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Spousal Rape - 1/9/2008 2:29:40 PM
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solo_soprano22
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I'm just wondering, in your opinion, should the punishment for spousal/marital rape be the same as it is for a stranger who raped a woman (or person who isn't their husband)?
I understand some Christians don't believe that marital rape exists, and I don't mind it being discussed or debated here.
Let the thread begin!
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/9/2008 2:56:42 PM
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IonMoon
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I think the circumstances always need to be considered in any rape/abuse/assault and simply whetehr the people know each other or are married is not an important factor, IMO.
To me, the only things that would determine how severely the assailant should be punished would be the extent of injuries/nature of the crimes.
Tara P
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/9/2008 3:00:40 PM
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dianetavegia
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Since scripture says your body is no longer your own, regarding the marriage bed, can there even BE such a thing as spousal rape, scripturally?
1 Corinthians 7:3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/9/2008 3:01:52 PM
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solo_soprano22
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It shouldn't be an important factor, but I've noticed that (some) men and women have vastly different views of marital rape as opposed to the people being strangers/unmarried.
Some Christian men say (and women I suppose also) that "marital" rape is an impossilbity.
I'd posted a similar thread a long time ago in women's, then the men posted one in men's (I think because they saw mine), and that's really how I discovered that attitudes about this are so different.
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/9/2008 3:04:53 PM
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elastic
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quote:
Since scripture says your body is no longer your own, regarding the marriage bed, can there even BE such a thing as spousal rape, scripturally?
of course there can. rape isnt' really about the sex, it's about power over a woman.
if a man if forcing his wife to have sex against her will, it is rape. if he loves and cherishes her, he will not force her to do it.
also, with forcing someone, there usually comes a point where you are physically holding her down, possibly causing bruises to her arms, or hitting her or doing other things that are common to rape cases. it isn't about intimacy and love and respect. if it were, it wouldn't be rape.
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/9/2008 3:04:54 PM
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solo_soprano22
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dianetavegia
Since scripture says your body is no longer your own, regarding the marriage bed, can there even BE such a thing as spousal rape, scripturally?
1 Corinthians 7:3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
I'm thinking of different scenarios. Let's say the woman is sick, in actual pain. Husband doesn't care and "rapes" her even though she's afflicted in some kind of way at the time and says no because of that. If they are Christians, is that rape? If not, what do we call it? Taking what's ours?
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/9/2008 3:23:25 PM
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karlie
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quote:
Since scripture says your body is no longer your own, regarding the marriage bed, can there even BE such a thing as spousal rape, scripturally?
Oh yes, there can be. It happened to my sister. She had a complete emergency hysterectomy and three days after she got home from the hospital, less than a week after major surgery, her husband(x-husband now) forced himself on her. She was unable to make him stop, despite her crying and protesting that she was in severe pain and couldn't do this. That is rape. He did NOT have the right to force her...I don't care if he was her husband at the time.
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/9/2008 3:36:29 PM
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Memaw.
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I hope you all don't mind if I copy and paste my response from the previous thread.
quote:
I understand why some think it [punishment] should be more severe, and to a point I agree, but the law disagrees (however I don't know why because if it were a teacher/student, pastor/parishioner (is that the right word?) or other situation where one is "in a position of trust over the other" the law deems it to be a more serious crime).
In a CHRISTIAN marriage..one where both understand the Bible, and both are living for Christ, marital rape does not happen.
It is only in those marriages where Christ is not the head that something like this can occur.
I know some of y'all are going to disagree with me and that's ok, but if we are BOTH submitted to Christ, then we are both submitted to each other and wouldn't even consider taking something that wasn't offered.
I still believe this.
When there is a spousal rape, the perpetrator can claim all he/she wants that they are "Christian", but actions prove louder than words.
If one person in the marriage is so self serving as to not consider the others' feelings or physical comfort or discomfort, then you tell me, are they really a Christian?
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/9/2008 3:40:32 PM
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emmkay2
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anything that a husband or wife does to one another that isn't based in LOVE is wrong! that includes "forcing" sex or "denying" sex. that includes "guilting" one or the other in an attempt to get what one wants.
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/9/2008 4:04:44 PM
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emmkay2
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the act of sexual intimacy isn't supposed to be used by either as some sort of 'tool' of manipulation. it is supposed to be a human physical expression of love between the 2. if it can't be expressed as love, then it shouldn't be expressed.
< Message edited by emmkay2 -- 1/9/2008 4:25:14 PM >
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/9/2008 9:11:55 PM
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RichNay
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christian marital rape is an oxymoron in my opinion. yes, your body is not your own, however, if you are ill, or distressed or whatever and for that reason sex is not an option, then in a christian marriage your spouse would honor that and not force you. so this wouldn't even be an issue.
i find it so sad that this world has fallen so far from God's hand that this could even be a topic of conversation 
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/10/2008 6:53:26 AM
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DaveW
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"Rape" has a definite legal definition. It has to involve "penetration" and hence most states have rewritten their laws to be something like "Criminal Sexual Conduct" to allow for prosecution of a wider variety of forced sexual acts.
Can "rape" happen in a marriage? In a Christian marriage? Does it happen? Sadly, yes.
Most rapes (and CSC) are perpetrated by people who know their victim. So I see no reason to reduce the punishment based on relationship. Perhaps a stiffer penalty should be given to those who abuse those close to them.
But another factor is how do you do that without punishing the abused as well? If a man with a big salary rapes his wife when she comes home from the hospital after the birth of their 3rd or 4th child and ends up in prison for 30 years how does that not punish her as well?
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/10/2008 11:58:42 AM
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jaimestarcross
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quote:
I'm thinking of different scenarios. Let's say the woman is sick, in actual pain. Husband doesn't care and "rapes" her even though she's afflicted in some kind of way at the time and says no because of that. If they are Christians, is that rape? If not, what do we call it? Taking what's ours?
* spousal abuse - Sexual abuse is common in abusive relationships. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, between one-third and one-half of all battered women are raped by their partners at least once during their relationship. Any situation in which you are forced to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity is sexual abuse. Forced sex, even by a spouse or intimate partner with whom you also have consensual sex, is an act of aggression and violence. Furthermore, women whose partners abuse them physically and sexually are at a higher risk of being seriously injured or killed.
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/10/2008 12:38:21 PM
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peace77
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Yes, there is such a thing as spousal rape.
When a husband pins his wife to the floor and rips her clothes off, that isn't love.
I believe the punishment should be harsher than that given to a stranger for the same act. The marriage convenant to love and cherish each other has been broken and trust has been destroyed in addition to the crime that has been committed.
Peace,
Anne
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/10/2008 2:33:15 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
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do rape laws explicitly exclude a spouse as an offender. when you talk about punishment, i would think it is probably harder to prove than non-spousal rape thus i don't think the punishment factor factors is much. certainly forcing a spouse to do something is not treating them as Christ loved the church...
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/10/2008 3:13:27 PM
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Sadey
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Rape is always a crime of violence, it never involves love. Abusive husbands or wives will use violence to control their spouse. It can range from killing the spouses dog or cat, to hitting biting, shooting, stabbing, raping, killing the children but it all comes down to using violence to control their spouse or to get even with them. It often involves the use of acohol or drugs. Its always illegal, it doesn't matter who the two people are or their relationship. Its still a crime.
Rape has nothing to do with the marriage bed or sexual relatiohship. It is only an act of violence againest your partner to control or punish. It certainly has nothing to do with being a Christian. It has to do with being a violent criminal.
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/10/2008 3:20:11 PM
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violetlight
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Yup, it most certainly can happen...unfortunately it happened to me as well with my ex-husband. I praise God every day that he allowed me to leave that person. I still pray that my ex will find his way back to God. I've forgiven him because I know God has forgiven me for my sins.
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/10/2008 4:24:44 PM
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Hope1764
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quote:
ORIGINAL: solo_soprano21
I'm just wondering, in your opinion, should the punishment for spousal/marital rape be the same as it is for a stranger who raped a woman (or person who isn't their husband)?
I understand some Christians don't believe that marital rape exists, and I don't mind it being discussed or debated here.
Let the thread begin!
Rape is Rape, no matter what form it comes in. A person has no right to force another person to do anything against the other person's will, and that goes also for a husband, who promised to love, honor and cherish his wife, no place in those marriage vows says "Rape". The punishment should difinitely fit the crime.
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/10/2008 7:24:31 PM
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maddog4god
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Ironic that we even entertain this conversation - it's easy to have an opinion with no experience.
it's rather easy, simple, neat and pretty to say - "there is no such thing as marital rape", that is unless your spouse has held you down against your will and had completed sex with you despite verbal requests to stop now.
Judge not, lest you be judge.
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/11/2008 12:44:34 AM
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figmentPez
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dianetavegia
Since scripture says your body is no longer your own, regarding the marriage bed, can there even BE such a thing as spousal rape, scripturally?
1 Corinthians 7:3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
I answer this scripture with scripture:
Ephesians 5:28
So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
Someone who loves their body as they ought to, would not intentionally harm themselves. It does not matter if a wife's body is not her own, because if harm is involved in the act, then it is wrong. A man who harms his wife because he thinks he has a right to do so is wrong. No healthy person would try to care for their own body by plunging a dagger into their own heart. That would harm their body, and not be caring for themselves. No matter how much my body is my own, it will never be loving, or acceptable, to harm myself. In the same way, no matter how much a wife's body belongs to her husband, it is never loving, never acceptable, for him to harm her. Just as surely as a man stabbing himself is grievous harm, and a violation of his own body, so is a man forcing sex on his wife a grievous harm, and a violation of the body that he is to love.
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Read Daniel 7:13-14
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/11/2008 1:39:05 AM
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FoxInSox
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Pez,
that is really well said
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/11/2008 10:49:41 PM
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jaimestarcross
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The crime of rape (or "first-degree sexual assault" in some states) generally refers to non-consensual sexual intercourse that is committed by physical force, threat of injury, or other duress. A lack of consent can include the victim's inability to say "no" to intercourse, due to the effects of drugs or alcohol. Rape can occur when the offender and victim have a pre-existing relationship (sometimes called "date rape"), or even when the offender is the victim's spouse. (source:findlaw.com)
quote:
I'm just wondering, in your opinion, should the punishment for spousal/marital rape be the same as it is for a stranger who raped a woman (or person who isn't their husband)?
I understand some Christians don't believe that marital rape exists, and I don't mind it being discussed or debated here.
*According to the law the punishment is the same for rape/sexual assault
if the offender is proven guilty in a court of law.(Circumstances also affect this.)
quote:
Since scripture says your body is no longer your own, regarding the marriage bed, can there even BE such a thing as spousal rape, scripturally?
1 Corinthians 7:3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
*To me the word "affection" sums up the whole matter - affection means:
A tender feeling toward another; fondness. The condition of being closely tied to another by affection or faith: attachment, devotion, fondness, liking, love, loyalty.
The meaning comes down to love.
Rape - forcible sexual assault doesn't show love.
The scriptures speak of mutual agreement concerning sex/relations between husbands and wives.
I'm not just looking at the verse of scripture that is posted but of other scriptures and lessons taught in the bible.
I really don't see how raping falls into rendering to your spouse their due affection -
the word affection has always related feelings of fondness, devotion, liking, attachment and love.
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RE: Spousal Rape - 1/12/2008 9:54:05 AM
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buckifn
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In answer to the original question should punishment for spousal rape be the same as for a rape which involved a stranger, I would have to say you can't give an across the board answer 1 size fits all for every case.
It would be up to the Judge to consider all the evidence on each individual case. In the state of Ohio the prosecutor must prove there was force. The victim has 1 year or less to report the crime or no action will be taken. For unmarried victim's it is longer.
Here is something I read about West Virginia law..
For example, in West Virginia, spousal sexual assault is defined as unconsented sexual penetration or sexual intrusion of the perpetrator's spouse. In addition, the perpetrator must use forcible compulsion or a deadly weapon or inflict serious bodily injury upon anyone. (5) This offense is a felony, punishable by imprisonment for two to ten years. The same acts against a person who is not married to the perpetrator result in a sentence of ten to thirty-five years.
the rest of that article can be read here:
http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=DocumentViewer&DocumentID=32701
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