Proverbs 31 Ministries is a non-denominational, non-profit Christian ministry that seeks to lead women into a personal relationship with Christ. With Proverbs 31:10-31 as a guide, Proverbs 31 Ministries reaches women right in the middle of their busy day through free daily devotions, radio program, speaking events, conferences, monthly magazine, resources, online communities, and Gather and Grow groups. We are real women offering real-life solutions to women who are striving to maintain life’s balance, in spite of today’s hectic pace and cultural pull away from godly principles. Wherever a woman may be on her spiritual journey, Proverbs 31 Ministries exists to be a trusted friend who takes her by the hand and walks by her side, leading her one step closer to the heart of God.
February 19, 2004
Everything I Learned about Confronting my Husband, I Learned from Esther
Ramona Davis – Certified Speaker
Wives, likewise be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 1 Peter 3:1, 2 (NKJV)
Don’t you wish you could have taken “The Art of Confronting Your Husband” course before you married? I do! It certainly would have saved me a lot of frustration, tears and unnecessary anger in those early years of marriage.
As a new bride, I used a variety of approaches in confronting my husband. I tried the “blow up and spew” method, very messy and hard to clean up. I tried the “flowing tears” approach, which only left my husband confused and gave me major headaches. I also tried the “silent icy” treatment for days on end. My frustration and anger simmered and boiled each day until the “blow up and spew” method was inevitable.
God enrolled me (without my knowledge or permission) in the home study course of “Submission”. I am now so thankful He did. God revealed to me through His Word that so many of the confrontations with my husband were a result of my trying to be the leader in our home. I learned an important foundational truth; submission does not mean less equal. Submission does mean that my husband and I have different roles in our marriage.
My role in marriage is to be my husband’s help-mate (Genesis 2:18). It is my responsibility and privilege to offer prayers, ideas, and opinions to help him make a good decision. As the God appointed leader of the home, the final decision is his – along with the results of that decision.
I was ready and eager for “The Art of Confronting Your Husband.” Queen Esther taught this particular course as she learned how to confront her husband, the King of Persia. In the Book of Esther, we are allowed a peek into the King’s court and are given the opportunity to learn from Esther’s example as a wife totally committed to her husband.
Esther learned of a plot by Haman, a high official in her husband’s court, to destroy the Jewish nation. She needed to confront the King on behalf of her people. The first thing she did was pray! She went to God, seeking His direction for the right words and the right timing to approach her husband.
In the same way, I need to pray for these things before confronting my husband. God’s truth shows me the circumstances through my husband’s eyes. God then gives me understanding, wisdom and a kind approach. If Esther had burst through the royal doors issuing ultimatums and demanding that the King act immediately, it would have been sure death! Instead, she waited on God’s timing and wisdom. We may not have to worry, like Esther, about being be-headed but we can assuredly kill the opportunity for a peaceable and calm solution when we don’t take time to wait on God.
Do you promote peaceable, calm solutions to problems or are you throwing fuel on the fire? Pray first asking for God’s truth, the right words and the perfect timing. If we follow Esther’s Godly example of confronting, our husbands will respect, trust and seek our opinions.
My prayer for today:
Dear Lord, help me to truly understand and live your definition of submission to my husband. Forgive me when I have tried to usurp his authority in our home. Help me to trust you through my husband’s decisions. Help me to become the Godly wife you desire me to be. Amen
Begin with prayer - asking God to reveal how to become the Godly wife He is calling you to be.
What are the “triggers” for the arguments, anger, and hurt in your marriage?
List ways you add to the anger and hurt.
List ways you can respond to help remove the anger and hurt.
Research God’s Word to know the real meaning of submission. (Begin in Genesis) Make a list of these truths.
Keep these lists, praying over them often.
1 Peter 3:4 You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. (NLT)
1 Corinthians 11:3 But there is one thing I want you to know: A man is responsible to Christ, a woman is responsible to her husband, and Christ is responsible to God. (NLT)
Ephesians 5:23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. (NLT)
Proverbs 21:19 It is better to live alone in the desert than with a quarreling and complaining wife. (NCV)
Proverbs 27:15 A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike; (NKJV)
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