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[Poll]
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To list or not to list.... ?
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| My 'list of qualities' for my future mate IS very important. |
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| My 'list of qualities' for my future mate is important. |
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| My 'list of qualities' for my future mate is NOT important. |
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| I am willing to change my 'list'. |
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| I trust God to provide my mate and don't rely on a 'list'. |
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| I don't have a 'list'. |
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Total Votes : 65
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(last vote on : 10/3/2008 1:16:53 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/22/2008 11:13:48 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8014
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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(went back and gleaned this out of the last place it was discussed. I'd tell you where but my overwhelming humility would beat me to a pulp)
Christian. This is of course non-negotiable. I won't even waste my time with someone who's not saved when we meet.
height: 5'4 to 5'10, prefer 5'6-5'8
hair: long hair (mid shoulder blade length or more). I really like the reddish auburny tones but blond or brown is OK too. Not a big fan of black black hair. (of course if she is stunningly beautiful otherwise this could change that's why this one is in gray) I'd like her to be confident enough to wear a pony tail pulled through a ball cap and not have to adjust her hair all the time.
Eye color. Depends on hair color. With blonde hair she should have brown eyes. With brownish hair blue eyes, with reddish hair green eyes. Of course this is ideal and alternates will be accepted. Eyes should be bright in whatever color.
body type: Slim (even to skinny) or athletic. I'm currently down 27 lbs from my peak and won't let myself regain that weight. Need someone else who wants to stay in shape. see addendum below
age range. 30-40 or so with 36 being ideal. This is based on my desire to have more children. Again an slightly older or younger woman in exceptional shape would probably be OK
Wants children. And will be a good mother to the Girl
Will relocate to be here. The Girl has lost so much already that I can't really move her away from her mamaw and everything she knows
Job type. If she has to work at all, teacher would probably be my first choice. I'd prefer her to be a full time mom/homemaker and perhaps homeschool the kids. She wouldn't have to work for financial reasons and this area has a lot of full time moms. Its the most important job one can have.
Hobbies interests: Must be creative. Should like fishing and boating (I just bought a boat). any other hobby is good. Must be physically active and in shape. Biking, Hiking, walking are plusses. Has to be involved in church, not just a pew sitter. Singing is good. Reader. Not a big TV addict.
Denomination: No preference but must be accepting of the existence of the baptism of the Holy Spirit. I don't think it's crucial that she be Spirit filled as long as she allows others to be. Doctrinally something close to Assemblies of God or Pentecostal Church of God.
Spiritual walk: Must be an active Christian. Knowing Jesus as Savior is good but knowing him as Savior and friend is much better. Prefer someone involved in the creative ministries (singing, drama, mime, banners, flags etc). Modest but not overwhelmingly so. (I am a tush and leg man. Someone who feels compelled to always be in a long skirt or dress would rob me of the joy of admiring her in jeans or shorts)
Personality type. Has to be fun. young hearted at least. Sanguine
Things I don't want:
Smoker or other drug user (occasional social drink is OK. No drunkeness)
overweight -- my wife struggled with this for years and it puts a great strain on the marriage. Of course her other medical problems magnified this.
Poor medical health --- She was physically or mentally ill for most of our marriage. After her passing I just don't have the strength to deal with it again. (Of course I would do our entire married life over again given the chance. She was more than worth the effort)
Angry or habitually negative. --- I'm usually a very positive person and being down on others always leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
liberal -- I'm about as conservative as they come politically. Most liberal ideas hurt the very ones they are supposed to help. I'd take a bears fan before I'd think about a liberal
List addendum:
I was in a conversation and we were discussing sizes. And I noted that someone doesn't have to be a size 2 to be thin. Then it struck me. I wonder if all the ladies are thinking skinny = size 1 or 2!?
My niece is a size two and she looks very nice. But her body type supports that. Someone else in a size 2 may look extremely emaciated.
So lets try a more realistic picture of what I'm looking for. (I have to use Michele as she was the only example I know the sizes for.)
When I met Michele she was a size 9-10-11 or so (bottoms). And she was skinny. (She was 5'2" counting her hair ). At a size 12 she still looked thin and delicious (Can I sat that here?) at a size 14 she was not quite thin but did not look overweight (I still would have liked to get her in a bikini). She was sweetly hipped and those sizes were the right size for her body type. Anything less and she'd look sickly.
So I guess rather than skinny I'm really looking more for in shape for the body type she has. That make sense?
(gritting my teeth, donning my flame proof suit and hitting "OK")
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: To list or not to list.... - Actual list - 3/22/2008 11:18:17 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8014
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: skreyola
Very well. Here it is with and without explanation.
Very well thought out list.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/22/2008 11:27:01 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 2986
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: online
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quote:
Maybe I've just got a lackadaisical attitude about the whole thing but I just count on God knowing what I need in all respects and I'm actually afraid of allowing my wants to get in the way of that. Knowing what I know about myself, I'm sure I wouldn't ask for some of the things that I need because some of the things I'm sure I probably need, while they improve my character, aren't going to be any fun at the time.
I couldn't agree more!
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RE: To list or not to list.... Comparing lists... - 3/22/2008 11:35:45 PM
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skreyola
Posts: 1994
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: Mars
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: skreyola
Very well. Here it is with and without explanation.
Very well thought out list.
Thank you, kind sir. I'd comment on yours, but I don't want to arouse the O.H. Suffice it to say I liked the comment about the Bears fan being preferable. You are quite right.
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/22/2008 11:36:20 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 2986
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
(went back and gleaned this out of the last place it was discussed. I'd tell you where but my overwhelming humility would beat me to a pulp)
Christian. This is of course non-negotiable. I won't even waste my time with someone who's not saved when we meet.
height: 5'4 to 5'10, prefer 5'6-5'8
hair: long hair (mid shoulder blade length or more). I really like the reddish auburny tones but blond or brown is OK too. Not a big fan of black black hair. (of course if she is stunningly beautiful otherwise this could change that's why this one is in gray) I'd like her to be confident enough to wear a pony tail pulled through a ball cap and not have to adjust her hair all the time.
Eye color. Depends on hair color. With blonde hair she should have brown eyes. With brownish hair blue eyes, with reddish hair green eyes. Of course this is ideal and alternates will be accepted. Eyes should be bright in whatever color.
body type: Slim (even to skinny) or athletic. I'm currently down 27 lbs from my peak and won't let myself regain that weight. Need someone else who wants to stay in shape. see addendum below
age range. 30-40 or so with 36 being ideal. This is based on my desire to have more children. Again an slightly older or younger woman in exceptional shape would probably be OK
Wants children. And will be a good mother to the Girl
Will relocate to be here. The Girl has lost so much already that I can't really move her away from her mamaw and everything she knows
Job type. If she has to work at all, teacher would probably be my first choice. I'd prefer her to be a full time mom/homemaker and perhaps homeschool the kids. She wouldn't have to work for financial reasons and this area has a lot of full time moms. Its the most important job one can have.
Hobbies interests: Must be creative. Should like fishing and boating (I just bought a boat). any other hobby is good. Must be physically active and in shape. Biking, Hiking, walking are plusses. Has to be involved in church, not just a pew sitter. Singing is good. Reader. Not a big TV addict.
Denomination: No preference but must be accepting of the existence of the baptism of the Holy Spirit. I don't think it's crucial that she be Spirit filled as long as she allows others to be. Doctrinally something close to Assemblies of God or Pentecostal Church of God.
Spiritual walk: Must be an active Christian. Knowing Jesus as Savior is good but knowing him as Savior and friend is much better. Prefer someone involved in the creative ministries (singing, drama, mime, banners, flags etc). Modest but not overwhelmingly so. (I am a tush and leg man. Someone who feels compelled to always be in a long skirt or dress would rob me of the joy of admiring her in jeans or shorts)
Personality type. Has to be fun. young hearted at least. Sanguine
Things I don't want:
Smoker or other drug user (occasional social drink is OK. No drunkeness)
overweight -- my wife struggled with this for years and it puts a great strain on the marriage. Of course her other medical problems magnified this.
Poor medical health --- She was physically or mentally ill for most of our marriage. After her passing I just don't have the strength to deal with it again. (Of course I would do our entire married life over again given the chance. She was more than worth the effort)
Angry or habitually negative. --- I'm usually a very positive person and being down on others always leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
liberal -- I'm about as conservative as they come politically. Most liberal ideas hurt the very ones they are supposed to help. I'd take a bears fan before I'd think about a liberal
List addendum:
I was in a conversation and we were discussing sizes. And I noted that someone doesn't have to be a size 2 to be thin. Then it struck me. I wonder if all the ladies are thinking skinny = size 1 or 2!?
My niece is a size two and she looks very nice. But her body type supports that. Someone else in a size 2 may look extremely emaciated.
So lets try a more realistic picture of what I'm looking for. (I have to use Michele as she was the only example I know the sizes for.)
When I met Michele she was a size 9-10-11 or so (bottoms). And she was skinny. (She was 5'2" counting her hair ). At a size 12 she still looked thin and delicious (Can I sat that here?) at a size 14 she was not quite thin but did not look overweight (I still would have liked to get her in a bikini). She was sweetly hipped and those sizes were the right size for her body type. Anything less and she'd look sickly.
So I guess rather than skinny I'm really looking more for in shape for the body type she has. That make sense?
(gritting my teeth, donning my flame proof suit and hitting "OK")
With a list like this I think I would likely miss out on the blessing God might have in store for me, because knowing my heart he might realize were my perception needed to be stretched rather than accommodated. John_O there are times that I agree with you, and there are times our opinions are about as far apart as the east is from the west. I know that God knows my preferences; however, I really believe it is important to remember that they are only preferences (not requirements).
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/22/2008 11:43:54 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8014
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
With a list like this I think I would likely miss out on the blessing God might have in store for me, because knowing my heart he might realize were my perception needed to be stretched rather than accommodated. John_O there are times that I agree with you, and there are times our opinions are about as far apart as the east is from the west. I know that God knows my preferences; however, I really believe it is important to remember that they are only preferences (not requirements).[/color]
The only items on the list that were non-negotiables were the first (Must be Christian) and the don't wants. I've got a more detailed list around here somewhere with the thresholds (given in my post) and the objectives better defined but I was too lazy tonight to redo it.
Also you'll see that most of the intangibles are left off. I don't think these things are able to be found out without more in depth study of each other. So I can't really put them on a potentials qualifying list. KWIM?
Now I do agree that God may have something different in mind for me. But the cool thing about God is that He gives us the desires of our heart. So if He brings someone different from the list He will also plant the desire for that person in my heart. Until he does that however, this is what I desire.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/22/2008 11:45:14 PM
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Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 6132
Joined: 5/2/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
I was in a conversation and we were discussing sizes. And I noted that someone doesn't have to be a size 2 to be thin. Then it struck me. I wonder if all the ladies are thinking skinny = size 1 or 2!?
Sometimes. But that comes from the guys themselves who critique women who are more than a size 3 or 5. Sure, we'd all like to be that size but it's not always going to happen. We wear our clothes a certain way so as to appear slimmer. Yeah, most of the time we do it for us, but it may also be to attract someone's attention.
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RE: To list or not to list.... - Actual list - 3/22/2008 11:59:52 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8014
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AdrianaS
The only problem I have with both list is about being conservative because in US conservative means Republic, because c'mom people in reality you have just 2 parties...  Iam conservative but no Republican as when I start to vote it will be problematic because I will have no party...
While the republicans are the more coservative of the two major parties, they are by no means conservative. Most of them are liberal democrats in drag (so to speak.) Or as they are sometimes called, RINO's (Republican in name only)
I'd hazrad a guess that most conservatives do not define themselves as republicans first. (For example, I am Christian, American, Conservative, and Republican in that order)
In the primaries you likely won't have a vote as that is the process the parties use to choose their candidates. But in the general election (in November) vote for anyone you like (as long as the Spirit gives you permission to vote for them, that is)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: To list or not to list.... - Actual list - 3/23/2008 1:07:39 AM
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skreyola
Posts: 1994
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: Mars
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AdrianaS
quote:
ORIGINAL: skreyola
quote:
ORIGINAL: AdrianaS
quote:
ORIGINAL: skreyola
Very well. Here it is with and without explanation.
Wow Iam impressed with you and John... 
Yes, the "sanguineo" is a must for me too...one of you wrote that...
*blush*
Sanguine was John. :)
Very cute the thermostate below 74...you are into details and that is nice. 
The only problem I have with both list is about being conservative because in US conservative means Republic, because c'mom people in reality you have just 2 parties... Iam conservative but no Republican as when I start to vote it will be problematic because I will have no party...
I am registered Republican for my local office races, but there are other parties in the general election. The only thing keeping the third-parties from taking a lead is the silly practice of horse-race voting.
I'd say more, but it would be off-topic here.
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/23/2008 5:53:46 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12577
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cammo2006
quote:
ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy
quote:
I was in a conversation and we were discussing sizes. And I noted that someone doesn't have to be a size 2 to be thin. Then it struck me. I wonder if all the ladies are thinking skinny = size 1 or 2!?
Sometimes. But that comes from the guys themselves who critique women who are more than a size 3 or 5. Sure, we'd all like to be that size but it's not always going to happen. We wear our clothes a certain way so as to appear slimmer. Yeah, most of the time we do it for us, but it may also be to attract someone's attention.
Size 2 and below is flirting with death in most cases!
I can't believe any women seriously try to get that thin! It's completely unhealthy.
There are exceptions of course -- people who are really short, and some who have a really quick metabolism.
Actually, there are some women who's frame will support it - even if they are tall - but, they are rare. I know one woman from Viet Nam who is nearly my height and was a size 2 - it was just how she was built. But, she IS the exception rather than the rule. My best friend's oldest daughter is 5'8" and stays at a 4, but has a very slender frame naturally. She's pregnant with twins and her body can't take all the changes and she's lost weight during the pregnancy. But, MOST women are NOT built like this. Size is relative. I hope most men take that to heart when it is on their list. Same with women.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: To list or not to list.... - Actual list - 3/24/2008 8:53:40 AM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4442
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
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........ I think it's interesting to see that the 'stronger' personalities here have more defined 'lists'....
_____________________________
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/24/2008 9:21:35 AM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3981
Joined: 2/11/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Dakotasunbeam
skreyola,
breaking down the list is not the point . . . what I'm saying, is that my list was like a fingerprint. It was like a cast. It will fit only one man--and that man I made up in my mind, writing characteritics and sundry on a piece of paper. Life is not like a machine where you can put the right imputs into it and get out exactly what you want. Life is dynamic. I may meet a guy who has NOTHING on my list but has EVERYTHING I need. Rigid lists and ideals do not allow one to see past the list. We'd like to think we do . . . but in most cases we don't. We end up married to a piece of paper or a fluffy ideal in our head. Some people are too married to their ideal to marry the real. I don't want to be that person.
And time and time again, God has re-arranged my narrow mind so that I can see all of the beauty I was missing with "this narrow view" and "that narrow view." Quite frankly, I am fighting every day, with God's help to continually break free stereotypes, types, lists, status quo, requirements, and prejudices. I've realized you miss the best part of life when you have a list in hand and a ready pen to check off items on people. I want my only standard to be God's standard--of godliness, holiness, love, and gentleness.
In truth, I'm not gonna marry a perfect man. I know that already. The guy I marry is gonna have faults, and shortcomings. But he will have a heart for God that demonstrates his faith and Love. He's gonna make mistakes sometimes and hurt me and upset me and do the wrong thing--but you know what? I'm gonna cry about it, pray about it, and then I'm gonna give him the biggest hug and kiss and forgive him--and we're going to keep living this life for Christ together. And I don't know what he will look like, his weight, what race, what his financial background will be, or how successful he will be.
What I do want--is to know God better and His heart, so that I can discern and identify the guy who carries the God-kind of beauty in His heart, that makes everything else dwarf in comparison.
So, I've lost my list . . . and quite frankly I'm not looking for it.
Dakota,
This is exactly how I feel, you just said it so much better than I ever could.
This is the best post I've read on these forums....If I could star it myself I would.
edited to fix quote
< Message edited by cherishhim -- 3/24/2008 9:41:25 AM >
_____________________________
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a mans character, give him power" - Abraham Lincoln
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/24/2008 9:30:48 AM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4442
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
But I haven't picked on Rach for ages and couldn't pass up the opportunity to rib her a little bit. 
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