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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 5/19/2008 12:37:58 PM
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kj88il
Posts: 1531
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: IL (NW Central)
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
A contractor was discussing colors with a woman before painting the inside of her home.
They began with the kitchen and the woman said she wanted it to be painted bright yellow with a glossy coat that would be easy to clean up. The contractor wrote some notes in his notebook and then opened a window and yelled "Green side up!"; the woman look a little confused.
They then proceeded to the living room where the woman decide that she would like a very pale pink, and the contractor again made some notes in his notebook and proceeded to open the window and yell "Green side up!". Again the woman was a bit confused, but ignored the temptation to ask questions.
Now in her boys bedroom, she asked that the room be painted dark blue and include trim with cars on it. The contractor again made the notes in his notebook, and walked again to the window, opened and yelled "Green side up!", at this the woman could no longer contain her curiosity and asked the contractor why he yelled "Green side up!" out the window every time they had discussed the color of a room. Slightly embarrassed the contractor explained that it had nothing to do with the room color; he had hired some blonds to lay sod on the property across the street.
that's great! i love blonde jokes. and i can tell them bcuz i'm occassionally blonde...and my daughter is blonde...and has many what i like to refer to as "blonde moments"! lol
_____________________________
Kimberly
Shifing Gears w/ Kimberly
Matt 11:29 "...for I am gentle & humble in heart, & you will find rest for your souls."
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 5/19/2008 1:03:58 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12879
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
I don't have blonde moments. 
*walks away quickly to avoid the lightning*
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 5/19/2008 1:38:13 PM
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Focusing
Posts: 5368
Status: offline
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Success on my first shot of looking for it!!
There were three construction workers, one was Hispanic, one was English, and the other was a blonde. They were on the high scaffolding of the building they were building, and they were eating lunch.
The Hispanic looked in his lunch, and said, "A taco. If I get a taco one more time, I'm going to jump off this building!"
The English guy looked in his lunch, and said, "Crumpets. If I get crumpets one more time, I'm going to jump off this building!"
Then the blonde guy looked in his lunch and said, "Bologna sandwich. If I get bologna one more time, I'm going to jump off of this building!"
The next day they all got the same lunch, and they all jumped off the building and died.
At the funeral the Hispanic's wife said, "If he would have told me he didn't want tacos, I would have made him something different."
Then the English guy's wife said, "If he would have told me he didn't want crumpets. I would have made him something else."
Then the blonde guy's wife said, "I don't understand. He made his own lunch."
_____________________________
<-- the prelude to a summer dust storm
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 5/19/2008 3:15:20 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7134
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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Thought the ladies might like this one...
He didn’t like the casserole
And he didn’t like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn’t perk the coffee right
He didn’t like the stew,
I didn’t mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and whacked him...
Like his mother used to do.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 5/19/2008 10:13:48 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7134
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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A well planned life.
Two women met again at their 10th year high school class reunion. One asked the other, " You were always so organized in school, Are you managing to live a well planned life?"
"Yes, I am" said her friend. "My first marriage was to a millionaire. My second marriage was to an actor. My third marriage will be to a preacher and my last marriage will be to an undertaker."
Her friend asked "what do those marriages have to do with a well planned life"
She just winked and said "One for the money, Two for the show, Three to get ready and Four to go!"
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 5/19/2008 10:48:45 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7134
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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I tell you I got no respect as a child.
I could tell my parents really didn't like me.
My bath toys were a toaster and a radio
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 5/19/2008 10:49:57 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7134
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend once,
But she left me before we met.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 5/19/2008 11:07:35 PM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3869
Joined: 3/30/2007
Status: offline
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LOL! I like the last two.
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 5/20/2008 12:00:04 AM
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MyCatSmokey2006
Posts: 2762
Status: offline
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I love these jokes! I've not read the whole thread, so if someone posted this one already, please forgive me.
JESUS IS WATCHING YOU
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and a voice in the dark said, Jesus is watching you.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,
'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
Yep,' the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
_____________________________
Melissa
Vote John McCain For President!
<----Smokey, the Jungle Cat!
Who Am I?
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 5/21/2008 1:32:57 AM
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MyCatSmokey2006
Posts: 2762
Status: offline
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I'm still reading these good jokes and laughing all over the place.
Here's one that I hope is okay to post:
Excerpted from an article which
appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.
Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling
the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to
find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised
to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.
The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found
only a small bowl of vanilla pudding.
As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least
we'll have a bit to eat."
The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but
vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened.
They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold.
Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed,
the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a
queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper
headline read:
IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING...   
_____________________________
Melissa
Vote John McCain For President!
<----Smokey, the Jungle Cat!
Who Am I?
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 5/21/2008 1:53:05 AM
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JustJeannie
Posts: 2689
Joined: 6/14/2007
From: the state of confusion
Status: offline
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Why couldn't the blonde make kool-aid?
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She couldn't fit 8 cups of water in that little packet.
(This is one of my daughter's favorite jokes, and she's BLONDE)
_____________________________
Jeannie
Who needs coffee??????
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 5/21/2008 11:55:43 AM
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Biblefreak
Posts: 672
Joined: 8/10/2006
From: the spirit of God
Status: offline
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After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window.
The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole.
As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic.
"Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!" she asks as she shook the older boy in anger.
"We were just playing 'church' mommy", he said, "And I was just baptizing him ... in the name of the Father, the Son and in ... the hole-he-goes."
_____________________________
"I'm blessed, I must confess
My heart is pounding in my chest
Cause this love's the best
I'm just a love addict"
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 5/21/2008 11:58:08 AM
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Biblefreak
Posts: 672
Joined: 8/10/2006
From: the spirit of God
Status: offline
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Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed. A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious, dark-side, underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was 5,000 pounds. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single pound coin that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the pound as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Tesco store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well. However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police.
Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...
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'ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A POUND AT TESCO!'
_____________________________
"I'm blessed, I must confess
My heart is pounding in my chest
Cause this love's the best
I'm just a love addict"
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