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RE: Natural Childbirth-support and discussion - 1/21/2008 12:00:52 AM
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cynthia
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The idea in touching the babies head is to encourage the mother and show her that it's almost over. I was thinking, "Okay you told me you see the head. Great, I believe you, now let's get the whole body out!"
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RE: Natural Childbirth-support and discussion - 1/21/2008 9:57:54 AM
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TammyIsBlessed
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No doubt! Because it took me 2 hrs of pushing the first time, and they kept saying stuff like "You're doing great, you're almost there" blah blah blah for 2 hrs in a row - for some reason I didn't quite believe them the 2nd time around when it was like 15 mins and they said they could see the head!
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I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do. Helen Keller
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RE: Natural Childbirth-support and discussion - 1/22/2008 3:35:36 PM
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lilyofthefield
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quote:
ORIGINAL: clag4christ
quote:
Birth can be a challenging experience, but in some ways it is a very intimate experience too...one that I am sure you will look back on and have that as another connection with your and your husband.
I have found this to be very true. Birth bonds a husband and wife in a way that nothing else can...imo, it's on par with sex! 
This is such a beautiful thought. I think it will only be DH and me as far as family goes. My mom wants to be there, but DH doesn't want her there during the birth - to be honest the thought of her there stresses me out more than any fear of labor or anything like that. So, I don't blame him. Of course, the doula (pretty sure we're getting one) and the medical staff will be in there.
DH is in charge of kicking out unnecessary personnel (like medical students)! He was rather annoyed when I told him that there were two med students observing my 2nd hsg, and that for some reason they were strategically placed right between my legs.  The RE, the resident and the nurses didn't even get that good a view. LOL
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A boy is Truth with dirt on its face, Beauty with a cut on its finger, Wisdom with bubble gum in its hair and the Hope of the future with a frog in its pocket. - Alan Beck
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RE: Natural Childbirth-support and discussion - 1/22/2008 4:18:46 PM
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TammyIsBlessed
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If the thought of her being there stresses you out - she definitely should NOT be there. Stress isn't exactly a pain reliever! 
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I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do. Helen Keller
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RE: Natural Childbirth-support and discussion - 1/22/2008 6:55:56 PM
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PrincessDonna
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You could always not tell her you're in labor until the baby is born. That's what we do with my MIL.
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RE: Natural Childbirth-support and discussion - 1/22/2008 7:27:36 PM
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TammyIsBlessed
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We don't call anyone other than Nathan's parents who babysit our other kids.
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I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do. Helen Keller
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RE: Natural Childbirth-support and discussion - 1/22/2008 7:41:17 PM
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peculiar_lady2
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we call my mom...that's it. After the baby is born we call her back and she contacts everyone else. Of course we have also never had random people just show up...we tend to be far away from everyone. Other then my first birth where my labor was long enough that my parents made it there before he was born (from 5 hours away) we have never really had people visit us in the hospital either. Oh yeah, and after Jack was born my mom brought the other kids up to see him for bout 30 minutes...but I wasn't even in a room yet then. Other then that no one has ever visited me. I always wanted someone to though...lol...I guess it's just not knowing what I am asking for, from what some of you say you have gone through with family.
This time I am adding one more person to my list of phone calls before and after though...DONNA!!!!!
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RE: Natural Childbirth-support and discussion - 1/22/2008 7:48:55 PM
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PrincessDonna
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quote:
This time I am adding one more person to my list of phone calls before and after though...DONNA!!!!!
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RE: Natural Childbirth-support and discussion - 1/22/2008 8:07:35 PM
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lilyofthefield
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I wish it were that easy!!!  Unfortunately, with my mom - she is very easily offended and holds a grudge (she still brings up how hurt she was that she couldn't invite her friends to our wedding 7 years ago). So, I have to decide if telling her not to be there is worth having to hear about it forever.
Anyway, I've been praying about it and I'm sure God will show me what is best. She is a 12 hour drive away and was planning on coming up with one of my sisters a week or so before my due date and staying indefinitely. Anyway, I did let her know in the nicest way possible that it would be most helpful to me if she is here AFTER the baby is born as that is when I will need some extra support. I also told her she can't expect my sister to just hang around here indefinitely during her summer break!
Anyway, I just talked to her and told her that we will probably get a doula so she wouldn't have to worry about me not having enough support during labor/delivery. Now, she is considering waiting for us to call her that we are in labor to start the drive up. So, I'll keep praying and suggesting that would be best.
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Caden is here!
A boy is Truth with dirt on its face, Beauty with a cut on its finger, Wisdom with bubble gum in its hair and the Hope of the future with a frog in its pocket. - Alan Beck
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RE: Natural Childbirth-support and discussion - 1/22/2008 10:22:55 PM
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peculiar_lady2
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you can always tell the hosp staff (if you are in one) not to let her in...they won't
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RE: Natural Childbirth-support and discussion - 1/22/2008 10:23:50 PM
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clag4christ
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quote:
Unfortunately, with my mom - she is very easily offended and holds a grudge (she still brings up how hurt she was that she couldn't invite her friends to our wedding 7 years ago). So, I have to decide if telling her not to be there is worth having to hear about it forever.
quote:
Anyway, I just talked to her and told her that we will probably get a doula so she wouldn't have to worry about me not having enough support during labor/delivery. Now, she is considering waiting for us to call her that we are in labor to start the drive up. So, I'll keep praying and suggesting that would be best.
Your post made me think of Hugh Grant's character from the movie Love Actually. He played the British Prime Minister and at one point during a 'press conference' (after he'd been pushed around in meetings by the 'American President' played by Billy Bob Thornton), he states, "From now on I will be prepared to be much stronger!".
This experience of birth, just like your wedding, is not about your mom. It is about you and your husband welcoming your new adorable baby out into the world and into your arms for care, nourishment, and unconditional love. Truly, I encourage you to be much stronger! Do not go against your better judgement! Simply tell her that you would want your first birth to be and experience for just your sweet husband and you. That it is a very intimate experience that you feel should not be shared (outside of, as Tammy says, hired help) with anyone who was not there at conception.
There is no law that says that you have to call her when you go to the hospital to have your son. If you don't want her to be there then just call her after he's born, from the hospital. And if she tries to lay her misplaced guilt at your door step, simply don't allow it. It is not for you to please (read: appease) her in this manner. I know as daughters we sometimes, if we've got a 'difficult' relationship with our mother, have a tough time distinguishing between respect (because she's our mother) and allowing her to try and exert some type of unhealthy control over areas of our lives where a mother has no place (or is not needed).
If she's being like this over your first birth, how is she going to be when she's at your house, "indefinitely"? Will she try and parent your son for you? Will she constantly be telling you how you're not doing this, that, or the other right? If she stresses you out and is a burden, put your foot down now. It's better to start standing up for yourself now before the baby is born then after. I do know how hard it is...
Short story...when I was being induced with Hannah I foolishly called my mother to tell her that we were heading to the hospital for the induction and that we'd call her after Hannah came. Halfway through the birth (I wasn't to the pushing stage yet) my mother called through to my birthing suite!!! I had not given her the number, nor had I wanted her to phone me. Instead of asking how I was doing and apologizing for calling she proceeded to yell at me! That's right...she picked a fight with me and told me how I, "Didn't tell her what hospital I was delivering and how she had to call all over NJ to find out which hospital I was at!" (though this was patently false, since she'd known for months which hospital we'd be at) Joel was furious at her for being so disrespectful and for trying to make our birth all about her. After her call he unplugged the phone.
With Jael's birth we learned our lesson. We didn't call her and my father until I was in the recovery room about 5-6 hours after Jael was born.
If you would like to PM me to talk about this more, if you feel a need...then I would gladly give you any encouragement I can...
Blessings in Christ,
Kim
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<-----My fabulous Joel & me in Scotland
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RE: Natural Childbirth-support and discussion - 1/23/2008 10:35:25 AM
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Royal.Fortress
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Students *can* be good - if I were delivering in a hospital, I would love to have a nursing student, since I know that they would be able to spend more one-on-one time with me than the actual nurse. I'm really hoping my midwife has a student with her for my birth - one more pair of helping hands, and I think it's great for them to get the experience at a home birth! I haven't decided about a doula yet because of this - if my midwife's got a student, I don't think I'll need a doula, but if she doesn't, I'd like one there. There's actually a lady in my church who doulas, so I might talk to her ...
As to people at the birth, I just don't know what to do! Of course my mother and sisters want to be there, as does a good friend of mine, but I think I'll be saying 'no' to them all. My mom and dad want to be 'in the area' (I think they actually want to be on the other side of the house - lol) while I'm birthing my baby, because they want to see him/her as soon as they can. However, they only live 30 minutes away, so I'm considering having someone call them DIRECTLY when the baby's born and by the time they arrive, everything should be about cleaned up. After my sister had her baby, they were all very respectful and didn't ask to hold the baby or anything, just wanted to come in and see the baby and see that my sister was okay, so I'm not concerned about them being in my 'space' AFTER the birth, just during/before. So yeah. I think that'll be my plan for the first birth ...
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RE: Natural Childbirth-support and discussion - 1/23/2008 10:42:21 AM
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peculiar_lady2
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I will never allow another practicing student be with me in any form during labor or delivery. I had that (unknowingly) with my first and he was horrible. He was far enough along in his studies that they were allowing him to deliver the baby...however he freaked out because there was a cord issue. One of the only things I remember about that delivery is the nurse MV pushing his out of the way to catch and save my baby from being choked. NEVER NEVER NEVER again.
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RE: Natural Childbirth-support and discussion - 1/23/2008 10:49:48 AM
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justjennhere
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I can understand that. My doctor did the actual delivery, and I would probably have been a little nervous if it had been otherwise.
Edited to say, though, that medical students do have to learn practical application at some point, which means that some mother will have to consent to being their first delivery. If a more experienced doctor is on hand, I think -- like in your situation -- any problem that comes up can be quickly and swiftly amended. A natural birth is probably the best situation to learn in, since the mother has so much control and awareness of what is going on/needs to happen. (And I would imagine that the medical resident who tried to deliver your baby will NEVER have another cord issue in his career, as he probably agonized over what could have happened afterwards.)
< Message edited by justjennhere -- 1/23/2008 11:02:52 AM >
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RE: Natural Childbirth-support and discussion - 1/23/2008 11:31:16 AM
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peculiar_lady2
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I see that you are new here so you probably don't know the difficulties with my first pregnancy and birth, but believe me, he contributed to lots of problems that came up during that...and as I said above, I was not even aware of the fact that he was a student until after everything was said and done. That entire pregnancy was a miracle, and so was the birth...with lots of medical issues from very early on (such as toxemia in the first trimester) and that carried over into the post pardum time (and even into my second pregnancy because of how bad things were medically with me).
quote:
as he probably agonized over what could have happened afterwards.)
I hope he did...because believe me, some of the worst words a mother wants to hear when giving birth are a dr yelling "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!" Those words and the words later from the nurse when I asked if it was a boy or a girl and she yelled back at me (when he was about 5 minutes old) "I haven't had a chance to look yet" are words that NO mother should ever have to hear and they have haunted me for years. Luckily for us God had a reason for our son to be in this world...because satan tried numerous times to kill him with medical issues, stupid medical professionals that did nothing, "dr's" and nurses that didn't know what to do in the time of need, "dr's" not being up front with me or my hubby about what was really going on (I was in a coma for 6 hours afterward and they told my hubby I was just "sleeping it off").
I have had the epidural every time (because of the intensity of my labor...starts 2-3 minutes apart and lasts for about 10 hours normally, although my first was 25 hours of that)...but honestly I would give up the epidural and have my kid in a ditch if I EVER had to go back to that hospital...that's how horrible my experience was with "student" dr's. yes they need to practice, but they aren't getting ANYWHERE NEAR me again. When my mom was learning how to draw blood they didn't just put her on patients...they first taught her on fruit (orange I believe)...she had to build up to working with real veins...and when she did it was with their knowledge and consent...and usually on people that are easy to get blood out of. This dr acted like he had no knowledge at all of anything remotely related to birth. Cord being wrapped around a neck is a pretty common thing to deal with...yet he acted like he had never even heard of that before.
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RE: Natural Childbirth-support and discussion - 1/23/2008 11:52:50 AM
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justjennhere
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I'm so sorry about your experience. And so sorry for my insensitive post about medical students! I would feel EXACTLY the same if I had a similar experience. Praise God for the health and safety of your baby, even in such a bad situation.
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RE: Natural Childbirth-support and discussion - 1/23/2008 11:59:51 AM
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peculiar_lady2
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quote:
Praise God for the health and safety of your baby, even in such a bad situation. AMEN
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RE: Natural Childbirth-support and discussion - 1/23/2008 1:23:58 PM
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paulsbride
Posts: 1985
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quote:
I've realized lately that a baby over 8 lb being born natural is a "big deal" and getting more uncommon.
Naturally as in vaginally or naturally as in with no pain meds?
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" ~Cindybode
I was so concentrated on Judah that it didn't bother me - except it made me a little more nervous by the volume of people in the room. And it was HOT in the room! I kept telling them to turn the AC up colder - and a doctor finally said HE was too cold. I told him I didn't care - I was the one doing all the work. I should have told him to make some people leave!! 