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[Poll]
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How much do you care about chivalry in a guy?
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| Chivalry is my number one priority. |
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| It's very important to me. No chivalry, no date. |
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| Not too important, but I'd appreciate it if you were a gentleman. |
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| I guess it's an okay concept, if you're into old-fashioned stuff. |
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| I don't care about it at all. Either way is fine. |
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| Frankly, I find it a bit annoying. |
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| I can open the door by myself, you chauvinist! |
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Total Votes : 66
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(last vote on : 7/1/2008 3:32:18 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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RE: How much do you care about chivalry in a guy? - 3/26/2008 5:34:02 PM
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GeorgiaNerd
Posts: 244
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: UGA... GO DAWGS!
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I don't care for it and find it annoying. It just seems pointless and silly to me.
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RE: How much do you care about chivalry in a guy? - 3/27/2008 4:51:58 PM
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captainfraulein
Posts: 527
Joined: 5/2/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: McKate
It depends on his intentions by being chivalrous. If he's the type of guy who's expecting "favors" in return, I'll pay for my own drinks...thanks. If he's just genuinely a nice guy who enjoys opening doors and paying for drinks, then kudos to him. He's a keeper.
Ditto. A man should be chivalrous because he wants to be. Not to earn brownie points. Not to get something in return. It is a great quality and good to see him do this all women, not just me out on a date, is something I would consider very heart-warming.
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RE: How much do you care about chivalry in a guy? - 3/28/2008 8:38:34 AM
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rgod
Posts: 357
Joined: 4/25/2005
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Chivalry is almost always appreciated and is endearing. I don't need to be treated like a queen but I absolutely love it when someone opens the door for me, walks with me (instead of slightly ahead), opens the door for me, holds my coat, guides me through the door, etc. I don't like it when men don't do this - it feels unmannerly.
I think you can just ask the woman that you are with - you can move to open the door and then say - "do you mind if I open the door for you? I know that some women would prefer that I not do that" - most women will like it - a few won't. If she likes it, then continue to be chivalrous. If not then you can adjust yourself accordingly.
< Message edited by rgod -- 3/28/2008 8:47:23 AM >
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RE: How much do you care about chivalry in a guy? - 3/28/2008 12:10:52 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 5023
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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I liked your post up until you mentioned asking permission. Why would someone ask permission to be polite? If a little ol' lady drops her keys I'm not going to ask her permission to help her. I'm going to do it, or have one of the boys dart over and help her.
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RE: How much do you care about chivalry in a guy? - 3/29/2008 8:24:18 PM
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ladyingrace1979
Posts: 213
Joined: 3/14/2008
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To me, chivalery speaks a ton about a man's charactor. If he can't be a gentleman on a date, when he is trying to woo me then how is he going to be when he has "won" me?
The other thing is that gentlemen are seemingly so rare these days. I appreciate it an any man, or young man. We have a high school boy at our church that is the most respectful young man I have met in years. He is that way with his elders, the high school girls and even the junior high girls. With the little girls he is more the big brother type but very sweet. That's the kind of boy I'd like my daughters to meet. Because he has been taught to respect others.
To the original poster, I appreciate the fact that you ask. I am sure you will find a lady that will love your caring enough to take the time to find out what is important.
Kim Q
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RE: How much do you care about chivalry in a guy? - 4/8/2008 3:43:59 PM
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android125
Posts: 16
Joined: 9/18/2006
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My advice is.......
Be chivalrous, dude. When you meet the right girl, she'll love you for it.
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RE: How much do you care about chivalry in a guy? - 4/9/2008 8:36:59 AM
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rgod
Posts: 357
Joined: 4/25/2005
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quote:
I liked your post up until you mentioned asking permission. Why would someone ask permission to be polite? If a little ol' lady drops her keys I'm not going to ask her permission to help her. I'm going to do it, or have one of the boys dart over and help her.
You asked why would someone ask for permisison to be polite. I do know that some men have encountered negative responses to their chivalrous actions. So the way that they've handled that is usually to say something like "I hope you don't mind that I've opened the door for you" - after they've already opened the door. Or they might offer to help you get something from a top shelf instead of just walking over and doing it. Usually this has happened in a work context. My assumption is that at some point of time, perhaps someone misconstrued simple common courtesy for something else (although how that could happen, I don't know) - these men want to be chivalrous, but don't want to offend anyone or cause misunderstanding.
However, I personally don't care if a man ever asks for permission and the vast majority of women don't care either. I think that most women like chivalry (I personally LOVE it.) It is in short supply today. It makes a man stand out (in a good way) and I automatically think more highly of him if he does it. Particularly if he is kind to people around him as well and not just me. (Like the little old lady who drops her keys).
I don't think that a man has to ask permission - and most men don't and all is well. But if there were a situation where a guy was concerned about it - asking the first time (not subsequent times) is one way of handling the situation.
< Message edited by rgod -- 4/9/2008 9:06:37 AM >
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RE: How much do you care about chivalry in a guy? - 4/25/2008 9:57:49 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26888
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I like, expect and appreciate chivalry in any man; regardless of whether he's interested in me or not.
And on that note as well, it wouldn't impress me very much if such man only behaved chivalrously to me and and not towards other women. In fact, that would be a negative.
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Updated 7/17/08
#160 - #205
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RE: How much do you care about chivalry in a guy? - 4/25/2008 10:03:29 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26888
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
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BTW, I didn't vote, because none of the answers exactly fit me . . . I'm not "looking" nor "waiting" and I have a very different view on dating than most people.
But I did want to give my .02 on the topic, overall.
_____________________________
Crazy Toy Lady
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Please Help Me Identify These Toys.
Updated 7/17/08
#160 - #205
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RE: How much do you care about chivalry in a guy? - 4/27/2008 12:45:00 AM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 2826
Joined: 6/8/2005
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My online definition says it this way:
quote:
1. relating to knighthood code: relating to or reflecting the values of the medieval code of knighthood, especially courtesy, self-sacrifice, and a sense of fair play
2. considerate and courteous: describes men, or men's behavior, characterized by consideration and courtesy, especially toward women
I, personally, would not want to have to deal with a knight, expecially considering the actual history of knighthood. So that being discarded, moving on to the next parts, "courtesy, self-sacrifice, and a sense of fair play" and "considerate and courteous: describes men, or men's behavior, characterized by consideration and courtesy, especially toward women."
Okay, if a man truly wants to be courteous to me, he will recognize, and respond accordingly, to the facts that:
1. I am strong enough to open my own door, so do not try to make me think I am less of a woman if I don't sit around and wait for you to come around and do it for me.
2. I will not stumble if I am not holding to his arm by his persistence.
3. G-d did not give women elbows to be used by men as steering wheels to get us across the street safely. I do not need him to steer me by my elbow; I steer myself just fine when he is not around.
4. Don't get into some sort of self-agrandized idea that I need you to save me. I really dislike the idea of dead heros.
5. We are equals so if you are interested in "fair play," treat me as an equal.
_____________________________
Abiyah
Why does He keep quoting Torah? Doesn't He know He's about to abolish it?
A tree's fruit is obvious; you have to look harder for the worm hole.
G-d has only one natural Son; EVERYONE else is adopted.
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RE: How much do you care about chivalry in a guy? - 5/3/2008 1:01:57 PM
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ladyamythist
Posts: 56
Joined: 4/28/2008
Status: offline
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Chivalry slays the heart!!! Way to win the maiden, for sure!
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RE: How much do you care about chivalry in a guy? - 5/18/2008 4:43:30 AM
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ebony101
Posts: 623
Joined: 4/1/2007
From: the big blue marble
Status: online
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I used to think that I was neither here nor there with chivalry, until I met a guy who's very chivalrous, & it makes me feel like a lady. The little things like opening doors, taking my bags, reminding me to walk on the inside and not 'kerbside' - it makes me feel cared for. It's really neat.
Still, I didn't vote no chivalry no date. Chivalry is a very nice extra - a guy may have other redeeming qualities.
_____________________________
'We're writing a gospel, a chapter each day,
By the things that we do & the words that we say.'
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RE: How much do you care about chivalry in a guy? - 6/22/2008 8:19:18 AM
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twinkly
Posts: 22
Joined: 6/21/2008
Status: offline
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I absolutely like a man to be a true gentleman. Open the door for me, walk beside me not ahead of me, take my arm. I guess I am old fashioned that way. I like a man to be a man. I would want him to do this for me now and 50 years from now, not just now to impress me, either. I want it to be his true character. Of course, I like to be cared for and nurtured. I came from a marriage where it was all wrong. I wanted to be a SAHM or at least not have to be the big corporate type and I wanted to go back to college. He made enough money to support us both but was having nothing to do with that. I was to work and bring in the biggest amount of money I could even if it meant our kids were in day care 40+ hours a week! And, I was also to keep up on the house and all chores while he sat there and did nothing or hung out with this friends. THAT is not a true man or gentleman to me. I long for someone in my life who will be supportive of a family unit and supportive of my dreams as well.
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RE: How much do you care about chivalry in a guy? - 6/22/2008 2:36:20 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 2826
Joined: 6/8/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: twinkly
I absolutely like a man to be a true gentleman. Open the door for me, walk beside me not ahead of me...
What is it with that? That is just plain ugly, whether it is the woman or man walking ahead. It is disrespectful. I see this a LOT!
quote:
ORIGINAL: twinkly
I was to work and bring in the biggest amount of money I could even if it meant our kids were in day care 40+ hours a week! And, I was also to keep up on the house and all chores while he sat there and did nothing or hung out with this friends. THAT is not a true man or gentleman to me. I long for someone in my life who will be supportive of a family unit and supportive of my dreams as well.
There are men out there like your dream, as long as we are supportive of their dreams, too. The trick is not to be so quick to marry and to make sure you talk these things out before you marry -- and afterward, too.
_____________________________
Abiyah
Why does He keep quoting Torah? Doesn't He know He's about to abolish it?
A tree's fruit is obvious; you have to look harder for the worm hole.
G-d has only one natural Son; EVERYONE else is adopted.
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RE: How much do you care about chivalry in a guy? - 6/22/2008 5:19:02 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 1571
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
Status: offline
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"I like babies in moderation, but twins 3 times in succession is TOO MUCH, and I told Mrs. Hammond so when the last pair came." ---said by Anne Shirley in Anne of of Green Gables (She had been required to take care of those babies).
It's the same with chivalry. If it is of the right amount and genuine, I am all for it. I definitely like having doors opened for me, being helped up off the ground, and just general all around politeness. However, if someone threw his coat in the mud for me that would be too weird, too cheesy, too show offy, and bad stewardship of his coat.
In other words, I value good manners, thoughtfulness, and kindness, but chilvary just for putting on a show, no thanks.
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RE: How much do you care about chivalry in a guy? - 6/23/2008 1:11:18 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 2826
Joined: 6/8/2005
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Well, Tinkerbell, you give me a new perspective on this. Thank you.
However, what I see around this town is a lot of very unhappy-looking women walking behind men who seem to be deliberately ignoring them. The women look like sad, mistreated puppies behind their masters, sans the leash. Sometimes, I want to run out of my office with my invisible scissors, to cut the invisible chain between them and take the woman in another direction.
_____________________________
Abiyah
Why does He keep quoting Torah? Doesn't He know He's about to abolish it?
A tree's fruit is obvious; you have to look harder for the worm hole.
G-d has only one natural Son; EVERYONE else is adopted.
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