LOOKS VERY SCARY (Full Version)

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myinnerpeace -> LOOKS VERY SCARY (9/13/2007 10:23:35 AM)



NEED advice ASAP! My 17 D, is a GEORGEOUS kid, there has been several instances where I hear them talking to her and telling her how beautiful she is. The WHOLE family focus's on using your head, creativity and imagination, not on physical beauty. How ever this kid has a ZERO amount of self esteem. Don't get me wrong, she is very bold and confident when talking to ANYONE. She just makes comments like, I know I am not pretty, EVERYONE at school knows this. There is NOTHING pretty about me.......( her Dad thinks she needs some counseling) She has never had any close girlfriends, even her BEST FRIEND is a boy. That is just a little insight, here is my issue:

She is a VERY straight laced looking kid, but LOVES hanging out with people who have HUGE holes in their ears along with tatoo's and other body piercing's. She is wanting to bring home today a boy that she wants to hang out with. When she showed us his picture on myspace (she is very open about her friends) I flipped! This is NOT someone I want my child hanging out with! She claims he is the sweetest, most soft spoken guy. We came to blows and forbid this last week from taking place, I try not to be judgemental, she does have friends of all races, gay and straight. But I am SO DISTURBED about this. The only reason we are allowing the subject to come up again is we realize she is turning 18 and you know all kids think they get a ticket to freedom, we just don't want to push her away or make her hide her friends. I can truthfully say I DO NOT know anything about this guy and I'm going by only what I see and my gut feeling, but what is the deal with these kids who pierce their face and get tat's? Are they just lost? Without parental guidance or what? Does anyone have ANY insight into this situation? Her girlfriend who introduced her to this guy showed up with a nose ring, (and I mean through the middle of the nose!) and a little diamond stud on the side of the nostril. I am just SO afraid my kid will do something like this. The one positive about this , the guy said I would never defy your parents and I would be respectful and take out my facial piercings when I come to your house. I don't know wether to laugh or cry over that statement! Any thoughts other than don't judge a book by it's cover??!! We're already working on that! I just want to know if anyone has went through this? Is this a phase, that all kids go through? Will she move on once we ok this? I have friends saying she is only doing this to get at me, but we have NEVER had that type of relationship. Are all teens just emotional WRECKS???

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				  shadowspring ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/13/2007 10:54:51 AM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   Piercngs first: there is nothing intrinsically evil about piercings.  Good kids with good hearts get piercings.  This boy could be a gentle, kind person, as your dd claimed. 
  
 ON the other hand, piercings show a lack of judgement  and a lack of planning for the future. These are skills that are taught and learned.  So either no one was teaching this boy, or the foundation for learning wasn't there. 
  
 To me, this is an indication that either:  
  
 * this kid's parents lack appreciation for the hidden rules of successful society (his family lives outside those rules: they have found a subculture to belong to that neets their needs or have resigned themsleves to always being on the "outs" of successful society)  
  
 * his parents do not have enough of a loving, respectful relationship with their son that he internalized their values while growing up 
  
 I personally would never hold someone's peircing against them, but I would make sure my daughter understood the hard truths about the world.  People DO judge you by your appearance.  Most people will  either pity you or disrespect you if you are all peirced up.  A particular subculture will think you are way cool, because you live outside of mainstream values.  That can be very apealing while you are going through teenage angst, but peircings are forever!  I have had this talk many times with my teens about tatoos and peircings.   
  
 I know for a fact that although my dd might be friends with peirced/tatooed people, she will do so with full knowledge that they are missing some important life skills or have chosen to confine themselves to a certain sub-culture.  God's love is for everyone, so we don't automatically exclude people from our lives because they are disadvantaged in some way.  Peircings fall into this category for me. 
  
 The other point is your daughter's low self-esteem regarding her looks.  How did this happen?  Why does she consider herself homely?  This I would pray about it dilligently.  I would try to talk to her about this with gentleness and respect.   
  
 This is a whole different problem that really has nothing to do with befriending a person with peircings.  If she does not develop a right opinion of herself, she could wind up with an abusive realtionship.  Clean-cut, athletic, wealthy men can be abusive too.  Simply refusing to allow her to befeind peirced people is no cure for this malady at all! 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  IonMoon ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/13/2007 11:45:16 AM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   I would SO much rather my dd have a friend (male or female) that had a good attitude/good heart but was covered with piercings and tattoos than someone who looked great but was a bad person! 
  
 In the past, has your dd been a good judge of character? Do you have reason to believe that she is wrong in her assessment of this guy? I don't see any harm in inviting a friend over to visit. It isn't as if she asked you to approve a marriage! 
  
 I think that piercings don't necessarily show bad judgement or lack of thought of the future. Piercings can be removed, tattoos usually covered and in many cases any more, this is not even necessary! Unless someone had delusions that they were going to be a doctor/lawyer/stockbrocker and got a tattoo on their hands, face, or neck, it shouldn't have any impact on their futures... 
  
 My dd is about to turn 16. She has one set of ear piercings (one in each ear) that we discussed for quite a while before I allowed those. She knows my rules are no piercings or tattoos until she is an adult. She does experiment with magnetic jewelry and haircolor. My rule is not because I think they are bad, but just because I don't want her to regret it later.  
  
 She probably will get more piercings & she probably will get tattoos once she is 18. It is actually much more mainstream and accepted now-a-days. In fact, she announced the other day that she plans to pursue piercing as a career. Not what I would have chosen for her, but 1) her career is not my decision and 2) she'll probably change her mind 10 more times before she is ready for a career!  
  
 Anyhow- I say meet the kid. Your dd is almost an adult. Once kids turn 18, they don't just *think* they have a ticket to freedom, they DO. Adults are free to make their own decisions. Your realtionship will change. You have to start to setup that up now. What kind of relationship do you want with your child? 
  
 I have chosen to give my kids incremental degrees of freedom once they become teens, and let them know that once they are 18 they are adults and can make their own decisions and must live with the consequences of those decisions. I hope that they will choose to make good, healthy decisions, but I know I may or may not agree with the decisions they make. I also hope we can continue with a strong relationship even when I don't agree with or understand their choices. 
  
 Tara P 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  VincentGrayson ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/13/2007 2:19:19 PM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   Piercings are forever? What're you smoking? 
  
 I don't mean to attack you, but sometimes the ignorant things people say just bug me. 
  
 Piercings are not a sign that he or his family "don't care about society" or "lack judgement and preparation for the future", they're generally a sign that someone wanted to get a piercing. I know it's fun to read all kinds of statements into a piercing or tattoo, but sometimes, that's all it is (in fact, most of the time, in my experience) 
  
 There are, of course, exceptions, and having not seen a picture of this kid, I don't know the extent of his piercings, but they are most certainly not "forever". I know a great number of people who had various piercings at one time or another, and ultimately took them out as an unfortunate concession to societies "standards". 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  myinnerpeace ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/13/2007 3:35:25 PM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   Thanks for all advice from ALL!! OH, Vincent, I do realize *some* piercings are NOT forever! However, when the hole or gauge in the ear is big enough for a soda can to go through, I think the ONLY thing to repair that is surgery! This guy has three facial piercings, plus the "soda can holes and tattoo's! She did tell me, Mom I DO realize it is NOT socially acceptable to look like that, and there are places where I would not go with him, but I think he is really cool and I like talking to him. Now she could be snowballing me, since it was after we had a blowup over it. However, I want to extend an olive branch, because I know she is on the brink of adulthood! And as for as her being a poor judge of character? OH MY WORD!! If only I had the time to tell you about all the "times" we have been through. The reason I gave the insight into her insecurities, I just wondered if it made her feel good about herself to be seen with someone odd looking? I do realize the most decent looking guy can have a terrible personality and soul, but this guy borders on looking like a skin-head (the gang type) but she promises that is not the case. The ticket to freedom she is about to get will come with a large dose of reality! She has had the luxury of a gravy job that does pay a ridiculous amount, but we still furnished EVERYTHING for her. If she decides to move out, are we responsible to keep footing the bill, with her not under our rules of the house? I am just grabbing at all problems now! I need to focus on today and when they get here. I just keep saying: THIS TO SHALL PASS!! Thanks for all, I'll keep you posted! 
  
                                                                  [:o]HOPE[:o] 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  Memaw. ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/13/2007 3:41:36 PM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   
quote:

I just keep saying: THIS TO SHALL PASS!!
 
  
 It will. 
  
 There is so much worse things than tats and piercings. 
  
 Remember it's what's on the inside that counts, not the outside. 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  annie611 ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/13/2007 5:12:45 PM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   You do come across as judgemental. 
  
 You also seem out of touch with the reality of today's teen society. 
  
 If you took a random high school and drug tested all the kids, you would be shocked to find that most of the clean cut kids you want your daughter to hang out with becuase they "look" right, smoke pot.  Or maybe they wouldn't test positive, because all the upper crust kids with money also know that an occasional pot smoker will not turn up positive on a drug test unless they are tested within 12 hours or so of using.  So they know they can get high on friday and saturday and even if the football coach tested them on monday before the game, they would be clean. 
  
 You really need to get out more and educate yourself about teens. 
  
 Just curious, where wouldn't your daughter take this boy?  to church? 
 because he doesn't fit the "look". 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  manda59 ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/13/2007 6:19:32 PM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   Sorry if you're offended by my bluntness, but I have thought about this on and off all day and I feel I have to say these things. 
  
 
quote:

ORIGINAL:  myinnerpeace 
 The WHOLE family focus's on using your head, creativity and imagination, not on physical beauty.  
 
 
  
 It seems strange to me that all her life you've taught her that it's not what's on the outside that counts, but what's on the inside - and now you go and make a major judgement about this guy (who you have never even met) based on what is on the outside...... 
  
 
quote:

 
 How ever this kid has a ZERO amount of self esteem.  
 
 
  
 I wonder if her self-esteem would increase if you respected her choices and were prepared to trust her judgement?  
  
 It's sad you weren't prepared to look beyond the outward appearance and look for this lad's heart. 
 And show him the love of Christ. 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  Leslie_JnJs_mom ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/13/2007 6:55:22 PM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   I have seen several of my friends go through the transition of having a child and then and adult.  Some have been pretty and others have been rock their world crying themselves to sleep every night hard. I have seen the biggest mistake is trying to keep and iron grip on thier children right when they were on the brink of adulthood. From what I have seen other families go through the last thing you want to do the last year a child is home is try to treat them like a baby. Example not trusting their judgment. If there is a good reason to say no then by all means do so. But if she is right and this guy is an ok guy but just looks funny on the outside you are setting yourself up for heartbreak. I feel for you and I know it will only be a couple of years before my son is the same age. He is 15 now. 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  shadowspring ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/13/2007 7:25:29 PM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   
quote:

 Unless someone had delusions that they were going to be a doctor/lawyer/stockbrocker and got a tattoo on their hands, face, or neck, it shouldn't have any impact on their futures... 
 
  
 LOL! That is a typo, isn't it?  Don't you mean "ambitions"? 
  
 And that was my point.  There are subcultures where peircing and tatoos are acceptable- athletics, entertainment, motorheads, bikers, military, and even some youth ministry, to name a few. 
  
 But MANY jobs that require specialized education and/or cultivating a large, diverse client base require a clean-cut look.  So if you choose to peirce your face and/or get tatoos in visible places. you are limiting your options in life. 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  shadowspring ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/13/2007 7:30:56 PM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   
quote:

I wonder if her self-esteem would increase if you respected her choices and were prepared to trust her judgement? 
 
  
 Good point, manda. 
  
 I don't think having a friend with peircings is any way related to her daughter's low self-esteem.  I think they are two separate issues. 
  
 Second-guessing her dd's judgement could be making her daughter insecure, however.   
  
 But none of us really can tell, just on what was posted, what is making the daughter think of herself as unattractive.  Anyway you could just talk to her about it, myinnerpeace? 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  manda59 ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/13/2007 7:35:44 PM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   
quote:

ORIGINAL:  shadowspring 
 Second-guessing her dd's judgement could be making her daughter insecure, however.   
 
 
  
  
  
 Yes; in my mind I was linking the possible resultant insecurity with self-doubt in general. 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  Jhud ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/13/2007 8:08:04 PM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   How old is this guy? 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  IonMoon ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/13/2007 8:48:07 PM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   
quote:

ORIGINAL:  shadowspring 
 
quote:

 Unless someone had delusions that they were going to be a doctor/lawyer/stockbrocker and got a tattoo on their hands, face, or neck, it shouldn't have any impact on their futures... 
 
 LOL! That is a typo, isn't it?  Don't you mean "ambitions"? 
 
 
  
 No, I meant delusions! If someone thinks they can have one of the jobs I listed and have facial tattoos or some kind of non-reversible piercing- they are probably delusional (not in a clinical  sense, of course). Just as if they though they could get into med school but never went to class... Or wanting to be a cop, but thinking it's okay to use drugs during highschool... It still could be possible- but it does show lack of foresight in those situations...  
  
 Back to the OP 
  
 I actually do   have a concern about this situation... it can be dangerous to meet people off MySpace (or the internet in general). If this were my dd, this would be my only concern- how well does her friend that introduced them know him, why do they want to hang out IRL, etc. 
  
 Tara P 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  shadowspring ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/13/2007 10:21:14 PM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   
quote:

No, I meant delusions! If someone thinks they can have one of the jobs I listed and have facial tattoos or some kind of non-reversible piercing- they are probably delusional (not in a clinical sense, of course). Just as if they though they could get into med school but never went to class... Or wanting to be a cop, but thinking it's okay to use drugs during highschool... It still could be possible- but it does show lack of foresight in those situations... 
 
  
 Oh, okay, now I get it, rainbow.  I'm a little slow sometimes.[&:] 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  believeinhim2 ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/13/2007 10:29:49 PM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   Ok i'm going to jusp in on this one. I am now 27 years old but when i was your daughters age i had alot of friends just like you described. My biggest issue with people (especially the girls) when i was that age was that they were so fake. They said one thing but they did another. They wanted everyone to think that they believed a certain way and that just wasn't the case. I had friends that had blue hair,  pink, purple , green you name it. Some of them had multiple peircings and even more tattoos. It was just a way of expressing themselves. They were real. Nothing fake about them. My mom always used to say stuff about it but the fact is you have to admire that kind of loyalty. Most of them were very kind polite and well mannered. They just wanted to be different and they were not afraid for people to know it. God judges the heart of man not what's on the outside. 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  pbaribeault ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/13/2007 10:46:49 PM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   
quote:

No, I meant delusions! If someone thinks they can have one of the jobs I listed and have facial tattoos or some kind of non-reversible piercing- they are probably delusional (not in a clinical sense, of course). Just as if they though they could get into med school but never went to class... Or wanting to be a cop, but thinking it's okay to use drugs during highschool... It still could be possible- but it does show lack of foresight in those situations...
 
  
 I'm not sure that it IS delusional.  
  
 Keep in mind that by the time young-man-with-piercings-and-tattoos is establishing himself as a doctor or lawyer, the adult society will be made up of then-middle-aged women and men like the OP's daughter, who don't really mind the look in the slightest.  
  
 We, who are currently adult society, will by then be the old fuddy-duddies who object to everything for no reason.  
  
 Sure, some doctors and lawyers will still cater to the elderly who won't do business with perfectly competent professionals, just because of the way they look, but many others will have perfectly full and profitable practices, as their appearance will not be at all bothersome to what will be mainstream then. 
  
 When 'kids' grow up into adults, we won't be the adults with whom they will be dealing... they will be. That society will shift and accommodate its own members. It is us who will be marginalized. 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  myinnerpeace ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/14/2007 2:00:46 AM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   
quote:

ORIGINAL:  manda59 
  
 Sorry if you're offended by my bluntness, but I have thought about this on and off all day and I feel I have to say these things. 
  
 
quote:

ORIGINAL:  myinnerpeace 
 The WHOLE family focus's on using your head, creativity and imagination, not on physical beauty.  
 
 
  
 It seems strange to me that all her life you've taught her that it's not what's on the outside that counts, but what's on the inside - and now you go and make a major judgement about this guy (who you have never even met) based on what is on the outside...... 
  
 
quote:

 
 How ever this kid has a ZERO amount of self esteem.  
 
 
  
 I wonder if her self-esteem would increase if you respected her choices and were prepared to trust her judgement?  
  
 It's sad you weren't prepared to look beyond the outward appearance and look for this lad's heart. 
 And show him the love of Christ. 
 
 
  
 Not offended in the least! I don't feel as if I'm being judgemental over this 21 year old guy, just VERY CAUTIOUS. Yes, I AM MOST definatly concerned with this situation, but we have as I stated, said that he can come over. Doesn't that mean I'm giving him a chance? Remember this is someone I DO NOT KNOW, I just know what he looks like. That he was living on the streets, his parents are 8 states away and his job is a piercer. Found all this out tonight! -------------  She has brought into our home a young guy several years ago that WAS lost. When he walked into my home he was high, pants hanging with a chain down to his crotch and quarter size holes in his ear. We welcomed him and talked to him like normal, when he left, I walked him to the door and calmly said, Come over as often as you like, but DO NOT EVER COME TO MY HOUSE AGAIN HIGH. He looked at me with tears in his 15 year old eyes and said Yes Ma'am. That kid was and still is a part of my household. My dd talked to him about Christ and what he wanted out of life. Many nights he cried at my house, he just DID NOT have the guidance at his home. He did eventually take( without a word from me) out the plugs in his ears, graduate high school, is lead guitar in our church band and in college. He called the other day to tell me thank you, and to say, Do you realize the impact that your family made on my life? Your contribution to my life has meant something. We truly love this boy. I guess why I shared that was I think some of you think I'm out of touch with reality, THAT IS NOT THE CASE. I know ALL about drugs in High School, along with drinking and pot. I still have to remember this is my CHILD and I only want her to be safe. He is after all 21 and btw he didn't show up tonight, so who knows. It does concern me that she has only known him for 2 weeks. Oh, I said something to her about going to see a counselor about self esteem, and she was VERY excited and can't WAIT. I made the appt. today! If he decides to come over tomorrow, I'll post back! 
  
                                                     Thanks again all, 
                                                           HOPE 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  myinnerpeace ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/14/2007 2:36:28 AM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   
quote:

You really need to get out more and educate yourself about teens.  
  
 Just curious, where wouldn't your daughter take this boy? to church?  
 because he doesn't fit the "look". 
 
  
  
 I am aware of teens. To the Govenors Ball, Monthly breakfast with Youth leaders and city officials, Her interview with UCLA, the Kentucky Derby-- I don't know what she was refering to, any of these maybe, but forsure, she wasn't talking about church. As I said in my last post our youth group has ALL kinds of scene kids. Although he would not be considered a youth at 21. I still think he would feel quite comfortable, even being the only young adult with peircings! 
  
                                                HOPE 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  manda59 ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/14/2007 3:05:43 AM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   
quote:

ORIGINAL:  myinnerpeace 
 Not offended in the least! I don't feel as if I'm being judgemental over this 21 year old guy, just VERY CAUTIOUS. Yes, I AM MOST definatly concerned with this situation, but we have as I stated, said that he can come over. Doesn't that mean I'm giving him a chance? 
 
 
  
 Sorry - I didn't pick up from your posts that you have said he can come over. In fact I've looked again and I still don't see it now!  
  
 
quote:

 
 That he was living on the streets, his parents are 8 states away and his job is a piercer. He is after all 21 and btw he didn't show up tonight, so who knows. It does concern me that she has only known him for 2 weeks.  
 
 
  
 With his job being a piercer, then I'd be concerned too. However if it was my child's friend, then I wouldn't hit the roof, but I'd be keeping up the communication with my child and praying like crazy. 
  
 
quote:

 
 Oh, I said something to her about going to see a counselor about self esteem, and she was VERY excited and can't WAIT. I made the appt. today! If he decides to come over tomorrow, I'll post back! 
 
 
  
 It's interesting that she was excited about this! I presume she'll be seeing the counsellor on her own? 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  SteveSund ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/14/2007 7:32:20 AM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   
quote:

ORIGINAL:  pbaribeault 
  
  
 I'm not sure that it IS delusional.  
  
 Keep in mind that by the time young-man-with-piercings-and-tattoos is establishing himself as a doctor or lawyer, the adult society will be made up of then-middle-aged women and men like the OP's daughter, who don't really mind the look in the slightest.  
  
 When 'kids' grow up into adults, we won't be the adults with whom they will be dealing... they will be. That society will shift and accommodate its own members. It is us who will be marginalized. 
 
 
  
 Your assumptions may or may not come true.  I don't think it is wise to go ahead and get a bunch of visible tattoos and piercings, with the thought that they will be more accepted in the future.  I am a lawyer and I have never come into contact with another lawyer, judge, or clerk that had a visible tattoo or piercing (other than an ear).   
  
 
quote:

Or maybe they wouldn't test positive, because all the upper crust kids with money also know that an occasional pot smoker will not turn up positive on a drug test unless they are tested within 12 hours or so of using.
 
  
 I know this is OT, but a single use will show up in urine up to 14 days following the use and up to 90 days in hair. 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  myinnerpeace ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/14/2007 8:04:57 AM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   
quote:

ORIGINAL:  myinnerpeace 
  
  
  
  The only reason we are allowing the subject to come up again   
                      
 
 
quote:

The one positive about this , the guy said I would never defy your parents and I would be respectful and take out my facial piercings when I come to your house. I don't know wether to laugh or cry over that statement!
 
  
  
  I could have made it more clear when I wrote that he would take out his piercings when he came over,  sorry! I was still in frantic mode.  
  
  
 Yes! I too was surprised that she was so open to this. She has however seen the positive effects of counseling and knows it will benefit her future. Yes, she will be going on her own. We'll go only if we're asked to. 
  
                                      HOPE 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  manda59 ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/14/2007 8:21:32 AM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   
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ORIGINAL:  myinnerpeace 
  I could have made it more clear when I wrote that he would take out his piercings when he came over,  sorry! I was still in frantic mode.  
 
 
  
 I thought you meant he'd said it to your dd in a "if I was ever allowed to come over" kind of way. 
  
 
quote:

 
 Yes! I too was surprised that she was so open to this. She has however seen the positive effects of counseling and knows it will benefit her future. Yes, she will be going on her own. We'll go only if we're asked to. 
 
 
  
 Good move. Sometimes it's easier for young people to be honest if we're not around. And I think it does them good too, to take responsibility for themselves and their issues. 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  VincentGrayson ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/14/2007 8:28:30 AM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   
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ORIGINAL:  SteveSund 
  
 
quote:

ORIGINAL:  pbaribeault 
  
  
 I'm not sure that it IS delusional.  
  
 Keep in mind that by the time young-man-with-piercings-and-tattoos is establishing himself as a doctor or lawyer, the adult society will be made up of then-middle-aged women and men like the OP's daughter, who don't really mind the look in the slightest.  
  
 When 'kids' grow up into adults, we won't be the adults with whom they will be dealing... they will be. That society will shift and accommodate its own members. It is us who will be marginalized. 
 
 
  
 Your assumptions may or may not come true.  I don't think it is wise to go ahead and get a bunch of visible tattoos and piercings, with the thought that they will be more accepted in the future.  I am a lawyer and I have never come into contact with another lawyer, judge, or clerk that had a visible tattoo or piercing (other than an ear).   
  
 
quote:

Or maybe they wouldn't test positive, because all the upper crust kids with money also know that an occasional pot smoker will not turn up positive on a drug test unless they are tested within 12 hours or so of using.
 
  
 I know this is OT, but a single use will show up in urine up to 14 days following the use and up to 90 days in hair. 
 
 
  
 I can tell you from personal experience that it's long gone well before 2 weeks for non-habitual users. 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
	    
		 

		    

			  
				  IonMoon ->  RE: LOOKS VERY SCARY  (9/14/2007 10:12:08 AM)
			  
			

	        

			  

		          
                   
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ORIGINAL:  pbaribeault 
 I'm not sure that it IS delusional.  
  
 When 'kids' grow up into adults, we won't be the adults with whom they will be dealing... they will be. That society will shift and accommodate its own members. It is us who will be marginalized. 
 
 
  
 Right, and even today, in the right area it could be no problem whatever.  
  
 But, unfortunately they have to get through the "fuddy duddy's" in order to get their medical degree.  
  
 So a teen today who wants to go to med school, then decides to do something that can't be removed or covered that the interviewers are going to see as radical... they will never get the opportunity; therefore, they are, in that instance, lacking foresight. 
  
 They could always get the title, then   get their piercings/tattoos and it would likely be no problem! 
  
 Tara P 
				  
	          		
	        

	        
 
	          

			  	  		
	        

		  

				
	  

	
	  
			
  












  
 
    
	

	  
 
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