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how to say no thanks to the pastor - 10/6/2008 4:29:16 PM
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drussell52
Posts: 208
Joined: 4/24/2008
From: Michigan
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Hi. I have been married for 12 years, and attend the church my wife belonged to when we got married, and have played for services there as part of the music staff for that same time. We got a new pastor about 18 months ago and he is starting to through out hints he wants me to join the church. I told him once before in private my reasons for not ever joining, and they include 1 or 2 more now based on the denomination's response to a couple world issues. I am not wanting to be wishy-washy, nor do I want to be tactless or have my reasons "shot down." Could this also be his way to say if you can't stand the heat in the kitchen, get out? Though not the most popular person there socially, think several respect the service I render. How would you tell the pastor, thanks but no thanks. (Drussell52)
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RE: how to say no thanks to the pastor - 10/6/2008 4:35:22 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1903
Joined: 9/26/2007
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Just tell him what you told us.
The fact that you give service there but aren't a member is awkward; you might want to look for a church you *can* join and serve there. You'll probably have to convince your wife to go along with it.
If you don't like the church's stand on some issues, then you might want to ask yourself why you've given them years of help. It's keeping you from joining a church whose stand you do like.
God never meant us to go it alone, but put us in fellowships. I'd encourage you to find one you like and wholehearted join it.
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: how to say no thanks to the pastor - 10/6/2008 4:42:19 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 1916
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Just be truthful. Tell him truthfully your reasons. And my prayer is that he has the maturity to accept you in your truthfulness. Bless ya, LL
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RE: how to say no thanks to the pastor - 10/6/2008 7:36:34 PM
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Walker311
Posts: 1405
Joined: 4/11/2005
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At first glance I said to myself that no one should feel forced to join a church and then I put myself in your place.
Churches are first of all, God's house, and place that you and I can find comfort. It is a place of worship, fellowship, and learning.
No one completely agrees with every aspect of a denominational stance.
Your reasons for being there are possibly for your wife and because you play... and maybe get paid.
You are not being true to yourself. You should resign and find a church that you can truly be a part of or at least embrace a majority of their beliefs.
As for your pastor, tell him the truth and he will leave you alone at least until you leave or come to your senses.
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RE: how to say no thanks to the pastor - 10/6/2008 7:40:26 PM
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LoyalGypsy
Posts: 2458
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: drussell52
Hi. I have been married for 12 years, and attend the church my wife belonged to when we got married, and have played for services there as part of the music staff for that same time. We got a new pastor about 18 months ago and he is starting to through out hints he wants me to join the church. I told him once before in private my reasons for not ever joining, and they include 1 or 2 more now based on the denomination's response to a couple world issues. I am not wanting to be wishy-washy, nor do I want to be tactless or have my reasons "shot down." Could this also be his way to say if you can't stand the heat in the kitchen, get out? Though not the most popular person there socially, think several respect the service I render. How would you tell the pastor, thanks but no thanks. (Drussell52)
Greetings,
Do you tithe?
_____________________________
Ex 19:5 Now therefore, if you will indeed obey My voice
...So the Persians ask that the 300 drop their arms. Leonidas responds; "Persians! Come and get them!"
300 The Movie
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RE: how to say no thanks to the pastor - 10/6/2008 10:26:33 PM
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Dancre
Posts: 1260
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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Ditto to deermousie.
May I also add, deermousie, I think my kitty wants to get to know you. :)
quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
Just tell him what you told us.
The fact that you give service there but aren't a member is awkward; you might want to look for a church you *can* join and serve there. You'll probably have to convince your wife to go along with it.
If you don't like the church's stand on some issues, then you might want to ask yourself why you've given them years of help. It's keeping you from joining a church whose stand you do like.
God never meant us to go it alone, but put us in fellowships. I'd encourage you to find one you like and wholehearted join it.
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RE: how to say no thanks to the pastor - 10/7/2008 8:35:55 AM
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drussell52
Posts: 208
Joined: 4/24/2008
From: Michigan
Status: offline
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Deermousie, Ravine, Walker, Dancer and everyone else, thanks for your responses and encouragement. Since my wife controls the checkbook, I let her prepare the amount contributed to the church and never broach the subject. Charities and such that interest me, I have a stash fund that I contribute to on my own. With the former pastor he was okay with having members or non-members participate in the life of the church. This one has a different philosophy and is more "denominational" or, let's be what the sign says we are. For like-minded fellowship, I am in the process of starting a small group in keeping with that, outside "the physical church" to be "true to myself" as deermousie put it. This issue may be a little thunder shower in our marriage, and in terms of faith life was at a different place when we got engaged and subsequently married. I was fine until the pastor made the quip, "I'm going to work on confirming you next, you are going to be a .... " and the conversation ended there. I suppose prayer is being asked for to first love the Lord god with all my heart, soul, mind, strength, and my neighbor as myself, and the understanding to work that out on days we attend church and on the rest of the week. You think it's "awkward" for both myself and the membership of the church, and really don't know if the majority know I'm not a member. Anyone else here confront the issue of changing churches with your spouse? Again thanks, guess these questions are a way to think out loud. (Drussell52)
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RE: how to say no thanks to the pastor - 10/7/2008 10:44:39 AM
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LoyalGypsy
Posts: 2458
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: drussell52
Deermousie, Ravine, Walker, Dancer and everyone else, thanks for your responses and encouragement. Since my wife controls the checkbook, I let her prepare the amount contributed to the church and never broach the subject. Charities and such that interest me, I have a stash fund that I contribute to on my own. With the former pastor he was okay with having members or non-members participate in the life of the church. This one has a different philosophy and is more "denominational" or, let's be what the sign says we are. For like-minded fellowship, I am in the process of starting a small group in keeping with that, outside "the physical church" to be "true to myself" as deermousie put it. This issue may be a little thunder shower in our marriage, and in terms of faith life was at a different place when we got engaged and subsequently married. I was fine until the pastor made the quip, "I'm going to work on confirming you next, you are going to be a .... " and the conversation ended there. I suppose prayer is being asked for to first love the Lord god with all my heart, soul, mind, strength, and my neighbor as myself, and the understanding to work that out on days we attend church and on the rest of the week. You think it's "awkward" for both myself and the membership of the church, and really don't know if the majority know I'm not a member. Anyone else here confront the issue of changing churches with your spouse? Again thanks, guess these questions are a way to think out loud. (Drussell52)
Greetings,
quote:
Since my wife controls the checkbook, I let her prepare the amount contributed to the church and never broach the subject. Charities and such that interest me, I have a stash fund that I contribute to on my own.
The reason why I was asking, is that in my case I do not believe in the membership of a Church, I always tithed even though; we become members of the whole body when we become Christ’s,
...some pastors relate the reason why people don't tithe as generally attributed to those who may be outside ...whereas it being directly related to and required by membership, So they create that type of pressure ...Gypsy only tithes when Gypsy receives the word, and I am sure I am not the only one who understands that scriptural concept.....one day they might just figure that out. 
Personally to me, a contribution to bad seed just creates more bad seed for the newcomers to listen to, so if we are to give into the house for the work of the Lord, then we should see that work being done...
quote:
This one has a different philosophy and is more "denominational" or, let's be what the sign says we are.
I was in one of those... it seems like "New Life" was the very last thing being expressed by authorities’ examples… on down...
For example,
The first days after my conversion I stared to go to Church with the women who is now my wife, but she wasn’t my wife then.
SO after a couple of times I met the pastor, and mentioned that I play the bass guitar because I saw him playing as a stand in on a song;
After that I was “personally invited” KEY=(by passed the worship leaders authority) to come to the practice and play, so this continued for months, until one day they realized something that was never hidden form them in the first place; in that I was not married to this women; and that we were living in the same house. (From the address on the tithe)… is wasn’t a word form the Lord as I was told…if you know what I mean? or the pastor would have known from the beginning when he invited me. (This was actually the original word from God)
(we lived in separate rooms and sexless out of respect of my salvation since day 1 until the day we were married, it was quite a turn)
Well they said it was still inappropriate and that I would not be allowed to play or even “come to practice” with the band… unless I moved out or married her.
Since the marriage issue was already on the table because, we were in the process of examining our past relationships to the word of God and I was waiting on the Lord for an answer…. And as I grew in that word it took about 2 years more for me to make that decision, ….not because I wanted to appease the pastor so I can play, but to do the right thing in the Lords eyes.
SO I had that same Church marry us some 2 years later; then after that I showed up for practice,
I was told that I can not come and would have to wait for the next audition.... 
Can you see the contradictions? 
SO I attended the next audition (as if they didn’t already know, because I already was playing with them before) and I was told that I needed to be more inclined in the way the new worship leader wanted to go… and that I was not quite what they wanted)
But the problem was… is was the new worship leader who was the same one who said I couldn’t play and coaxed the pastor (who personally invited me ,,over his head)… into the same; because of a questionable life style,
….So as I sat in the congregation for a couple more months and called the bluff; and there was absolute nothing new being played in the first place. 
SO I packed up the wife; and we left, not because I was not allowed to play, but because of the lies!!!
The Lord thought that experience allowed me (us) to see what is called a religious spirit, 
And I will not allow my wife to stay anywhere and to be subject to it
so one has be watchful with those different philosophy’s which are more "denominational" and claiming to be non- "denominational"….or, let's be what the sign says we are … it’s a warning!!! 
Not trying to suggest what one should do…I am just relating the experience
quote:
Anyone else here confront the issue of changing churches with your spouse?
Ask yourself…what is the Lord is showing you in your situation?
LG
_____________________________
Ex 19:5 Now therefore, if you will indeed obey My voice
...So the Persians ask that the 300 drop their arms. Leonidas responds; "Persians! Come and get them!"
300 The Movie
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RE: how to say no thanks to the pastor - 10/7/2008 10:59:09 AM
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rcjames
Posts: 5693
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Oklahoma
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: drussell52
Hi. I have been married for 12 years, and attend the church my wife belonged to when we got married, and have played for services there as part of the music staff for that same time. We got a new pastor about 18 months ago and he is starting to through out hints he wants me to join the church. I told him once before in private my reasons for not ever joining, and they include 1 or 2 more now based on the denomination's response to a couple world issues. I am not wanting to be wishy-washy, nor do I want to be tactless or have my reasons "shot down." Could this also be his way to say if you can't stand the heat in the kitchen, get out? Though not the most popular person there socially, think several respect the service I render. How would you tell the pastor, thanks but no thanks. (Drussell52)
I agree with deermouse on this, but will take it a little farther.
I do not see how anyone would or could be part of a ministry team with a Church that they do not support the doctrine and operations thereof..
As a Pastor I do not see how I could let anyone be a part of a ministry team did not support the doctrine and operations of the Church in which they wish to minister.
Sounds like a recipe for diviaion to me.
Thanks
RC
_____________________________
Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
Read the first chapter of my latest book here;
http://www.deliveranceofsara.com
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RE: how to say no thanks to the pastor - 10/7/2008 4:47:24 PM
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drussell52
Posts: 208
Joined: 4/24/2008
From: Michigan
Status: offline
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LG and RCJames, thanks for your input on this. As I worked today and thought about this, I was impressed with the Scripture I will never leave you nor forsake you, so know the LORD is with me whatever is going on.. Question for you RC, you have probably heard people say well I go to this church or that church to try to be an instrument for change, usually return to conservative teaching, or, in the 70s, knew some charismatic Christians who stayed in main line churches, thinking their witness would make the church a bit more charismatic. I guess division would result naturally if one doesn't agree with positions their pastor takes on something be it discussed with them, or with others over coffee or something. I know some are using the "to effect change" argument as their reason for staying in the church. I am there because of agreeing with my wife to attend with her when we married. They needed an extra staff musician so took the opportunity as we needed the income then. I did tell her recently, if this denomination changes in some major ways on social issues, I'm leaving the church and suppose it's a matter of time before that claim is realized. One doesn't really effect change in ways seen, but it seems God uses each of us to effect changes in ways we don't even realize. I am sorry I got a little short with you recently on another post, some things were coming down and it wasn't right, in part to take my frustrations out on you. (drussell52)
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RE: how to say no thanks to the pastor - 10/7/2008 6:29:25 PM
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rcjames
Posts: 5693
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Oklahoma
Status: offline
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Attending Church with a spouse is an honorable, but I would hope you can both find one Church that you can be more satisfied.
The purpose of Church is to grow each of us to the Stature of Christ, and in all honesty that is difficult when we are at odd with our chosen Church.
I just cannot find Scripture that says we are supposed to change the Chruch; the Church is supposed to help us change to more like Christ.
And in my humble opinion trying to change doctrinal issues in a Church is to cause division.
Now you being paid sorta puts a different light on things as you can just be cnsidered part of the hired help. But as for me; everyone who ministers is going to be in one accord.
Thanks
RC
_____________________________
Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
Read the first chapter of my latest book here;
http://www.deliveranceofsara.com
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