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christian support? - 4/16/2008 7:16:41 AM
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Toddler
Posts: 2
Joined: 4/16/2008
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I'm a newer Christian, almost 2 years. My neighbor is a pastor at a local church here and he and his family were very supportive and welcoming when we moved here (FL) about 4 years ago. I was not a christian or religious in any manor. In curiosity, we attended his church and after a few sermons, I was convicted and fell head over heals for our loving Lord! My husband had fallen away from his church (religion) many years ago and also found his way back to the Lord. It's been a struggle for me (lots of years of sin and worldlyness...(sp?)) but I have such a fire for the knowledge of the word of God. I joined a bible study, which has been such a blessing to me, but I still have times where life makes me ...wonder about my walk....
I'm sorry this is long, but I really need perspective.
I'm also new to posting, so forgive my mistakes.
My husband and I are very active in our church. We are a part of Childrens ministry, we helped remodel a building for a temporary church, in which my husband did a huge amount of work and I cooked for 20-30 people to feed those who came to help, attend most church functions and attend services every Sunday (I think we've missed 2 in the time we've been members, almost 2 years) and of course I attend the women's bible study.
My husband and I moved across country and don't get to see our family members very often, to expensive for most of us to travel. Our 25th wedding anniversary was earlier this month and to celebrate, we thought what better way than to celebrate with our church family?
Our congregation is aprox. 140 members and we (I thought) had gotten pretty close to quite a number of them. We gave out invitations 2 weeks ahead of time to the whole congrigation. Not lots of time, but I wasn't sure we could afford the cost of this gathering, so I put off invitations, then decided I'd believe in the Lord providing. As I should.
Well, the big day came and we had a total of 9 members (outside of my pastor and his wife) that attended.
It really hurt my feelings 
I've been to several showers over the time I've been in this church, a couple for people I hardly knew, but I felt that in being in the family of Christ, our church family, it would be appropriate for me to help support this person(s) and show fellowship... And these functions, sometimes with just a weeks notice, had 20+ people in attendance.
Am I being over emotional?
I am very greatful for those that attended and bless us with there fellowship and good wishes.
I know in my head that this may be some kind of teaching by the Lord, but in my heart...it hurts
Thanks, Toddler (in the faith)
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RE: christian support? - 4/16/2008 11:40:35 AM
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deermousie
Posts: 1184
Joined: 9/26/2007
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Yeah, that hurts. I know with weddings, which is a big deal in anyone's life, they say that only 30-50% of the people you invite will actually come, so your numbers might not be that off for an anniversary celebration.
A lot of people might not realize how important a quarter century anniversay is, and when they're more experienced they might regret not coming to yours. You'll just have to give them grace, and rejoice in the nine that did show up. Plus, they didn't have a lot of notification, as many people plan their calendars a month or two in advance; I'm guessing a lot more would have liked to have come but already had commitments.
Congratulations on 25 years, Toddler and husband! May God continue to bless you more and more as you grow in Him and discover all the wonderful things He has given you! I am dancing in joy for you!
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: christian support? - 4/16/2008 12:08:24 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 2102
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
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congratulations ... at my last church, rededication ceremonies weren't that widely attended altho i don't think personal invitations were usually sent. i realize it was disappointing and discouraging - and it is okay to feel that way. i think it becomes a problem if bitterness takes root so it's a fine line to walk. congratulations again!!!
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RE: christian support? - 4/16/2008 1:49:47 PM
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jaimestarcross
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Joined: 11/28/2005
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I read your post twice and I was thinking - what would I do if I received an anniversary invitation from a church member would I attend their celebration or not?
I probably wouldn't attend either --- not because I don't care but because I think that type of thing is for your family and friends to attend... I'd probably extend congratulations on the anniversary (Congratulations!!!) and I might even give you an anniversary card.
*So many are facing financial problems in these times (money is tight and they just can't shell out for gifts etc. even though you may have wanted them to attend and there was no expectation of gifts - people in general feel awkward about attending a celebration and not bringing a gift.) I know because we are on a tight budget too because jobs are slow and there's talk of layoffs.
(A lot of people don't feel comfortable talking about such things.)
Feeding a large crowd of people is expensive and just maybe those other folks who didn't attend were considering all this.
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RE: christian support? - 4/16/2008 1:54:04 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 8878
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jaimestarcross
I read your post twice and I was thinking - what would I do if I received an anniversary invitation from a church member would I attend their celebration or not?
I probably wouldn't attend either --- not because I don't care but because I think that type of thing is for your family and friends to attend... I'd probably extend congratulations on the anniversary (Congratulations!!!) and I might even give you an anniversary card.
*So many are facing financial problems in these times (money is tight and they just can't shell out for gifts etc. even though you may have wanted them to attend and there was no expectation of gifts - people in general feel awkward about attending a celebration and not bringing a gift.) I know because we are on a tight budget too because jobs are slow and there's talk of layoffs.
(A lot of people don't feel comfortable talking about such things.)
Feeding a large crowd of people is expensive and just maybe those other folks who didn't attend were considering all this.
I was thinking along those same lines. The only difference would be if the person told me or wrote in the invitation that they were really wanting to celebrate with their church family and really wanted everyoen to be there.
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: christian support? - 4/16/2008 7:05:45 PM
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preserved
Posts: 1263
Joined: 6/12/2007
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I agree with jaimestarcross...I would also probably not have attended...This was your 25th Wedding Anniversary (Blessings) your church members were not involved during your initial wedding...This would be more for your family members and close friends...You have not been with this church very long and the members may have felt that you were seeking gifts...Also 2 weeks notice is not much time for a 25th Anniversary...like a last minute thought...
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RE: christian support? - 4/16/2008 11:07:07 PM
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Toddler
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Thanks everyone for the feedback!
<<<hugs>>>  Rhonda, Liveloved & deermousie, your words and support were very uplifting.
Just to let those that read this post, I harbor no bad feelings towards the church membership, just a little hurt. Wasn't sure if I was being...of the "world" in my feelings???
Very blessed by some very thoughtful and loving brothers and sisters in Christ, through our church.
Re: Jaimestarcross, zoebob & preserved,
quote:
Original: zoebob
I was thinking along those same lines. The only difference would be if the person told me or wrote in the invitation that they were really wanting to celebrate with their church family and really wanted everyoen to be there.
The invitation invited all our church family & friends, as that is who I've learned through the church, is our family in Christ.
As stated in the original post, we moved accross country almost 4 years ago (most members of our congregation know this) and the little bit of family we have is on the West coast (they couldn't afford to come out) darn gas prices.
quote:
Original:Jaimestarcross
I probably wouldn't attend either --- not because I don't care but because I think that type of thing is for your family and friends to attend... I'd probably extend congratulations on the anniversary (Congratulations!!!) and I might even give you an anniversary card.
*So many are facing financial problems in these times (money is tight and they just can't shell out for gifts etc. even though you may have wanted them to attend and there was no expectation of gifts - people in general feel awkward about attending a celebration and not bringing a gift.) I know because we are on a tight budget too because jobs are slow and there's talk of layoffs.
(A lot of people don't feel comfortable talking about such things.)
Feeding a large crowd of people is expensive and just maybe those other folks who didn't attend were considering all this.
Also, the invitation noted that in lieu of gifts, we asked that a donation be made to our future church library. I would hope and pray that a donation of any size would not be judged by the church clergy. Besides the fact that the attendance and show of support are the most important factor.
quote:
ORIGINAL: preserved
I agree with jaimestarcross...I would also probably not have attended...This was your 25th Wedding Anniversary (Blessings) your church members were not involved during your initial wedding...This would be more for your family members and close friends...You have not been with this church very long and the members may have felt that you were seeking gifts...Also 2 weeks notice is not much time for a 25th Anniversary...like a last minute thought...
I'm not sure there is a requirement or protocol that states you should have been at the original wedding? Just being supportive of a brother/sister in Christ in their celebration of marriage or what ever joyous occation is the point.
thank you for taking the time to respond 
Blessings to you all!
< Message edited by Toddler -- 4/16/2008 11:33:18 PM >
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RE: christian support? - 4/16/2008 11:40:03 PM
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graftedintoo
Posts: 25
Joined: 3/7/2008
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Hi there.
Bless your heart. I would have come. Doesn't matter if I knew you or not when you married 25 yars ago. How many of our current friends would have been at our wedding that long ago?
We had something hurtful happen some years back too. My husband had been in this church 20 years - his father died and our home ministry group didn't even send a card or call or anything after we got back in town from the funeral. That stayed with both of us for quite awhile but I wish we had both put it away before the months of hurt we experienced. After all that, it still didn't change anything.
Just love those folks anyway. Don't let it hang around in your mind. I think people are so busy in their lives these days. Going here and there - and I get tired listening hearing some folks I know talk about it! Life seems to have speeded up a LOT since I was younger. Maybe most of those folks are just the very busy ones.
God bless you!
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RE: christian support? - 4/17/2008 6:17:21 PM
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preserved
Posts: 1263
Joined: 6/12/2007
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I am still leaning on the fact of the 2 weeks notice and the members not knowing of you long enough to celebrate your occassion...I am not sensing it was anything personal...
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RE: christian support? - 4/18/2008 1:12:56 PM
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kavaXtreme
Posts: 5
Joined: 4/18/2008
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quote:
Just to let those that read this post, I harbor no bad feelings towards the church membership, just a little hurt. Wasn't sure if I was being...of the "world" in my feelings???
Unfortunately it's pretty normal to feel hurt in these kinds of situations. Our first reaction tends to come from somewhere other than our relationship with Christ  . (I've recently been struggling to trust God with finances, even though He's proved Himself faithful in that area over and over.)
So the big question when you are checking your heart (about this issue) is, "How did Jesus respond when His friends let Him down or when He was betrayed?" If love for Jesus is our motivation, then He's whose example we need to follow.
Here's also a site with some Bible verses that are great to use as a "mirror" when checking your attitudes and emotions.
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RE: christian support? - 4/18/2008 7:25:59 PM
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buckifn
Posts: 1826
Joined: 5/23/2006
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I know we prob. would not go if we had only known the couple through church for a period less than 10-15 years. I tend to lean on the side that anniv. are more for celebration between the couple and intimate friends, if any.
I would feel more out of place than anything if I had only known them through church for that short period of time.
I guess if you had really wanted the church family there you should have made it a little more clear....
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RE: christian support? - 4/19/2008 11:14:30 AM
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shadowspring
Posts: 1264
Joined: 5/27/2006
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I would have gone, but I am from a by-gone era it seems. 
My dear grandma still lives in my head  - the same grandma who took me to funerals of people I didn't know, while my modern mom scoffed and my sisters wouldn't go.
Grandma lived in Oklahoma at the turn of the last century, and she understood isolation (those farmhouses were not "next door" to anyone!) and the need for social support of large gatherings for momentous occasions. She made sure I "got it" too.
I think that this understanding is lost these days. I remember being the oldest (at 40!) in a social club (one which folded after I left- duh!) and it was next to impossible to plan anything. Someone would always say, "But I don't know what I'll be doing on the third Saturday of next month!".
I wanted to say, "Well put it on your calendar that you will be doing (insert activity or outreach here) with us and you'll KNOW!" 
I think it is just the times we live in. If people are all attending baby showers, I am guessing they are mostly younger than you. They understand the importance of baby showers because they are/were/will be young mothers soon.
I really do believe that generations younger than mine were not taught the importance of showing social support. How can they be accountable for what they were not taught? As frustrating as it is, I would choose to forgive and forget, for the sake of my own heart, were it me in this situation.
And when fifty rolls around, I would plan something special with my husband alone and ENJOY THE MILESTONE as a couple! 
_____________________________
"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost..." -J. R. R. Tolkien
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RE: christian support? - 4/19/2008 11:27:35 AM
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shadowspring
Posts: 1264
Joined: 5/27/2006
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Grandma-in-my-head responds:
I have NEVER heard that anniversary celebrations were not really intended for the people who received an invitation, but only for immediate family and close friends!  I have never read in any etiquette book, or been taught, or heard through the grapevine, that there was a hidden art to receiving invitations, and that some invitations are not real invitations at all.
If you received and invitation, clearly you are invited!
To inform only, people send out announcements.
Invitations require a response, preferably your presence at the event, and a note of congratulations and regret that you will not be attending if you aren't coming. A phone call is also acceptable if it is not a catered affair with a sit-down dinner. If so, return the response card!
Announcements do not require a response but a response is a gracious and thoughtful gesture. Babies, graduations, weddings, anniversaries, promotions and even changes-of-address might result in announcements being sent out. No response is necessary, but they are usually welcomed and can come in any form- phone call, post card, letter, and today probably e-mail or text message!
Grandma-in-my-head would like to thank everyone for politely listening to this old school, genteel rant. 
_____________________________
"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost..." -J. R. R. Tolkien
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