I am living in the center of chaos. Clothes are hanging off the brink of my mind. Papers are strewn all over the place - and I am quite certain the wind just blew one in my face.
I feel like I am stuck in a desolate landfill of all the stuff I have consumed over the last 4 years - stuff I don't really need. Stuff that holds me back in a way, from being free. It tethers me to the demand that I find - home (big home, even). It demands I - arrive somewhere. It pushes me. I glare at it.
I guess I want to be free. Free to find home with no reservations required - as the Spirit leads.
To be delivered to the Promised Land of peace, friends and love - unrestrained.
I haven't gotten there yet. That stinkin' place? It eludes me.
What place do you want to be delivered to?
What home of peace, answers, calm, relational bliss or finances are you pining for?
I sat down, in the center of it all, everything I wanted to escape - and placed my face in my hands. I looked at all the things I couldn't handle, I considered all I couldn't bring about and I realized there was nothing left to do. Anxiety can nearly kill a woman, you know.
The pressure to do, the stern inner dictates and the will to take care of all the baby birds, it's enough to induce panic.
"God, save me from my self. Show me your ways."
Every prayed that prayer?
It works. He answers.
It takes the traveler, the one stuck to eternal roaming with bags too large and heavy for her own britches and sends her on her way. She moves from jet-lagged and famished, walking around, searching (otherwise called living-hell) - and heads home.
She gets somewhere.
Something rises up.
It sounds like this: "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." (Is. 30:21)
Bags unloaded, it is a resting spot. Where, bags down, you lay and look up. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. It doesn't matter what time your flight is to destination delightful. It doesn't matter how you go about making it there. It just matters that God is going to be faithful.
When you see God and you see his way - it doesn't matter so much about - your way.
A voice rises above the mayhem. It is not about being delivered from what plagues you, but being delivered to - who calms you.
I missed all that.
The truth is:
Jesus wants to be with me - wherever I stand.
Jesus has a way for me - wherever I am.
Jesus has planned life for me- in whatever I do.
Jesus has truth laid out for me - wherever I go.
I don't have to fret the when - for Jesus already figured out - the how.
He's never one to let me fail - and every time his love prevails.
The world may spin, but the cross is steady; it is planted in the solid rock of truth. Truth walks me to life. Life is knowing, God will lift my foot up and put it where it needs to go. He will manage my wavering opinions, doubts and fears.
Do you believe he will do that for you?
In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps. Prov. 16:9
I lean back. My lungs fill. We don't have to control chaos, peace knows the way. And out of the chaos, we get what we were always after - home - his waiting love.
The question is, will we, like prodigal children, return to it?