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[Poll]
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To list or not to list.... ?
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| My 'list of qualities' for my future mate IS very important. |
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| My 'list of qualities' for my future mate is important. |
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| My 'list of qualities' for my future mate is NOT important. |
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| I am willing to change my 'list'. |
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| I trust God to provide my mate and don't rely on a 'list'. |
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| I don't have a 'list'. |
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Total Votes : 65
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(last vote on : 10/3/2008 1:16:53 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 1:49:09 PM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4442
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
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........ I think, because we are posting on a Christian forum, that we can assume that almost everyone would NOT choose a mate who would defy their beliefs in Christ.
(This is a very cool discussion, btw!)
quote:
ORIGINAL: broyce1981
I'll deal with that situation when it arrives. As it is, I haven't seen any woman taller than me since 1995 so it hasn't really come up!
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...... lolol! 
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ORIGINAL: John_O
I've seen some awesome looking women with black hair. So if the rest of her whelms the blackness of her hair then I can deal with that.
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........ Why thank you, John_O! I didn't know you felt that way about me! 
quote:
ORIGINAL: Pauley464
I also feel that if I make my list a series of absolutes I am restricting God to my standards, in essense, telling Him that I know better than He does what is best for me.
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...... I feel the same way. Doing this is like putting our fierce and mighty God into a box... It can't be done!
quote:
ORIGINAL: Pauley464
I had, at one time, a list that I steadfastly refused to change until I met a woman who competely shattered that list. She matched only one item on my list--she was a christian--but I'd've married her anyway.
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....... she must've been quite a woman! I think that something like this is wonderful... because being with someone who shatters your list totally opens your eyes to a new and revived life.
I think we are, at our own faults, limiting ourselves to a lesser quality of life when we have 'lists' which are too detailed.
I also agree with the 'picky' description.... I was talking about that part with Joy2Give2U last night...
(Great post, Pauley... good to see you!)
quote:
ORIGINAL: broyce1981
Say, if a man feels called to serve as a missionary in Uzbekistan, he should be looking for a wife who will not object to going to Central Asia, right?
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......... I agree with this... I've dated a couple of people who could care less about my prison ministry. It just didn't work for me. Doing what I'm called to do was a struggle. I felt like they were in competition for my ministry time.
I really dig teamwork.... I need someone who will be proud of me and will support me through interest, prayer, and loving concern.
I've dated others who weren't into prison ministry but supported me as they were able.... and that really rocked. It was a real blessing for me...
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So yeah.... I guess I'm recognizing that I have a VERY GENERAL LIST.... which is comprised of morals and values based on Christ...
..... but I don't think what I have will keep me from meeting and getting to know others.
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 2:14:49 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8014
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: hotsaucygma
So getting to one of Rachel's questions- do any of you feel your "list" keeps you from getting to know people that don't appear to meet your list?
No. It doesn't keep me from getting to know them at all. It does keep me from dating them or from seeing them as a potential however. Why pursue someone who is not what you want. KWIM?
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 2:29:37 PM
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Pauley464
Posts: 526
Joined: 7/29/2007
From: Washington, Indiana
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: broyce1981
Well, an example of something besides being a Christian that is non-negotiable would be I want a wife who is not contentious. While the Bible doesn't say we can't marry such a woman it also says it would be better for the man to live on the corner of his roof. For me, that's enough to put on my list! Another example might be related to God's callin on one's life. Say, if a man feels called to serve as a missionary in Uzbekistan, he should be looking for a wife who will not object to going to Central Asia, right?
I think a woman (or man for that matter) who is contentious is not displaying christianity in their daily lives. When I say that my future wife needs to be a christian, I mean a woman who is in a genuine relationship with God and displays the fruits of the spirit in their daily walk. Contentiousness doesn't do that.
And as far as one's ministry or calling in life is concerned, you are right, but I also know that things change. Nothing is set in stone. It is entirely possible that your ministry is only for a season and not for a lifetime. Only God knows. That is why I believe in trusting in the Lord to fulfill that part of my list. It's negotiable for the simple reason that I don't know what the future holds for me.
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There is nothing so important that it can't be put off until tomorrow.
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 3:04:19 PM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4442
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: broyce1981
I'm not really sure what I'd do if I did meet such a woman.
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........ smile? 
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 3:16:30 PM
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AdrianaS
Posts: 1230
Joined: 3/21/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: broyce1981
quote:
ORIGINAL: AdrianaS
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I'll deal with that situation when it arrives. As it is, I haven't seen any woman taller than me since 1995 so it hasn't really come up!
Hold hold it!
Hmmm...
Broyce, you may havent been to airport as particularly the international concourses as mostly the Nordics Vikings flights arrives and departs and etc...Iam telling you Broyce, by experience because Iam petite one..LOL..but those Nordics males and females are giants, yep. Then if you want to see taller women you may find them at the airport near you. 
Ps: well...if its possible to share with us (me particularly, because I'm very curious now) how tall are you by the way?
Adriana,
Nope, I haven't been to the airport much. The biggest airport around here is international, but it just goes to Canada I think. So no chance to meet the Nordic people there. I'm really not super tall so maybe it's kind of strange that it's been this long without meeting women taller than me. But I still think it's kind of funny that it's been so long. I'm not really sure what I'd do if I did meet such a woman.
I see..but you have seen women as same height as yourself?
Dont know is just my impression because when lived in Boston took lots of T (public trains and bus) and meet many people all over and etc and here I take car and many others too..I do find Bostonians (and maybe New Englanders) taller the people from Ga. As I found English women in general taller then US women in my impressions. Dont know, but I do have some stuff of my own in my head that is very creative and etc but somehow I do think a women from Colorado (the image I have from them in my head..LOL...it would be Nordic and very tall...now of course Iam wrong because the Nordic immigrants that arrive here are maybe more concentrated in other places, as of course there are tall people from other ethinicities too...)
It would be just cool you meet one at least your heigh and then when she wear heals she will become taller! That's fantastic in the way I picture and wrap up everything in my mind, of course.
I wish every and each one of you guys blessings from God and I trully get sooo happy for you, just imagining situations those blessings may flow!
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 3:21:58 PM
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trainfan
Posts: 2340
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: neither here nor there
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: shemaromans
It's good and important to have a list because it provides a set of standards. If we approach dating willy nilly without a compass (i.e. a list), we might as well put on a blindfold and try to pin the tail on the dating donkey.
It's also important for us, though, to be open to God's leading. He definitely knows better than us and often places us in situations with other people through whom he molds and grows us into becoming more of what he wants us to be.
Make a list, check it twice, but be open for God to surprise us with revisions intended for our good.
Ditto. Good post Shema.
_____________________________
<---- Look a smiling dog!
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Support your local economy buy local and support local retailers.
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Now on Facebook trainfans model railroad pictures.
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 3:43:52 PM
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broyce1981
Posts: 1893
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AdrianaS
quote:
ORIGINAL: broyce1981
quote:
ORIGINAL: AdrianaS
quote:
I'll deal with that situation when it arrives. As it is, I haven't seen any woman taller than me since 1995 so it hasn't really come up!
Hold hold it!
Hmmm...
Broyce, you may havent been to airport as particularly the international concourses as mostly the Nordics Vikings flights arrives and departs and etc...Iam telling you Broyce, by experience because Iam petite one..LOL..but those Nordics males and females are giants, yep. Then if you want to see taller women you may find them at the airport near you.
Ps: well...if its possible to share with us (me particularly, because I'm very curious now) how tall are you by the way?
Adriana,
Nope, I haven't been to the airport much. The biggest airport around here is international, but it just goes to Canada I think. So no chance to meet the Nordic people there. I'm really not super tall so maybe it's kind of strange that it's been this long without meeting women taller than me. But I still think it's kind of funny that it's been so long. I'm not really sure what I'd do if I did meet such a woman.
I see..but you have seen women as same height as yourself?
Dont know is just my impression because when lived in Boston took lots of T (public trains and bus) and meet many people all over and etc and here I take car and many others too..I do find Bostonians (and maybe New Englanders) taller the people from Ga. As I found English women in general taller then US women in my impressions. Dont know, but I do have some stuff of my own in my head that is very creative and etc but somehow I do think a women from Colorado (the image I have from them in my head..LOL...it would be Nordic and very tall...now of course Iam wrong because the Nordic immigrants that arrive here are maybe more concentrated in other places, as of course there are tall people from other ethinicities too...)
It would be just cool you meet one at least your heigh and then when she wear heals she will become taller! That's fantastic in the way I picture and wrap up everything in my mind, of course.
I wish every and each one of you guys blessings from God and I trully get sooo happy for you, just imagining situations those blessings may flow!
I actually saw one woman who was the same height as me once. I'm not really sure if people around here are taller than the rest of the country as I don't leave New England that much. Around here, there's mostly people of French descent. I'm not sure, are they taller than average or not? It's funny that you mentioned Nordic women because the last girl I pursued was from Norwegian ancestry! But she was about 12 inches shorter than me!
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 3:50:49 PM
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trainfan
Posts: 2340
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: neither here nor there
Status: offline
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Back to one of the questions in the OP. I am not saying this to sound offensive to anyone but I think everyone has a list of some sort whether or not they will admit it is another story.
If you truly do not have a list you would accept an invitation for a date from or extend an invitation to anyone and I mean anyone. Regardless of age, behavior, attitude, how they smelled, criminal background, whether or not they were attractive to you or any other factor.
I will say I have a list, it is much shorter than it used to be though.
One item on my list is a non-smoker. For the simple reason that smoke gives me a headache. So yes in the case of a smoker my list would keep me from getting to know someone who may be a wonderful mate but does not measure up. No matter how attractive a woman is and how wonderful a personality she has if she smokes I would not ask her out.
< Message edited by trainfan -- 3/20/2008 3:57:19 PM >
_____________________________
<---- Look a smiling dog!
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Support your local economy buy local and support local retailers.
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Now on Facebook trainfans model railroad pictures.
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 4:27:21 PM
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hotsaucygma
Posts: 2982
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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Perhaps the idea is to keep any "list" as loose as possible, to keep it only to "non-negotiables". Otherwise maybe we put ourselves or others in a box that we can't get out, or be let out, of?
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Dear Lord, let my words today be as sweet and delicious as cheesecake... for tomorrow I may have to eat them!
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 4:43:55 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8014
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PrincessGiselle
Now...if only God would drop him in my lap....  *sigh*
How about next to you on the couch. If he dropped him in your lap it could be quite painful. Especially if the height he was dropped from was up there a bit.
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 5:37:47 PM
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skreyola
Posts: 1994
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: Mars
Status: offline
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I think a list is important. Otherwise, how are you going to recognize your mate when God brings your paths together?
I don't trust my feelings to tell me. Feelings can lie.
If I have a list, I think I'm less likely to overlook red flags of incompatibility.
Of course, I constructed my list carefully, putting the most important things at the top and being unattached to the things at the bottom.
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 5:41:33 PM
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skreyola
Posts: 1994
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: Mars
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: trainfan
Back to one of the questions in the OP. I am not saying this to sound offensive to anyone but I think everyone has a list of some sort whether or not they will admit it is another story.
If you truly do not have a list you would accept an invitation for a date from or extend an invitation to anyone and I mean anyone. Regardless of age, behavior, attitude, how they smelled, criminal background, whether or not they were attractive to you or any other factor.
Right on, train!
You hit the nail on the head!
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 8:00:28 PM
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Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 985
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Midwest USA
Status: offline
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Great idea Rachel!! 
I didn't have a list for the longest time. But then I heard so much talk about lists, that I literally sat down and wrote it out. It was exhaustive and long. At the end of it, I was quite pleased at the character I had crafted. He was so specific, so detailed, so absolute--I realized I'd created "my soulmate on paper." Then I thought about it a minute . . . do I really believe in soulmates? Nah, I don't. There are many people who would make fine godly spouses. So, while I have a list around somewhere (dunno where I put it); I realize for me the most important thing is his Character in Christ. And when I am able to see that, and we are both in agreement, I'll be satisfied.
Life happens--as long as he's got the godly basics, I will find Mr. Right and he will find me. I have preferences, but I would never overlook godly character for "preferences."
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