight that there are so many things in common.

There are lots of singles waiting for you. All the best!

edited tos 13



bride48 -> RE: Online dating (4/25/2008 6:06:20 PM)

I married the guy I dated online. We called each other's pastors and friends to do background checks. He can't travel (we're both in wheelchairs), so I made three annual visits. We talked through a lot of issues with each other and on a speaker-phone with my pastor.

August 24, 2002 was our wedding, and our marriage has been incredibly happy!



SD456 -> RE: Online dating (4/25/2008 9:52:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pauley464
2.)Make your decisions based on the personality profiles and make sure you get to know them very well before making any sort of commitment. Do a lot of talking on-line and over the telephone before you even have your first face-to-face meeting.[/color][/font][/size]


the opposite is often recommended. obviously for a long distance relationship, you'd want to take your time before flying across the country to visit. but if someone is local, no sense in spending hours talking on the phone and IM building up fantasy like attributes for this dream person that will fall short when a simple meet & greet for coffee would give you a realistic idea of the other person.

i think there needs to be more of a distinct between online-only relationships and using an online dating site to meet someone locally. it's completely different process.


I totally agree! If you live locally then get the first meeting over with immediately so you can see if there's a connection right away. Otherwise you really do tend to build up a 'fantasy' idea of someone that just isn't real.



SD456 -> RE: Online dating (4/25/2008 9:53:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bride48

I married the guy I dated online. We called each other's pastors and friends to do background checks. He can't travel (we're both in wheelchairs), so I made three annual visits. We talked through a lot of issues with each other and on a speaker-phone with my pastor.

August 24, 2002 was our wedding, and our marriage has been incredibly happy!


Wow, that's pretty wonderful.



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