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PrincessDonna -> BeLieViNG HiM! (4/19/2005 10:30:49 AM)
Here it is....my new blog. I kind of miss my old one, but not enough to cut and paste it all to the new forums. [;)] I "found" (thanks, Ellie-Mae!) CrossWalk about a year ago. A lot has happened in the last year or so! I am truly blessed. [:)] A little about me, just in case some of you don't know me.... I'm 25 years old. Wife to Brian, momma to Noah (5), Nicolas (4) and Hannah (2 months). We live in upstate NY, where there are more dairy cows than people in some towns. I am a stay-at-home, home schooling momma. Life is hard, but good. I'm not sure how I want to really start this blog. Maybe in the next few posts, I'll start off telling about my husband and I, and our "babies". See you then!

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (4/19/2005 1:54:03 PM)
I am stubborn. If you know me, you already know that. [:D] Being incredibly stubborn can be a very good thing or a very bad thing. In my life, it has been both. In my stubborn nature and with the foolishness of an 18 year old "adult", I brushed aside all the naysayers and married my then boyfriend of six weeks. I had known Brian for a couple years, but we were only "together" for six weeks before we were married by a Justice of the Peace. I knew it was disappointing to my mother that I wasn't married in a church, but I was stubborn. I cared for nothing but my own happiness. Little did I know, the happiness would be very short lived. We were expecting our first baby just five months after we were married. I was ecstatic. My husband pretended to be. He pretended a lot back then. He pretended to be faithful. I was both blind to his faults and stubborn enough to forge ahead. I was determined to change him. My determination was not enough. The ugly truth would soon come out. Our beautiful son was born. I took on 100% of the care of our new baby, as well as working full-time, because my husband did not see any virtue in supporting his new family. He spent his days partying and occasionally attempting to look for work. [sm=icon_smile_roll.gif] Noah was a very sick baby. He has a chest deformity (pectus excavatum), which encouraged pneumonia and asthma. I was alone in a constant battle to keep him well enough to go to the sitter's so I could work. I might as well have been a single mother. When Noah was 14 months old, I found out I was pregnant again. No sooner did the line on the stick show up, however, than I was cramping and bleeding. If I hadn't taken the test, I'd have never known I had been pregnant and was miscarrying. This shook the world I had stubbornly tried so hard to hold together. I fell apart. Brian left. He took off with my brother's girlfriend, quit his job and lived out of his car for two months. It was then I found out that he had been unfaithful, with several different women, since about the time Noah was conceived. I thought I would die. Instead of giving in to my sorrow and despair, I turned around and ran swiftly into my Abba (Daddy) God's arms. I had been unfaithful to Him, just as Brian had been to me. It took reaching the bottom of myself and having nothing left to give to turn me back to Him. There was conviction for the path I had taken, repentance for my stubborn heart, and forgiveness down to the depths of my soul. Never once did I feel condemned! PRAISE GOD! He had just been waiting for me to come back to Him. Everyone I knew demanded that I stick it to Brian. Take him to court for all he was worth (not much!), divorce him and move on. All I wanted was another chance. A chance to work our marriage out. I was stubborn and I didn't want to give up on "us". I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I buried myself in the Word and prayed night and day for Brian's return. I did file court papers for child support, because I had to plan for Noah's future, all the while wishing he would just come home. The day we had court we had a huge fight and got a lot of junk out in the open. Brian also had the strength to humble himself and admit what he had done was wrong. I reminded him what I had told him all along, all he had to do is admit he was wrong and he wanted to work on our marriage and he could come home. He came back that night. It didn't take us long to decide we needed to move away from the bad influences he had been caught up with and also from the interference of my family. If we were going to make this work, we needed a fresh start. Brian got a job driving tractor trailer and we moved to Pennsylvania. Many told me we were just running from our trouble and it would never work. Our move was God-ordained. One of the conditions we agreed on when we reconciled was that we would go to church as a family. I knew Brian was still unsaved, but he agreed to do that for Noah and I. We found a wonderful chuch very quickly and Brian was saved his second week there (February 3, 2002)! The changes started in him almost instantaneously.

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (4/19/2005 2:07:59 PM)
Then, the other shoe dropped. Brian was out on the road the day I got the papers in the mail. Paternity papers. [sm=icon_smile_yikes.gif] Some woman back in NY claimed to have had Brian's child. Thank God, I was firmly planted in my Savior's arms this time, or I surely would have died. I picked up Brian at the truck terminal and asked him who she was. I hadn't heard specifically of this woman. He thought she had called me. Oh no, it was much worse than that! Brian begged me not to tell anyone about it until we had worked it out between us first. I respected that, but I felt so alone. It was the best thing though. We talked to our pastor at our new church and received encouragement and prayer there. We had many rough days and nights. It seemed the new life we had gone to PA for would never be. We would never be freed from the past. It was all God that Brian was out on the road through most of my own internal struggle. God and I had some words, let me tell you. [:@] I was determined that "that woman's" child would NEVER be a part of my life. A few days after the paternity papers arrived, we were informed that the little boy was taken from his mother and put in foster care. My heart was broken and I found myself on my face before my God. I had despised this innocent child. [:(] God put a love for that little boy in my heart. I went with Brian to every court date, standing by him faithfully. I was stubborn, you know. [;)] DNA showed that Nicolas was indeed Brian's little boy. He was 13 months old at the time, just shy of a year younger than Noah. It took us four more months of battling in the courts to even see him. We met him when he was 17 months old. On our way back to PA from that court date and visit, we decided we needed to move back to NY to be with him as much as we could. Every other weekend would never be enough. His company assured us that he would still be able to drive for them from NY. We were moved back here within two weeks. Brian lost his job immediately after we moved. So much for their promises! He ended up being unemployed (and earnestly seeking work!) for almost a year and a half. We lived off his unemployment check and a part-time job I landed at Walmart. We went back and forth to family court more times than I care to count. We did finally get Nicolas out of foster care just before he turned two. Note that this was 10 months of battles in court! Ridiculous. Nick's mother got her other three kids back three months after we got temporary custody of Nicolas. We gave her joint custody rather than fight more in court. We figured the county had determined her fit to have her other kids back and were not willing to lose all that we had gained with Nick. I still wonder what might have happened if we hadn't given in to her. But...what's done is done and it's all in God's very capable hands. There have been battles here and there with Nick's mother, but they are becoming fewer and farther between. I think we have all settled in to an "enjoy the time you have with Nick" mode of living. We don't think the situation is the best for Nick right now. There is constant turmoil in her house, children beating up adults, police involved, etc. It's not stable. We have chosen to wait it out for now. We don't think we would get custody if we took her to court right now and it would definitely make Nick's life more miserable. So, we wait and pray.

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (4/19/2005 2:23:59 PM)
Right before Christmas 2003, one of Brian's hundreds of job applications finally panned out. He got a job driving locally that didn't pay much less than the job in PA, once you figured in the cost of living on the road. I kept my job at Walmart, but it was a struggle working our schedule around only one car, Nick's visitation schedule and Brian's totally random work hours. A couple of months after he got the job, I started having major abdominal pain. While the doctor worked to find the source, I lived off pain killers. I couldn't work or drive on them, so I was put out of work. Ultrasound showed a huge growth on one of my ovaries. It was growing very quickly and they weren't sure whether it was malignant or benign. I was in to have surgery within two weeks. Twenty-five staples later, the "thing" was gone. So was the ovary it had grown off of. The doctor told me it was literally split in pieces by the tumor/cyst/endometriosis, which was the size of a pineapple. Thank God, it was benign (not cancerous!) and my uterus and one ovary were able to be saved. We had been trying to conceive for over two years without success. The doctors think the growth was caused by my previous use of hormonal birth control and that it had also kept us from getting pregnant. Three months after my surgery, on Father's Day, we found out we were expecting a baby! Hannah Faith was born, happy and healthy, February 21st, 2005. [:D] Brian and I have been married 6 years now. We have obviously had our ups and downs, but God has shown himself faithful. We continue to grow closer together and to Him. I cannot wait to see what He has in store for us. I'm BeLieViNG HiM for GOOD things! [:)] The next few posts will be focused on the little blessings (kids!) God has given us. But you'll have to wait for another day. I have a baby that needs to be fed and a house that needs to be cleaned. [;)]

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (4/21/2005 2:21:57 PM)
Oh, poo. I'm so sad! I had this big long post all about Noah. I went to post it and it went away. Lost in the sea of oblivion. Trouble is I wrote it on and off over about three hours and I don't even remember all I wrote. I'll try again later. Too frustrated right now.

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (4/24/2005 7:57:54 AM)
I still plan to post separately about each of my babies, but not right this minute. Went to a women's seminar at our church yesterday. The speaker was GREAT! It was about marriage and I could soooo relate to everything she talked about. Of course, my Hannah decided to poop about 30 times [8\|], so I may get the tapes to hear what I missed. Lately, I have felt stuck. Stuck in my relationship with God. Stuck in my relationship with my husband. Stuck even in my relationships with my kids. Stuck in nasty old ruts that I really don't want to be in. I know some of it is simple hormones from being pregnant and then having a baby. But I think most of it is much more. I am hurting, and instead of going to the Healer, for some reason I keep stuffing it down. Why do we think we can hide things from God? He ALREADY knows. And He loves me anyway. [:(] One thing God showed me yesterday was that I have become bitter (again...thought we dealt with this already, God! [:@] ). It always was my dream to have a family that was whole. That dream was trampled when those paternity papers came in the mail and looks to me as though it will never be. It seems we will always be picking Nick up for our "visit" or taking him back. I'll always be dealing with the "other woman". We will always live in fear of more court papers and another court date. Blahblahblah. Yes, my dreams were trampled, my heart has been crushed, my soul bruised. Yes, it hurts. Yes, things look hopeless quite often. BUT! Is God God? Is He capable? Is He the God of the impossible? (The answer to all of those is "Yes", BTW.) Then why do I doubt? Why do I give Him my garbage and then take it back the very next day, expecting it to be all better? I guess what I heard from God yesterday was this: WHY did you throw your dream away? It wasn't just taken from you, you gave up on it. Did I tell you that your family will never be whole? I love you, daughter, and I have the very best plan for you, plans not to hurt you, but to give you a hope and a future. It may not be what you think you've always wanted, but it is WONDERFUL! Rest in me and I will give you the desire of your heart. In my time and in my way. Hope? God, there's hope? I don't understand. It looks hopeless to these human eyes. But I choose to trust You with my life, my dreams, my future. I will cling to Your promises, especially on the dark dark days. I will dare to believe that the dream isn't gone. It may be dirty and broken from being trampled, but I give it to You. I know You know how to fix it. Fix it, Daddy. Time to go wake up the rest of my family and get ready for church. I'm looking forward to being in God's house, with God's people again. I'm excited, but also terrified, of the work that God wants to do in me. I know there is pain involved in pruning, but I so want the new life and joy that comes afterward!

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (4/25/2005 7:57:05 PM)
Church was good. It's hard to focus on God when you have a misbehaving five year old and a perpetually hungry two month old. How I long to be ALONE with God... Can't run away from my nursing babe, though, now can I? Hannah and I do usually go to prayer meeting by ourselves Tuesday nights. I guess that's as close as I'm going to get anytime soon... Somebody asked me if I am having PPD (post partum depression) yesterday. Do I look that bad?! LOL I told her, "No, I think it's just life and hormones ganging up on me. I'm tired, but we'll get through." I need to learn to live intentionally. To live with passion. Passion for my God, my husband, my kids, my church... That's what the sermon was on yesterday. Pastor challenged us to evaluate our passion levels in many different areas of our lives and then make a plan to change what needs to be changed. Here are some of my plans: go back to journaling my thoughts and prayers, encourage my husband and pray for him, spend more time taking care of my family, pray over and with my kids, and spend less time on the computer. Yes, I said it, spend LESS time on the computer. I've already blown today, so I'll have to start tomorrow. All that said, I know I CAN'T do it. I do not have the power to do those things. Strengthen me for the tasks you have given me, Lord.

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (4/29/2005 10:55:08 PM)
I went out on a limb today...and it paid off! I'm not the type to just call someone up and ask them if they want to do something. I'm too afraid of rejection. [&:] We pay rent to our landlord's son, who is our age, since our landlord lives in another state. I knew he would be working and I called his wife to make sure she would be home to take the rent money. She didn't answer the phone, but I stopped by anyway on my way to Walmart. I asked her if she wanted to go with Hannah and I to Walmart to get a few things. She said YES!!! And it was great! We had a lot of fun and she wants to go with me a day when I do a "big shopping", so I can show her how I use competitor's ads and coupons to shop. She talked the whole way home about me getting a $14 package of chicken for less than $9 because it was on sale at another store. [:D] I'm so excited to have a "new" friend. I feel better than I have in a few weeks today. [:)] I still want to do separate posts about my babies, but lack the chunk of time I need or the ability to focus lately. Someday...

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (5/2/2005 8:43:56 AM)
I always wanted to have a boy first. Maybe because I was the oldest and I always wished I had a big brother to protect me. I was more than thrilled to see clear evidence of a boy on my 16 week ultrasound! Brian and I both cried when we saw him. I had an awful pregnancy with him. I had contractions from three months on, and bed rest for most of the pregnancy. Not fun. [:@] Went into labor on Valentine's Day and finally had him two days later. Noah Gregory was born on my 20th birthday. Not exactly the birthday present I had in mind, but it's pretty neat now to share a birthday. We were both in pretty rough shape, with me going to emergency surgery for hemmoraghing and Noah being sent to a bigger hospital after his lung collapsed. In the end, we were both okay though and that's what mattered. Noah was a very sick little boy for his first two years. Every time he caught a cold, it turned to pneumonia. He was diagnosed with asthma and a chest deformity, which may eventually need surgery to fix. The last few years, he hasn't needed much medicine, but I have a feeling he will be back on more soon. He's been turning blue around his mouth and his fingernails lately. The cardiologist checked out his heart and that's fine. Next he goes to see a pulmonologist to see if his lungs are the problem again. Noah is 5 now. He can be the sweetest little boy. He can also be the biggest stinker! He is very smart and sometimes uses his intelligence to get himself in trouble. [8\|] Lately, he seems to think he's smarter than his Momma and Daddy. We're quick to assure him that that is NOT the case. It has taken us quite a while to figure out how to discipline Noah most effectively. We firmly believe in the merits of spanking, but it just doesn't work with Noah. He is very sensitive and even the most methodical spankings make him fall apart emotionally. For him, taking away privileges seem to work much better. Noah asked Jesus into his heart last September. I see growth in him more and more, especially as he gets more involved with Children's Church. He will talk about what he learned there most of the week! I'm hoping they talk about obeying your parents without complaining soon, as that is what we seem to struggle with the most lately. We have decided to home school. I'm not sure how long we will home school yet. I just can't see us going all the way through, but if God wants us to, He'll show the way, I'm sure. We've been doing Kindergarten type work, and will continue this through next year with an actual curriculum. I could probably have him reading by now if I were pushing it, but he seems to learn better when we just gradually let him pick up things on his own. No reason to make school a chore for such a little boy. Well, that's Noah. Not exactly what I had typed the first time I tried to post about him, but I'm sure I'll have more to say about him later. [;)]

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (5/9/2005 10:09:45 AM)
Mother's Day was nice. Much better than last year anyway. Last year, I was still recovering from my surgery, not knowing if we would ever have another baby and Nick was with his real mom. Plus, my husband is a bum when it comes to ALL holidays, not just Mother's Day. This year, my dad took Noah and Brian to pick out some flowers for me. Live ones I can plant in my planters! YEAH! So my dad had to help, oh well, Brian was still involved and Noah loved picking out flowers for his momma. [:D] I have my sweet baby girl now. [:)] Still no Nick. He's with his mom on Mother's Day and with us on Father's Day. It's okay. I know he's mine too. We went out to Rochester this weekend for my cousin's baby shower. It's about a three hour drive from here. Brian was pretty miserable all weekend. He's got a tooth that is infected pretty bad and even the Vicodin wouldn't knock him out. [&:] We went to my cousin's very big, very multicultural church there. WONDERFUL! Seeing all the different people all around and hearing the worship of them all....WOW! It was a little taste of what Heaven will be like, I think. My next post should be about Nicolas. Just wanted to share about my Mother's Day. [8D]

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (5/10/2005 4:39:03 PM)
Nicolas. Well, we've already covered how he initally came to be in my life....paternity papers in the mail! Not an easy way to "add" another child to our family. [:@] Over the past few years, several people have made the comment "At least you didn't have to go through labor with Nick." EXCUSE ME?! Labor would have been less painful than the heartache in learning to love this child who is not "mine". We met Nick when he was 17 months old, after fighting over 5 months in court to be able to see him. We had him every other weekend from then until we were able to get him out of foster care just before he turned 2. He was the chubbiest kid, although the foster mother told us he had been underweight and malnourished when he came to her. For about a year, he ate like an animal, shoveling it in as fast as he could, like he was afraid if he wasn't quick enough it would get away. [:o] Now, getting him to eat at all is AWFUL and the boy is a stick. How things change.... Nicolas has called me "Mommy" since the second time we saw him. Probably just because he heard Noah call me Mommy, but it is something I am very glad for. He knows he has two mommies and two daddies, but he also knows which ones are his "real" ones. I think it is a good balance. As time has gone on, we have been having more and more trouble with Nick behavior-wise. He now spends more time with his mom than with us, with her having him about 2/3 of the time and us the other 1/3. He goes to Head Start from her house, so she doesn't actually "have" him the entire time. His other house has an all or none policy on discipline. The kids either get away with everything, or get slapped for nothing. It's ridiculous. [8\|] Nick really needs stability, but unfortunately, we are kind of stuck in the place we are at right now. If we take her to court for custody again, we are not likely to get it, as the system is unfairly biased toward the mother here. What is likely to happen is her taking us back for more child support, which she would probably get and we cannot afford. [:@] So we wait and pray. Pray for a miracle. My ultimate dream would be for Nick's mom to come to Christ and for all of us to cooperate in raising him up. God is the God of the impossible! If walking around Jericho could knock down the walls, God is more than capable of making this happen! In the meantime, we struggle to maintain a good witness before Nick's mom and to look out for his best interest at the same time. Not an easy task. Ok, that is how I view the situation with Nick "in theory". In reality, he is a really hard kid to raise. So many people say they really admire me for loving him and forgiving my husband. If only they knew what goes on in this head of mine. [sm=crazy.gif] And it isn't pretty. [:(] Pouring so much love into a kid that just pushes you away, especially a kid that isn't yours to begin with, really wears on you. I really struggle with my feelings toward him lately. I wish God would just push a button and make me think and act right. Unfortunately, that's not how it works. So I muddle through this mess that I didn't make.

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (5/10/2005 4:45:36 PM)
I already feel guilty about the post I made about Nick. I should be able to just choose to love him. But I can't. Not on my own anyway. I am still in the process of God peeling the layers of yuck off me. I know underneath this mess, there is good. I just need to give it to God....and quit taking it back. [&:] My one hope is that I know God knew all about Nick before he was even born. God knows why he is here. God doesn't make mistakes. Nicolas is not a mistake or even an oversight. God has a plan. For Nick, and for me. And I know He will complete it in both of us.

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (5/11/2005 10:23:38 AM)
I love dandelions! Some people detest them and go to great lengths (and spend absurd amounts of money!) to get rid of them. I actually look for the best field of them to take pictures of my kids playing in them. I love their bright yellow-ness, but I think I just figured out why I really love them. Brian just mowed the lawn two days ago. There were a few dandelions before he mowed. Today, they are ALL OVER the lawn! It's like being mowed down actually caused them to multiply. Talk about tenacity! [:D] I want to be like that...springing back to life, better and brighter than before, not worried at all about when the next "mowing" will be.

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (5/11/2005 8:57:24 PM)
My baby rolled over tonight for the first time ever! And almost fell right off the couch. Gone are the days of her staying put where I put her...

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (5/30/2005 9:46:08 AM)
Wow, it's been a long time! We got back from our vacation yesterday. We drove to Mississippi to see Brian's dad, stepmom (who he calls mom), little sister (7 yo) and his grandma. It took us 24 hours on the way there and 22 hours on the way back. The kids weren't perfect, but they were pretty good. We'll definitely do it again! Brian's dad had to work a couple days while we were down there. He drives over the road tractor trailer. Brian got to go out with him in his truck. It was a good time for him to just be with his dad, which he hasn't had in a looooong time. His stepmom and I handled the four kids on our own while they were gone. We also had lots of fun while "the daddies" were out in the truck! We went to the mall and played blacklight miniature golf one day and went to the Memphis Zoo the other day. We also went to the US Space and Rocket Center in Huntsville, AL when the daddies were with us and Chuckie Cheese on the way home from that. We really had a blast! [:D] His mom and I got along really really well, 100x better than his real mom and I. [&:] We spent quite a bit of time talking and I really felt like God was there. It was really hard to leave. We haven't been down there since Noah was just a year old and it's just not fair that they don't get to see our kids grow up the way the other grandparents do. [:(] My eyes were leaking most of the way through Alabama on the way home.

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (5/31/2005 6:50:30 PM)
Once again, we are debating what to do about Nicolas. While we were on vacation, he told us about an incident that happened at his mom's house. He said she and his other daddy (his mother's live-in boyfriend) were fighting and his other daddy threw her against the wall and choked her. He does like to tell tall tales, but this would not be out of character for her and he didn't seem to me to be stretching the truth in the slightest. His mother is also being beaten by Nick's 13 year old brother and the police have been involved there. When her kids were taken away from her before, it was for violence in the home (that time between her mother and her) and some other things. Now, in the perfect world, we could report this to social services or file court papers and Nick would come to live with us, with drastically reduced time in his mother's unstable home. In the real world, she is his mother and the judges here are very much in the "olden" days when the mother should have custody, no matter how unstable they are. [8\|] We are thinking of having Nick talk to one of the teachers that attends our church, since they are mandatory reporters. We are hoping CPS will take it more seriously from one of them than they would from my husband or I. It is just so hard to know what to do. All we can really do is pray and do as He leads. Simple, right? [&:] Then there is the issue of how I have been feeling about Nick for a while now. What if they do take us seriously, and he does come to live with us??? I can tell you right now, I will need VERY frequent breaks. [:@]

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (6/1/2005 2:48:58 PM)
Noah and I got our pumpkins, summer squash and cukes in the garden today! I am so excited to see how our very first garden does! We still have tomatoes and green peppers (doing well in their peat pots) to put in, along with peas, green beans and maybe some spinach. Need to have it all done by this weekend. I also want to clean out the flower bed out by the road and plant a bright wildflower mix. Never thought I'd be the gardening type, but it really is fun when you get into it! I'm hoping it will make the kids want to eat more veggies, since they are helping to grow them. ********************************************************************* I miss Mississippi. My FIL and sMIL (step-mother-in-law) have been having some problems and I just wish so much we could be there. She and I had some really good talks while we were there last week. I've been praying for them whenever I think of them, which is pretty often. I know Brian keeps thinking that if it weren't for Nicolas, we'd probably be living there now. And we might have. But it doesn't help to play the "what if" game. This is where God has us for now and we need to learn to be content and even happy here. God knows our dreams, our heart desires. If it is His will for us to be there, He will make it happen in His time and in His way. Until then, we wait on Him and pray. Seems to be a recurring theme for us lately: wait and pray. Think God's trying to teach us something? Like patience, maybe? [:D]

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (6/3/2005 10:18:19 AM)
Someone gave me two points. But I can't find the post they were for. [>:] Grrr. If you are the one that gave me points, would you note me and save what is left of my sanity? LOL ************************************************** Tomorrow, Brian and I are going to the home school convention. I can't wait! We don't have Nick this weekend and Noah is going to my parents' tonight, so we will just have baby Hannah. It will be nice to have some "just us" time (well, as much "just us" as we can get with a baby who's never seen a bottle! [8D] ), especially after our busy trip to MS. ************************************************** I'm going to try the chore system Consecrated2God talked about. Noah is perfectly willing to help when I ask him, but it would be nice for him to just know what he needs to do. I'm going to have him get a star for each day he finishes everything and after x number of stars (I haven't decided that yet), he will get a new 16" bike. He needs one anyway. His 12" bike looks so little with such a big boy on it. [:D] Haven't decided if I'll do this with Nick or not. I should for the days he's here, but I don't know how to make it "fair" when he's not here all the time. Plus, he doesn't need a new bike right now. Hmmmm....

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (6/11/2005 10:38:37 PM)
Our chore system is not working out so well. Noah can go all day and be mostly good and then blow it all at bed time. [:(] He doesn't understand that it disappoints me as much (or more!) as it does him. We need to come up with something new... Nick's mother is getting married FINALLY. She has lived with this man for three years now. We aren't sure if this is a good thing or not for Nick, in light of some things that have recently come to light. There are a couple things we can do about what we know now and we have not a clue what is the right thing to do. Wait and pray...yet again. [&:] It would be so much easier to just have the answers, you know? My husband has the washer and dryer all discombobulated. He is trying to build a platform for them to be on since the washer does not like our non-level floor. This is wonderful--except for Noah had some real bad diarrhea and I need to get some laundry started. Heat and diarrhea definitely do not mix. [:'(] Bad timing, but I am doing my best to keep my mouth shut. [:@] I am very frustrated today. Can you tell? I think the heat is getting to us. We're all kind of cranky. On the plus side, Hannah went right down at bed time. She has been sleeping really well at night (9 pm to 5 or 6 am!). She is growing sooooo fast, grabbing for things, rolling over, trying so hard to sit up, drooling EVERYWHERE. She'll be 4 months old soon. It seems like she just got here, but it also seems like she's been a part of our family forever!

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (6/17/2005 7:33:04 PM)
Nicolas has done it. He SLAPPED baby Hannah, and hard!!! [>:] I just don't know what to do with him. He just got here today from his mom's house. I know it's hard living in two different houses, but for crying out loud, what four year old doesn't know not to slap the baby when she cries?! I sent him to his room and fully intended him to stay there a LONG time. Brian let him out after only a few minutes. I tell you what, I WILL NOT stand by and let him hurt the baby. I will not. [:(]

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (6/18/2005 8:25:02 AM)
Brian and Nick are going to a Father/child bowling party with Nick's school today. I'm glad Nick's mother told us about it. It's hard for Brian to find things to do with "just Nick". Noah is a bit upset that he can't go, but I reminded him that he has his daddy all the time and Nick only has him on the weekends. Plus, Noah gets to help his daddy with all kinds of projects and working on cars. Nick has no interest in those things. After their trip this morning, Hannah and I have to go to my brother's ex-gf's baby shower. I don't know what to call her....my nephew's mother? She and my brother aren't together, but she is expecting his baby. Anyway, she's not my favorite person in the world (using the baby to manipulate my brother already!), but my mom, sister and I are going. THEN...we have a picnic for our church. If these clouds move on... We have a busy busy day! I hope it doesn't get to be too much for Nick. Kind of wish we had no plans this weekend after how he was last night. [:@] Oh well...

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (9/16/2005 5:05:35 PM)
[sm=funny.gif][sm=funny.gif] I'm back! I'm back! My blog is back! [sm=funny.gif][sm=funny.gif] Wow, so much has happened in the last three months. I'll try and do a "summary" post later today. Now I need to go make dinner for my honey. See you later... [:D]

PrincessDonna -> RE: BeLeiViNG HiM! (9/16/2005 6:15:07 PM)
Okay....in the last three months.... My nephew was born July 21st. He was early and low birth weight. None of my family has seen him in over two weeks now. His mother is keeping him from everyone because my brother has a new girlfriend. [:(] He will be taking her to court. Hannah is getting sooo big! She will be 7 months next Wednesday. She is crawling at lightning speeds, eating "real" food, pulling herself up on things, and falling about 800 times per day. I thought she was cute when she was born, but I think she gets more adorable every day! She can say Dada, Mama, and Kiki (kitty). She calls the cats and Nick the same thing, but doesn't have a word for Noah yet. Noah has started Kindergarten at home. He is so smart sometimes I think I'm doing him a disservice keeping him home. I wonder if a "real" teacher could do better with him. But, we've decided for this year and we'll keep at it. Next year...who knows? Nick has become more and more difficult. By the end of the summer, I told Brian I didn't want to be left alone with him. I am really afraid I might hurt him. The only thing that probably keeps me from it is not wanting to lose my other two babies. [&:] He has had an evaluation for school because they are having problems with him too. They decided he has a sensory disorder and needs to see a Occupational Therapist. Baloney! He is such a manipulative little boy! I am pretty sure he is going to end up in juvenile detention if nothing is done soon. [:o] I'm sick of it, quite frankly, and would be glad to give him to his mother and let her finish ruining him. Things have been tense between Brian and I, largely because of Nick's behavior. We're supposed to be getting some counseling, but at the moment we're okay, so I'm the only one that's worried about it. [8\|] I need to push things, but don't have the energy right now.

PrincessDonna -> Teacher, don't you care if we drown? (9/18/2005 4:08:59 PM)
Mark 4:35-41 -- A story most of us are familiar with: Jesus has had a busy day teaching and gets on a fishing boat for some rest. As he sleeps, a "furious storm" ensues. The disciples wake him with a question, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?" Jesus gets up, calms the storm with his voice and then asks the disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" As Pastor Al preached today, a light clicked on in my brain. I have been having such a hard time praying. I cannot verbalize the anguish in my soul, even to my Maker. When pastor read this passage, I thought, "That's it!" God, don't you care if I drown?! Why are you sleeping when the storm is raging all around me? Don't you care? And the answer came: "I am here, my child. I care. Why are you so afraid? Haven't I done miracles all around you? Haven't you heard my voice? Haven't I held you tightly while you cried? Do you still have no faith? I am here. I love you." Still the storm rages. I don't understand it. But Jesus is in my boat and that is what really matters. [:D]

PrincessDonna -> RE: Teacher, don't you care if we drown? (9/20/2005 12:00:17 PM)
My days are very full lately. I am babysitting a six week old baby. I've also had two kids part-time, mostly in the afternoons. Plus Noah and Hannah. Thank goodness there has only been one day that Nick was here too. Most days it is my two kids and the tiny baby. Between the two babies, it seems someone is always eating, sleeping or needing a diaper change. I am beat by 3:30 when the baby gets picked up! Then Hannah's teeth have been bothering her so she's not sleeping well. Oy vey. I don't know how people have twins or more! [:o] I am also doing three Bible studies now. For over a year, I've only been in one home group, with a study that was not very in-depth. Could that be part of the starvation I've been experiencing? I'm thinking it has something to do with it. It's so easy to get distracted by every day life. It's easy to only open your Bible in church when you don't have a specific purpose in mind. So, I'm hoping the famine is coming to an end. One study is a women's study at my church called Balanced Living. Another study is one I am doing with a couple people here, Women Making a Difference in Marriage. The third isn't started yet. We will be hosting a home group when our church goes through the Purpose Driven Life again. Not leading, just hosting. Believe me, I'm busy enough! [;)]

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