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Transitioning in life - 1/4/2007 5:27:22 AM
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Doveflight
Posts: 1313
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From: middle of nowhere 4 hrs from anywhere
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I have a major concern that rips open a tender part of my heart. I have been homeschooling for years, my oldest
graduates this year from homeschool. He's never know another academic system other than the CC courses he's
taken. I also have two younger children,now 7 and 5. It is my hearts dearest desire to homeschool them forever
but unfortunately I have cancer and have limited time, though no one knows how long. How can I best transition
them into a public school system and how soon? I am a relaxed laid back literature focused homeschool mom.
My 7 yr old has neurological issues and due to my illness is really not functioning at 'grade' level right now though
she is extremely intelligent. Obviously my illness has affected many aspects of our lives. My youngest is all boy
and just beginning to be 'ready'. I've delayed him and hope to do homeschool K with him 2007-08.
I'd appreciate any advice or thoughts at how best to approach this dilemma. Thank you.
_____________________________
If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I am made for another world. C.S. Lewis
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/4/2007 8:33:05 AM
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Ellie-Mae
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From: The EMPIRE state!
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{{{{{Dove}}}}}
What are your plans for your kids after you are gone? (boy, that is hard to type) Who will be taking care of them, or helping? Do you have family that will be helping? What are your eldest's plans?
The reason that I ask is that Russ and I have made plans in such a way that if one or both of are taken, the children can continue to be homeschooled. I know that you may not have much time to put such stuff like that in place. I don't know how to transition. I am not trying to make you feel bad. I just want to make sure that you have looked at all of your options. Having options and being able to have them all laid out, and be able to choose based on all of the info, can make one feel better about which ever choice they make because it was an active choice.
_____________________________
Isaiah 40:29
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/4/2007 8:36:32 AM
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shadowspring
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((((((((((doveflight))))))))))
First of all, I will be praying for you. May it be in God's good plan for you to be involved in your children's lives for many, many years to come. All things are possible.
But I understand: hope for the best, prepare to deal with the worst. It's a parent's job to be prepared.
I think, if I were in your situation, I would focus on building my children's hope in God's goodness, and continually express my confidence in them that they will be well-liked and successful at school when the time comes.
They will believe what you say. Paint a picture of a successful, happy time at school for them. I would do my very best not to speak evil of public school, pass on scary stories about other's public school experiences, or express anxiety or fear of any kind about going to public school.
Give them lots of praise for every time you catch them doing right, and then relate that experience to their future success in life.- "You have such a good heart, son. That was right of you to forgive your brother for offending you. God pours out His mercy on the merciful. What a bright future you have!"
I think I would try to talk often about how much *I* trust God, that He will always be there to guide my children and love on them, even if I cannot always be there with them.
I think, academically, I would just keep doing what I was doing, and not worry about them being behind (or ahead) for that matter compared to their age peers in public school. They are so young, and they have a mother who reads to them! That is a wonderful foundation any public school teacher would love to build upon.
May the gracious mercy of our God fill you with joy and peace today, doveflight. God be with you always.
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/4/2007 8:41:47 AM
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shadowspring
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Oh, and as to the "how soon?"
Put it off as long as possible. Let every day with mom be a gift of love to cherish forever. Don't cut that short if you don't absolutely have to!
quote:
Matthew 6:34
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
At least, I think that's how I would respond in your situation.
Prayerfully,
shadowspring
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/4/2007 8:48:14 AM
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Ellie-Mae
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quote:
I think, academically, I would just keep doing what I was doing, and not worry about them being behind (or ahead) for that matter compared to their age peers in public school. They are so young, and they have a mother who reads to them! That is a wonderful foundation any public school teacher would love to build upon.
This is so true. It is really important to be with your kids as much as possible right now. Reading to them is a wonderful way to build wonderful memories and a legacy that will stay with them for a life time. A literature based curriculum is going to give them such strong roots in education that they are going to do well.
As far as them being behind. Don't worry about it. Graduating a little late is just not as important as spending time with them.
_____________________________
Isaiah 40:29
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/4/2007 1:00:38 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10717
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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((((((((((((((Doveflight and family)))))))))))))))
Shadowspring had some good advice. I don't know what I would do. I don't want to know what I would do. Praying for you and your family, for God's strength and wisdom. Please keep us updated, so we can pray!
_____________________________
Does God see?
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,
but on what is unseen. 2 Cor. 4:18
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/4/2007 1:19:12 PM
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amybreit
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((((((((((((Doveflight)))))))))) - Praying for you & your family!
_____________________________
<------ Staci & Stoli, our k9 kids!
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/4/2007 1:52:01 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 7635
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From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
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Oh, dear. I thought you were getting better. I am so sorry to hear about the seriousness of your illness. I've been praying for you since you mentiioned your chemo treatments in the "What's for dinner thread."
I agree with the others that you should spend as much time with the children as possible building them in the Lord and in your love. Read to them and play games with them that will build them academically. I don't think you can slowly transition them into public school at their young ages. It's pretty much all or nothing when they are this young.
In the mean time, I will continue to pray for you.
_____________________________
A wife must respectfully speak the truth in love and be willing to stand firm for righteousness and the best interests of her husband, even when it’s hard. That is true and godly submission.
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/4/2007 2:15:17 PM
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Christina124
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I am SOOO sorry to hear about this. I will pray for you and your family too. I don't know what to say...I agree with everyone else too...spend as much time with your children and family as possible.
You have, though, inspired me to call my family to make sure my mom and Step-dad (named to take care of my children in my Will) knows that I want my children's home schooled if something happened to me.
May the Lord comfort you and yours and be with you in this time.
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/4/2007 4:02:27 PM
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cindybode
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From: Northwest PA
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I will pray that you have lots and lots of time with your family.
If you're unable to find a way for your family to continue with homeschooling after you're with the Lord, I would prepare your kids for the fact that they will have to go to school eventually. I agree that I'd make it sound as positive as you can, but I also wouldn't send them to ps one second before it became absolutely necessary. This time with you will be very precious to them. Even if you're not "doing school", you can read books on a variety of subjects and they will learn. This is going to be incredibly hard for them. Let them have as much time with you as possible.
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/4/2007 4:42:10 PM
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Doveflight
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From: middle of nowhere 4 hrs from anywhere
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Thanks ladies. I hear what you are saying and I agree about keeping them with me for as long as I can.
I just can't identify when that time ends for their benefit. You are all saying just what I would tell another
diehard homeschool mom but now that I am here I am afraid the long drawn out process of this will not be
the best thing for them.
Cynthia, I was diagnosed Sept 05 having surgery and immediately chemotherapy. I finished that and we quickly
wrapped up 1st grade (youngest was just preschool). We had a great summer and then in August just before
school started, they detected a recurrence. I began chemo and planned to hit the books good in January when
the chemo was done. We completed lessons on basic subjects up until 2nd week of Nov when I was just too
tired to also prepare for holidays and meet the needs of the family. My counts were falling good and everything
looked so positive, then when I went in for my last chemo I was informed the counts were climbing again and
I needed to start another whole new regimen with different drugs. The process is making me very tired beside
the fact that I am alternating from hysterical crying to numb solitude. My worship tapes get me through hard nights
and depression so I can cope during the day. Because this is the second year of this, who knows what will happen
next year and my husband refuses to consider continueing homeschool I need to make a plan. My heart wants to
keep them on lessons but also keep them with me every day as much as feasibly possible. I prayed for so many
years for these children and God blessed us so richly with each of them. Every moment He gives me is a treasured
pearl I would pay anything for. I know in my heart though that even just one person entering heaven as a result
would be worth all the anguish and pain I am feeling. How many years can I keep doing what I can reasonably
expect to accomplish? Even though I've been told to prepare no one knows how long I really have. My gynecological
oncologist said to live anticipating six or seven but plan for one to three. How does a mommy do that? I keep
my eyes focused on that possible stretch ahead but I know every decision now carries such weight and the
tally can be called in at anytime.
This is so hard. I have considered private school for a year or so, but don't think husband will pay the tuition.
I've considered homeschooling as long as I possibly can, but do I physcially have the energy and health to
do anything effectively? I've even considered cyber school which would transition them into our states
academic standards but still keep them home. I jsut don't know.
_____________________________
If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I am made for another world. C.S. Lewis
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/4/2007 5:12:16 PM
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cynthia
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From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Doveflight
My gynecological oncologist said to live anticipating six or seven but plan for one to three.
So it's that you are so worn out you can't do anything with them? If your husband is going to put them into public school, then you have to be at peace with that and continue to pray for them. If he is planning to put them into public school, probably this year, it may be better for you to do that while you are here to support them and help them with the initial process of school attendance. If you had a choice, it would be different, but at the moment, it doesn't appear that you do. If I were in your place, I'm not sure what I would do, as I can't see putting my children into public school. However, if my husband was set on that and wasn't going to be around to do anything about it, I might put them into school to help them with the beginning. I can imagine that you are torn with this and wish there was something wonderful and wise I could say to help you though this painful time.
_____________________________
A wife must respectfully speak the truth in love and be willing to stand firm for righteousness and the best interests of her husband, even when it’s hard. That is true and godly submission.
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/4/2007 5:26:08 PM
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Doveflight
Posts: 1313
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From: middle of nowhere 4 hrs from anywhere
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I have decided this is a first level course #501 in a life master's degree entitled
>>learning to do what you never wanted to do>>.
_____________________________
If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I am made for another world. C.S. Lewis
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/4/2007 5:29:32 PM
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shadowspring
Posts: 1377
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quote:
I might put them into school to help them with the beginning. I can imagine that you are torn with this and wish there was something wonderful and wise I could say to help you though this painful time.
I second that thought, Cindy.
Will having them in school give you time to rest, so you can maybe have more strength for them when they get home? That could be a bright side to starting school this next semester.
Please, please, please don't worry about your chldren being "caught up". I assure you they will do fine. They have a parent who reads to them. They will excel. They will. They will.
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/4/2007 5:55:24 PM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 4226
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From: The EMPIRE state!
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I also agree with Cynthia and the others.
Furthermore, if you need prayer, moral support, or just someone to "dump" on, please let us be there for you. Since we can't be there physically for you, let us at least do this for you.
God has blessed both you and your children, the blessing won't stop after you are no longer with them and no matter where they are. They are so precious to God.
_____________________________
Isaiah 40:29
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/4/2007 7:01:43 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 7635
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From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ellie-Mae
I also agree with Cynthia and the others.
Furthermore, if you need prayer, moral support, or just someone to "dump" on, please let us be there for you. Since we can't be there physically for you, let us at least do this for you.
Yes. We could turn this into the "support Doveflight through her hard times" thread.
_____________________________
A wife must respectfully speak the truth in love and be willing to stand firm for righteousness and the best interests of her husband, even when it’s hard. That is true and godly submission.
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/4/2007 7:40:29 PM
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Christina124
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I hope no one gets upset but, I have added Doveflight's post to a prayer chain with my church. 13 people just got the prayer request and will pass it on.
You sister in Christ,
Christina
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/4/2007 7:58:49 PM
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JuliaHop
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Doveflight: All I can add is that we will be praying.
_____________________________
For God so loved the World, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
John 3:16
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/4/2007 8:31:24 PM
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Doveflight
Posts: 1313
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From: middle of nowhere 4 hrs from anywhere
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You are all so sweet I don't know what to say. I am overwhelmed with your support and
concern. I have stoodin the gap for many friends suffereing with cancers, some have survived
and others have not, over the years; but I never in my wildest imaginations thought it fall
to me as well. The cancer itself and the treatments aren't near as bad as the ramifications
on my life and my loved ones. I keep surrendering every day in one new way or another.
Blessings to all of you and to all of your families for the gifts you've given me today.
_____________________________
If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I am made for another world. C.S. Lewis
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/4/2007 9:29:59 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 7635
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From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
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This is a great group of women. Let us continue to lift you up. We care about what you are facing.
_____________________________
A wife must respectfully speak the truth in love and be willing to stand firm for righteousness and the best interests of her husband, even when it’s hard. That is true and godly submission.
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/4/2007 9:49:33 PM
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Christina124
Posts: 28
Joined: 2/19/2006
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Doveflight, your postings have touched me and opened my eyes in more ways than you know. My problems seem null and void compared to what you face and I see my family as a cherished gift that I can never take for granted.
I am glad to have met you....even if it's just here.....You are a strong woman of faith....I admire that.
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/5/2007 6:52:10 AM
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Doveflight
Posts: 1313
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From: middle of nowhere 4 hrs from anywhere
Status: offline
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Thank you Christina, I'm touched. I have no 'self awareness' of howmeaningful
I might be for another. A RL friend says the same thing. I am just happy that
God is able to use me for His purpose and my ignorance makes it all the
more Him. It is all about Him.
For the schooling question I am looking toward fall for a decision. We are not
currently living in a school district that I would like my children in. If we are
unable to relocate before fall, I will deal with the school on an elementary
basis, but will still strive to move into another district before middle
school years. I'm also watching my response to this next chemotherapy
which begins on Tuesday. If this is successful in getting me into
remission I may pay more attention to cyber school or a combination
of homeschooling and a coop for my daughter for another year.
I so love the joy of having my children with me. The vagueness of
how long I have has me wonder if I can enjoy them here with me
one more year and still have time to adapt them into another system
the next year. I am so jealously greedy of their precious presence.
A RL life freind suggested making a chart with pros and cons so
that one thought or fear doesn't send all the facts flying and I can
analyze my options more thoroughly.
Can we discuss the pros and flexible options of homeschooling
for another year? For instance, of course they would be with me.
I strongly believe in a literature heavy education. When would it
be most critical to move into public school-3rd, 4th? I know there
is a shift of expected independence and maturity in the system.
Our middle schools here begin in 6th and one begins in 5th. I
have had friend experience that the latter school is very very
hard for children in their 5th year. We are not looking at that
school district but we haven't found a home yet either.My concerns
for my daughter are her written skills: vocabulary, extensive
hand writing, etc. These lag behind and I know with homeschooling
would fall into place later on, but she will need to have these
skills sooner in ps. She is able to mechanically learn the math
process with review but doesn't seem to have a concept of what
the numbers are doing. She goes through the process by rote
but story problems throw her to understand whether they are
adding or subtracting. We haven't begun borrowing for subtraction
but have carried in addition. I also know from years of
experience how we struggle struggle through the year and I
don't see progress but at the end of the year I realize wow
we really did more and mastered more than I thought. So we
keep plugging.
For youngest I am introducing the alphabet and sounds this
semester. He has a math brain and we will continue to play
with numbers and read read read. He loves reading.
_____________________________
If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I am made for another world. C.S. Lewis
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/5/2007 8:26:18 AM
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sen10tious
Posts: 366
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This isn't the advice I'd give to someone who'd been diagnosed for only a few weeks. This is he advice I'd give to someone who has been living in a place where they've already had an ongoing series of honest conversations with God: I'd do what you want to do in your heart of hearts without regard for what others may think. It will be the right thing. You may discuss pros and cons, that has its place; but I think you will see that the real answer lies in your heart.
I am not telling anyone that a disease makes it OK to be selfish. I am saying that those closest around you are probably overwhelmed, conflicted, and grasping for answers too. I am saying that in tough situations where you've sought answers from God, the Holy Spirit replies by putting His desire in your heart.
When God's desire is in your heart, it "feels" just like you want it. –Because you do; you're at a point where you and God are in agreement.
In the vernacular, this is called "going with one's gut." Spiritually, you may or may not sense a test to listen to the voice of God within you and shut out all the opinions of others.
Do what you want down deep where desire does not change. Go with your gut. Even though it may not feel this way to you, outsiders who see the hand of God in it will call it courage and be encouraged by it.
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RE: Transitioning in life - 1/5/2007 10:56:15 AM
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Doveflight
Posts: 1313
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From: middle of nowhere 4 hrs from anywhere
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sen10tious
This isn't the advice I'd give to someone who'd been diagnosed for only a few weeks. This is he advice I'd give to someone who has been living in a place where they've already had an ongoing series of honest conversations with God: I'd do what you want to do in your heart of hearts without regard for what others may think. It will be the right thing. You may discuss pros and cons, that has its place; but I think you will see that the real answer lies in your heart.
I am not telling anyone that a disease makes it OK to be selfish. I am saying that those closest around you are probably overwhelmed, conflicted, and grasping for answers too. I am saying that in tough situations where you've sought answers from God, the Holy Spirit replies by putting His desire in your heart.
When God's desire is in your heart, it "feels" just like you want it. –Because you do; you're at a point where you and God are in agreement.
In the vernacular, this is called "going with one's gut." Spiritually, you may or may not sense a test to listen to the voice of God within you and shut out all the opinions of others.
Do what you want down deep where desire does not change. Go with your gut. Even though it may not feel this way to you, outsiders who see the hand of God in it will call it courage and be encouraged by it.
sen10tious:
My heart cries to know the freedom to do this. I am reacting to what others say is best and I am reacting in fear not knowing what the future holds or my time. I so want to make the best decision for the children. I am meeting with my
prayer warriors tonight, I will share your word with them and we will pray over it.
_____________________________
If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I am made for another world. C.S. Lewis
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