RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!
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RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! - 7/31/2008 11:01:52 AM
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jlc0204
Posts: 3
Joined: 7/31/2008
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I too have struggled with porn since college and M since age 13. My wife discovered how bad things were Jan. 2007. I have been recovering well for a year and a half. I've slipped a couple of times, but not with porn, but with M. That has actually been the most difficult to refrain from. It is addicting like the worst type of drug (at least for me).
I used porn and M for an escape from life, conflict, and false expectations about marriage. My wife still has not forgiven me and keeps the door open about divorce. We are sexual, but only on our scheduled night. And let me be honest, it is not enjoyable. She is very mechanical and does not allow any of it to be pleasurable for either of us. I know this is all due to my sin and what I've put her through. But it still hurts and at times I really feel like M. I haven't been though. I am doing my best to stay committed to her in that area.
I have had to stop looking at regular mags in the grocery stores, men's mags, and about anything on TV/movies. This helps me stay pure in thought. I do occasionally give second looks to the mag covers, or commercials on TV, and unfortunately to live women. But I have stopped the lusting and feel completely guilty when I notice I've given a second look.
I have started attending Celebrate Recovery at my church, which now includes a "men's purity group" that is loosely based on Pure Life Ministeries.
We do not have web access in the home, and my wife does not trust filters or accountability software. She continues to blame me for the inconvenience of leaving the home to use the computer, especially now that we are doing more with eBay.
To help with the struggle you really have to learn to "bounce" you eyes of anything that can be sensual. I mean give me a break our entire culture is so sexualized now that at time I feel it would be easier just to have my eyes removed! I'm serious about that by the way. I'm that committed to living a pure life for Christ/wife/kids. Except I know it would make the rest of life a little more difficult (i.e. sports/camping/fishing/etc).
I've read some books (Every Man's Battle/Counseling the Sexual Addict/etc) and many many articles online (at work).
I continue to have very hurt feelings over my relationship with my wife and our lack of intimacy. I have to be careful about what I read even about sexual intimacy between spouses, because I get hurt knowing that we're not like that now, it will be quite a while before we are, and we actually may never get there.
Prayer and support from my accountability pastor are the only things that keep me going sometimes. I truly only want to be with my wife and see as extremely beautiful and desirable. I want nothing to do with porn. I fight with M and am winning.
I admit I have lived a very selfish life. I had very unrealistic expectations of marriage (i.e. sex ALL the time, minimal conflict, more hot sex, no financial worries, even more sex, etc.) As you can tell my thought life has been centered around mostly one thing since about age 13. The music I listened to in junior/senior high (Explicit rap) and the movies and shows I watched helped feed this mess to me, but of course I did not understand that at the time.
I continue to work on my thought life and try to realize that sex is everything, but only one small, enjoyable, part of life. I try to be more focused on Christ and being less selfish in marriage. It is hard and is a constant struggle.
Thanks for taking the several minutes it took to read this rambling. I wanted to be able to give some hope, but also restated the daily struggles of a recovering addict. My struggle is not porn itself, but sexuality in general (only with my wife) which still causes us great conflict.
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RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! - 8/1/2008 8:30:58 AM
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revbob4God
Posts: 592
Joined: 7/25/2008
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I will pray for you. AT least you are facing your issues with hoesty and openness to change and to allowing God to work within you, so I wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and I ask for our Heavenly Father to continue to give you strength and courage.
God Bless
_____________________________
For thus saith the Lord that created the heavens; God himself that formed the earth and made it; he hath established it, he created it not in vain, he formed it to be inhabited: I the Lord; and none else.
Isaiah 45:18
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RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! - 8/1/2008 4:49:59 PM
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kmbmhands
Posts: 13
Joined: 8/1/2008
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Jesus said its better to cut off your hand to keep you from stealing.
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RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! - 8/5/2008 5:06:54 PM
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Raptorman
Posts: 93
Joined: 9/21/2005
From: Colorado
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[Note: most of this had appeared in one of the other threads, but a moderator for some reason transferred the thread, and now I can't find our remarks in it. So, I just wanted to share my remarks about the same subject. That's all.]
For me, pornography has been a huge stumbling block. For any Christian man who wants to worship God but finds his unbridled tendency to lust barging in his path, pornography is a determined dragon. It is hard to resist, difficult to slay, and even if you succeed in "killing" it, this dragon has more leases on life than Jason Vorhees. Inevitably, it will come back and haunt you. Porn may look beautiful to us, but it is a disgusting and malignant tumor that grieves the Holy Spirit and betrays our wives whether we are married in the present or future.
I for one desperately want God to bestow me with a loving and beautiful wife. Even though I am only 21, it gets frustrating beyond all reason and rationality when you have never even had a date at my age, and all your friends are getting married left and right. I would do anything at all, if it could end my lonely singlehood and give me a romantic companion to whom I can fully give myself. But how can I expect or ask for that blessing if I break God's commands with such a vigorous regularity? Why would she join with a man who has not even been able to restrain his own lust, for her sake, and for the pleasure of God?
I would be honored to join in prayer with all of you, that God can help us end this disease in our lives.
_____________________________
"Satan himself trembles when the weakest saint is on his knees."
-Unknown
"All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you."
-Gandalf, "Lord of the Rings"
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RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! - 8/7/2008 2:03:31 PM
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gmc4Jesus
Posts: 222
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Torrance, California
Status: offline
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I have read some great responses above and can tell by the topic that there are many who are fighting this battle. Please allow me to pass on some thoughts that I shared with another individual fighting this battle.
1. Would you honestly want to marry one of those girls you are looking at when you are looking at those girls? Then what are you doing looking at them for sexual stimulation?
2. Would you want to be married to a woman who has no self-respect but what she will display her nakedness in a sexually explisit way to anyone who wants to lust after her? Then why are you having sex (masturbating or whatever) with a picture of someone who is not your wife?
3. You don't know anything about this person's personality, whether they are the kind of person you would honestly want a relationship with. Therefore, why are you having sex with their picture or video?
4. If you would look at your wife as being more desirable than any other woman (which is what God teaches) then you will find less interest in looking at other women.
5. The comment to bounce your eyes works good for me. When I see a woman that is attention getting, whether deliberately or not, I don't want to be observed observing what I am tempted to observe. Therefore, I challenge myself to look at something else and remember whose I am (a child of God).
6. I have a wife. If I think I need to see a naked woman, I'll go watch her. She doesn't mind the attention.
7. One more and then I'll quit for now. I determined years ago that I would not ever want to be caught with pornography in my possession. Since the computer age I have added that I would never want you to come to my computer and discover that I had visited a pornographic web site. The solution is to never go there in the first place. I do not know the day of my death, but when it comes, I will not have the time or opportunity to go back and erase all of that stuff I don't want you to find. Therefore, I don't allow my eyes to go where they do not belong or possess stuff I would not want you to find in my affects after I'm gone.
May God's love for you strengthen your love for Him and may that love give you the strength and power to conquer the temptations of lust and walk the rest of your life in integrity, honesty, purity and Godly love.
Do it for Jesus!
_____________________________
Let's talk about Jesus, His life and teachings at the www.gettingtoknowjesus.org Gospel Study Forum.
Home of "Getting To Know Jesus", a complete Bible study on the life and teachings of Jesus.
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RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! - 8/10/2008 7:34:02 PM
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keeperofpeace
Posts: 11
Joined: 8/10/2008
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I too have a problem with porn and other nasty habits since my early teens, I'm now 44 yrs old and have been married to the same woman for twenty yrs. It has caused many fights between me and my wife and family. I thank God that my marriage has survived through it. I was not a christian when I began looking at porn and for many many years into my marriage sex and porn was the only thing I thought of day in and day out.
Three years ago a traumatic event caused me to look to God and now I'm a born again believer and have over come many bandages. As a christian you have to understand that your in a battle of spiritual warfare. If Satan can control your thoughts then he has control over your whole body and your actions. I suggest that you establish a pray life and surrender your bandages daily to the Lord and bury your face in the word of God. I still struggle with the bondage of porn and if you fail and miss the mark from time to time remember that we serve a forgiving Lord who will give you the strength to resist the temptations that come before you daily. Bouncing the eyes works for me, When you see an attractive woman on TV, or on the street or anything that causes you to have those thoughts, Rebuke them immediately in the name of Jesus and turn the channel, look away, do what ever you have to and trust in God to give you strength and you will be victorious. Remember, " I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me. "
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RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! - 8/15/2008 6:42:45 PM
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BaldEagle4Christ
Posts: 7
Joined: 8/15/2008
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: russelp4
quote:
To say that you can't do it is a lie from satan. If you are a Christian you can do it
He is right.
That is a lie from the Devil.
All you do is Throw out thois magazines and focus on your wife if you have one.
If not,I sujest that you ask God for guidence and get in his words and start doing soul serching.
Women are not sex Objects!!!!Tell your self that,because who ever put that in your head is a Lier and wrong...Who could that done thaT!!
< Message edited by BaldEagle4Christ -- 8/15/2008 10:16:45 PM >
_____________________________
Roman 6:23 for the wages of Sin is death,but the gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord.(Niv)
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RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! - 8/16/2008 8:59:21 AM
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BlackCapnHarlock
Posts: 431
Joined: 8/20/2005
Status: offline
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I had been doing well for a while, just only mental lust. I did watch one porn movie earlier this year, but then the dam started breaking.
1. I was lusting after women left and right in my heart and mind.
2. I went to a porn website last week
3. Last night I watched porn. I started the movie and just then cut it off. I felt dumb, I felt stupid.
It seems that the same stress that hit me in 99 and 2000 when I had my worst bought with porn ever, it seems that I have substituting that for my answers in CHRIST JESUS.
IT's not a mistake I can make again, things are bad right now.
It's either JESUS or bust . . .
_____________________________
Ezekiel 16:6 Eze 16:6 And when I passed by thee, and saw thee polluted in thine own blood, I said unto thee when thou wast in thy blood, Live; yea, I said unto thee when thou wast in thy blood, Live.
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