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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 1/27/2008 10:57:29 PM
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jodavi
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From: the mitten
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I'm very happy for you Zondie. And yes, I agree with Kat. Make yourself and your family be present regularly around the the facility. I know that there are good nursing facilities out there but the numbers of incidents has gone up the past few years because of having not enough help. Be also aware that the turn around with help sometimes can be frustrating. You'll meet nurses and aides that will be super great in what they do but you will meet some that you'll wonder why they're in that field of work. Have an open communication with the administrators and social workers in the facility and don't hesitate to bring up concerns- that's very important.
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Family means nobody gets left behind -Lilo
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 1/28/2008 12:04:51 AM
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zondie
Posts: 821
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From: The Bluegrass State
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quote:
jodavi:
You'll meet nurses and aides that will be super great in what they do but you will meet some that you'll wonder why they're in that field of work.
Thanks for the advice jodavi. I've seen this before in other facilities that mom has been in. And yes, it's made me wonder why they ever went into this field of work also. Possible burn-out?
The only complaint she's got so far...is that she misses her little dog.
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The world will never care how much you know,
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The world knows how much you care !
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 1/28/2008 8:58:56 AM
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hotsaucygma
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zondie
The only complaint she's got so far...is that she misses her little dog.
Ask about bringing the dog for "visits", usually you are able to do that (as long as the dog is well behaved and has all his shots, etc.). Also, you should be able to take your Mom out of the home for lunch, shopping, visits with the family etc. If she is on Medical Assistance there are some restrictions on being gone over night, I believe, but otherwise it should be fine to take her out.
I also agree with those that have said to visit often. It is sad, but it is true that if the staff only have "X" amount of time, they will do things for residents that they know will have family coming to visit before they do those that do not. It's not that they care less for anyone, but know they'll "hear" from family if they are not happy with the way Mom is dressed or cared for. Most Homes will also allow the residents to have some furniture from home if they would like to and have space for it in their room- a comfy chair, bedspread, things like that. Do whatever you can think of to make it more like "home" to her! They may also have a system of having a "account" for residents that they or family can deposit money in and then use it to get their hair done or buy small things from the gift shop (if they have one). The newspaper can also be delivered there... in many ways facilities try to make it as much like their previous home as possible.
I'm glad your Mom settled in fairly well, but don't be surprised if she goes through a "set back" after the initial "novelty" wears off! I hope she will to like it there, some people really do- espeically if there are several other people that are alert and oriented in their wing of the home, sometimes they get more social interaction than they did before moving.
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 1/28/2008 1:08:43 PM
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HisCovenant
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Thanks for your prayers and encouraging words, Zondie!
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My friends call me Zippy!
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 1/28/2008 8:56:42 PM
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zondie
Posts: 821
Joined: 10/19/2007
From: The Bluegrass State
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HisCovenant: you're welcome and may God bless you and your family.
Thanks hotsaucygma! I'd already thought that I'd ask about taking her dog for a visit (come warmer weather). He's small, old and not a threat to anyone. I hope they'll let us. And I'd thought of taking her favorite 'Throw' to her also. But I didn't think of asking about possibly her favorite chair! Hey, I'll never know unless I ask huh? My sister and I have discussed family pics and a list of phone numbers and possibly a phone of her own too.
This place does allow an account to be set up for them. Sis has already done that. I, myself didn't know they did that, and I was glad that she's at least got that much in-dependency. The newspaper was a good idea too!
quote:
hotsaucygma:
I'm glad your Mom settled in fairly well, but don't be surprised if she goes through a "set back" after the initial "novelty" wears off! I hope she will to like it there, some people really do- especially if there are several other people that are alert and oriented in their wing of the home, sometimes they get more social interaction than they did before moving.
Yeah, I told my sister that we'll probably have another stage to go through after 'the new' wears off. But so far, she's still making new friends and getting involved with crafts and activities. She even attended a gospel singing last night. So yes, she's getting to do a lot more there than she would even agree to do with any of us when she was home. Maybe it's because of the convenience of not having to travel, I don't know. Oh, you mentioned getting them out and taking them places or even keeping her over-night...they allow that too!
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The world will never care how much you know,
until...
The world knows how much you care !
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 2/8/2008 9:40:39 AM
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HisCovenant
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Know that I am lifting you up before God!
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My friends call me Zippy!
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 2/8/2008 9:45:42 AM
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hotsaucygma
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Zondie, I am so sorry! Hopefully they will get her stabalized and back on track. I am also sorry for your loss of a family member, sometimes things just pile up on us, don't they?!
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 2/8/2008 9:47:46 AM
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Szaftoo
Posts: 941
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: So. Calif.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zondie
Mom's first night/day in her new home, was great! She slept all night, ate 100% of breakfast and was stirring around the place for the rest of the day. I pray the more familiar she becomes with the staff and the home; the more she'll begin to get back into becoming involved with life again!
Zondie, I am thrilled to hear your Mom is adjusting to her new home. She will now get a quality of care that you or your sister wasn't able to give. Also, she will soon start to make new friends and get involved in activities. God is truly faithful and I am happy for you.
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 2/8/2008 12:31:52 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 4092
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From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zondie
Two Week--Trauma! (She's only been there 2 wks. and now...) 
Mom has had the 'set back' that none of us was prepared for! The nursing home has sent her to a psych. hospital for evaluation. She tried to escape last night, thinking that someone was trying to kill her. She's continuing in this confused state even tonight. This is so hard to deal with. Especially right now!
We have a death in the family, my nephew is in from the Marine Corps for a brief visit and my sister (whose guardian of mom) has just had a procedure done on her back that has got her confined to her home. Please remember us in your prayers. I'm posting this here because, I know that you all have experienced some of the same agony that we're experiencing now.
Oh, Zondie, I know how you feel. My Mom used to tell us that people at the facility she was in were mean to her. It is so hard, because there is always that sneaking suspicion that she might be telling the truth. After a while we realized this always happened when her dementia exacerbated and she became paranoid, but it was still difficult to hear. We never caught the staff being anything but kind and patient with her and believe me, we made lots of "surprise" visits.
My Mom did escape in the middle of the night once during a severe panic attack, and fell in the facility parking lot. We think she was out there in the cold for about an hour before the nurses found her. She really hurt herself (fractured her shoulder, etc.) She had to be transferred back to a mental facility for a while. It was very sad.
I'm so sorry. You and your family are in my prayers.
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~Kat
I only have Eyes for You, Lord!
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 2/8/2008 9:18:49 PM
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zondie
Posts: 821
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From: The Bluegrass State
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quote:
when her dementia exacerbated and she became paranoid, but it was still difficult to hear. We never caught the staff being anything but kind and patient with her and believe me, we made lots of "surprise" visits.
That's exactly what my sister has been trying to convince me of! She even told me that very night that she thought mom was suffering a panic attack. We have made surprise visits also, and like you, have only found them being very sweet and loving to her. Knowing they change shifts though, you do keep a little piercing thought of; if all the staff is as kind as the ones you've already met are.
quote:
My Mom did escape in the middle of the night once during a severe panic attack, and fell in the facility parking lot. We think she was out there in the cold for about an hour before the nurses found her. She really hurt herself (fractured her shoulder, etc.) She had to be transferred back to a mental facility for a while. It was very sad.
Oh Kat! This news took my breath as I was reading it! How awful! Mom set an alarm off and didn't get outside, a security guard escorted her back to her room. That's when she became even more convinced that "they were out to harm her."
Today mom talked normally with me (for a while). But then right at the end of our conversation she said, "Tell (my sister) that what I've told her is true. I'm still being Watched!" She's becoming very secretive because she thinks they're listening and watching every move she makes. And that's a sure sign they're out to get her. We can't seem to convince her that it's only because they're there to help and watching out for her welfare. This trauma is 'REAL' to her. It hurts to know she's so frightened. But they think she'll be better enough to go back to the home by Monday.
Thanks, everybody for the prayers! Please continue praying as God I'm sure, will intervene!
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The world will never care how much you know,
until...
The world knows how much you care !
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 2/18/2008 2:10:10 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 4092
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*Bump*
Zondie, just thinking about you and your Mom....how is she doing now?
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~Kat
I only have Eyes for You, Lord!
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 2/20/2008 3:51:40 PM
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zondie
Posts: 821
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From: The Bluegrass State
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Thanks for your concern Kat. Please keep her in your prayers.
Mom is still being treated at the psych. evaluation hospital. She was doing well for about 5 days after the initial set-back. But now she's crying about all the time and staying in bed. She says she just can't tolerate the 'shakes'. Her nerves are so bad, that when she walks she stumbles into things and has a fear of falling. So she uses that excuse to stay in bed.
We try to encourage her to try to be more active, so as not to lose muscle strength. I'm at my wits end on what to do anymore (besides praying). I feel as though this time, she's really given up. They will probably release her back to the nursing home on Friday. Maybe she'll start trying again, once she's back there. She has mentioned some of her friends at the home, so I've still got some hope.
_____________________________
The world will never care how much you know,
until...
The world knows how much you care !
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 2/26/2008 1:23:27 PM
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Kat_D
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I'm sorry, Zondie, I don't know how I missed your reply. I assume your Mom is back at the nursing home by now.
Your mother is so similar to the way my mother was. It is as if they have just given up and there really isn't much you can do, other than pray, once they decide to disengage from life.
Once again I'm so sorry for you and her and your family. I pray God will comfort you all and give you peace.
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~Kat
I only have Eyes for You, Lord!
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 2/26/2008 11:17:18 PM
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zondie
Posts: 821
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From: The Bluegrass State
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Kat:
My brother (the paramedic), called tonight to see how my visit with mom went yesterday. He was hoping for some good news; but sorry to say... I couldn't give him any. She was no different than she was 2 days ago when he'd went by to see her.
I made some homemade p-nut butter fudge and took it to her (her favorite). She ate one piece, but then today she said she hadn't eaten anymore. Right now she's at the state of 'refusal' to do anything again. She won't participate in activities or therapy, or bathing, or eating, or talking on the phone, or even attending church. She just stays in her bed! All day!
I asked my brother if one could actually 'will themselves to die' and he said, "yes". Of course he explained how each process would lead to other complications that 'could' eventually lead to death. I really think she's 'trying' to die! She says that she just don't want to live anymore and that she doesn't have any reason to live.
And it didn't help the situation any when I coaxed her into walking down the hall with me; that a little lady stopped us and said, "I've been in here for 2 years and I hate it just as bad now, as I did the first day they brought me here." Mom replied, " I figure that's how it's gonna be for me too." And I'd just given mom a pep talk of how if she could get better enough, that she may get to go back to keeping house herself again. And until then, we could come get her for outings or overnight visits.
She just won't try right now. She's had episodes like this before that lasted about a week or two. So like I told my brother, we'll just have to wait and see if something sparks an inspiration for her to 'want to' again.
Thank you for your prayers, please continue to pray for her and others in this situation. It's so-so sad.
_____________________________
The world will never care how much you know,
until...
The world knows how much you care !
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 2/27/2008 3:56:13 AM
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lightshineon
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I did not read all the post, so forgive me if this has been ask. Is your mother on psyc. meds? She even neds something for her nerves. I am sure it is miserable to feel so intensely anixous all the time. Bless her heart, and your families, I am praying.
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Remember, whenever you have pearls, there are always plenty of pigs nearby who would be glad to step on them.
F.T., 2007
Be sure you vote for those, whose views you want your children to emulate.
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 2/27/2008 9:31:56 AM
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HisCovenant
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Zondie,
I'm sorry to hear that your mom still isn't settling in to her new home. It's so hard to watch someone give up and know that if they would just accept the truth they could have a richer life. Currently, my father's situation is different than your mother's, but I still see the "give up tendency" in him.
He got very sick about 4.5 years ago and was in the hospital/nursing home/rehab for 9 mos. His illness left him weakened even though he is much better now. We thought we may have to put him in a nursing home at 58yo... at that point he was unable to communicate, unable to stand on his own, in a diaper, etc. He landed himself in the psych ward at one point by threatening a nurse and struggled with the residents and fears about their confusion. At that point, I was going through a lot of the feelings I imagine you are having... between uncertaintaty about how facilities will take him, how he is going to respond, if at all, etc.
Well, he got better. He's able to stay on his own, dress himself, fix a sandwich, hold conversation, go on a walk outside, etc. He's still weakened, but not a vegetable like he was before. However, he's pretty much given up. All he does or wants to do is watch TV... or have a conversation with you where he manipulates you or tells outright lies. I would love for him to chose to live... to have a life of value. There is so much he could do if his attitude was different. But it's a vicious cycle where he weakens his body by not doing anything and then gets upset (or tries to get you upset) because he "can't even get up." And the lies and manipulation just push people out of his life, which gives him less options for people willing to phone him or pick him up to go out somewhere.
I don't know how to give someone that "I can" attitude and leave behind the "I can't" attitude. Nothing I've tried with my father worked. He's content to be where he is now. Oh, it's not his dream to be so weakened and alone... but he is content enough that he isn't going to work to improve his lot.
I just wanted you to know that I understand some of what you are going through. I am still praying for you.
_____________________________
-HisCovenant/ Zipporah
My friends call me Zippy!
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 2/27/2008 12:09:29 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 4092
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zondie
Kat:
My brother (the paramedic), called tonight to see how my visit with mom went yesterday. He was hoping for some good news; but sorry to say... I couldn't give him any. She was no different than she was 2 days ago when he'd went by to see her.
I made some homemade p-nut butter fudge and took it to her (her favorite). She ate one piece, but then today she said she hadn't eaten anymore. Right now she's at the state of 'refusal' to do anything again. She won't participate in activities or therapy, or bathing, or eating, or talking on the phone, or even attending church. She just stays in her bed! All day!
I asked my brother if one could actually 'will themselves to die' and he said, "yes". Of course he explained how each process would lead to other complications that 'could' eventually lead to death. I really think she's 'trying' to die! She says that she just don't want to live anymore and that she doesn't have any reason to live.
And it didn't help the situation any when I coaxed her into walking down the hall with me; that a little lady stopped us and said, "I've been in here for 2 years and I hate it just as bad now, as I did the first day they brought me here." Mom replied, " I figure that's how it's gonna be for me too." And I'd just given mom a pep talk of how if she could get better enough, that she may get to go back to keeping house herself again. And until then, we could come get her for outings or overnight visits.
She just won't try right now. She's had episodes like this before that lasted about a week or two. So like I told my brother, we'll just have to wait and see if something sparks an inspiration for her to 'want to' again.
Thank you for your prayers, please continue to pray for her and others in this situation. It's so-so sad.
Zondie,
All you can do is what you are doing...praying for her, visiting, taking her little treats, and encouraging her. You and your siblings are not responsible for the way she responds or doesn't respond to those things. It is very difficult to watch someone who has given up, I know that firsthand, but if I could do anything differently, I would have spent less time worrying about my Mother. It accomplishes absolutely nothing and will eventually wear you down. Just keep doing the things you are doing and when when your heart is overwhelmed, continually turn your Mother over to the Lord. After all, if she is going to change, He is the only one who can cause it to happen.
_____________________________
~Kat
I only have Eyes for You, Lord!
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 2/27/2008 11:55:52 PM
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zondie
Posts: 821
Joined: 10/19/2007
From: The Bluegrass State
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quote:
lightshineon:
I did not read all the post, so forgive me if this has been ask. Is your mother on psyc. meds? She even neds something for her nerves.
Yes. She's on both. But I think that could be part of her problem. Being over medicated! But not being in the medical field, I have to trust what they're doing for her is what's best. My sister has discussed her meds. with the doctors and tries to stay on top of things. (Thanks for the prayers.)
quote:
HisCovenant:
However, he's pretty much given up. All he does or wants to do is watch TV... or have a conversation with you where he manipulates you or tells outright lies. I would love for him to chose to live... to have a life of value. There is so much he could do if his attitude was different. But it's a vicious cycle where he weakens his body by not doing anything and then gets upset (or tries to get you upset) because he "can't even get up." And the lies and manipulation just push people out of his life, which gives him less options for people willing to phone him or pick him up to go out somewhere.
You do understand what we're going through!!! The lies and manipulation is the hardest part for us to deal with! She gets so upset, if one of us mentions something she's said or done that wasn't true. Or remind her of an action she displayed, in order to get her way or to draw attention to herself! I've finally told my siblings that we must remember to treat this for what it is...an illness, and not an attitude. But now she's also putting between her children by telling each one about something negative on the other. It's like she wants to inflict bitterness upon us all! I just don't understand all I need to understand with this type of illness. It's so hard to see a woman who was so strong in her faith to be deceived by satan in this way! She won't even try to get back to where she was before, with God. I pray that this is also the condition of her mental health and not the condition of her heart toward God! I pray. Yes, I sincerely pray!!! (Thank-you for still praying for us and her!)
quote:
Kat:
but if I could do anything differently, I would have spent less time worrying about my Mother. It accomplishes absolutely nothing and will eventually wear you down.
That's what I'm fighting against Kat, (getting worn down with it all). But how on earth can I keep from thinking about how miserable she is? And if there's anything that I can do, to bring some positive aspects back into her life? After all- I can't give up, just because she has. I guess I'm just having the hardest time dealing with the fact, that someone can actually 'give up' on life, God, family or even the 'want to' to try! Help me understand (if you can) how to cope with...knowing this is my mother, yet she's not the mom she once was! She's totally someone else now...but who? God, I'm sure is teaching us-through this experience, and I do rely on HIM to get us through. Am I not turning it 'completely' over to HIM? I welcome any and all advice, sis! (Thank-you for caring and praying!)
_____________________________
The world will never care how much you know,
until...
The world knows how much you care !
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 2/28/2008 12:16:56 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 4092
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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quote:
That's what I'm fighting against Kat, (getting worn down with it all). But how on earth can I keep from thinking about how miserable she is? And if there's anything that I can do, to bring some positive aspects back into her life? After all- I can't give up, just because she has. I guess I'm just having the hardest time dealing with the fact, that someone can actually 'give up' on life, God, family or even the 'want to' to try! Help me understand (if you can) how to cope with...knowing this is my mother, yet she's not the mom she once was! She's totally someone else now...but who? God, I'm sure is teaching us-through this experience, and I do rely on HIM to get us through. Am I not turning it 'completely' over to HIM? I welcome any and all advice, sis! (Thank-you for caring and praying!)
Zondie, It's about acceptance...accepting that this is the way your Mom is now and that there is nothing you or your siblings can do to change her. Her decision to give up on life is not your fault.
As I said in my previous post, you are doing all that you can do by loving her, praying for her, supporting and visiting her, etc. Don't try to take God's job away from Him. He is the only One who can "fix" your Mother and He doesn't expect or need you to help Him...He just expects and needs you to trust Him.
Believe me, I understand and it's all easier said then done. Living with and dealing with a mentally ill person like your mother and mine can cause us to become locked into some inappropriate responses to their illness...guilt, anxiety, worry, anger, etc. God wants to help us overcome those responses by turning it all over to Him.
_____________________________
~Kat
I only have Eyes for You, Lord!
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 2/29/2008 9:31:26 AM
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HisCovenant
Posts: 4572
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zondie
It's so hard to see a woman who was so strong in her faith to be deceived by satan in this way! She won't even try to get back to where she was before, with God. I pray that this is also the condition of her mental health and not the condition of her heart toward God! I pray. Yes, I sincerely pray!!! (Thank-you for still praying for us and her!)
In my situation, I found the opposite to be true... what was always in my father's heart is getting harder for him to hide. He doesn't have the charm and finess to deflect attention from his faults and weaknesses any longer. When I was a child, my perspective was so skewed... but now that I am older, I look back and see that what I see now was always in his heart and a part of his personality. I recognize that some of his issues stem from his physical and mental weakness since his illness, but the way he handles them are his to chose. I believe this because I lived with him for about 2 years after he was released from the hospital... not to mention all the hours I spent there for all those months the doctors were trying to help him. There were times he didn't know I was listening to him talk on the phone or times he didn't know I could see that he wasn't having as hard a time as he said. Loads of what he was doing was for show. I knew he was lying, because I was there to see the truth.
Because of that I have chosen (led by the Holy Spirit) to confront my father each time he lies. When he is annoying and looking for attention, I treat him within the bounds of my personality and with politeness (which isn't the gushing response he wants, but is not lacking in kindness,) but I don't confront him. That also extends to his being manipulative... I confront the lie part and leave the "I know what reaction you were looking for" part alone. What am I going to say? I know you did that for attention. I can clearly see your heart. I can't see clearly enough to have confidence in confronting his motives. I forebear with him at those times. I really pick my battles. If I think he's lying, I don't confront him. If I know he's lying, there's no mercy. I believe this is how God would have me act.
My brother disagrees with me. He thinks that it's mental illness we are dealing with... and the fact that our father has always been like this to some degree indicates that he's had the illness for quite some time. I truely believe that my brother just hasn't spent enough time observing my father because he lives out of town. I could be wrong. I've examined it logically and carefully, and still think I'm right. I've genuinely tried to think that I could be wrong, and I can't see it. That doesn't mean I'm right, but just that I'm not dismissing a difference of opinion out of hand. And maybe we're dealing with a combo of sin mixed with mental illness.
Whatever the case, I've had to just do the best I can and be at peace that that's all I can do. If it's sin, I can't take the guilt for what he choses. If it's mental illness, I can't control it. I can't even recognize mental illness... how can I think I might be able to help at all? God is the only one who can help. He can heal my father. He can leave my father alone and help me deal with everything. Whatever He choses to do, He is the one I want to please and I can be at peace with that fact.
Let go of the situation and treat your mother in a way that will be pleasing to God. Rely on Him and have a heart for Him. It's the only way to find peace and let go of the anxiety, worry, bitterness, and pain. Let go and walk for Him, not to please your mother.
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-HisCovenant/ Zipporah
My friends call me Zippy!
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 2/29/2008 4:55:49 PM
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zondie
Posts: 821
Joined: 10/19/2007
From: The Bluegrass State
Status: offline
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quote:
Kat:
Believe me, I understand and it's all easier said then done. Living with and dealing with a mentally ill person like your mother and mine can cause us to become locked into some inappropriate responses to their illness...guilt, anxiety, worry, anger, etc. God wants to help us overcome those responses by turning it all over to Him.
quote:
HisCovenant:
Let go of the situation and treat your mother in a way that will be pleasing to God. Rely on Him and have a heart for Him. It's the only way to find peace and let go of the anxiety, worry, bitterness, and pain. Let go and walk for Him, not to please your mother.
Let go...turn it all over to HIM. Thank you both for this advice. Coming from people who've gone through or going through this difficult stage with a parent; is so comforting to be able to trust their advice!
I really thought I had turned it all over to God. But then I feel like a parent, who has had to 'let go' and let their child go out into life and face the raw facts that...life (in general) don't treat you fair. I'm trying to be too protective of her, I know this now. God will do a much better job protecting her, if I back off and give HIM the room HE needs to do what HE already knows is Best!
I need to know how to visit or call her, without letting it burden me (or my family) for days on end. I guess that's considered, 'worry'. And I've always been a person who would tell others, "I'm concerned." But I've been careful NOT to say, "I'm worried." God has shown me (through you all) that worry, is exactly what I've been doing! And worry will cause my prayer life to weaken, if I continue to allow it!
I've been questioning myself: is it mom who may be feeling deserted...or do I feel as though she's deserted me (us)?
Separation hurts. I've even wondered if this is a 'trial test'. That this may be God's way of preparing us for the permanent separation from her...in this life.
I know I must pray, trust and try harder to leave things to God. May HIS will, always be done in my life! HE already knows, that this is SO very hard, for us to deal with. And I know He'll make a way for us all to get through it!
_____________________________
The world will never care how much you know,
until...
The world knows how much you care !
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 2/29/2008 5:21:33 PM
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HisCovenant
Posts: 4572
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zondie
But then I feel like a parent, who has had to 'let go' and let their child go out into life and face the raw facts that...life (in general) don't treat you fair. I'm trying to be too protective of her, I know this now. God will do a much better job protecting her, if I back off and give HIM the room HE needs to do what HE already knows is Best!
I struggled with this transition, too. It has been hard finding the balance between still being the child (at 33 yo) and having a parent who needs parenting.
Maybe the best thing for your mother is to not be protected right now. Maybe the consequences she has to face when she can't manipulate her way out of stuff is just what she needs to get some perspective back.
It's all easier said than done, but if you cling to Him and keep your heart in prayer and in the word, it will get easier.
_____________________________
-HisCovenant/ Zipporah
My friends call me Zippy!
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 3/3/2008 10:43:54 PM
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zondie
Posts: 821
Joined: 10/19/2007
From: The Bluegrass State
Status: offline
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quote:
HisCovenant
and having a parent who needs parenting.
Yes, you're so right! And I'm wearing down with giving the same pep talks, advice and counseling. It seems I'm getting 'no where' fast! But I'm sure she got tired of giving me the routinely advice she gave, while raising me too.
She's started the threats now. She don't know it but, just one incident of attempted suicide and the nursing home will deny her stay! I hope this won't be what she tries. If so...she'll more than likely be sent to an institution. My sister is considering giving the guardianship of mom over to the state. She says her nerves are getting worse and she don't know how much more she can take. Mom calls and quarrels at her and sobs uncontrollably. Again, this is how she acts each time she's over-medicated. Sis is gonna try to attempt to talk to mom's doctor about her meds. again. But that's something she'll only be able to try and persuade him about. Cause after all...He's the doc.
_____________________________
The world will never care how much you know,
until...
The world knows how much you care !
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RE: Elderly Parent Dilemma - 3/18/2008 10:35:55 AM
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zondie
Posts: 821
Joined: 10/19/2007
From: The Bluegrass State
Status: offline
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I really don't know where to start except to say that mom will be leaving the nursing home by Friday. She's been giving them a lot of trouble with trying to leave. They even put an alarm on her so they could keep track of where she is. They've contacted my sister and said that they've sent papers to an assisted living home for mom's acceptance. They've also said that there's a lady looking for a job staying with the elderly in their home, who has posted her number on the bulletin board. Anyway, in short...she's being booted out!
I've been to the E.R. again, sitting with her after having another horrible nightmare. Which always triggers paranoid-schizophrenia in mom. EVERYTHING in the horrifying nightmare, becomes reality to her. To the point where she's trembling with fear. And she shares the blood-curdling details with anyone who'll listen. Over and over and over. It's heartbreaking! Especially when it's so real to her that she won't listen to reason. She's right and you're wrong, period.
I keep asking myself how this could happen to a woman who was once a Pastor's wife and practiced such strong faith. She's not capable of staying alone anymore. But what makes it all so confusing is that it comes and goes. She's mom fo | | |
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